Yawwwwnnnn

Today was busy, and I probably pushed myself too hard. I had planned to take a nap this afternoon, but the option to go to Nordstrom and get a post-mastectomy camisole was certainly too good to pass up. Beth (bless you!) picked me up and gave me the royal treatment, treating me to coffee and taking good care of me, and the Nordstrom "prosthesis consultant" was knowledgeable and efficient. I walked away with two camisoles that, when worn under clothing, make me look somewhat normal. Hallelujah! I'm relieved to have them.

But after a day of shopping, playing at the park, small housework, and just chatting with Tessa and admonishing her not to hang on me (with Caley's fabulous help with all of these things) I'm pretty wiped out. I want to believe that I can do anything and that my healing is occuring at a miraculous pace, but I'm horribly tired and unable to face Tessa's enthusiasm with much more than a sigh. That's tough for me, but not the end of the world, I guess.

I have many people that I wish to thank, thoughts on seeing myself post-surgery for the first time, thoughts on friendship, and more that I would like to share but I think I will be asleep by 8pm and that must come first. Again, my "real" thoughts must wait until another day.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the Psycho Oncologist - e.g. a psychologist - to discuss cancer's ramifications in our lives. The divorce statistics for cancer families is high, and I want to talk about how to reduce our risk of problems before they occur. We also plan to ask more questions about how to approach things with Tessa, and how to handle ourselves in front of her to give her the best possible experience throughout this nightmare. She wants her regular mama back, and she gets angry sometimes when she sees the drain, saying "NO, Mama! No more! Take it off!" I wish I could do that for her, and for myself.

Ah well this too shall pass. The drain is temporary, the lack of a breast is temporary, and the cancer is temporary. Even my bad attitude tonight is temporary, and I know that - tomorrow is a new day and I will pace myself and have a good time.

Love,
Kristina

PS Molly & McConkey family: Ryan, Caley & Tessa LOVED the meal on Monday, and Tessa plays often with her "sandwich." THANK YOU! Linda: Yummmmmmmmmmy chicken maribella tonight - thank you so much!