Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Moving forward

I didn't take anti-anxiety drugs yesterday, and I didn't fall apart. There's progress.

Today Tessa is not healthy but not sick either. She's feeling MUCH better than in the past few days, and for this I'm grateful. She's going to stay home from preschool, but I'm hopeful that she'll get better by next preschool (Thursday).

I have my therapist appointment today. For those of you who have never undergone therapy, let me tell you, it's not what I'd deem fun. It's really, really hard work. I need to face my demons, calling them up one by one, in order to fight them and overcome them. I need to face my failings and figure out how to deal with them. I need to acknowledge those things that I have no desire to face (prefering to sweep them under the carpet, as it were). It's not fun. Sometimes I cry.

But I know it's worthwhile. I know that this hard work will lead me to a better place. My therapist is wonderful - I think her wise beyond her years. She doesn't give me advice, she just asks questions. But her questions are often brilliant, getting to the heart of the matter. She somehow knows how to acknowledge and validate my feelings without judging me, and still lead me on a path to something better. (I need to change, this much is clear: without change, I'd be stuck where I am, which is unacceptable.)

So, later today while Jenny (who also has a sick kid) watches Tessa, I will go work on these things. I'd rather be at the spa.

No comments: