Thursday, June 05, 2008

Feeling glum

I just got back from the dentist.

I have six cavities - my first since childhood.

I have lost much bone density in my teeth.

Thanks a lot, chemo. Thanks a lot, aromatase inhibitors. Thanks a lot, breast cancer.

Just when I'm feeling somewhat normal, just when I think I'm leaving breast cancer behind, these really REAL reminders come to bite me. I'm not your average 38 year old. I have an abundance of health issues that are permanent. Bone loss is serious, especially if I hope to live a long time.

I need to go to the dentist lots more times after this. I didn't get to the fluoride treatment. I didn't finish the deep cleaning. I didn't get any cavities filled. I was there for an hour and forty-five minutes (all I had available to me before I picked up Tessa). It's a good thing I wasn't there more, because that was all I could deal with.

Oh, and did I mention that I have TMJ due to bone loss? And that it's permanent? And that it could get worse? And that I am advised not to eat anything where I have to open my mouth very wide (like a sandwich or a burger)?

This sucks.

What I did not tell Tessa, is that I sat in the chair and felt like crying. I had at least a dozen shots of lydocaine, but still felt things. My mouth looked and tasted like blood. My mood was worse than the discomfort of the mouth-work.

The dentist was fabulous (he's new to me and so far I really like him), and within walking distance of home and preschool (I walked Tessa to school, then walked to the dentist, then walked back to preschool, then walked home with Tessa; Shep got to join the morning walk to and from Weight Watchers but sadly had to stay home for the second walk because he would have cried and barked for such a long wait.

I had a pastry at Bakery Nouveau to placate myself with food. I have the points, and I really wanted it. So there. (It was incredible, topped with fresh raspberries, and worth every point.)

Tonight is the Alki Elementary School Picnic, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. But I really,r eally have to get out of my mood first. I feel like crying.


(I listened to my iPod while the dentist scraped disgusting things off my teeth. Funny enough, during the worst of it, "Big Girls Don't Cry" came on. So I'm a big girl today.)

1 comment:

Krystal said...

I'm very sorry about it all. At least you're brave enough to go and face it. Tomorrow is a new day and the start of a weekend prime for fun.
Caleb had his day at the dentist today too. He came home minus one front tooth and a silver crown on the side. Half way to a gangsta' smile. ;) He thinks it's all cool and exciting. So how come I'm having anxiety and depression about it? I really need his child's perspective, because I wouldn't have made it through.
Tomorrow will be better.