Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Highs and lows

Today was Tessa's first day of first grade, and it was a smashing success. She loved just about everything about it, from the teacher to the reading nook (filled with stuffed animals) to the new principal to all of her classmates to the activities (self portraits, writers' workshop, story time). Her new teacher is known for being strict, but she is equally known for being warm and kind. This is an exactly what I think Tessa needs, and I believe she'll thrive in this environment.

Tomorrow I meet with a surgeon to discuss my swollen lymph nodes and to decide whether it is worth surgically removing them. I am hoping and praying that I walk away tomorrow with a strong sense of the right path, whether that is surgery or not. The uncertainty is torturous. So is surgery, of course, but my fear is that if I leave the nodes in then I will continue with sleeplessness and fear for months. I do not know what I "should" do and I hope that the good doctor will help me to choose the right path.

Tonight I feel sick to my stomach (literally) worrying, and sad because I am not able to just revel in the day's successes. Hopefully by tomorrow night I will feel calmer.

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