Saturday, March 22, 2008

Not alone

Today I got an email from someone I know who was diagnosed around the same time I was, and who has been an inspiration to me in her tireless work to help find a cure for breast cancer and her amazing attitude.

She wrote that she has needed anti-depressants, that she is struggling, that she has to avoid the volunteer work because of all of the cancer feelings it brings up.

Wow. I thought I was the only one struggling like this. I do NOT wish this on my friend (she's lovely) but I had held her up as something to aspire toward, and considered myself a failure next to her, and yet she, too, is human and frail. There is a lesson in that somewhere.

I'm struggling. I don't know how else to put it. I'm fine. I'm not on the edge of a precipice. I'm just struggling, and so tired from the struggle. I don't feel settled or happy. Everything takes so much effort. I'm eating unhealthy food, not working out, not finding joy. I'm horribly unmotivated. The garden sits waiting for me. Thank you cards go unwritten. Laundry piles up. Phone calls are not returned. Yes, I do other things...but I'm struggling and I'm tired.

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