Reading List

I'm currently looking at books entitled "Your 7 Year Old," "Easy to love, difficult to discipline," "Seven Secrets of Spiritual Parenting" "Raising you Only Child" and others. I'm just about done with "Parenting with Love and Logic" and "Positive Discipline" (again).

I really wish Tessa would read these books because she loves to prove them wrong!

Tessa is an amazing, wonderful daughter, and I would never choose anyone else. I love her like I love air - I don't think I could survive without her. But the challenges - wow.

We've got boundaries and routines; we've got love galore (and express that love all the time).

She will come to it; I will figure it out. Together, we will get through this phase.

I hear that eight year olds are fabulous...but I'm not goign to hit the fast forward button, even if I can find it.

On an up note? She did her homework last night with a minimum of protest. PHEW.

Better

This morning I woke up and said, "Screw it. I want to have my life today." So I hauled myself out of bed and just went for it.

This afternoon, I feel tired, and I think that's a leftover from the Zometa, but I'm much more myself.

I went for a (short) run with Shep this morning, sans iPod, to clear my head. I've scrubbed my bathroom, including the dreaded tub. (I used baking soda and water. Remarkable how well it works - and no nasty chemicals to breathe or wash down the drain.) I made a crock pot meal (pork marakesh - it's got red onions, ginger, apricots, and thyme....hope it's good) for dinner that is simmering away.

I have about a zillion more things to do, but that is okay. At least I don't feel like hiding today, which I did the past two days.

It messes with my head

Today I'm taking it slow. I feel much better than yesterday, but I don't think I can explain just how hard it is for me to go to the cancer center. It's going to take a while to catch my breath.

So, a quiet day at home. Chores to be done....but I just need the quiet.

Zometa blues

Being in the building at the cancer institute really makes me feel ill. The smell of the alcohol wipes that they use to wipe the tubing for the IVs is what really brings me back - ugh.

I swear my blood pressure was through the roof the whole time, but I survived it.

And tonight? Headachy and impatient and feeling blue. I can't separate out what is the physical, and what is the psychological, I just know that I feel horrid.

Tomorrow will be better.

Still proud of myself for making dinner and cleaning the house and changing the sheets this morning before my appointment....

Zometa

Today is my infusion of Zometa at the chemo center. An hour of drip, drip, drip into an IV, plus usually an extra hour of waiting around, bloodwork, getting poked, saline, and the like.

Zometa has caused "flu like symptoms" (quoting from their side effects sheets) the last couple of times, so I have prepared dinner in the crock pot and set the table so that if I feel lousy afterwards I will be that far ahead and the family won't starve. (The up side: the house is filled with the warm smells of onions, chicken, and garam masala.)

I'm bringing my iPod, my journal, and a book.

All will be well. But I don't have to like it.

Today's gratitude list:

- It's "just" Zometa, not chemo.
- I'm healthy.
- It's gorgeous outside.
- I'm healthy.
- Zometa might keep me healthy.

On a side note, I now have just one year of tamoxifen left on the schedule - I'll be done in February 2011. I wonder what I'll feel like without it?