Friday's update

A quick post - much to do, not enough time...which is the way of things most days!

Today we went to preschool and Tessa had a great time. I enjoy watching her make new friends and adapt to the preschool environment, and I'm proud of the good manners she has displayed so far at preschool. I love to watch her dance and sing during the music portion - her whole face lights up.

After preschool we ran some errands, and now we're home. I need to start getting ready for our big trip to Portland this weekend. We're looking forward to seeing Portland family, and visiting with Charlotte & Mike (who are staying at the same hotel), and hooking up with the Team DJ crew.

Ryan got a very exciting phone call last night. It seems that Mike's riding partner for the LiveSTRONG ride raised enough money that she was given two tickets to the pasta dinner the night before (which we believe that Lance will attend), but she can't make it. She gave the two tickets to Mike...who is sharing one with Ryan. Ryan is thrilled by this! Lance has been Ryan's hero, on many levels, for a long time now, and so this is a thrilling opportunity for him. Thank you to Uncle Mike for sharing, and to Aunt Charlotte for giving up her place at Uncle Mike's side so that Ryan can attend. This means that Ryan will miss the family/friends dinner the night before, but we hope that our family and friends will understand what an amazing - and once in a lifetime - opportunity this is for Ryan.

I will be offline all weekend; we leave tomorrow morning for Portland and don't return until Monday - the race is Sunday. At last count, the website shows that Ryan raised $1680.00, and we know that Microsoft is matching a portion of that, and that there may be some donations still being processed through snail mail. THANK YOU SO MUCH to the friends and family who have supported this worthy cause. I hope that by the time Tessa is an adult the word "cancer" doesn't carry such scary connotations, because we will have found better ways to treat or cure it.

Love,
Kristina

Coming out of my bad mood

Blogging is a very strange way to share one's life with people. At the touch of a button, I've notified who-knows-how-many people about my mood du jour. I'm never sure who exactly reads my blog - I don't have a counter or anything like that, and most people do not comment. I just know that I have lots of people reading it because every now and then somebody will say, "I already know about that - I read your blog." My life is public at this point, but I have no idea who my "public" is. Very surreal! I don't mind, really, or I'd stop the blog, but it is strange, none-the-less.

Yesterday I was in a bad mood, and I pouted online, I suppose. Thanks for listening. ;-) Today I'm doing much better.

This morning we went to co-op preschool, and although Tessa was INCREDIBLY clingy during the free play time (she never left the Play-Doh station, which I was in charge of) she sang, danced, and clapped through the music portion, and was in a great mood after that. Music comes after snack and I think she was hungry - she must be in a growth spurt, because after an adult sized oatmeal with raisens and milk for breakfast, and a big snack of Cheerios, she was hungry again at preschool. I guess I'll have to work on getting more food into her before preschool each time (and more protein, too).

Now Tessa is tucked into bed for her nap - although I hear her playing and so no nap is likely - and the dishwasher is going, the laundry is folded, and I can rest for a minute or two. After nap I think we'll try to take advantage of the great weather, as it's a perfect fall day: crisp and sunny. Maybe a trip to the park is in order. This week a housekeeper - thanks to the generousity of friends - came to clean our home, and that's such a relief - the kitchen (including fridge) is scrubbed, everything's dusted, the bathrooms are clean, and I don't have to deal with it. Hurrah!

I am feeling relatively healthy, but I'm still disgusted with the fact that I had to skip chemo. Usually I'm okay with dealing with all of this stuff, but it is more disheartening than I can say that I have to endure all this for another week. I'm tired of being bald, tired of having itchy eyes, tired of the metallic taste in my mouth, tired of taking handfuls of pills each day, tired of having to eat all the time or suffer the (nausea) consequences, tired of doctors appointments and finding childcare, and just plain tired. It's all worth it to get better, of course, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. And I do not.

I hope that you're doing well. Love to all!
Kristina

Getting better

Physically, I'm doing much better today. Phew.

Spiritually, I'm more down. I am so, so disappointed that my treatment is off track, if only for a week. That's one more week that I have to deal with this crap, and I hate that I'm stalled, even temporarily.

It puts me in a bad mood.

More updates again when I'm more chipper. All is well, it's just a bad mood. This too shall pass.

Kristina

Chemo canceled due to stomach flu

Sigh.

I have picked up Tessa's stomach bug. I called the nurse at the oncologist, and she said what I feared she would - no chemo for me tomorrow. There is a fear that I might become dehydrated, and that my minor flu could land me in the hospital. I will resume chemo next week.

*&%$. (Please substitute the four letter word of your choice here.)

My new last day of chemo, assuming no more cancellations, is December 14.

Kristina

PS I'm okay. Not great, but okay. I have horrible cramps and other unmentionables that go along with the stomach flu. I guess sometimes you get what you ask for - I didn't want to be constipated any more and now I'm not.......! I asked Ryan to come home from work to take care of Tessa and he just got home a bit ago. I'm going to sulk in bed and in front of the TV.

Pictures from the weekend on Orcas

Here are a few pics - one of the Surface3 on a tree overhanging Cascade Lake in Moran State Park, one of Ryan and Tessa with the view from Mt. Constitution in the background, and the other of Marisa and I. I may be biased but I think that Orcas Island is one of the most beautiful places in the world...the pictures may prove that point.

Have I mentioned lately that I'm really looking forward to having hair again? The bandana thing is getting old fast. However, on the new drug (Taxol) that I start on Wednesday, it's possible that even though my eyebrows and eyelashes will fall out, the hair on my head may start to grow. How crazy is that?!

Hanging in there

I just thought that I should touch base with my loyal readers ;-) to let you know I'm doing fine. I'm grouchy, but I guess we all have a right to be grouchy some days, right? I'm just tired of all the crap that we've been dealing with, and I want to say "Enough!" I don't want to be brave, strong, graceful, or inspiring. I want to be done. Just done. I want to recover my life - our lives - and move forward. And I know I/we have a long, long journey before I/we can truly do that.

We had a wonderful weekend on Orcas with Marisa & Max. Marisa was an incredible hostess, as always, and we did all of our usual Orcas things. Oh, and I ate about five billion extra calories...I completely binged this weekend and I'll have to diet for a year to burn off the pounds!

Tessa is still suffering some digestive troubles, and has been a bit punky. I called the nurses' line today and they assure me that it sounds like the tail end of a viral thing that has been going around, and also assure me I shouldn't worry. She has bouts of being incredibly active and energetic, but then she gets tired and she gets diarrhea. She is not feverish or vomiting, so those things are good.

I just don't feel chatty, so I'll keep it at that, and I'll update more later when I feel my regular self. I hope that all of you are well.
Kristina