Hello, all. Not much to report - just really glad that it's a long weekend, and that Ryan can set aside work for some fun times with us. He has been working some crazy hours and we're all glad that he can rest for a few days.
This morning, I went to Nordstrom again and was fitted for breast prostheses (I got two - a normal one and a swim one) and new bras. I usually shop the discount stores, and I must say it was a real treat to be able to choose any bra in the store and not worry about prices (insurance will cover these)...and as a result, I was able to buy beautiful bras that are each worth more than I usually spend on an entire outfit. I thought about getting the accompanying panties, but at $35 each I decided that I could skip that. Anyway, the whole experience was amazingly pleasant.... you'd think that it would be miserable (hey I liked having two breasts even if it meant that insurance wouldn't buy my bras!) but the consultant helping me, Emily, was an angel, and made the whole thing almost...umm...fun!
I also got a swimsuit. I expected that to be the worst part (not my favorite shopping activity even when I was "whole") but I found a suit that I really like that they could modify for me, and I really like it. You will see me on the beach this summer! I also plan to do some lap swimming when I'm sufficiently recovered from surgery number two, as that should help me with my range of motion issues. (I'm doing great, but still don't have the range I did before, and the second surgery will be more debilitating in that way than the first one was).
This afternoon Ryan and I will try to get a few chores done, relax together a little, and then we're having friends' nights. For me, Susan, Libby, and Michele are coming over for girls' night in with potluck dinner and a DVD; for Ryan, it's off for a bike ride and dinner with Paul. Our friends arranged this "behind our backs" and only asked for input on the time and date to accomodate our schedule. Yes, we know how lucky we are. It's incredible, our good fortune. Yes, even with breast cancer. (We were more lucky before breast cancer, but still, we're among the most lucky people we know.)
I found a new website for young survivors, and I've been hanging out in their discussion area a lot. I can't tell you how helpful it is to see pictures of vibrant young women who are off doing cool jobs, taking incredible vacations, celebrating life with their friends, having romantic times with their husbands or partners, and being incredible moms to their children. These are not sad, gray women; these are vibrant women leading their lives who, by the way, happen to have breast cancer. Sign me up for that attitude - I love it!
Today at the grocery store I saw a woman in an unseasonably warm hat, and when I looked at her I realized that she is hiding the fact that she has no hair. I wanted to approach her, to say "I don't look like it yet but I'm right there beside you," but I didn't. She looked sad and scared and I wanted to hug her, but I didn't. Just because I'm an extrovert doesn't mean that the rest of the world wants my extroverted self in their faces, and I know that, so I withheld. I don't know if I would have noticed her a month ago, six weeks ago, but today her face was burned into my memory. "Live, live, live!" I wanted to whisper. "You can do it!" I need everyone around me to survive, so that I know that I will, too.
Tomorrow, we are blissfully plan-free and hope that the weather will allow us some beach time or other outdoor time with Tessa (though Ryan and Tessa took advantage of the gray day, put Tessa in her pink rubber boots, and went puddle stomping at Alki this morning, really I prefer sunshine if possible!). The next day, we'll celebrate the Fourth with Michele, Dave, and Dave's family, and we're looking forward to all of it. The beginning of a long weekend is a blissful place to be!
Sending you my love - remember to drive safely this holiday weekend. See you soon!
Kristina
3 comments:
Your story about the woman in the grocery store made me sad, too. For what it's worth -- I have found that women smile at me more when I'm out and about in my funky hat or (almost literally)bareheaded. It helps me a lot. Smiles can be for any reason.
Kristina,
Thank you for sharing your blog URL with me. I started at the beginning, taking two days to read your two month journey. Sometimes I just had to take a break. It is all so hard to fathom. Every day, a deeper level of my brain is able to hear and absorb the words "you have breast cancer."
I admire your grace as you proceed forward. And you are right, it isn't courage or bravery, it is sheer will that allows us to face the treatments, setbacks and, eventually, victory.
You, Ryan and Tessa are in my best thoughts.
This is the silver lining isn't it? Discovering the level of love that our friends and family have for us, and meeting new and wonderful people who have only been brought together by one dx.
Take care....
*susan*
[from Boston]
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