Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Wise words

The YSC girls are suffering right now. New mets, new deaths, girls on the edge of death.

A couple of years ago, Mama Cath posted this in response to a similar wave of sadness. I'm trying to engrave these words upon my heart for comfort.

It's happening again.

Every once in a while the board goes through a really tough time. Our hearts break for our sisters whose cancers are spreading at frightening rates. We see their selfless, innocent posts that detail the cancer taking over. How they feel, what they're thinking. What they need. The struggle, the powelessness, the strength and courage.

I just wanted to pull all you newbies in close and let you know that we've all been there and you are probably absolutely freaking out right now. Chemo has beaten you up, you feel like a shadow of who you used to be. Tired, depressed and overwhlemed. You may even feel guilty because you are not only sad for these beautiful women, but you are sad FOR YOU. You see yourself in every one of these women that becomes so very sick and then loses the battle.

It's normal to feel this way and it's OK. We understand and so do they. Your mother may not, your husband may not. your friends may not, but we do.And there's nothing wrong with feeling sad and getting angry. But please remember that the odds are that YOU are going to get better. YOU are going to get your hair back and start to feel well again. YOU are going to get back to the life that you want to lead.

So if you are checking the boards incessently right now, reading the latest post, then sobbing and then going back for more.....been there too. You are grieving....this disease is not fair....it's disgusting and ugly and perverse. And it's so much more unfair to certain sisters than others. And there's nothing fair about that.

So grieve for them. Grieve for you. And then remember that you will get better.


Monday, December 08, 2008

Anybody have a good Spaghetti alle Vongole recipe?

I'm making a pantry supper tonight, and I swear I've seen a dozen "good" pantry recipes for Spaghetti alle Vongole. I knew I had some canned clams and the rest, so I thought it would be a perfect simple supper.

I looked at 20 cookbooks. I looked on the web. Nothing I found was terribly satisfying; I'm concocting my own recipe now and it's simmering on the stove.


Feeling better, so ready, set....GO!

I am feeling halfway decent today for the first time in a long time, it seems. That means that I dropped Tessa off and took Shep for a long-ish walk (at a much slower pace than usual; he looked enviously at the dogs with running partners, but I'm not there yet), came home, and now I'm crafting my heinous to-do list.

I'm so grateful to be able to breathe again, but now it's time to tackle the stuff that fell behind while I sat on my rear-end willing myself to feel better.

Ready, set, GO!