Well, I am still tired. Dang it! I woke up this morning feeling more hopeful for an energetic day, and it has not happened. I am not bedridden, but small amounts of activity wear me out and I did take a nap today. It is what it is and I'm trying to adapt...and I'm incredibly appreciative of Ryan's efforts to make things easier on Tessa and myself (he's the new King of Laundry, and he has taken great care of me).
Tomorrow Michele, Lori, and I will man (woman?!) a booth at the West Seattle Farmer's Market to solicit donations and to talk about breast cancer with anybody who has questions. Look for us there! I will only be there for a partial day (in part because I'll be tired, no doubt, and in part because it's Derek's birthday and I'm going to stop in on the festivities) but I am really looking forward to jump-starting the fundraising efforts for the Breast Cancer 3-Day. Michele & Lori have done quite a bit of fundraising (Michele is one of the 3-Day's top fundraisers!) but I haven't started...and it feels good to do this.
Love,
Kristina
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
I thought Saturday was my hard day?!
Well, today I find myself "okay" but not in top form...this feels more like a Saturday (what I've come to perceive as my hard day from chemo) than a Friday, and yesterday was the same. I guess this is the cumulative effect sneaking up on me...just when I think I know what to expect, things change. I have additional anti-nausea drugs to take, and I'm laying low, but it's a bit frustrating to have even lower energy levels than usual.
Oh well! Only five more chemos to go....just over a month....I can do this....
Kristina
Oh well! Only five more chemos to go....just over a month....I can do this....
Kristina
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Some sunshine, too; 11 chemo down, 5 to go!
When I picked up Susan from the airport on Saturday night, it was raining cats and dogs, but since then the weather has been almost lovely. I don't mind the sunshine, either!
I had a lovely visit with Susan and Gretchen, and on Sunday night Susan from Issaquah and Michele came to visit for an evening of dessert and wine, as well. I loved sharing these different girlfriends with one another, and I'm so glad that I had the opportunity. We laughed and talked, we drank wine (sure that's a no-no for me but I don't over-indulge), and talked some more.
Here's a picture of Susan, Gretchen, & Myself:
...and here is a picture of Susan reading to Tessa:
More details on the visit when I'm less tired, but I wanted to post at least that much. It was lovely!
And then....yesterday after I dropped Susan off at the airport, I went to chemo. The best part of that is that one more session is complete! 11 down, 5 to go...more than two thirds of the total treatment is finished, and I'm more than halfway through Taxol, and I'll be finished in just a month plus a couple of days. No matter how I look at it, progress has been made. Some doctors don't prescribe as much Taxol as I'm getting, and I know that I'm being really aggressive, and I feel GOOD about that. If there is one cancer cell left in my body, I expect the Taxol to kill it in the next 5 sessions.
As far as my symptoms go, I have one to add: I got a mouth sore for the first time. Dang it. It's tiny, but it's on my tongue and hits my teeth when my tongue moves (often!). I got some prescription lozenges that should help. I'm also getting more and more tired. Whereas neither Ryan nor I intended to have him home right now, the timing has been exactly what I needed. I am really pretty wiped out, and my good days aren't quite as good as they used to be. This too shall pass, and I hope to be reviving at Christmas, but I'm pretty inactive for the most part. (Susan and I did go for a 2 mile walk on Tuesday, and I think that walking is good for me, but I need naps now, and I go to bed ridiculously early, and I just don't have energy to do half of what I'd like to).
Speaking of sleep...I woke up at 1am last night and never got back to sleep. #### Decadron! I know I need it but it really messes with me.
That's all for now...I'm in my PJs and thinking of trying to have a nap. I hope you're all doing well!
Love,
Kristina
I had a lovely visit with Susan and Gretchen, and on Sunday night Susan from Issaquah and Michele came to visit for an evening of dessert and wine, as well. I loved sharing these different girlfriends with one another, and I'm so glad that I had the opportunity. We laughed and talked, we drank wine (sure that's a no-no for me but I don't over-indulge), and talked some more.
Here's a picture of Susan, Gretchen, & Myself:
...and here is a picture of Susan reading to Tessa:
More details on the visit when I'm less tired, but I wanted to post at least that much. It was lovely!
And then....yesterday after I dropped Susan off at the airport, I went to chemo. The best part of that is that one more session is complete! 11 down, 5 to go...more than two thirds of the total treatment is finished, and I'm more than halfway through Taxol, and I'll be finished in just a month plus a couple of days. No matter how I look at it, progress has been made. Some doctors don't prescribe as much Taxol as I'm getting, and I know that I'm being really aggressive, and I feel GOOD about that. If there is one cancer cell left in my body, I expect the Taxol to kill it in the next 5 sessions.
As far as my symptoms go, I have one to add: I got a mouth sore for the first time. Dang it. It's tiny, but it's on my tongue and hits my teeth when my tongue moves (often!). I got some prescription lozenges that should help. I'm also getting more and more tired. Whereas neither Ryan nor I intended to have him home right now, the timing has been exactly what I needed. I am really pretty wiped out, and my good days aren't quite as good as they used to be. This too shall pass, and I hope to be reviving at Christmas, but I'm pretty inactive for the most part. (Susan and I did go for a 2 mile walk on Tuesday, and I think that walking is good for me, but I need naps now, and I go to bed ridiculously early, and I just don't have energy to do half of what I'd like to).
Speaking of sleep...I woke up at 1am last night and never got back to sleep. #### Decadron! I know I need it but it really messes with me.
That's all for now...I'm in my PJs and thinking of trying to have a nap. I hope you're all doing well!
Love,
Kristina
Saturday, November 05, 2005
I don't mind some rainy days
The weather in Seattle is rain, rain, rain this week - everything is dripping wet and the skies have opened up in downpours more times than I can count over the past several days. I don't mind. The change in the weather is a reminder that fall has fully set in, and that winter is around the corner...and with the passing of the seasons I am just that much closer to being done with the nastier parts of my treatment. I can take the rain, because I'm warm and cozy inside our home, and I know that I can handle a little rain in order to make it to spring.
What's more, I have good things to celebrate in the midst of all this rain. Last night, Amy visited from Ohio, and the PEPS gang went out to a great dinner with her. I dressed up in my "going out" clothes and felt semi-fashionable, ate great food (Wild Ginger - YUMMY!), and most importantly enjoyed the company of women that I adore. (Thanks to Heather for driving me, by the way!) It was wonderful to see Amy again, and to spend non-toddler time with my PEPS friends.
And then tonight, it gets even better: Susan from Boston arrives! I'll pick up Susan from the airport late this evening, and then Gretchen will come for breakfast tomorrow, and the three of us (plus Ryan and Tessa, of course) will hang out, chat, and enjoy one another's company. I don't care if it's raining outside - we can drink pots of coffee and enjoy one another, and that sounds like a little slice of heaven. Tessa knows how excited I am, and she's caught the enthusiasm, as well. For the past couple of days when she's woken up she has said "Are Susan and Gretchen here?" as she's excitedly anticipating the visit, too.
I probably won't post much in the next few days, since I will have visitor(s), but you may assume that I am well. I still have nausea (no idea why I'm experiencing so much of that on Taxol, the less toxic of my chemo drugs) and I'm still tired, but I'm relatively happy.
