Today

Today I woke up with the unsettling feeling that I was going to have to get moving again and be human again and that sounded like a really big burden.

I got out of bed, went upstairs for coffee. Poor Tessa woke up coughing, saying "My throat hurts." I feel so bad for her; her cough is really horrendous, and worst of all she had to miss "her" day at preschool, and the field trip.

My mom came to pick me up and take me to the doctor. I had to go in to have the stitches in my face removed (thank God because I was really done with the blue strings poking out everywhere) and to have the bandages removed and replaced on my chest.

Being back in the doctor's office was not pleasant. Having stitches removed and being cleaned up and having tape ripped off my skin was not pleasant. But I made it through.

I told the doctor my view of my experience, and she apologized profusely, told me how much she respects me, and had tears in her eyes. It all felt strangely flat to me.

I returned the WonderWoman costume and picked up the fabrics for Tessa's "bat princess" costume (I think I've come up with a creative way to marry those two ideas). I picked up my new prescription: Lexapro is the name of the magic drug intended to keep my dark feelings at a manageable level. I had lunch with my mom.

And now I have to go rest. This is more than I've done in a few days and though it's not much, it's all I've got. Facing the doctor today took a lot out of me.

I still have to wear a straightjacket bra for another week. Still no showers for a week. My nipples are still bleeding and gross, but I'm told that the skin grafts worked and that they look good. I go back to the doctor in a week.