Friday, June 03, 2005

A quiet day getting ready to tell Tessa

Hello, all! This list is growing by leaps and bounds, and I hope I haven't missed anyone. I am amazed by the love and friendship being shown to me now - thank you so, so much. Every message means the world to me - I run to the computer with a smile on my face, knowing that I have so much support. The strength of you, my friends and family, adds to mine immensely. Thank you for signing up to fight this war with me - on days when I can't hack it any more, I know you'll step in to fight for me, and that is extremely comforting.

Today is a relatively calm day, with only one appointment (a breast MR at Swedish). Tonight, however, is a big night, as we are going to sit down with our beautiful daughter and tell her that her mommy has cancer. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done - harder than hearing that I will have a mastectomy or cancer, harder than the pain of childbirth - it feels almost impossible. Please pray that I will find the right words, that Ryan and I will remain calm, and that our daughter can learn to accept that though her mommy isn't well, her mommy and daddy will protect her as much as they can from the hardships of the world. She needs to know, and we will tell her, but this is the thing I most wish I never had to do.

This weekend we are going to Orcas Island to play together with our friend Marisa (thanks, Marisa!) and relax at Marisa's cabin. It will be a cancer free weekend - there will be no email updates or phone calls, as we will be focusing on being normal and enjoying ourselves.

This Monday I go in for tons of tests, and will be at the hospital all day. I don't worry about the tests, only the results.

Stay strong, army! I have begun relying on you more than I ever imagined already, and I'm humbled. I'm so proud of all of you and the strength and love you have to give; and I'm so humbled by the amount of support that I have already accepted. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love,
Kristina

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