Love,
Kristina
What's more, I have good things to celebrate in the midst of all this rain. Last night, Amy visited from Ohio, and the PEPS gang went out to a great dinner with her. I dressed up in my "going out" clothes and felt semi-fashionable, ate great food (Wild Ginger - YUMMY!), and most importantly enjoyed the company of women that I adore. (Thanks to Heather for driving me, by the way!) It was wonderful to see Amy again, and to spend non-toddler time with my PEPS friends.
And then tonight, it gets even better: Susan from Boston arrives! I'll pick up Susan from the airport late this evening, and then Gretchen will come for breakfast tomorrow, and the three of us (plus Ryan and Tessa, of course) will hang out, chat, and enjoy one another's company. I don't care if it's raining outside - we can drink pots of coffee and enjoy one another, and that sounds like a little slice of heaven. Tessa knows how excited I am, and she's caught the enthusiasm, as well. For the past couple of days when she's woken up she has said "Are Susan and Gretchen here?" as she's excitedly anticipating the visit, too.
I probably won't post much in the next few days, since I will have visitor(s), but you may assume that I am well. I still have nausea (no idea why I'm experiencing so much of that on Taxol, the less toxic of my chemo drugs) and I'm still tired, but I'm relatively happy.
Love,
Kristina
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Finally updating! Brunner's Lodge, Halloween, Chemo #10
Things have been busy, and I haven't made it here to update, but at last I'm checking in.
Some words of thanks:
Thank you to my mom & dad for all that they have done for us lately (that's a long list!).
Thank you to Sara for delivering a meal, for joining Team Kristina, and for tales of a 40 year breast cancer survivor (wahoooo!).
Thank you to the best real estate agent ever, Roy Willanger, for dropping by a card and beautiful bouquet, and for being a friend.
Thank you to Susan for helping to organize yet more meals to come to us.
Thank you to Molly for dropping by a meal yesterday - we will eat it tonight!
Thank you to Marilyn for the delicious curried pork - yummm.
Thank you to Michele, Lori, and Susan for being so incredibly on board with amazing fundraising ideas and commitment to the Breast Cancer 3 Day.
Thank you to Darcy for signing up for the 3 Day and committing to it - it's a big deal to come from Arizona for this event and I'm so grateful.
Thank you to Susie for agreeing to help design T-shirts and a poster for us.
Thank you to Ryan for listening to me and to what I need and for giving me your heart and soul when I need you the most.
Thank you to the thousands of other people I'm certain that I missed on this list!!! I have much to be grateful for.
Brunner's Lodge with the extended family was absolutely wonderful. Everyone chipped in by bringing and making food, and so we had delightful family meals around a big log table (and there's something special about four generations of one family being able to do so), we hot tubbed, we watched the young cousins (Tessa, Caleb, Nicholas, Tyler, and Matthew) forge even deeper bonds, Ryan got to go for a beautiful bike ride through gorgeous country scenes (and though it's the end of the leaf season the colors were still gorgeous - red barns backed by slate and evergreen hills, golden fields, and splashes of vibrant yellow or red trees), and much chit-chatting took place. Brunner's Lodge accomodated our large group very nicely - the older boys loved the fact that there is an air hockey table, a foosball table, and a Casio keyboard to play with, and the younger kids loved the tire swing and regular swings in particular. The lodge was filled with noise with such a large group - but the noises were happy (shouts of glee from the winner of a card game, games of chase, "chefs" prepping the meal, calls of "who needs another glass of wine?" and "anybody want to go for a walk to the river?").
Here's a picture that Mike & Krystal (thanks for sharing!) got on their camera of the whole clan just prior to our leaving on Sunday....note that Tyler is slumped over in his dad's (Don's) arms, because he got a terrible migraine on the last day...poor kid! He's better now but he was in rough shape on Sunday.
Here's the Surface3 in the Brunner's Lodge hot tub, followed by a great shot of Barb and two of her boys (Matthew and Tyler) in the hot tub:
Here's Tessa & Caleb playing air hockey together!
On the last day (Sunday) we went to a roadside fruit stand with the Dahls senior and junior that has expanded for the season to have a petting zoo with farm animals, a "cow train ride" (a tractor pulling cars made of oil cans and painted like cows, but the kids acted like it was Disneyland they had so much fun), and Caleb and Tessa frolicked and laughed and had a great time.
I had highs and lows over the weekend for my own health - Saturday is always my hardest day, and this was no exception. I held in there, though, and I'm SO glad that I went. I am extremely grateful that I am from a family that sticks together in good times and bad, enjoys each others' company, and is willing to cram into a cabin for the joy of one another's company. I hope that next year 100% of us will be there. :-)
Then, when we got back, it was nearly Halloween! Tessa was delighted that Halloween had arrived at last. While Tessa napped, I made two soups (salmon chowder and chunky chicken soup) for the potluck dinner with neighbors, and then Ryan and I carved our pumpkins. Tessa woke up to toasted pumpkin seeds, and knew that the fun was truly beginning when we put the candles out in the pumpkin. Three neighbor families came by for dinner, and Tessa the Tiger delighted in playing with Noah the Cow, Daven the Owl, and Elena the Ballerina Princess. After dinner, we all went out trick-or-treating together (fortunately there was a break in the VERY rainy, miserable weather) and I think that the kids were the hit of the neighborhood. We let Tessa keep a little candy, but we put the rest of it away to give to the doctor's office and Tessa traded it for a hobby horse - our little cowgirl is more in love with horses with each passing day, and she finds this a fair trade. (She'll get one mini chocolate bar per day for five days, and to her that's a lot, so I think she wins on every level.)
Tessa the Tiger:
Four beautiful children, but only the owl (Daven) would look at the camera!:
After Tessa got out of her tiger costume (she was hot!) she wanted the two of us to wear butterfly wings, so we put them on. Here is a picture which I love for my darling daughter, hate for my bloated body....and (drum roll please) which, if you look with a microscope ;-) you can see that my bald head is covered with dark "duck fuzz" hair! Yes, my hair is growing, and though it's only about 3mm long, it is, indeed, a start. I'm told it will not start to thicken until I've completed chemo, but SOMETHING is better than nothing, even if it's hardly anything!
Then, on Tuesday, the highlight of the day was going to the Pump it Up class. Ryan got a day to himself, and Tessa and I went to join Auntie Krystal, Uncle Mike, Caleb, and Josh at the Pump it Up Session, and then Grandpa joined for a while too to see all the fun. Pump it up is an indoor "Arena" just off 405 on 116th in Kirkland, and for $6/kid ($5 each if there are siblings) you get to go with your child into a series of inflated jumping houses. Some are set up like obstacle courses, some are giant slides, some are circular so the kids can run in circles, and there are about 10 or 15 of them total, so the kids just run from one to the other, laughing and giggling and burning off energy. A lot of them require close parental supervision, so I too had to remove my shoes and chase Tessa up and down slides etc....and I must say, I felt a certain amount of pride for keeping up with the chaos, given my chemo-state! (I believe I was the only bald mother there. ;-) ) We will return to this activity, because Tessa just loved it, and it's a great opportunity for her to bond with Caleb, too. (She already adores him, and I love the fact that the cousins have a close relationship. One day baby Josh will be chasing after them, too, of course, but until now he is a happy observer, getting kisses when the kids stop by to check in on him.)
