Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Brief Update

My time on the computer is somewhat limited right now because Ryan needs the computer for his job search, so I'm not updating as much as usual. In some ways, this is a good thing, because I'm being more present in my other activities and not checking email as often, etc.

I am highly focused right now on the issue of being present in my life. What I mean by that is that I'm trying to focus on the moment that I'm in, and on doing those activities that mean the most to me, and that bring me the most satisfaction. I'm trying to structure my day so that I don't spend the day with regret ("I should have done X") but rather, if I remember that I'm going to have regret, I just skip that step and do what needs doing. Easier said than done, though, and this is the challenge. I've been reading Pema Chodron's work, and trying to meditate, and do yoga, and to apply these things to my day. It's hard work, but there are small successes along the way and I'm trying to forgive myself my failures.

I'm trying to create a new habit of starting the day with exercise. Ryan and I are taking alternate days (someone always here for Tessa, of course) and I'm getting up at 6am to go for a run/walk. (I wish it was all running but I'm not there yet!) This actually crosses two things off my list: my own exercise, and taking Shep out for exercise as well. Too many days have been spent feeling guilty about one of those things, but I'm trying ot eliminate that guilt. On the alternate days, while Ryan goes for a bike ride, I'm doing one of my exercise videos (balance ball, yoga, Pilates) in the basement, where Tessa can find me if she wakes up.

I've only done this for two days, so it's nowhere near a habit, but it does feel good. My legs ache, but I feel a bit of peace knowing that I've started the day on the right foot.

I'm also trying to get to some housework that had fallen behind....I think that the state of our house was reflecting the state of my mind, which is to say cluttered and confused! Yesterday Beth kindly took Tessa for a couple of hours, and I scrubbed and folded and mopped and such and it was amazing how much of a difference two hours could make. There is more to do - there always is - but I find it immensely satisfying to have some of it done, and to not face the clutter as much today.

A friend of mine is having a book written about their community (details to follow if it becomes a done deal) and has asked me to take a look at it and possibly take over the project. I'm excited by this - not only would it generate some income (always helpful) but it would be a challenging, interesting project. Best of all, they would be okay with me starting in September when Tessa is in school, so I wouldn't need to arrange for childcare. Fingers crossed that it all works out.

The garden is doing well, and continuing to feed us - sugar snap peas in abundance right now, as the strawberries fade out.

And a Tessa update! Tessa is taking a soccer class this summer, meeting once a week, and I'd noticed that she was doing great in all of the drills (attentive, trying hard) but that when they had a scrimmage, she was really holding back....she had her eyes on the ball but she kept to the edges, where she never got close to the ball. We talked about it, and it came down to the fact that "the boys always get the ball." ACK! We had a couple of good pep talks about it, and how she's just as good as any boy, and she can try, because she can do a good job, too. By golly, it worked! Yesterday on the field she had the ball in play quite often....and she got a goal! She was so excited that she jumped up and down and was high-fiving everyone, and I was so proud of her. In this case, it's not about athletic talent at all, it's about trying, and overcoming the mental obstacle of thinking "not good enough." I am so, so happy that she was rewarded for her efforts with the tangible result of the goal, because I can see that in her mind she's moved to a whole new level, and that she has a lot more faith in her abilities now. THAT is what I want. I want her to be confident, and I don't want her to be afraid to try. I could care less if she's an "athlete" (I certainly am not!) but I deeply wish for her to be comfortable with trying (which I am not).

Today Tessa and I are headed to my parents' house to spend the night. We don't usually do that, but today I'm helping my mom with some house projects, and tomorrow my cousins are coming to swim at the pool, and since I'd like to do both but object to spending time in a car (and gas prices....oh my) we're spending the night and doing both days. We're looking forward to the family time with the Dahl clan.

That's all for now. Have a great day, and enjoy this sunny weather.