Update from the PS

Today I visited Dr. Isik.

He said I'm healing beautifully. He said that my implant is not moving; the bottom of the implant is remaining in place, but there is a seratoma (code name for "excess fluid" which is harmless and will be reabsorbed by my body) at the top of my left (treated) breast which is making it appear misshapen, but is not a long term problem.

I just need to be patient. Oh, how I hate being patient.

I am allowed to swim with Tessa (no more concern about infection). I am allowed to walk, use an elliptical without my arms, or sit on a stationary bike. No jiggling, no jumping, no jogging. No lifting any kind of weights. I am now allowed to lift my arms past my shoulders, and expected to get physical therapy again to regain range of motion (helllllo, Adrienne....).

Three more weeks, and I can jog.

But the fatigue? No answers. I shouldn't be feeling it like I am. I'm wayyyy behind schedule. I should have felt better a week ago.

Sigh.

Finally, it all catches up with me.

Of course, I can't help but wonder "is it mets?" because that would be just par for the course. (Bad attitude. I know. I can't help it. And you'd wonder too, if it was you.) I try to suppress these thoughts, but they rise. Maybe it's all falling apart.

Or maybe I'm just tired. It's all so wearing.

The next surgery is supposed to be about half the healing time of this one, although still six weeks with no exercise or jiggling.

Tonight Tessa is going bowling with Ryan, Anna, and Artie. I will curl up in bed. I look forward to the day when I can stay home because I'm DOING something and not because I can't get out of bed...

Naps

Tonight we're seeing Paul & Libby in Edmonds. I haven't seen them in a long time....but I'm worried about making it through until 8pm when we must be home for Tessa's bedtime.

I went to Tessa's field trip, although I didn't have to drive as I carpooled with Katie, and Katie saw me drooping. She has Tessa and sent me home to take a nap. Thanks, Katie....I need it even though I protest.

This fatigue thing is out of hand.

I did it

Tonight I sent Ryan away for a little alone-time, a little time to take care of himself without worrying about TK and I. With Jenny's help - she made us a fabulous dinner - and the fact that Tessa, Zoe, and Liam played beautifully together, I made it through. Tessa is tucked in to bed, and I'm about to follow.

I'm exhausted. For a bit I thought I wouldn't make it. But I did.

Good night!

Impatient

I don't get it.

I'm going to bed between 7 and 8pm each night, not getting up until 7:30 or 8am.

I'm doing about 1/4 speed of usual.

I rarely cook or feed my family anything more complicated than oatmeal.

I've cut social engagements.

I have down time at home each day.

I have accepted friends' help with Tessa, and Tessa was gone all weekend with my parents while I relaxed. (I even turned down a fun evening opportunity with Lori to stay home and go to bed early.)

SO WHY AM I SO TIRED?

I am so, so tired. By 5pm I had to watch my tone with Tessa because I realized that I was tired, not that she was naughty.

I'm so impatient with this. Why am I so tired?????

I can't lift more than 10 pounds. I can't lift my arms above my shoulders. I'm not allowed to sweat, or to jar my body. I'm allowed "gentle walks" but nothing aerobic.

And I'm so tired of this. Why can't I just act halfway normal? More to the point, why can't I FEEL halfway normal?

With that, I'm off to lay on the couch downstairs while Ryan entertains Tessa.

And the week commences

Tessa is home, where she belongs. She had a wonderful time with Grammy, Grandpa, GG, Auntie Krystal, Uncle Mike, Caleb, and Jockey, and is filled with stories about how great it was to be in the motorhome, to be on the beach, to be in the woods. I'm delighted at her closeness with her extended family, and her joy in being with them.

But of course, she belongs with me! It is a delight to be her mother.

Today is a quiet morning being together, planning our week. Later today is gymnastics for Tessa, and of course there's preschool in the week, and playdates to arrange, and chores to be done.

It's nice just to be together. Tonight I plan to make a "real" dinner for the first time in a while - how is it possible that I have not cooked in so long? Hopefully I can last (energy wise) all day today, so that we can have a nice family dinner tonight.