After Pump it Up we went to have lunch with Grammy and the rest of the gang at Grammy & Grandpa's house (thank you!), and then Grammy, Tessa, and I went for our first training walk together. I'm extremely hopeful that my mom will join me on the 3 Day Walk, and she is considering it, so we went down to the club together and walked the track. For the first 1/10 of a mile, Tessa walked with us (carrying her unicorn pony Rose the entire time). For the next 4/10 of a mile, I carried her. Because of the lymphedema risks, I can not carry her in my left arm, so after 4/10 of a mile my right arm was desperately calling for a break, and we called my dad in to watch Tessa while my mom finished up walking in a mile. A mile isn't much, but it's a start (and with Tessa there it's all we could manage). We will bring the jogging stroller next time and so Tessa can hang out with us (we'll bring books and toys, too!).
My friend Michele is hoping that her mom might join the walk with us, too, and that the four of us (Michele, myself, and two moms) will be able to train together occassionally. I like that idea. :-)
Tuesday night, Tessa spend the night at Grammy & Grandpa's, and had her usual wonderful time in doing so. The sleepovers have become more frequent, and are enjoyed by all.
Wednesday, while Tessa played with Grammy & Grandpa (swimming, dance class - she's a star! - time playing with Foster-puppy, and so much more...no wonder Tessa loves her time with Grammy and Grandpa so much, because they treat her like a princess and she has so much fun) I spent the morning doing a few chores, and then going shopping with Michele & Elliott. Unfortunately, I have gained enough weight that some of my clothes have been uncomfortably tight, and so I needed a few long sleeved T-shirts and basic everyday items (ugh...**** chemo/decadron!). Shopping with Michele was fun, though (despite the reason for my need to shop!), and we enjoyed Starbucks (thanks, Shele!), tons of Elliott's smiles, and chatting away.
And then, of course, after my morning, it was time for chemo. I don't dread it the way you might think any more - it goes reasonably easy for me - but chemo is, well, chemo, and I don't look forward to it, either.
I had an interesting conversation with my oncologist about what to do with my ovaries. Up until now, I've believed that they MUST come out and SOON. Well, after further discussion with Dr. Rinn, we may hold off on that. Because I am BRCA- , we don't have reason to suspect that I'm at higher risk for ovarian cancer the way that we would if I were BRCA+. Dr. Rinn has suggested that my body could use time to heal from chemo and radiation, and that there is no rush to do anything as drastic as removing body parts just yet (enough of that is being done anyway!). The alternative is to take Lupron shots, which will keep my body in menopause after I come out of chemo. (This is desireable because I have a cancer that is ER+ - in other words, it feeds on estrogen, and I have a very high score in this category; it's critical that I keep all estrogen out of my body in order to starve the cancer. Shutting down the ovaries shuts down estrogen production.) If I tolerate the Lupron shots well, and work with oncologists to make sure that I don't have any signs of ovarian cancer, I might be able to go for quite some time with my ovaries still in my body. One thought that I have is that when I do reconstruction, and I'm all torn up anyway, I could just take the ovaries out then (we'll see if the docs think that this is too much). In any case, this is new fuel for thought. I will see a gynecological oncologist to help make this decision after I finish radiation. I would like to treat myself as BRCA+ because of my family history and because science understands that they have not yet located all of the possible genetic mutations for breast cancer (they've found two but strongly suspect that there are others) and so I would much prefer to be cautious. It is a fine line between being aggressive (good!) and doing overkill (bad!) in my treatment. I've been really aggressive up until now, and that helps me to sleep at night, but I don't want to do overkill. More research must be done on this subject.
I also discussed the issue of my nausea - which is rather unexpected on this particular chemo regimin, but is very real for me - with my oncologist. She is pretty certain that it is acid reflux from the Decadron (I get so much!) more than a side effect of chemo, and has prescribed Ranitidine to fight it. That would be a nice, simple fix and today I'll start the Ranitidine to hope it works. That might also help with my weight gain...I feel like I need to eat all the time or be really sick, and maybe the Ranitidine will take away the nausea so I don't need to eat comfort food constantly.
Chemo was uneventful this week, which is excellent. My port doesn't cause me any problems, I haven't had any more reactions to the Taxol (thanks to the Decadron, which I otherwise curse...but it IS a good drug), and the nurses are kind. My parents brought Tessa home, and I was glad to wrap my arms around her and welcome her back...it's nice to take a parenting break but I do love my girl and it was even better to have her home with us again.
I will be seeing a physical therapist next week for the minor lymphedema in my hand. It hasn't gone away, and we want to prevent it from getting worse... It's a minor complication as yet, but a complication none-the-less.
Tessa's nose started dripping yesterday, so we'll see if we're on for preschool today. I really hope she's fully healthy....!
Only a few more days until Susan from Boston comes to town, and Gretchen visits, too. I can't wait! My "breast cancer friends" have become "friends" and I can't wait to see them and to enjoy their company.
That, I believe, fully catches all of you up. Sending you my love!
Kristina
Some words of thanks:
Thank you to my mom & dad for all that they have done for us lately (that's a long list!).
Thank you to Sara for delivering a meal, for joining Team Kristina, and for tales of a 40 year breast cancer survivor (wahoooo!).
Thank you to the best real estate agent ever, Roy Willanger, for dropping by a card and beautiful bouquet, and for being a friend.
Thank you to Susan for helping to organize yet more meals to come to us.
Thank you to Molly for dropping by a meal yesterday - we will eat it tonight!
Thank you to Marilyn for the delicious curried pork - yummm.
Thank you to Michele, Lori, and Susan for being so incredibly on board with amazing fundraising ideas and commitment to the Breast Cancer 3 Day.
Thank you to Darcy for signing up for the 3 Day and committing to it - it's a big deal to come from Arizona for this event and I'm so grateful.
Thank you to Susie for agreeing to help design T-shirts and a poster for us.
Thank you to Ryan for listening to me and to what I need and for giving me your heart and soul when I need you the most.
Thank you to the thousands of other people I'm certain that I missed on this list!!! I have much to be grateful for.
Brunner's Lodge with the extended family was absolutely wonderful. Everyone chipped in by bringing and making food, and so we had delightful family meals around a big log table (and there's something special about four generations of one family being able to do so), we hot tubbed, we watched the young cousins (Tessa, Caleb, Nicholas, Tyler, and Matthew) forge even deeper bonds, Ryan got to go for a beautiful bike ride through gorgeous country scenes (and though it's the end of the leaf season the colors were still gorgeous - red barns backed by slate and evergreen hills, golden fields, and splashes of vibrant yellow or red trees), and much chit-chatting took place. Brunner's Lodge accomodated our large group very nicely - the older boys loved the fact that there is an air hockey table, a foosball table, and a Casio keyboard to play with, and the younger kids loved the tire swing and regular swings in particular. The lodge was filled with noise with such a large group - but the noises were happy (shouts of glee from the winner of a card game, games of chase, "chefs" prepping the meal, calls of "who needs another glass of wine?" and "anybody want to go for a walk to the river?").
Here's a picture that Mike & Krystal (thanks for sharing!) got on their camera of the whole clan just prior to our leaving on Sunday....note that Tyler is slumped over in his dad's (Don's) arms, because he got a terrible migraine on the last day...poor kid! He's better now but he was in rough shape on Sunday.
Here's the Surface3 in the Brunner's Lodge hot tub, followed by a great shot of Barb and two of her boys (Matthew and Tyler) in the hot tub:
Here's Tessa & Caleb playing air hockey together!
