More things I love

- Hiking to Talapus Lake
- Sarah McLachlan's music
- quiet time alone in my house
- the feeling I get after I do yoga
- lit candles in a dark room
- the smell of fresh lavendar or freesia or roses
- bookcases overflowing with books
- Botticelli, VanGogh, Renoir paintings
- girls and women wearing dresses
- the sound of waves, whether lapping softly or roaring and crashing
- the feel of smooth driftwood in my fingers
- finding seashells or robin's eggs
- the way Mo (cat) sleeps on my foot at night
- pulling carrots out of the garden
- playing board games or doing puzzles with Tessa
- any shade of blue with white
- girls' night in
- having a guest room (when I was a kid I dreamed of it, and it came true in adulthood)
- chatting with my mom
- sleeping in
- chocolate (shhh don't tell anyone but I like milk chocolate better than dark)
- bleeding heart, lady slipper, ferns, and hostas in shady corners
- tea parties, simple or elaborate
- making my own bread
- the moments of silence in church
- singing a hymn I know by heart

Today I'm super tired and it helps to make lists of lovely things.

I made an appointment with my oncologist for Friday - I'm overdue for follow up. Wish me luck at remaining calm, as just driving by the building makes me feel a bit panicky.

A good, but tired, life

I have fallen off the blogging wagon, though I have plenty to say. We had a great spring break, with a trip to Chelan with Grammy (my mom), and a trip to the tulips in Skagit Valley with friends. The Easter Bunny came and left lots of chocolate. Cookies have been made and decorated in the shapes of bunnies, chicks, eggs, and tulips.

It's a good life. Filled with simple pleasures every day.

But...

I am so tired. So, so, so tired. Normal activities just wear me out in a way I can't quite describe. I get bursts of energy that make me think "AHA! I'm back!" but within a couple of hours I find myself flagging and thinking "no no nonono!" because there is always so much to do (both fun and chores). I have fallen off the planet sometimes and haven't been in touch with dear friends because I get tired and then I just sit on the couch and do nothing, too tired even for a chat with a friend. This is not my best side, but it is what it is and I'm working on managing it.

I get my thyroid tested regularly and I take thyroid meds (and have since 1989), so maybe it's off. Or maybe it's the tamoxifen. Or maybe it's cumulative cancer treatment and too many surgeries.

Whatever it is, it is what it is. I am grateful for the incredible blessings in my life, even when I'm too tired to fully appreciate them.