Tuesday, April 08, 2008

One foot in front of the other

Yesterday I made it in mothering-land until about 3:45pm. Today I hope to make it until at least 5, and maybe beyond. Beth has Tessa for a couple of hours this morning (playdate with Anna - the girls love each other), and then it's preschool for Tessa while I go visit my lovely shrink. I'm actually a bit nervous about driving so far - my body is so tired and driving involves shoulder checks and sitting in one position and such but I know I can do it, we'll just see how tired it makes me.

And since when does a 20 minute drive exhaust me? Argh.

I realized a couple of things yesterday:

1) The sensations I've been feeling (nausea, fatigue, headaches, digestive issues, etc) are most similar to chemo. Yuck. There are some memories I don't want to relive.

2) The drugs were too much for me. I actually do not remember anything from the day of surgery - I took an Ativan before going in - until about Friday? Saturday? - which is really scary. I read my own blog and I'm thinking "hmmm I guess I remember that" but it's really, really fuzzy. Wow. I have little snippets of memory, but I can't link the days together. It's frightening. I think I'd rather have the pain than that. Or would I? It's sort of confusing.

I'm taking it slow. One foot in front of the other. Minor house chores (made Tessa's breakfast - our new favorite of oatmeal mixed with berries, non-fat-plain-yogurt, and maple syrup; laundry; unloading dishwasher...I'm not too ambitious), going for a short walk with Shep after this (I think it will be good for both of us), going to the good doc, having another quiet evening at home.

It's only been a week (less!) and I barely remember what it feels like to be normal. My head is so fuzzy from this experience. But each day is better than the one before it so I'm trying to remember that this, too, shall pass.

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