On the last day (Sunday) we went to a roadside fruit stand with the Dahls senior and junior that has expanded for the season to have a petting zoo with farm animals, a "cow train ride" (a tractor pulling cars made of oil cans and painted like cows, but the kids acted like it was Disneyland they had so much fun), and Caleb and Tessa frolicked and laughed and had a great time.
I had highs and lows over the weekend for my own health - Saturday is always my hardest day, and this was no exception. I held in there, though, and I'm SO glad that I went. I am extremely grateful that I am from a family that sticks together in good times and bad, enjoys each others' company, and is willing to cram into a cabin for the joy of one another's company. I hope that next year 100% of us will be there. :-)
Then, when we got back, it was nearly Halloween! Tessa was delighted that Halloween had arrived at last. While Tessa napped, I made two soups (salmon chowder and chunky chicken soup) for the potluck dinner with neighbors, and then Ryan and I carved our pumpkins. Tessa woke up to toasted pumpkin seeds, and knew that the fun was truly beginning when we put the candles out in the pumpkin. Three neighbor families came by for dinner, and Tessa the Tiger delighted in playing with Noah the Cow, Daven the Owl, and Elena the Ballerina Princess. After dinner, we all went out trick-or-treating together (fortunately there was a break in the VERY rainy, miserable weather) and I think that the kids were the hit of the neighborhood. We let Tessa keep a little candy, but we put the rest of it away to give to the doctor's office and Tessa traded it for a hobby horse - our little cowgirl is more in love with horses with each passing day, and she finds this a fair trade. (She'll get one mini chocolate bar per day for five days, and to her that's a lot, so I think she wins on every level.)
Tessa the Tiger:
Four beautiful children, but only the owl (Daven) would look at the camera!:
After Tessa got out of her tiger costume (she was hot!) she wanted the two of us to wear butterfly wings, so we put them on. Here is a picture which I love for my darling daughter, hate for my bloated body....and (drum roll please) which, if you look with a microscope ;-) you can see that my bald head is covered with dark "duck fuzz" hair! Yes, my hair is growing, and though it's only about 3mm long, it is, indeed, a start. I'm told it will not start to thicken until I've completed chemo, but SOMETHING is better than nothing, even if it's hardly anything!
Then, on Tuesday, the highlight of the day was going to the Pump it Up class. Ryan got a day to himself, and Tessa and I went to join Auntie Krystal, Uncle Mike, Caleb, and Josh at the Pump it Up Session, and then Grandpa joined for a while too to see all the fun. Pump it up is an indoor "Arena" just off 405 on 116th in Kirkland, and for $6/kid ($5 each if there are siblings) you get to go with your child into a series of inflated jumping houses. Some are set up like obstacle courses, some are giant slides, some are circular so the kids can run in circles, and there are about 10 or 15 of them total, so the kids just run from one to the other, laughing and giggling and burning off energy. A lot of them require close parental supervision, so I too had to remove my shoes and chase Tessa up and down slides etc....and I must say, I felt a certain amount of pride for keeping up with the chaos, given my chemo-state! (I believe I was the only bald mother there. ;-) ) We will return to this activity, because Tessa just loved it, and it's a great opportunity for her to bond with Caleb, too. (She already adores him, and I love the fact that the cousins have a close relationship. One day baby Josh will be chasing after them, too, of course, but until now he is a happy observer, getting kisses when the kids stop by to check in on him.)
After Pump it Up we went to have lunch with Grammy and the rest of the gang at Grammy & Grandpa's house (thank you!), and then Grammy, Tessa, and I went for our first training walk together. I'm extremely hopeful that my mom will join me on the 3 Day Walk, and she is considering it, so we went down to the club together and walked the track. For the first 1/10 of a mile, Tessa walked with us (carrying her unicorn pony Rose the entire time). For the next 4/10 of a mile, I carried her. Because of the lymphedema risks, I can not carry her in my left arm, so after 4/10 of a mile my right arm was desperately calling for a break, and we called my dad in to watch Tessa while my mom finished up walking in a mile. A mile isn't much, but it's a start (and with Tessa there it's all we could manage). We will bring the jogging stroller next time and so Tessa can hang out with us (we'll bring books and toys, too!).
My friend Michele is hoping that her mom might join the walk with us, too, and that the four of us (Michele, myself, and two moms) will be able to train together occassionally. I like that idea. :-)
Tuesday night, Tessa spend the night at Grammy & Grandpa's, and had her usual wonderful time in doing so. The sleepovers have become more frequent, and are enjoyed by all.
Wednesday, while Tessa played with Grammy & Grandpa (swimming, dance class - she's a star! - time playing with Foster-puppy, and so much more...no wonder Tessa loves her time with Grammy and Grandpa so much, because they treat her like a princess and she has so much fun) I spent the morning doing a few chores, and then going shopping with Michele & Elliott. Unfortunately, I have gained enough weight that some of my clothes have been uncomfortably tight, and so I needed a few long sleeved T-shirts and basic everyday items (ugh...**** chemo/decadron!). Shopping with Michele was fun, though (despite the reason for my need to shop!), and we enjoyed Starbucks (thanks, Shele!), tons of Elliott's smiles, and chatting away.
And then, of course, after my morning, it was time for chemo. I don't dread it the way you might think any more - it goes reasonably easy for me - but chemo is, well, chemo, and I don't look forward to it, either.
I had an interesting conversation with my oncologist about what to do with my ovaries. Up until now, I've believed that they MUST come out and SOON. Well, after further discussion with Dr. Rinn, we may hold off on that. Because I am BRCA- , we don't have reason to suspect that I'm at higher risk for ovarian cancer the way that we would if I were BRCA+. Dr. Rinn has suggested that my body could use time to heal from chemo and radiation, and that there is no rush to do anything as drastic as removing body parts just yet (enough of that is being done anyway!). The alternative is to take Lupron shots, which will keep my body in menopause after I come out of chemo. (This is desireable because I have a cancer that is ER+ - in other words, it feeds on estrogen, and I have a very high score in this category; it's critical that I keep all estrogen out of my body in order to starve the cancer. Shutting down the ovaries shuts down estrogen production.) If I tolerate the Lupron shots well, and work with oncologists to make sure that I don't have any signs of ovarian cancer, I might be able to go for quite some time with my ovaries still in my body. One thought that I have is that when I do reconstruction, and I'm all torn up anyway, I could just take the ovaries out then (we'll see if the docs think that this is too much). In any case, this is new fuel for thought. I will see a gynecological oncologist to help make this decision after I finish radiation. I would like to treat myself as BRCA+ because of my family history and because science understands that they have not yet located all of the possible genetic mutations for breast cancer (they've found two but strongly suspect that there are others) and so I would much prefer to be cautious. It is a fine line between being aggressive (good!) and doing overkill (bad!) in my treatment. I've been really aggressive up until now, and that helps me to sleep at night, but I don't want to do overkill. More research must be done on this subject.
I also discussed the issue of my nausea - which is rather unexpected on this particular chemo regimin, but is very real for me - with my oncologist. She is pretty certain that it is acid reflux from the Decadron (I get so much!) more than a side effect of chemo, and has prescribed Ranitidine to fight it. That would be a nice, simple fix and today I'll start the Ranitidine to hope it works. That might also help with my weight gain...I feel like I need to eat all the time or be really sick, and maybe the Ranitidine will take away the nausea so I don't need to eat comfort food constantly.
