Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I don't get it.

I'm going to bed between 7 and 8pm each night, not getting up until 7:30 or 8am.

I'm doing about 1/4 speed of usual.

I rarely cook or feed my family anything more complicated than oatmeal.

I've cut social engagements.

I have down time at home each day.

I have accepted friends' help with Tessa, and Tessa was gone all weekend with my parents while I relaxed. (I even turned down a fun evening opportunity with Lori to stay home and go to bed early.)


I am so, so tired. By 5pm I had to watch my tone with Tessa because I realized that I was tired, not that she was naughty.

I'm so impatient with this. Why am I so tired?????

I can't lift more than 10 pounds. I can't lift my arms above my shoulders. I'm not allowed to sweat, or to jar my body. I'm allowed "gentle walks" but nothing aerobic.

And I'm so tired of this. Why can't I just act halfway normal? More to the point, why can't I FEEL halfway normal?

With that, I'm off to lay on the couch downstairs while Ryan entertains Tessa.

1 comment:

knitpixie said...

Hi, Latwigg (Megan) here from YSC. I've been reading about your struggles with depression and boy can I empathize.

One thing I found for myself was to really try not to feel guilty about it. It's a bad cycle to feel bad about feeling bad and tired. Not that that's by any means an easy thing.

You JUST had surgery. It takes time for the body to recover from that and the effects of general anaesthesia can be cumulative.

I know you're feeling bad right now and I really really wish I could make it better for you. If you want some proof that it does get better, read some of my earlier posts. It will happen for you. I promise.