Aftershocks

I find myself just about falling apart tonight.

When I found the lump, the "real" one, it was right before Memorial Day weekend, and I had to wait over the weekend to find out what it was. It was what I feared most at that time, as we all know. (Now, I don't fear cancer the most. I fear dying. Cancer, I can fight. Dying, well, that's permanent.)

This was really, really deja vu.

And tonight I'm pretty much shaking. Relief, but something more. I can feel the cancer beast breathing over my shoulder, its nasty breath hot in my face, grumbling, "Not this time. Maybe next time."