Chemo was uneventful this week, which is excellent. My port doesn't cause me any problems, I haven't had any more reactions to the Taxol (thanks to the Decadron, which I otherwise curse...but it IS a good drug), and the nurses are kind. My parents brought Tessa home, and I was glad to wrap my arms around her and welcome her back...it's nice to take a parenting break but I do love my girl and it was even better to have her home with us again.
I will be seeing a physical therapist next week for the minor lymphedema in my hand. It hasn't gone away, and we want to prevent it from getting worse... It's a minor complication as yet, but a complication none-the-less.
Tessa's nose started dripping yesterday, so we'll see if we're on for preschool today. I really hope she's fully healthy....!
Only a few more days until Susan from Boston comes to town, and Gretchen visits, too. I can't wait! My "breast cancer friends" have become "friends" and I can't wait to see them and to enjoy their company.
That, I believe, fully catches all of you up. Sending you my love!
Kristina
Friday, October 28, 2005
Brunner's Lodge!
This morning we're getting ready to leave for Brunner's Lodge in Leavenworth, and we can't wait. The entire Dahl clan (20+ of us) are meeting there for fun and laughter, and I can't wait to see everyone and to enjoy the fun of watching the kids play together. I won't be updating the blog while I'm gone, but you may be certain that we will be having a good time! I'll be home Sunday.
I still feel pretty good after my last chemo, although I'm expecting the Saturday crash that usually occurs. I can live with this...I'll be surrounded by family, in great surroundings, and it's nothing that sleep can't fix.
I am also very excited to report that I'm receiving emails from friends who are seriously considering joining us on the 3 Day Walk this summer. Perhaps when I get home I'll see that others have signed up on our team webpage... (hint, hint). :-)
Must run - lots of packing to finish before we head out the door. Love to all!
Kristina
I still feel pretty good after my last chemo, although I'm expecting the Saturday crash that usually occurs. I can live with this...I'll be surrounded by family, in great surroundings, and it's nothing that sleep can't fix.
I am also very excited to report that I'm receiving emails from friends who are seriously considering joining us on the 3 Day Walk this summer. Perhaps when I get home I'll see that others have signed up on our team webpage... (hint, hint). :-)
Must run - lots of packing to finish before we head out the door. Love to all!
Kristina
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
9 down, 7 to go
I'm home from a "good" chemo session, and all is well. Lori, Michele, and I brainstormed for a couple of hours about how to fundraise for the 3 Day Walk (more than just hitting up our friends and family for donations, and reaching into the larger community), and it felt good to do such a thing. I enjoy their company immensely, and it was a fun girlfriend afternoon despite the setting.
Lymphedema: No worries right now. The swelling is minor, and it doesn't have any hot spots, so the nurse is not concerned. I'll elevate it when possible, and that should do the trick for now. Fingers crossed....
Love,
K
Lymphedema: No worries right now. The swelling is minor, and it doesn't have any hot spots, so the nurse is not concerned. I'll elevate it when possible, and that should do the trick for now. Fingers crossed....
Love,
K
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Survivors and lymphedema questions
Today, on two seperate occassions, women approached me and said, "Are you in chemo for breast cancer?" and then shared that they are survivors; coincidentally, each of them is five years out. The both took my hand, looked into my eyes, and said, "You can do this." Truly, it was inspiring - they were both vibrant, smiling women with full heads of hair, and it was incredible to feel their strength and to watch the sparkle in their eyes as they shared their victory with me. I am so grateful to these strangers for sharing their hope with me - thank you, whoever you are, ladies!
I have more serious concerns about lymphedema today. I can no longer see the veins on the back of my left hand, and my knuckles on that hand are poorly defined. Crap. I have a call in to the doctor to see what must be done; it seems that waiting another day isn't such a good idea any more. Hopefully it's just a minor infection ("cellulitis" I think it's called) that can be completely cured with antibiotics...but I will not panic until I am given reason to do so! THANK YOU to Gretchen for giving me some "real world" things to look for so that I knew to follow up.
Insertion here: I just got a call from the nurse at my oncologist's office. She said they'll take a look at me tomorrow, as the next 24 hours won't make a difference. I'm concerned, but we'll just have to see how it goes.
Today has been a full mommy day. I have vowed that on Mondays and Tuesdays, my "best" chemo cycle days, that I will do the maximum possible with and for Tessa, since on the other days I am so comparably low energy, and since I'm so crabby and tired in the evenings especially. (Picture me lying in bed, flipping through bad TV channels, unable to sleep, and telling Tessa "Go find Daddy!" in a grouchy voice, starting between 5pm and 7pm most days. UGH. This is not my best vision of myself, but there it is.) Anyway, today we took Tessa and her friend Derek to the zoo, and we had a marvelous time. Both kids were fabulous, and loved one another's company... as well as the excitement of the zoo, of course. Afterwards, the four of us went to Red Mill Burgers and treated ourselves to really good burgers... decadent, unhealthy, but oh so tasty! It was a great morning, and a good time was had by all.
Tessa didn't nap, which is par for the course these days. At 3:30 we'll head to PEPS, and then we've been invited to dinner at the Huycke's, which we are really looking forward to. A lovely day.
Tomorrow is number 9 of 16. My mom is taking Tessa, and Ryan is getting a chance to go for a bike ride and do some things on his own; Michele (who is using precious time while her MIL takes care of Elliott) is going to take me to chemo, where we will meet Lori (who is using precious vacation time to attend chemo with me), and the three of us will talk about fundraising options for the 3 Day Walk. I hope that tomorrow will be uneventful in terms of the chemo itself, and that despite the clinical setting, I will be able to fully enjoy the company of my girlfriends.
Love to all,
Kristina
I have more serious concerns about lymphedema today. I can no longer see the veins on the back of my left hand, and my knuckles on that hand are poorly defined. Crap. I have a call in to the doctor to see what must be done; it seems that waiting another day isn't such a good idea any more. Hopefully it's just a minor infection ("cellulitis" I think it's called) that can be completely cured with antibiotics...but I will not panic until I am given reason to do so! THANK YOU to Gretchen for giving me some "real world" things to look for so that I knew to follow up.
Insertion here: I just got a call from the nurse at my oncologist's office. She said they'll take a look at me tomorrow, as the next 24 hours won't make a difference. I'm concerned, but we'll just have to see how it goes.
Today has been a full mommy day. I have vowed that on Mondays and Tuesdays, my "best" chemo cycle days, that I will do the maximum possible with and for Tessa, since on the other days I am so comparably low energy, and since I'm so crabby and tired in the evenings especially. (Picture me lying in bed, flipping through bad TV channels, unable to sleep, and telling Tessa "Go find Daddy!" in a grouchy voice, starting between 5pm and 7pm most days. UGH. This is not my best vision of myself, but there it is.) Anyway, today we took Tessa and her friend Derek to the zoo, and we had a marvelous time. Both kids were fabulous, and loved one another's company... as well as the excitement of the zoo, of course. Afterwards, the four of us went to Red Mill Burgers and treated ourselves to really good burgers... decadent, unhealthy, but oh so tasty! It was a great morning, and a good time was had by all.
Tessa didn't nap, which is par for the course these days. At 3:30 we'll head to PEPS, and then we've been invited to dinner at the Huycke's, which we are really looking forward to. A lovely day.
