Tuesday, July 08, 2008

More surgery plans

Today I visited the plastic surgeon. We have agreed that in October, he will:
- exchange the expanders out, and put in implants
- remove the attempts to build nipples
- remove the keloid scar on my eye from said attempt

I will go from being a D cup to a B cup in an effort to metaphorically and physically make my breasts a smaller part of my life.

The plastic surgeon is pushing me to have further surgeries (he calls them "procedures" but there is still anesthesia and a knife involved) to remove the rest of the aereola complex (he can only remove part in the next surgery) and to create new nipples.

I can't agree to that right now. All I know is that I will do another surgery in October, and that I will be glad to have it behind me.

It's difficult to go to his office. I want to scream or cry but instead I put on a favorite skirt to boost my confidence and walk in and say politely, "Hello, doctor," and "Have a nice day." He's a nice man (and he's doing a project for Operation Smile, which I respect immensely) and it's not him that is the problem...it's the whole mess that I need to see him for in the first place that makes me crazy.


Anonymous said...

Ugh... I can't believe you've had expanders for so long; that would definitely mess with your head and make you feel crummy about appearance. You can't get back exactly what you had before, so take advantage of what you can have. At an implant B with no reconstructed nipples, you won't need a bra in regular clothes and you'll have a great shape. I was/am small breasted, and didn't want a reconstructed nipple because of the added surgery and because of the "always on" factor. That'd be quite obvious when running in only a sports bra and I don't need that kind of attention.

You've had such a difficult time through this, I just want to give you some hope that even if you aren't the same as before, different can be okay too.

Anonymous said...

Kristina, has anyone told you today how absolutely awesome you are? You are an inspiration to me. The light you shine is blinding, even when you feel at your worst. You are such a blessing.

Bethany said...

Sweet Kristina!
I've missed you and came hunting for your blog to check up on you! Sounds like life is up and down, ebb and flow. And it also seems that taking a break from YSC may have been a good move, helping you get back to living each day in the moment, with heart and integrity. Oh, and I love Pema's books too!!

I wanted you to know that I finally had my bilat with expanders, three weeks ago. So far, so good! I hope October is the FINAL surgery for you!

I wish you well, and send much love!

PS Tessa is getting so big! What a beautiful little soul!