Thursday, April 23, 2009

Time for change

Warning: Whining ensues.

I feel like crap.

I'm just so tired, and not in the "oh I need a nap" way and not in the "yawn" kind of way, but in a bone-weary way. I can't quite describe it. My brain is weary, and I am often so tired that it's hard to concentrate because of it.

And I ache. I ache, ache acheacheache. It's worst after I've been sitting or lying down, but there is a perpetual ache that makes me not want to move. Combined with my fatigue, it's hard to exercise, because I feel so crummy.

Something's gotta give. With all the treatment I've had, side effects are inevitable, and there is a big discussion around AIs surrounding quality of life issues.

Of course, I could have these issues because I had my ovaries removed when I was 36 years old. For any of you ladies out there reading this, make no mistake: estrogen is your FRIEND. I miss estrogen more than I can say. More than my boobs, if you can believe that, because you can get fake boobs but if you've had my kind of cancer (ER+) you can't get fake estrogen. The fatigue, the achiness, may be partly part of the missing ovaries/estrogen.

If I went back, would I do it all over again? Probably. Was it the right thing to do? Well.... I have my doubts. It's too late to undo it so I won't dwell on it, but I struggle with it.

So it's time for change. I saw this study:
...and it says that two years of an AI followed by three years of tamoxifen is just as effective as five years of an AI. I really think that it might be time to switch to another drug, because I am having such a hard time. And if it's a no-risk proposition, I really need to do it. If there is some risk in switching, or going off hormonal treatment, I need to consider that, too. I've been on AIs for more than three years, and I have a hard time forcing myself to take the pill every day because it makes me feel so bad. If the AIs are the problem, this would help...

I am tired - literally - of feeling that way. I have to find a way to make it better. I need 10 hours a night of sleep and still don't feel rested, my energy levels are low, and I hurt.

I'm going to try to find a way out of this, while maintaining not only my quality of life but also the quantity. I'm still aiming at 100.

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