GIANT dose of guilt

So I hit "publish post" and I go upstairs to watch the dumb pony movie with my beloved daughter.

She has put herself to bed. She's under the covers, sound asleep. I didn't watch the movie with her like I promised because I was too late.

This gives me a break which is what I thought I wanted but then my heart breaks for her and I think "why couldn't I have just put off my pity party for ten more minutes so that my sick daughter could fall asleep in her mama's arms"? I put my needs over hers and it didn't pan out. ARGHHHHHHHHH.

Crap. I feel like the worst mom in the world, even though it's not true. (I played with the village with her today, putting the kids to bed in their little plastic beds, taking them to the little plastic pool, tracking down the lost little plastic kittens. I made us a nice lunch, which I didn't eat but sat with her for. I'm not the worst but really not not not the best.)

Ouch. Major self-flagellation going on, even though part of me knows I shouldn't but I want to be the best I can be for her, not the good-enough mother. (Which is the title of a book. That I think I read. And recall not liking.)

By the way, I left a message for the therapist today, who, right on cue, has not called me back.

The blog does for therapy for now. Not bad therapy if I may say so myself.