Tomorrow is number 9 of 16. My mom is taking Tessa, and Ryan is getting a chance to go for a bike ride and do some things on his own; Michele (who is using precious time while her MIL takes care of Elliott) is going to take me to chemo, where we will meet Lori (who is using precious vacation time to attend chemo with me), and the three of us will talk about fundraising options for the 3 Day Walk. I hope that tomorrow will be uneventful in terms of the chemo itself, and that despite the clinical setting, I will be able to fully enjoy the company of my girlfriends.
Love to all,
Kristina
Monday, October 24, 2005
Autumn days
Today, as I near the end of the chemo cycle, I'm relatively (for my "new" me) energetic, but feeling nauseated. What's with that? I also have a very minor cut on my left hand (the surgery side) and I am worried about swelling in my arm (a possible sign of lymphedema , which is always a risk for mastectomy patients). Hopefully the careful washing of this minor cut, plus Neosporin and a Bandaid, will prevent any problems... but I have my eye on it. It's hard to tell if my swelling is of concern, since ALL of me is swollen from the steroids. Nothing is the end of the world right now, but these things concern me, of course.
On to happier thoughts...
My 3 Day Walk team is amazing, and has already begun fundraising. Susan will join us, as well, and other friends have expressed an interest. The more the merrier - please, sign up! We are going to try to come up with some creative ways to fundraise, and we will let you know how things go. I feel like some of the negative energy I've received from the whole breast cancer diagnosis can be channeled into something more positive with this walk, and I am delighted at the good that is already coming out of it.
Tessa and I had a good morning, and I feel I've given her more of the attention that she deserves today. This morning, Natasha, Derek, and baby Paloma came over for a playdate, and then Tessa and I ran errands together; now, Tessa is having a little quiet time and then we will go to visit Kathleen and Elena for a playdate at their house.
The date that my friend *susan* will visit from Boston ever approaches, and I'm thrilled. *susan*, Gretchen, and I will be able to talk in person, and to share each others' lives, and this is something to treasure. I am very fortunate to have met these two amazing women, who inspire me every day, and remind me that breast cancer does not define any of us.
Because people have requested it, here are a couple pictures. Tessa and cousin Caleb had an amazing time visiting the pumpkin patch a week or so ago; then, this weekend, Ryan (with the help of brother Steve - thank you!) raked leaves and allowed Tessa to cavort and wade in them, and we got some pictures of that, too. Beautiful autumn days are for enjoying, and that's what we've been doing.
Tessa and Caleb holding hands:
Tessa in our leaf pile:
On to happier thoughts...
My 3 Day Walk team is amazing, and has already begun fundraising. Susan will join us, as well, and other friends have expressed an interest. The more the merrier - please, sign up! We are going to try to come up with some creative ways to fundraise, and we will let you know how things go. I feel like some of the negative energy I've received from the whole breast cancer diagnosis can be channeled into something more positive with this walk, and I am delighted at the good that is already coming out of it.
Tessa and I had a good morning, and I feel I've given her more of the attention that she deserves today. This morning, Natasha, Derek, and baby Paloma came over for a playdate, and then Tessa and I ran errands together; now, Tessa is having a little quiet time and then we will go to visit Kathleen and Elena for a playdate at their house.
The date that my friend *susan* will visit from Boston ever approaches, and I'm thrilled. *susan*, Gretchen, and I will be able to talk in person, and to share each others' lives, and this is something to treasure. I am very fortunate to have met these two amazing women, who inspire me every day, and remind me that breast cancer does not define any of us.
Because people have requested it, here are a couple pictures. Tessa and cousin Caleb had an amazing time visiting the pumpkin patch a week or so ago; then, this weekend, Ryan (with the help of brother Steve - thank you!) raked leaves and allowed Tessa to cavort and wade in them, and we got some pictures of that, too. Beautiful autumn days are for enjoying, and that's what we've been doing.
Tessa and Caleb holding hands:
Tessa in our leaf pile:
Friday, October 21, 2005
The beginning of something big
Today I signed up to walk the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It will take place next August, and like the title says, it's a 3 day walk, covering 20 miles a day (60 total), all in the name of breast cancer fundraising. I am blessed to walk on a team - my friend Lori is captaining the team, and Michele has already signed up too, and I hope that others will sign up to walk with us as well.
This FEELS big to me. Right now, I couldn't walk three miles without being tired for days (wait...I'm tired for days anyway....LOL!) and 60 miles seems like a huge challenge. It also feels like an exciting goal, though. I will be done with chemo in December, and radiation in February, and from there I hope to get stronger and stronger and stronger. There are great studies out about how exercise positively impacts breast cancer patients, and this will keep me motivated to keep going. It's actually very exciting to think of completing such a walk, as it seems very symbollic of healing.
This is big on another level, too: I am going to do some serious fighting back against breast cancer. It is unacceptable that one in eight women will be diagnosed with this horrible disease. I look around at my friends, family, and especially beloved Tessa, and I find the "one in eight" number entirely unacceptable. Something must be done, and *I* must do it. I am not a doctor or a medical research expert, but I can fundraise, so that is where I will focus my efforts. I want to put my heart and soul into this, and make a big difference.
There is a link to the right on this page, newly updated, to my fundraising page. Stay tuned for more details! The actual event isn't until August 2006, but as of today, I've paid my entry fee, and I'm committed. I hope that you'll think about joining me, either in walking and fundraising, or by donating.
Love,
Kristina
This FEELS big to me. Right now, I couldn't walk three miles without being tired for days (wait...I'm tired for days anyway....LOL!) and 60 miles seems like a huge challenge. It also feels like an exciting goal, though. I will be done with chemo in December, and radiation in February, and from there I hope to get stronger and stronger and stronger. There are great studies out about how exercise positively impacts breast cancer patients, and this will keep me motivated to keep going. It's actually very exciting to think of completing such a walk, as it seems very symbollic of healing.
This is big on another level, too: I am going to do some serious fighting back against breast cancer. It is unacceptable that one in eight women will be diagnosed with this horrible disease. I look around at my friends, family, and especially beloved Tessa, and I find the "one in eight" number entirely unacceptable. Something must be done, and *I* must do it. I am not a doctor or a medical research expert, but I can fundraise, so that is where I will focus my efforts. I want to put my heart and soul into this, and make a big difference.
There is a link to the right on this page, newly updated, to my fundraising page. Stay tuned for more details! The actual event isn't until August 2006, but as of today, I've paid my entry fee, and I'm committed. I hope that you'll think about joining me, either in walking and fundraising, or by donating.
Love,
Kristina
Thursday, October 20, 2005
A burst of energy
Today I have been much more energized than in the past few weeks. As a result, my house looks better than it has in a long time - I've vacuumed, scrubbed the bathroom tile, washed and put away laundry, scrubbed the kitchen sink, and done lots of other, similar chores that I'd been putting off for too long. Ryan took Tessa to preschool and afterwards they went to Starbucks together, so I had the morning mostly to myself, and it felt good to be productive. This afternoon, I'm shooing Ryan out the door to have some time for himself (much needed and deserved, and I know he welcomes it) and Susie & Nina are coming over for a playdate.
I know that I hit bottom a couple of weeks ago, and things looked very bleak to me, but things are definitely improving. I am glad I didn't stay down long, and I'm working hard at trying to find the light and optimism that I know exists. I - we - intend to come out of this stronger than ever.
I know that by the evening I will be exhausted again - this is inevitable - but that's okay. I will take energy where I can find it!
