Today I went to the surgeon and she removed my drain. I'm glad the **** thing is gone - I certainly wasn't in love with it. Dr. Dawson also told me that she shared the letter with the radiologist, and that he was very glad to receive the feedback and felt very apologetic. She tells me that he intends to call me and to write a letter to me, and I don't require either - just knowing that my letter made a difference to him and the way that he will treat patients in the future is really, truly enough to make me feel better.
Because the drain is gone, unless there is some strange glitch in scheduling, I will begin chemo tomorrow. I don't know how to feel about this. I want chemo because it's a step on the road to wellness.... but of course I also don't want chemo because it's terrifying and because, let's face it, I'm not very good at being "sick." I'm good at organizing things, I'm good at crisis management, I'm good at lots of things... but laying in bed feeling miserable is not one of those things. Actually, I'm very bad at it, as anyone who saw me on bedrest (two weeks at the end of my pregnancy) will tell you.
Ryan is struggling right now, and I am struggling with him. I don't know how to help him or what kind of support he needs, and I'm very frustrated. I'm also very selfish - I want things to be about ME right now because I'm on the edge of a terrifying cliff, and tomorrow I have to jump, and I'm scared. Our family can use your thoughts and prayers, because we are barely holding it together. Ryan is at the doctor right now, and I am hoping that she can help.
Today, things feel very dark. Thank you for holding us in your thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Kristina
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Kristina,
I am so sorry you are having a rough day. I wish I could do something to help. Please know that I am thinking and praying for you and Ryan and Tessa.
Molly
If your best friend jumped off a cliff would you? For some reason as you mention the cliff I think about this silly statment most parents say to their kids at one point or another. I guess I've learned not to jump off the cliff but today I wish I could find a way to get you away from it or parachute next to you holding your hand.
You are always in my thoughts.
Much love, Susan
Kristina,
You are probably in bed, but I just wanted you to know I will be thinking about you tomorrow. You just keep thinking about how Tessa made you laugh - she will be making you laugh plenty in the months ahead. By the way, I have her sun hat and will drop it off tomorrow.
Vent your struggles and fears - we will be listening. It won't be long before you will get into your STRONG positive thoughts!
Marilyn
Hey Kristina -
The 3 of us here in P-Town are thinking about you 3. We wish we were closer so we could offer more direct support through your journey. You are all in our thoughts & we send our strength to you - think of it as "opening up a can o' whoop ass" on the cancer, combined with a Fiona silly dance for you...
As for the chemo, its definitely a send in the Marines offense and won't be any fun. But, remember, the Marines are on your side helping you win your war, give them what they need to be successful...lots of rest among other things! You can do it!
Love, Karen, Scott & Fiona
You have the spirits of many, many others holding your hand as you "jump" into this next phase of your treatment regime. You will be enveloped in loving vibes tomorrow. Hold tight to the knowledge that you are not alone in spirit.
Love,
Corina
My continued thoughts and prayers are with you, I have never known you to back down in the face of adversity. You always find a way and I believe you will now. Now is the time to really lean on what gives you strength. Not just physically, on your family and friends, but whats really inside of you, what really brings you peace and comfort, your happy place! You are tenacious,even ferocious in your fight against this and YOU CAN DO IT! I constantly think about the victorious outcome and how proud I am of you and your commitment. I love you, God Bless,
Barb
You know they told me at MD Anderson that LOTS of people actually ask to keep their drains once they have been removed. Can you imagine? Although I dont know why I think this is so wierd, since I wanted to make a pearl-looking bracelet out of my lymph nodes that they removed. But they wouldnt give them to me. Fascists. Maybe ovarian earrings?
Dark is okay, sweetie -- honesty is one of your best friends. Thank you for letting us share it.
Post a Comment