Sunday, April 06, 2008

Fuzzy head

I'm worried that I'm getting an infection. My left breast, which had more revisions than the right and is the radiated side (meaning more issues in general) is very red and I think the red is growing. I thought it was bruising, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm going to call the doc tomorrow to ask. I also feel lightheaded, even without narcotics, and I get these sort of waves of nausea accompanied by lightheadedness. (Not thinking about brain mets. Not thinking about brain mets. NOT. Okay, so I am. But I'm telling myself to stop it.)

It's probably just my system messed up from surgery. Who knows. But I don't like it.

I came home from the movie, put on pjs, and have been in bed all afternoon, much to Tessa's disappointment. She wants more from me. I read her stories today and she acted like it was the best thing in the world. I want to give her more than a half hour of attention without dying to get up and run away (she's so wiggly, and she wants to be close, and she bumps and bumps and bumps into me...).

But Tessa is so sweet. Ryan made me coffee this morning, and Tessa delivered it to me. And Tessa has made me countless pieces of artwork over the past week. She's handled this with a lot of grace for a five year old.

I want to get back to more normal, even the not-so-normal normal looks good rigiht now. I'm tired of feeling crummy.

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