Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Other peoples' roller coasters

I have been closely following the blog of a friend of a friend. Today she got good news - she's not stage IV. I cheered out loud when I read the words, filled with genuine joy for this stranger (whom I hope to meet).

Then, this afternoon, I got another blog update. Someone on the YSC site that I have "known" since diagnosis made the difficult decision to cease treatment and move to hospice/palliative care. She is a woman of incredible spunk, and has often offered me wise words on the journey. Soon, she will be gone. (Days? Weeks? Months? I do not know how this will go. Would praying for months be selfish, when she is in so much pain?)

I ride the roller coaster with them. It does not feel "other," it feels personal.

Today has been a hard day. I have tried to bury myself in housework, but it is not working. My mind keeps working it over, again and again, and this last news makes me so sad, and agitated, and lost. These are not dear friends, they are more acquaintances, and I am smart enough to know the difference. Still, my marrow feels it. I feel it deeply.

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