Thursday, May 21, 2009


The pill I was supposed to take and the one I did take were both blue.

What a lame excuse that is!!! I won't do it twice, I tell you that. This whole day was shot, and I had much to do.

In other news...
My insurance company won't approve my MRI and I had to cancel my appointment. This is disappointing and frustrating, to say the least. I can't have a mammogram because I have lymphaedema AND fragile tissue from radiation (paper thin - I literally think my breast would burst in a mammogram) and I have implants that need to be checked for leaks and I am high risk for recurrence and they say I need one before the MRI ... how dare they! Dr. Rinn is up to bat and wrote them a letter but it's not doing anything yet.

I hate getting scanned. Cancer is odd in that it makes me beg to do horrible things. I begged to keep going with radiation, begged to get my ovaries removed, begged to find a way to stay on the drugs (AIs), begged for Zometa infusions. I find it rather ironic that I'm begging for an MRI because I hate them. They are claustrophobic and noisy and frightening and they take every inch of my willpower not to run away screaming. Worse than that, the MRI looks for cancer, and it might find it.

Today I ran into an aquaintance. She recurred, she's in chemo again. It could be me. I need the MRI to give me another reprieve, to tell me that I'm safe for a while.

Ugh. It's hard to exit Cancerland with so many reminders left and right.

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