Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Anniversary time

This is the time of my cancer-versaries.

May 25: found lump
May 26: doctor confirmed lump
May 27: mammograms, ultrasound, and "I'm sorry, but it looks like cancer"
May 31: biopsies
June 1: official diagnosis
June 13: left mastectomy
There are other dates, too - first chemo, date of the allergic reaction to Taxol when I nearly died, last chemo, first radiation, last radiation, but those are spread through the year. This is the time of year when all of the dates are close together: wham, wham, wham.

Every time I remember one of these dates it gives me a little jolt. I remember it all quite clearly - how could I not?

It shakes me up to think about it; to think what I have lost. Still, I've come a long way, and I'm not in "that place" any more. So what do I do with it all? I have no idea. Right now, I'm reflecting, but I don't have any conclusions to draw. I find it all so very confusing, so mixed up with so many things both good and bad.

I am here. I am alive. Of these things I am certain, and I am very grateful.

But the rest is confusing.

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