Sunday, December 28, 2008

Finishing up Christmas 08, preparing for 09

Today was the family Christmas party at the Ochoa's home. Almost all of us were there, and I enjoyed everyone's company immensely, and felt gratitude for extended family.

This morning, we also went to church, for the first time in a while. I'm so glad that the snow is melted and gone! It was peaceful to sit in our familiar seats, listening to a sermon about sacred spaces. (More on that some other time, perhaps, as I was filled with thoughts of my own sacred spaces.)

And then this evening, after the family party, a surprise get-together with the RE (religious education) council - incredible women whom I adore. They are refreshingly honest, thoughtful, intelligent, and open, and I am a better person for their friendship.

(This is very non-chronological. It is what it is.)

Our Christmas tree is down, and our house is relatively back to normal. I like to keep the outdoor lights up until New Year's Day, so they are all that remains of the holiday. (Well, that and the pile of toys in Tessa's room!) This is an interesting time of year for me, because once the tree goes away, I really start to reflect upon the future. The past is past, and now I'm looking ahead to the fresh start of a new year, a return to schedules, to new goals and accomplishments. I'm thinking about writing - lots of it - and about healthy food and time best spent and running again. I'm thinking about what to do more of, what to do less of. I'm thinking of my mothering, and wondering how to be a better mom. (Oh, I'm good, and proud of it. But there is always so much room for improvement, and unfortunately I'm no exception.)

I also get to reflect on what has gone well. My green life is greener by the day; my marriage is stronger; my frugality gets easier instead of harder. I'm delighted by my spiritual wanderings, and the direction that I am headed, and feel great peace from it. I'm proud of home made bread, granola, stock, soup; I'm proud of organic inroads (this year we converted to organic beef and mostly grass fed....which means much less beef!). We're on a plan to get debt free, and we have a ways to go, but I'm proud of that, too.

So, I'm looking back, and looking forward. Honoring what I have accomplished, while striving to better myself and to acknowledge my failings. It's a tough line, and not always easy.

And while looking forward, I'm trying to acknowledge but not focus on the upcoming surgery. It feels like it's galloping towards me and I'm not ready.....I'm not ready at all. I desperately want it done to get out of discomfort/pain and to not look so weird and to not have trouble sleeping because of the expanders....but I hate surgery. Hate hate hate it.

So much to be grateful for, but losses in there, too.

Much to think about at this time of reflection.

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