Monday, October 06, 2008

Learning curve

Yesterday Ryan and I were discussing the fact that life is a huge learning curve, and there's no "no I've learned it so I can coast" periods. Right now that lesson is increasingly evident to me - I am aware that the learning must continue, and that despite the many lessons under my belt I have many more to learn.

I'm struggling to be a working mom, even when working is only 10 hours per week from home. Actually, the "from home" part is the hardest. When I'm sitting here, the laundry calls, the coffee calls, the telephone rings, the dog wants walking, and there are so many distractions. Writing is difficult to settle into; I find myself seeking distractions when I shouldn't. That word "shouldn't" is a tough one; I know what I should be doing and then feel the guilt of not doing it.

In my adult life I've learned to avoid procrastination because it's not rewarding to procrastinate and I love my rewards; in writing, somehow, I must learn this lesson again.

To that end, I'm structuring my week so that I remember what I should be doing and when. Monday is chore and errand day (groceries, housework, etc.); Tuesday and Wednesday are writing days (book); Thursday is volunteer day (and my regular morning in the Alki classroom); and Friday is everything-else day, including doctor's appointments, time for myself, and catching up on whatever got behind in the week. With this new schedule, hopefully I can keep myself on track.

Ryan and I are working really hard on our marriage right now, too: coasting did not do us any favors. The work is difficult, but I am certain that it is worthwhile.

I'm trying to be on track for cooking healthy meals for my family, and finding creative, inexpensive, earth-friendly food choices. To this end, I've started making my own granola. I made the first batch yesterday and it's delicious, and i'm already imagining lots of different varieties. My first batch has a lot of pumpkin seeds, which lend a delicious flavor; I think next time I'll work with pecans.

All of these things take time. More time than I know where to find! But bit by bit, I'm making progress. I think it's two steps forward, one step back; some days it's more like one and three-quarter steps back. But even small progress is enough, I hope.

I'm working on it.

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