Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Lexapro is working!

Today I went to the gym again (yeah for me) and I happened to be running on a treadmill positioned near two mirrors, so I could see myself from both the front and side views. I was wearing my hair pulled back in a barrette from the front, and long in the back, and as I ran, I could see my brunette waves bouncing up and down in rhythm to my steps. These small facts - that I could run, that I had long hair, that it was long enough to bounce - filled me with joy. I found myself smiling and just feeling happy, remembering how far I've come. It wasn't that long ago that I was bald and could barely imagine looking or feeling normal again...and yet here I was, running my heart out, with bouncing hair.

And then it struck me - I haven't felt that kind of happiness in months. Honestly, I don't remember the last time I just felt smiley over a small thing like that, and it has occurred to me that this is how I used to feel most of the time, smiling over little things, and it feels so damn GOOD. I really think that the Lexapro is working - it was the first time I've felt like myself in way, way, way too long.

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