My friends Holly & Michele are on the same wavelength about some of the things I've been thinking about, and sent me "Story of Stuff" which is an internet video discussing how things are created and consumed. Not only does the "Story of Stuff" discuss the massive problems being created by "stuff" and our consumerist society, but it also offers solutions on the website.
Take a look at:
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
And then poke around the website for more info.
For me, the most thought provoking part of the video was actually something not contained in the video itself, but on the website. I knew and agreed with the general philosophies being presented in the video, so it wasn't new to me (though the approach is inventive and fresh), but the list of things that I personally can do to change the cycle is of particular interest. That's what I'm copying and pasting below...take a look.
By the way, I'm doing many of these things. We recycle (even with a worm bin for kitchen scraps). We eat primarily organic. We don't use pesticides in our yard. We only have one car. We use energy efficient lightbulbs.
But there is a long, long way to go. I have a lot to learn.
-------------
Another Way
Many people who have seen The Story of Stuff have asked what they can do to address the problems identified in the film.
Each of us can promote sustainability and justice at multiple levels: as an individual, as a teacher or parent, a community member, a national citizen, and as a global citizen. As Annie says in the film, “the good thing about such an all pervasive problem is that there are so many points of intervention.” That means that there are lots and lots of places to plug in, to get involved, and to make a difference. There is no single simple thing to do, because the set of problems we’re addressing just isn’t simple. But everyone can make a difference, but the bigger your action the bigger the difference you’ll make. Here are some ideas:
10 Little and Big Things You Can Do
Power down! A great deal of the resources we use and the waste we create is in the energy we consume. Look for opportunities in your life to significantly reduce energy use: drive less, fly less, turn off lights, buy local seasonal food (food takes energy to grow, package, store and transport), wear a sweater instead of turning up the heat, use a clothesline instead of a dryer, vacation closer to home, buy used or borrow things before buying new, recycle. All these things save energy and save you money. And, if you can switch to alternative energy by supporting a company that sells green energy to the grid or by installing solar panels on your home, bravo!
Waste less. Per capita waste production in the U.S. just keeps growing. There are hundreds of opportunities each day to nurture a Zero Waste culture in your home, school, workplace, church, community. This takes developing new habits which soon become second nature. Use both sides of the paper, carry your own mugs and shopping bags, get printer cartridges refilled instead of replaced, compost food scraps, avoid bottled water and other over packaged products, upgrade computers rather than buying new ones, repair and mend rather than replace….the list is endless! The more we visibly engage in re-use over wasting, the more we cultivate a new cultural norm, or actually, reclaim an old one!
Talk to everyone about these issues. At school, your neighbors, in line at the supermarket, on the bus…A student once asked Cesar Chavez how he organized. He said, “First, I talk to one person. Then I talk to another person.” “No,” said the student, “how do you organize?” Chavez answered, “First I talk to one person. Then I talk to another person.” You get the point. Talking about these issues raises awareness, builds community and can inspire others to action.
Make Your Voice Heard. Write letters to the editor and submit articles to local press. In the last two years, and especially with Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize, the media has been forced to write about Climate Change. As individuals, we can influence the media to better represent other important issues as well. Letters to the editor are a great way to help newspaper readers make connections they might not make without your help. Also local papers are often willing to print book and film reviews, interviews and articles by community members. Let’s get the issues we care about in the news.
DeTox your body, DeTox your home, and DeTox the Economy. Many of today’s consumer products – from children’s pajamas to lipstick – contain toxic chemical additives that simply aren’t necessary. Research online (for example, http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/) before you buy to be sure you’re not inadvertently introducing toxics into your home and body. Then tell your friends about toxics in consumer products. Together, ask the businesses why they’re using toxic chemicals without any warning labels. And ask your elected officials why they are permitting this practice. The European Union has adopted strong policies that require toxics to be removed from many products. So, while our electronic gadgets and cosmetics have toxics in them, people in Europe can buy the same things toxics-free. Let’s demand the same thing here. Getting the toxics out of production at the source is the best way to ensure they don’t get into any home and body.
Unplug (the TV and internet) and Plug In (the community). The average person in the U.S. watches T.V. over 4 hours a day. Four hours per day filled with messages about stuff we should buy. That is four hours a day that could be spent with family, friends and in our community. On-line activism is a good start, but spending time in face-to-face civic or community activities strengthens the community and many studies show that a stronger community is a source of social and logistical support, greater security and happiness. A strong community is also critical to having a strong, active democracy.
