Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Coming to terms

I am thinking a lot about my coming to terms with my new body.

I know this sounds silly, but until recently I think that I'd held out hope that my body would, one day, return to normal. I think I had been deluded into thinking that one day my breasts would look like regular ones (just with scars).

My body is not normal, and will never look like normal again.

I am realizing that I need to make some practical changes. I've always liked V-necks, and when I dress up I've often worn plunging necklines as a focal point (as opposed to, say, a short skirt). I can no longer do this.

Swimsuits, tank tops, sundresses with V-necks and such must remain out of my wardrobe. I will wait until summer is over and I have my next surgery to decide whether to get rid of them permanently, but this summer, they will remain in the closet. 'Cept that I am not buying enough to replace everything (I don't plan on buying anything!) so I will deal with that this summer. But replacements will hide, not reveal.

It's such a simple thing, but it takes some getting used to.

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