Love,
Kristina
I know that I hit bottom a couple of weeks ago, and things looked very bleak to me, but things are definitely improving. I am glad I didn't stay down long, and I'm working hard at trying to find the light and optimism that I know exists. I - we - intend to come out of this stronger than ever.
I know that by the evening I will be exhausted again - this is inevitable - but that's okay. I will take energy where I can find it!
Love,
Kristina
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
8 chemo down, 8 to go
I am home from chemo, and no matter how you look at it now I'm half way done. I've been in chemo since July 27 (12 weeks + one "rest" week when I was sick) and I will be done December 14 if things stay on track (8 more weeks) so I'm over the numbers hump AND the time hump.
My doctor is pleased how I'm doing. I asked if it was possible to lower the Decadron dosage since I'm doing so well with Taxol (no more allergic reactions) but the fear is that I might have another allergic reaction if we lower the Decadron (steroid), so it stays where it's at. Of course this is the right thing to do but also unfortunate as I'm bloated (can't wear my rings or bracelets - my watch may be next to go) and it interferes with my sleep...but these things are better than the alternative, and now that I've explored that alternative with a doctor I truly trust I will stop wondering about it.
I am more tired than ever before - the "cumulative effect" is really catching up with me. It's not something I can just push through at this point - at the end of the day I'm crabby and impatient because I'm just so tired I can't think. In this sense, it is very fortunate that Ryan is home with me, because he's REALLY helping to pick up extra time with Tessa to allow me to vege out as I need to. The doctor says that this is what I must do - it's no time to play at being strong when I don't feel that way - and reminds me that this is tempory. Being more than half way done does help me with this perspective...it wasn't that long ago that I couldn't imagine having completed 8 rounds of chemo, but I've done it, and I know I can do 8 more. I'm cutting back on everything - less caring for Tessa, less housework (Ryan is picking up slack with both of these things), and also less time at the computer, blogging or doing email, etc.
Things are better than they were last week...calmer. Ryan and I are adjusting to the new routine of having him at home, and there is (once again) room for optimism and hope. Phew.
Good night!
Love,
Kristina
My doctor is pleased how I'm doing. I asked if it was possible to lower the Decadron dosage since I'm doing so well with Taxol (no more allergic reactions) but the fear is that I might have another allergic reaction if we lower the Decadron (steroid), so it stays where it's at. Of course this is the right thing to do but also unfortunate as I'm bloated (can't wear my rings or bracelets - my watch may be next to go) and it interferes with my sleep...but these things are better than the alternative, and now that I've explored that alternative with a doctor I truly trust I will stop wondering about it.
I am more tired than ever before - the "cumulative effect" is really catching up with me. It's not something I can just push through at this point - at the end of the day I'm crabby and impatient because I'm just so tired I can't think. In this sense, it is very fortunate that Ryan is home with me, because he's REALLY helping to pick up extra time with Tessa to allow me to vege out as I need to. The doctor says that this is what I must do - it's no time to play at being strong when I don't feel that way - and reminds me that this is tempory. Being more than half way done does help me with this perspective...it wasn't that long ago that I couldn't imagine having completed 8 rounds of chemo, but I've done it, and I know I can do 8 more. I'm cutting back on everything - less caring for Tessa, less housework (Ryan is picking up slack with both of these things), and also less time at the computer, blogging or doing email, etc.
Things are better than they were last week...calmer. Ryan and I are adjusting to the new routine of having him at home, and there is (once again) room for optimism and hope. Phew.
Good night!
Love,
Kristina
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Still trying to make sense of things
Well, it's Tuesday, and I'm still trying to make sense of things. Ryan has been off for a week, and we are doing okay but have certainly not found our groove. We're both in individual therapy and are waiting for an appt with the marriage therapist. We're working hard on sorting things out.
I have been on antibiotics for a while (done with them now) and my cold is diminished to occassional coughs, and lots of nose blowing. This is a major improvement, and I expect to be on track for chemo tomorrow.
The thing about all of this is that it is just so tiring. I really wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better. The cumulative effects of the chemo are catching up with me in terms of fatigue, and I think because of that it's harder for me to stay caught up with even simple things.
I feel like if I could just get one uninterrupted night of sleep (no insomnia), and really focus on what needs to be done, maybe I could make some inroads, but instead, I'm operating in a fog.
In the middle of this fog, there are bright spots. PEPS is coming over today to hang out, and there are play dates planned, and things are in the works to utilize the Ummelina Spa gift certificate that I received this summer. Last night Ryan planned a date for us, and we had a nice dinner. One day at a time.
Oh, and since I mentioned it here - despite the flexibility and quick money, I have decided that this is not the right time for me to work. I think that when I've got my head screwed on straight it would be an excellent opportunity, and I may do it then, but right now I just need to focus on the day to day and the healing that needs to occur. I only have enough energy for that right now, unfortunately, and I'm going to take my body's cues.
I hope everyone else is enjoying this foggy day - fall is here!
Kristina
I have been on antibiotics for a while (done with them now) and my cold is diminished to occassional coughs, and lots of nose blowing. This is a major improvement, and I expect to be on track for chemo tomorrow.
The thing about all of this is that it is just so tiring. I really wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better. The cumulative effects of the chemo are catching up with me in terms of fatigue, and I think because of that it's harder for me to stay caught up with even simple things.
I feel like if I could just get one uninterrupted night of sleep (no insomnia), and really focus on what needs to be done, maybe I could make some inroads, but instead, I'm operating in a fog.
In the middle of this fog, there are bright spots. PEPS is coming over today to hang out, and there are play dates planned, and things are in the works to utilize the Ummelina Spa gift certificate that I received this summer. Last night Ryan planned a date for us, and we had a nice dinner. One day at a time.
Oh, and since I mentioned it here - despite the flexibility and quick money, I have decided that this is not the right time for me to work. I think that when I've got my head screwed on straight it would be an excellent opportunity, and I may do it then, but right now I just need to focus on the day to day and the healing that needs to occur. I only have enough energy for that right now, unfortunately, and I'm going to take my body's cues.
I hope everyone else is enjoying this foggy day - fall is here!
Kristina
Friday, October 14, 2005
Trying to sort it all out
Yesterday I went to my first therapy session; today Ryan is at his second therapy session; next week we have our first marriage counseling session. Three therapists for a family seems a little excessive, but there you have it. We have some big issues to work through, and we are not too proud to get help.
Ryan has officially started short term disability (3 months) for his depression. This is unpaid leave, but maintains our benefits. We are relying on the assistance of my parents to get us through this time financially, and are indebted to them for their kindness.
I may have an opportunity (I know only about the position through Michele, I haven't yet followed up) to do some grading for the Bellevue School District. This may be an ideal way to bring in some money - it's $20 an hour, I can do it from home, the hours are flexible, and I can work as much or little as I please. I'm not sure if there are still positions open but I will follow up soon. My thought is that I would do 10 hours a week, and then evaluate from there.
Tessa is still sick with her cold. She has coughed all night, so today I'll put in a call to the doctor to see what we can do for her. She's sleeping now (very late for her) because she was so fitful last night...poor girl.
Kristina
Ryan has officially started short term disability (3 months) for his depression. This is unpaid leave, but maintains our benefits. We are relying on the assistance of my parents to get us through this time financially, and are indebted to them for their kindness.
I may have an opportunity (I know only about the position through Michele, I haven't yet followed up) to do some grading for the Bellevue School District. This may be an ideal way to bring in some money - it's $20 an hour, I can do it from home, the hours are flexible, and I can work as much or little as I please. I'm not sure if there are still positions open but I will follow up soon. My thought is that I would do 10 hours a week, and then evaluate from there.
Tessa is still sick with her cold. She has coughed all night, so today I'll put in a call to the doctor to see what we can do for her. She's sleeping now (very late for her) because she was so fitful last night...poor girl.
Kristina
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Breast Cancer Loss
Ronne's Blog
When I was first diagnosed, the first breast cancer survivor to reach out to me was a woman named Ronne who also frequented a parenting online site that I frequently visited. She gave me questions to ask my doctors, encouraged me, and offered a listening ear. She was strong, brave, courageous, and eager to do whatever it took to fight this thing. She had a good attitude, excellent support, and good medical care.
Within the past day or so (I don't yet know details) she has passed away. Her breast cancer metastasized, and there was nothing more to be done than to keep her comfortable and to help her to pass peacefully. She leaves behind a loving husband, a toddler daughter, and countless other people who loved her.
This is sometimes the reality of breast cancer. I pray that it is not my reality. Ronne's cancer is not my cancer, and her death does not predict my own, but it's another hit, closer to home, about what it is that I'm fighting for. As Ronne said to me, "Please keep in mind that my story is not a typical one. I was diagnosed
late and was already stage IIIB by the time the docs figured it out. Early
stage breast cancer is very treatable and you are very likely going to be
ok, but the next year or so will be challenging for you and your family. I
wish you all the best." It's not just about bodily mutilation and horrific treatment plans...there are worse things than that. Ronne had to experience the worst of it. (To my stage IIIB friends....Ronne's end was not typical either - she's in a malpractice suit for some of the early treatment she received. My stage III friends are to grow old alongside me!!!!)
Ronne, may you rest in peace. Your life touched mine, and I am grateful to you. God Bless.
Please send Ronne's family an extra thought and prayer today,
Kristina
When I was first diagnosed, the first breast cancer survivor to reach out to me was a woman named Ronne who also frequented a parenting online site that I frequently visited. She gave me questions to ask my doctors, encouraged me, and offered a listening ear. She was strong, brave, courageous, and eager to do whatever it took to fight this thing. She had a good attitude, excellent support, and good medical care.
Within the past day or so (I don't yet know details) she has passed away. Her breast cancer metastasized, and there was nothing more to be done than to keep her comfortable and to help her to pass peacefully. She leaves behind a loving husband, a toddler daughter, and countless other people who loved her.
This is sometimes the reality of breast cancer. I pray that it is not my reality. Ronne's cancer is not my cancer, and her death does not predict my own, but it's another hit, closer to home, about what it is that I'm fighting for. As Ronne said to me, "Please keep in mind that my story is not a typical one. I was diagnosed
late and was already stage IIIB by the time the docs figured it out. Early
stage breast cancer is very treatable and you are very likely going to be
ok, but the next year or so will be challenging for you and your family. I
wish you all the best." It's not just about bodily mutilation and horrific treatment plans...there are worse things than that. Ronne had to experience the worst of it. (To my stage IIIB friends....Ronne's end was not typical either - she's in a malpractice suit for some of the early treatment she received. My stage III friends are to grow old alongside me!!!!)
Ronne, may you rest in peace. Your life touched mine, and I am grateful to you. God Bless.
Please send Ronne's family an extra thought and prayer today,
Kristina
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
7 down, 9 to go
Today's chemo was uneventful (other than the fact that it ran late...again). I now have an antibiotic for my cold (which has led to some sinus infection type symtoms), but I was allowed to continue chemo, which is a good thing. I'm down to single digits for the number remaining, and there is something be said for that. Also, time-wise, assuming that I don't miss any more sessions, I'm half way through now...so I'm on the downhill. Phew.
Kristina
Kristina
Chemo today
I am scheduled to meet with the oncologist at 2:30, and to begin chemo at 3:30. I am hoping that my blood counts are high enough for me to attend chemo this week - my cold is particularly nasty and it hasn't disappeared yet. I'll update the results when I know them.
Kristina
Kristina
Monday, October 10, 2005
Radiation
I met with a radiation oncologist this morning. It is official; I will have seven weeks of radiation starting on Jan. 2. Though I'm officially in a "gray zone" for deciding if I will have radiation, the fact that I had 10 cm of DCIS with only a 2mm margin at the chest wall, combined with 2-3 primary IDC tumors, makes my risk of recurrance higher at the chest wall. The radiation oncologist and I agree that radiation is the way to fight this.
The road seems never ending, but I'm confident that I'm making the right decision. If a tumor occurs in the chest wall, there is an 80% chance of metastasis. I owe it to myself to fight that possibility to the best of my ability.
I will be eligible for reconstruction 6 months after the end of radiation, so I hope to plan a DIEP reconstruction, along with a prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction on the other side, next summer (August) or early fall. I am not eligible for implants after this radiation, so that decides that. (I was leaning toward DIEP anyway, and this decides it.)
Kristina
The road seems never ending, but I'm confident that I'm making the right decision. If a tumor occurs in the chest wall, there is an 80% chance of metastasis. I owe it to myself to fight that possibility to the best of my ability.
I will be eligible for reconstruction 6 months after the end of radiation, so I hope to plan a DIEP reconstruction, along with a prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction on the other side, next summer (August) or early fall. I am not eligible for implants after this radiation, so that decides that. (I was leaning toward DIEP anyway, and this decides it.)
Kristina
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Colds and fevers
Yesterday, since the first time I can remember, I stayed in bed all day. I had feverish feelings followed by chills (but the fever never went over 99.7 degrees), a headache that was like a vice, a sore throat, coughing, insomnia, and the runniest and most congested nose I can ever remember having. The fatigue with all of this...yuck.
Today it feels slightly better. I'm going to get in the shower and go about my day, which will be an improvement over yesterday.
The doctor on call told me to just watch the fever and take care of myself, so that is what I'm doing.
Kristina
Today it feels slightly better. I'm going to get in the shower and go about my day, which will be an improvement over yesterday.
The doctor on call told me to just watch the fever and take care of myself, so that is what I'm doing.
Kristina
Friday, October 07, 2005
CT Scan Results
I got a message from my oncologist that the CT scan looks the same as the one in June, and that she's not concerned. She will review it with me when I go in on Wednesday for chemo.
I have a really bad cold. I'm hoping it goes away in time to be better for the next round of chemo so my counts are high and I don't have to miss any more chemo weeks and bump the finish date out further.
My bottom lashes are almost gone, and half of each eyebrow is almost gone. My appearance is changing again.
Thank you to all of you for your love and support - it has been overwhelming, in a good way, in the past day. As I said, I will continue to update medical/physical stuff here, and I appreciate your love and prayers for both that and our personal problems.
Love,
Kristina
I have a really bad cold. I'm hoping it goes away in time to be better for the next round of chemo so my counts are high and I don't have to miss any more chemo weeks and bump the finish date out further.
My bottom lashes are almost gone, and half of each eyebrow is almost gone. My appearance is changing again.
Thank you to all of you for your love and support - it has been overwhelming, in a good way, in the past day. As I said, I will continue to update medical/physical stuff here, and I appreciate your love and prayers for both that and our personal problems.
Love,
Kristina
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