Park your car and walk…and when necessary MARCH! Car-centric land use policies and life styles lead to more greenhouse gas emissions, fossil fuel extraction, conversion of agricultural and wildlands to roads and parking lots. Driving less and walking more is good for the climate, the planet, your health, and your wallet. But sometimes we don’t have an option to leave the car home because of inadequate bike lanes or public transportation options. Then, we may need to march, to join with others to demand sustainable transportation options. Throughout U.S. history, peaceful non-violent marches have played a powerful role in raising awareness about issues, mobilizing people, and sending messages to decision makers.
Change your lightbulbs…and then, change your paradigm. Changing lightbulbs is quick and easy. Energy efficient lightbulbs use 75% less energy and last 10 times longer than conventional ones. That’s a no-brainer. But changing lightbulbs is just tinkering at the margins of a fundamentally flawed system unless we also change our paradigm. A paradigm is a collection of assumptions, concepts, beliefs and values that together make up a community’s way of viewing reality. Our current paradigm dictates that more stuff is better, that infinite economic growth is desirable and possible, and that pollution is the price of progress. To really turn things around, we need to nurture a different paradigm based on the values of sustainability, justice, health, and community.
Recycle your trash…and, recycle your elected officials. Recycling saves energy and reduces both waste and the pressure to harvest and mine new stuff. Unfortunately, many cities still don’t have adequate recycling systems in place. In that case you can usually find some recycling options in the phone book to start recycling while you’re pressuring your local government to support recycling city-wide. Also, many products – for example, most electronics - are designed not to be recycled or contain toxics so recycling is hazardous. In these cases, we need to lobby government to prohibit toxics in consumer products and to enact Extended Producer Responsibility (EPR) laws, as is happening in Europe. EPR is a policy which holds producers responsible for the entire lifecycle of their products, so that electronics company who use toxics in their products, have to take them back. That is a great incentive for them to get the toxics out!
Buy Green, Buy Fair, Buy Local, Buy Used, and most importantly, Buy Less. Shopping is not the solution to the environmental problems we currently face because the real changes we need just aren’t for sale in even the greenest shop. But, when we do shop, we should ensure our dollars support businesses that protect the environment and worker rights. Look beyond vague claims on packages like “all natural” to find hard facts. Is it organic? Is it free of super-toxic PVC plastic? When you can, buy local products from local stores, which keeps more of our hard earned money in the community. Buying used items keeps them out of the trash and avoids the upstream waste created during extraction and production. But, buying less may be the best option of all. Less pollution. Less Waste. Less time working to pay for the stuff. Sometimes, less really is more.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
thinking
I am spending more than a usual amount of time thinking these days.
I feel a need to be quieter than usual. I still love my friends and family, of course, but I just need to do some good thinking.
I'm thinking about life changes. Small things related to food, spending, the house; bigger things like how I spend my time (my most precious resource). All of it is really about thinking through my values.
I believe that one of the reasons I've been out of synch is that I'm out of synch with my own values. I forget what is important to me, and things spiral downhill. Interesting idea, anyway.
But this recent spiral was part me and part medication. I am very grateful to have a basic understanding of what is normal and what is not so that even though my mind was going nuts and my emotions were running out of control, a part of me remained sane enough to know "this isn't right" and "seek help!" A call to the therapist, an adjustment in meds, has been helpful. It's a week I don't particularly want to relive, I promise you that.
Trying to get back to a more even keel.
And now, back to my book. Kingsolver is very interesting to me; her older work (short stories, fiction) was interesting but not earth shattering. "The Poisonwood Bible" was an incredible work, in my opinion, a truly fine book. Her autobiographical, scientific exploration and cultural study of food in her most recent book is fascinating.
The other reading I'm doing right now (besides Mary Oliver, The Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn, and Pema Chodron, in addition to The Daily Word and Shambahla Sun magazines) is "Little House in the Big Woods," which is the Laura Ingalls Wilder book (the first of the series). My Aunt Ann & Uncle Bill gave it to me one year when I was little, and I still remember how much I loved it. My mom and dad gave Tessa the series for her birthday, and we have begun reading it (and discussing the idea of life without electricity, girls in long dresses, butchering one's own meat, growing one's own food, living far from a town or neighbors....) together. It brings back great childhood memories for me, and it also creates interesting discussion with Tessa and I.
What is most interesting, perhaps, is the intersection of "Animal, Mineral, Vegetable" and "Little House in the Big Woods." They are not, perhaps, so different, despite the different centuries/millenia in which they were written. They are both food focused. They are both about finding happiness with family. They are both about the natural growth cycles of nature, the weather, crops, families. Laura Ingalls Wilder grew up in synch with the world around her; she ate what was in season. Kingsolver is attempting to do the same.
I've been thinking about applying this to my own life. Could I really do it? Would I want to? It seems easy to give up fresh strawberries in winter (frankly, they don't taste that good anyway....a fresh strawberry off the vine in the summer and a wintertime Costco strawberry taste like they're from different planets, let alone different seasons) but could I give up fresh mango?
I believe in the slow food movement. I believe in the local food movement. I believe in organic food. I believe that it is ridiculous that as a planet we manufacture far more food than we can consume, and yet millions of people starve. Chemicals are not food, and people in Seattle aren't meant to eat fresh pineapple....and so the cost is real (fuel, pesticides, etc).
But what am I to do about it? Hmmm.
I am thinking of starting a very small, unambitious vegetable garden this summer.
I also read in the "Little House" book that winter squash and onions were stored in the attic for the winter. We have an attic which is unheated but accessable; maybe we could do this. Could I figure out a kind of "root cellar" to store fresh food? In this way, could I buy from the farmer's market (I said I would plant a "very small" garden, not enough to feed my family for a winter!) and then eat it all winter?
Would my family agree to this? Would they think that it was insane to give up cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers for the winter?
Would I actually consider canning? Canned tomatoes taste excellent; I've never developed a taste for canned fruit. But I did make jam last eyar; maybe we could do more this year?
I'm not giving up coffee. I'm NOT. Don't ask. It's too much. Hey, I had cancer. Gimme a break. A girl needs her coffee. (Not wants. Needs.)
I'm looking at my carbon footprint. I'm looking at the way that I pollute the earth, and my own body. I'm looking at my values.
I've considered only buying used items for a year, except perishables and things like TP, soap, etc. I have "enough", I'm sure (closets full of things, cupboards bursting....), but could I do it?
I want to figure out my place in the world. I want to be able to sleep at night knowing that I am giving the best of myself to myself, to my family, to the world.
I can't even remember to bring my commuter mug to the coffee shop so I don't use a paper cup. Can I really make these big decisions and live by them?
No promises. Just ideas.
But I am certain that my depression is in part because I am out of synch. I need to look at the big stuff. This is only a little piece of it, a tiny corner of my mind.
And now, really, off to read. I hope to sleep well so that Tessa and I can visit my mom tomorrow and enjoy the day with her. Ryan comes home tomorrow night, too.
That's all.
I feel a need to be quieter than usual. I still love my friends and family, of course, but I just need to do some good thinking.
I'm thinking about life changes. Small things related to food, spending, the house; bigger things like how I spend my time (my most precious resource). All of it is really about thinking through my values.
I believe that one of the reasons I've been out of synch is that I'm out of synch with my own values. I forget what is important to me, and things spiral downhill. Interesting idea, anyway.
But this recent spiral was part me and part medication. I am very grateful to have a basic understanding of what is normal and what is not so that even though my mind was going nuts and my emotions were running out of control, a part of me remained sane enough to know "this isn't right" and "seek help!" A call to the therapist, an adjustment in meds, has been helpful. It's a week I don't particularly want to relive, I promise you that.
Trying to get back to a more even keel.
And now, back to my book. Kingsolver is very interesting to me; her older work (short stories, fiction) was interesting but not earth shattering. "The Poisonwood Bible" was an incredible work, in my opinion, a truly fine book. Her autobiographical, scientific exploration and cultural study of food in her most recent book is fascinating.
The other reading I'm doing right now (besides Mary Oliver, The Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn, and Pema Chodron, in addition to The Daily Word and Shambahla Sun magazines) is "Little House in the Big Woods," which is the Laura Ingalls Wilder book (the first of the series). My Aunt Ann & Uncle Bill gave it to me one year when I was little, and I still remember how much I loved it. My mom and dad gave Tessa the series for her birthday, and we have begun reading it (and discussing the idea of life without electricity, girls in long dresses, butchering one's own meat, growing one's own food, living far from a town or neighbors....) together. It brings back great childhood memories for me, and it also creates interesting discussion with Tessa and I.
What is most interesting, perhaps, is the intersection of "Animal, Mineral, Vegetable" and "Little House in the Big Woods." They are not, perhaps, so different, despite the different centuries/millenia in which they were written. They are both food focused. They are both about finding happiness with family. They are both about the natural growth cycles of nature, the weather, crops, families. Laura Ingalls Wilder grew up in synch with the world around her; she ate what was in season. Kingsolver is attempting to do the same.
I've been thinking about applying this to my own life. Could I really do it? Would I want to? It seems easy to give up fresh strawberries in winter (frankly, they don't taste that good anyway....a fresh strawberry off the vine in the summer and a wintertime Costco strawberry taste like they're from different planets, let alone different seasons) but could I give up fresh mango?
I believe in the slow food movement. I believe in the local food movement. I believe in organic food. I believe that it is ridiculous that as a planet we manufacture far more food than we can consume, and yet millions of people starve. Chemicals are not food, and people in Seattle aren't meant to eat fresh pineapple....and so the cost is real (fuel, pesticides, etc).
But what am I to do about it? Hmmm.
I am thinking of starting a very small, unambitious vegetable garden this summer.
I also read in the "Little House" book that winter squash and onions were stored in the attic for the winter. We have an attic which is unheated but accessable; maybe we could do this. Could I figure out a kind of "root cellar" to store fresh food? In this way, could I buy from the farmer's market (I said I would plant a "very small" garden, not enough to feed my family for a winter!) and then eat it all winter?
Would my family agree to this? Would they think that it was insane to give up cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers for the winter?
Would I actually consider canning? Canned tomatoes taste excellent; I've never developed a taste for canned fruit. But I did make jam last eyar; maybe we could do more this year?
I'm not giving up coffee. I'm NOT. Don't ask. It's too much. Hey, I had cancer. Gimme a break. A girl needs her coffee. (Not wants. Needs.)
I'm looking at my carbon footprint. I'm looking at the way that I pollute the earth, and my own body. I'm looking at my values.
I've considered only buying used items for a year, except perishables and things like TP, soap, etc. I have "enough", I'm sure (closets full of things, cupboards bursting....), but could I do it?
I want to figure out my place in the world. I want to be able to sleep at night knowing that I am giving the best of myself to myself, to my family, to the world.
I can't even remember to bring my commuter mug to the coffee shop so I don't use a paper cup. Can I really make these big decisions and live by them?
No promises. Just ideas.
But I am certain that my depression is in part because I am out of synch. I need to look at the big stuff. This is only a little piece of it, a tiny corner of my mind.
And now, really, off to read. I hope to sleep well so that Tessa and I can visit my mom tomorrow and enjoy the day with her. Ryan comes home tomorrow night, too.
That's all.
improving
Tessa slept well, and woke up happy. She's playing with Anna, which is her idea of nirvana, and the girls are excited just to be together.
I barely slept at all - at 2am I actually turned the light on and read my book ("Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" by Barbara Kingsolver) for an hour or more before sleeping restlessly. Ugh - I'm tired, and not sure how to fix that dilemma.
However, I'm not sick, and nor is Tessa, and this is a major improvement.
And I'm re-entering life. Time to return phone calls, to cook, to write thank you cards, to walk the dog....
I barely slept at all - at 2am I actually turned the light on and read my book ("Animal, Vegetable, Mineral" by Barbara Kingsolver) for an hour or more before sleeping restlessly. Ugh - I'm tired, and not sure how to fix that dilemma.
However, I'm not sick, and nor is Tessa, and this is a major improvement.
And I'm re-entering life. Time to return phone calls, to cook, to write thank you cards, to walk the dog....
Monday, February 11, 2008
looking up
Okay, my nausea has subsided, and Tessa's mood is excellent. I've just tucked her into bed, and she appears full of energy this evening. She ate regularly (thank you so much, Michele, for the delicious posole), and she's ready for preschool tomorrow.
I hope to sleep well - alone, no child! - tonight and wake up feeling refreshed...
I hope to sleep well - alone, no child! - tonight and wake up feeling refreshed...
uh oh
Nausea.
Please let this be psychosomatic. (Did I spell that right?) The rest of my head is messed up, so maybe this, too?
Tessa appears to be feeling well....
Fingers crossed.
Please let this be psychosomatic. (Did I spell that right?) The rest of my head is messed up, so maybe this, too?
Tessa appears to be feeling well....
Fingers crossed.
The corner?
Tessa may have turned a corner.
She's ravenous - I made her a cheese sandwich and mac and cheese for lunch at her request - and she hasn't had any further nausea or pain since this morning. She hasn't eaten her giant lunch (just a 1/4 sandwich and a few bites of pasta) but this is still a big improvement. She's back to tormenting the cat (the cat may have been wishing that she was feeling less well), she's had a bath and washed her hair, and she's asking for playdates ("NO!").
The real test will be at about 2pm when the Motrin wears off...
She's ravenous - I made her a cheese sandwich and mac and cheese for lunch at her request - and she hasn't had any further nausea or pain since this morning. She hasn't eaten her giant lunch (just a 1/4 sandwich and a few bites of pasta) but this is still a big improvement. She's back to tormenting the cat (the cat may have been wishing that she was feeling less well), she's had a bath and washed her hair, and she's asking for playdates ("NO!").
The real test will be at about 2pm when the Motrin wears off...
Embarrassed
My phone has been ringing off the hook for a week.
And I haven't answered it.
My mood has been bleak, irrational, grumpy, short-tempered, frightened...and embarassed by all of these things.
It's not "normal" to feel this way. It's not nice of me to hide away from people who care about me.
Please understand, I'm trying to work through it. I can't explain it, myself. I'm trying to figure out my own head.
And I haven't answered it.
My mood has been bleak, irrational, grumpy, short-tempered, frightened...and embarassed by all of these things.
It's not "normal" to feel this way. It's not nice of me to hide away from people who care about me.
Please understand, I'm trying to work through it. I can't explain it, myself. I'm trying to figure out my own head.
Monday
It was a long night...Tessa is having trouble sleeping these days, so she climbed into my bed and tossed and turned with me. Right on schedule, at midnight, her children's Motrin wore off, her fever climbed, and she felt awful. I think I actually slept between about 4am and 7am but the rest of the night was long.
Some of the restlessness was mine, not Tessa's. I've been having sleeping issues for months (years? I've lost track....but it's a post-diagnosis thing) and had resorted to taking Ambien CR at night, but of course I don't want to do that when I'm caring for Tessa; I need a clear head for her, and the other night she was up and crying and Ryan cared for her and I didn't even notice because the Ambien kept me sleeping. I didn't want to risk that with Ryan out of town. Anyway, I lay in bed tossing and turning myself. (The only good news? I read "The Constant Princess" in its entirety; it's one of the Phillapa Gregory series about the women of the court of King Henry VIII. Not as good as "The Other Boleyn Girl" but a good distraction anyway.)
But this morning, Tessa is playing ponies, singing to herself, and seemingly content. Her sweet voice is music to my ears; she appears to be feeling much better at this moment. She did have another Motrin this morning (she was hot, then cold, and she said her bones ached) but either it's working or she is starting to feel better.
On a totally different note...
A few days ago I watched Oprah (rather unusual for me) and it had an anti-clutter guy who has just published a book called "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?" Despite the silly title, I liked his premise: we clutter in lots of ways, and head, heart, home, and hips are all connected. Sometimes we walk in to a home with clutter, and our heads feel overwhelmed, we get sad, and we eat to avoid. It's pretty simple, but logical to me.
Anyway, it inspired me to do some decluttering in our home. It has been therapeutic; I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like thinking, and I don't know what TO do when I'm not caring for Tessa, so I started decluttering. The office was the first line of attack, as it's the worst part of our house, and it had gotten to the point where it wasn't functional. It's an ugly room (no carpet because of the flood, mismatched stuff, in need of paint, used to be a kitchen for the MIL suite, and the clutter-collector of our house), but it didn't need to be that ugly. I still haven't done the filing, but it's a billion times better.
I decluttered the top of the fridge. I decluttered my closet. I decluttered my dresser. I even decluttered some toys in the playroom (Tessa hasn't noticed yet; I think that this is a sign that she didn't care about those toys).
I want to get rid of some stuff. The theory is that too much stuff weighs one down. The declutter guy (Peter? I can't remember) said that clutter falls into two categories: "I might need it one day" and "memorabilia." In looking around our house, I think I'm relatively good with the memorabilia (I'm comfortable with it, in any case) but the "might need it" category is ridiculous.
Case in point: an old ski jacket. I got it when we lived in Bellingham, and it wasn't perfect when I got it. The style is outdated (duh), it's not best quality, and it's a size large. And yet....I kept holding on to it, thinking, well, I might need it some day, or we'll have a guest who needs it. Obviously that's ridiculous: I don't think I'd worn it in 8 years. It's clutter. It's in perfect shape, barely worn, but it's not useful. (It's gone now.)
There's also the consumerism component of all of this. The clutter buys into the "more is better" philosophy of Americans, and I'm (pardon the pun) not buying it.
My friend Jenny lived in Scotland for a time (hi Jenny) and has shared some of the European ideas about stuff (things) with me, and I have spent some time thinking about them. She said that having shabby, hand-me-down things in Scotland was a sign of class and sometimes of wealth. The thing is, the shabby things belonged to the upper class.
This bears some thinking.
I like it.
Hand me down things, of quality, speak of heritage. It speaks of understanding value. It's anti-consumerist. Things made to last; things meant to be handed down; things meant to stand the test of time...these are signs of wealth. Not the newest thing. Not the latest color.
My living room is like this; Grandpa Goddard's beautiful bookcase (our wedding gift); G.G.'s piano; Aunt Grace's dining room table and chair's; Mom & Dad S.'s sideboard.
My family room, downstairs, is old, but not quality....it's more garage-sale than anything else. I don't think that the philosophy is about having ugly things, it's about recognizing that quality things transcend trends and don't need replacing all the time. My family room needs work (although it's perfect for little kids jumping around, and it IS comfortable) and that's okay; my philosophy isn't to just take whatever, it's to recognize "enough".
So, in part of my pro-environment, pro-pocketbook, pro-spiritual quest, I'm trying to remember all of this. I'm trying to remember that the clutter IS making my butt look fat (ha), and that we have enough. That I do not need to collect bits of this and that just in case. That, like writing, the editing is more important than just about anything else. (Not that there is any editing here, but that's another problem to tackle another day.)
These are random thoughts, distracting me from the problems of the day. Today I'll tackle a new corner of clutter (there are always more) while Tessa rests.
Some of the restlessness was mine, not Tessa's. I've been having sleeping issues for months (years? I've lost track....but it's a post-diagnosis thing) and had resorted to taking Ambien CR at night, but of course I don't want to do that when I'm caring for Tessa; I need a clear head for her, and the other night she was up and crying and Ryan cared for her and I didn't even notice because the Ambien kept me sleeping. I didn't want to risk that with Ryan out of town. Anyway, I lay in bed tossing and turning myself. (The only good news? I read "The Constant Princess" in its entirety; it's one of the Phillapa Gregory series about the women of the court of King Henry VIII. Not as good as "The Other Boleyn Girl" but a good distraction anyway.)
But this morning, Tessa is playing ponies, singing to herself, and seemingly content. Her sweet voice is music to my ears; she appears to be feeling much better at this moment. She did have another Motrin this morning (she was hot, then cold, and she said her bones ached) but either it's working or she is starting to feel better.
On a totally different note...
A few days ago I watched Oprah (rather unusual for me) and it had an anti-clutter guy who has just published a book called "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?" Despite the silly title, I liked his premise: we clutter in lots of ways, and head, heart, home, and hips are all connected. Sometimes we walk in to a home with clutter, and our heads feel overwhelmed, we get sad, and we eat to avoid. It's pretty simple, but logical to me.
Anyway, it inspired me to do some decluttering in our home. It has been therapeutic; I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like thinking, and I don't know what TO do when I'm not caring for Tessa, so I started decluttering. The office was the first line of attack, as it's the worst part of our house, and it had gotten to the point where it wasn't functional. It's an ugly room (no carpet because of the flood, mismatched stuff, in need of paint, used to be a kitchen for the MIL suite, and the clutter-collector of our house), but it didn't need to be that ugly. I still haven't done the filing, but it's a billion times better.
I decluttered the top of the fridge. I decluttered my closet. I decluttered my dresser. I even decluttered some toys in the playroom (Tessa hasn't noticed yet; I think that this is a sign that she didn't care about those toys).
I want to get rid of some stuff. The theory is that too much stuff weighs one down. The declutter guy (Peter? I can't remember) said that clutter falls into two categories: "I might need it one day" and "memorabilia." In looking around our house, I think I'm relatively good with the memorabilia (I'm comfortable with it, in any case) but the "might need it" category is ridiculous.
Case in point: an old ski jacket. I got it when we lived in Bellingham, and it wasn't perfect when I got it. The style is outdated (duh), it's not best quality, and it's a size large. And yet....I kept holding on to it, thinking, well, I might need it some day, or we'll have a guest who needs it. Obviously that's ridiculous: I don't think I'd worn it in 8 years. It's clutter. It's in perfect shape, barely worn, but it's not useful. (It's gone now.)
There's also the consumerism component of all of this. The clutter buys into the "more is better" philosophy of Americans, and I'm (pardon the pun) not buying it.
My friend Jenny lived in Scotland for a time (hi Jenny) and has shared some of the European ideas about stuff (things) with me, and I have spent some time thinking about them. She said that having shabby, hand-me-down things in Scotland was a sign of class and sometimes of wealth. The thing is, the shabby things belonged to the upper class.
This bears some thinking.
I like it.
Hand me down things, of quality, speak of heritage. It speaks of understanding value. It's anti-consumerist. Things made to last; things meant to be handed down; things meant to stand the test of time...these are signs of wealth. Not the newest thing. Not the latest color.
My living room is like this; Grandpa Goddard's beautiful bookcase (our wedding gift); G.G.'s piano; Aunt Grace's dining room table and chair's; Mom & Dad S.'s sideboard.
My family room, downstairs, is old, but not quality....it's more garage-sale than anything else. I don't think that the philosophy is about having ugly things, it's about recognizing that quality things transcend trends and don't need replacing all the time. My family room needs work (although it's perfect for little kids jumping around, and it IS comfortable) and that's okay; my philosophy isn't to just take whatever, it's to recognize "enough".
So, in part of my pro-environment, pro-pocketbook, pro-spiritual quest, I'm trying to remember all of this. I'm trying to remember that the clutter IS making my butt look fat (ha), and that we have enough. That I do not need to collect bits of this and that just in case. That, like writing, the editing is more important than just about anything else. (Not that there is any editing here, but that's another problem to tackle another day.)
These are random thoughts, distracting me from the problems of the day. Today I'll tackle a new corner of clutter (there are always more) while Tessa rests.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sunday update
It's been a quiet day. The good part of the quiet involved snuggling with Tessa, reading stories, and playing Play-Doh. The not-so-great part involved Tessa throwing up some more, fever, chills, lethargy.
Fortunately, I'm not nauseaus, and my headache has stayed at a dull roar.
Ryan called, safe on the east coast. He's had a long day, too, but I think this time I'd be happy to trade places.
It looks like we're going to have another quiet day tomorrow. I'd be hapyp if that form of quiet didn't involve any vomit. (Please.)
Fortunately, I'm not nauseaus, and my headache has stayed at a dull roar.
Ryan called, safe on the east coast. He's had a long day, too, but I think this time I'd be happy to trade places.
It looks like we're going to have another quiet day tomorrow. I'd be hapyp if that form of quiet didn't involve any vomit. (Please.)
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Triple sick
1. Detergent allergy.
...morphed into...
2. Upper respiratory bug (minor cold with post-nasal drip, sniffles, irritated throat with small cough)
...and now added...
3. Bug with throwing up and fever.
This morning Tessa was at 100.6. We gave her Motrin and her fever seemed to come down and her energy came up. We showed up for our 2:50 doctor's appt and Tessa christened the bushes (yuck) outside the lobby...thank goodness we made it back outside. In the doctor's office, her fever was 101.8 or something like that.
Apparently the vomiting lasts about a day in most kids; the fever lasts about 3 days. The vomiting is usually followed by diarrhea for a couple of days.
This is not improving my mood, needless to say. Fortunately, my mama instincts are strong, and I can put aside my own grumpiness for the sake of my daughter.
Ryan leaves at 6am tomorrow for the airport, returning late Wednesday night. (Business trip.)
Let's hope I don't get this. Let's hope Ryan doesn't get it on his trip. Let's hope I don't totally lose my mind dealing with it.
And our apologies to Anna, Kelton & Camille. According to the doc, Tessa was probably contagious starting yesterday, and Beth & Heather took care of Tessa at various times yesterday.
Please wish me luck with all of this...
...morphed into...
2. Upper respiratory bug (minor cold with post-nasal drip, sniffles, irritated throat with small cough)
...and now added...
3. Bug with throwing up and fever.
This morning Tessa was at 100.6. We gave her Motrin and her fever seemed to come down and her energy came up. We showed up for our 2:50 doctor's appt and Tessa christened the bushes (yuck) outside the lobby...thank goodness we made it back outside. In the doctor's office, her fever was 101.8 or something like that.
Apparently the vomiting lasts about a day in most kids; the fever lasts about 3 days. The vomiting is usually followed by diarrhea for a couple of days.
This is not improving my mood, needless to say. Fortunately, my mama instincts are strong, and I can put aside my own grumpiness for the sake of my daughter.
Ryan leaves at 6am tomorrow for the airport, returning late Wednesday night. (Business trip.)
Let's hope I don't get this. Let's hope Ryan doesn't get it on his trip. Let's hope I don't totally lose my mind dealing with it.
And our apologies to Anna, Kelton & Camille. According to the doc, Tessa was probably contagious starting yesterday, and Beth & Heather took care of Tessa at various times yesterday.
Please wish me luck with all of this...
Health updates
I'm still plodding along. I'm doing all of the "right" things to get my head in shape, and I'm paying close attention to my symptoms etc. I'll get through it.
Tessa has developed an illness. This morning she awoke with a fever (100.6, but I'm more concerned about symptoms for a week leading up to this). We have a doctor's appointment at 2:40 today at the children's clinic in West Seattle.
My mom is hanging in there, and discovering how tedious and difficult bedrest can be.
Ryan leaves for a business trip tomorrow, returning late Wednesday.
We will miss Nina's birthday party today. Happy birthday, Nina.
Tessa has developed an illness. This morning she awoke with a fever (100.6, but I'm more concerned about symptoms for a week leading up to this). We have a doctor's appointment at 2:40 today at the children's clinic in West Seattle.
My mom is hanging in there, and discovering how tedious and difficult bedrest can be.
Ryan leaves for a business trip tomorrow, returning late Wednesday.
We will miss Nina's birthday party today. Happy birthday, Nina.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Another day
I am slogging through it. I will get through it, but the path doesn't seem very clear. Ugh!
I took the old (smaller) dosage of Lexapro last night. The therapist pointed to some studies that show higher doses cause racing thoughts, etc. in some patients, particularly younger patients (teenagers). I'm no teenager but there is a correlation to my increased dosage and my crazy thoughts.
I just want to get past this. I want to be my usual, happy self. NOW. I don't even know myself when I feel like this.
I took the old (smaller) dosage of Lexapro last night. The therapist pointed to some studies that show higher doses cause racing thoughts, etc. in some patients, particularly younger patients (teenagers). I'm no teenager but there is a correlation to my increased dosage and my crazy thoughts.
I just want to get past this. I want to be my usual, happy self. NOW. I don't even know myself when I feel like this.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Meds gone wrong
For some people, anti-depressants have an opposite effect.
I spoke on the phone to my therapist, and she fears that this may be happening to me. I'm cutting my dosage in half to see if this helps. Counterintuitive, perhaps, but I'm game for almost anything.
I spoke on the phone to my therapist, and she fears that this may be happening to me. I'm cutting my dosage in half to see if this helps. Counterintuitive, perhaps, but I'm game for almost anything.
Thursday
My mood is bleak. If I snap at you, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to get in to my therapist to figure out what's going on: is it meds gone wrong, or I have I finally gone crazy?
My mom is coming home from the hospital today. Love you, Mom.
My mom is coming home from the hospital today. Love you, Mom.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Arghhh
I feel depression sweeping over me.
WHAT IS WITH THAT?
It's scary. It's strange. I can intellectualize it, but I can not seem to overcome it.
I doubled my Lexapro dosage last week, and I'm hoping it helps. But I don't like this one bit.
WHAT IS WITH THAT?
It's scary. It's strange. I can intellectualize it, but I can not seem to overcome it.
I doubled my Lexapro dosage last week, and I'm hoping it helps. But I don't like this one bit.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Mom's okay!
We spent the evening with my parents. We were able to see my mom as she was being wheeled out of recovery, and we spent a couple of hours with her.
My mom looks fabulous. It was hard to believe that she had just been on an operating room table for a couple of hours! We had a nice chat. :-)
I love you, Mom. I'm there for you - see you tomorrow!
My mom looks fabulous. It was hard to believe that she had just been on an operating room table for a couple of hours! We had a nice chat. :-)
I love you, Mom. I'm there for you - see you tomorrow!
New Culprit: Laundry Detergent
News update on Tessa's "dust allergy."
The stuffed animals were NOT the culprit!
At gymnastics today, as I got Tessa into her outfit, I noticed red bumps on her belly, and realized that she had hives. She said that they itched, and I couldn't figure it out...
Until I realized. The other change was laundry detergent! We switched brands (temporarily, I promise!) and Tessa is having a reaction.
Last night, Tessa was wearing some warm, fleecy PJs, and in the middle of the night Ryan switched her into some lighter cotton ones because she was pulling at her PJs and Ryan thought she might be hot. After that, Tessa slept much better. The cotton PJs hadn't been washed in the new detergent, but the others had.
When I thought that the problem was dust, I washed Tessa's favorite stuffed animals...in the new detergent. After gymnastics, I handed her a (slightly damp) Bear so that she could possibly start sleeping in the car. Her reaction? Instant coughing and a sneeze or two.
I have no doubt that it's the detergent. It's amazing to me that it can cause such a reaction!
Tonight we stopped at Trader Joe's to get new detergent. Our usual TJs detergent wasn't available....let's hope that the liquid version is the same chemical content as our usual powder, because I don't want to go through this again.
Needless to say, I'm sick of laundry. I've washed Tessa's sheets and stuffed animals twice today, and now need to go through her closet and re-wash things...
The stuffed animals were NOT the culprit!
At gymnastics today, as I got Tessa into her outfit, I noticed red bumps on her belly, and realized that she had hives. She said that they itched, and I couldn't figure it out...
Until I realized. The other change was laundry detergent! We switched brands (temporarily, I promise!) and Tessa is having a reaction.
Last night, Tessa was wearing some warm, fleecy PJs, and in the middle of the night Ryan switched her into some lighter cotton ones because she was pulling at her PJs and Ryan thought she might be hot. After that, Tessa slept much better. The cotton PJs hadn't been washed in the new detergent, but the others had.
When I thought that the problem was dust, I washed Tessa's favorite stuffed animals...in the new detergent. After gymnastics, I handed her a (slightly damp) Bear so that she could possibly start sleeping in the car. Her reaction? Instant coughing and a sneeze or two.
I have no doubt that it's the detergent. It's amazing to me that it can cause such a reaction!
Tonight we stopped at Trader Joe's to get new detergent. