I have known since the day I was diagnosed that I would do reconstruction. I have not wavered, not one little bit, in that decision, and I am not wavering now.
However...I was diagnosed nearly a year and a half ago, and on Friday I'm going to do reconstruction on the treated side. That's a year and a half of cancer treatment, and I'm so, so, so tired of it all. I took a break from anything major from June (when I was mostly healed from my lat flap) until now, only doing Herceptin & Femara for treatment (and the usual bloodwork, onc visits, etc.). On Friday, I will be back in the hospital, and I will feel horrible, and I can't believe that I'm about to enter that land again!
It's worth it. I know that. But it's very hard to say, "I know I feel good now but I'll feel pretty lousy soon," and to do it voluntarily.
I want two breasts. I DESERVE two breasts. We all do! I guess I just want a pep talk of some sort...anyone???
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2 comments:
Kristina, my dear friend....
Yes, you want two breasts, and clearly there is only one way to do it. And so, off you go to have 'fun with doctors' again!
This isn't vain, it isn't optional, it just is. I will be thinking of you tomorrow; sending love and good vibes [which are the only kind I have!]
:-)
*susan*
It's not vanity. Those breasts were yours, fair and square. No one gave cancer permission to take them away, so you're damned well allowed to have them back!
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I know this isn't your favorite way to spend your time, but it'll be worth it...and it'll be the LAST TIME!
Much love,
Bryona
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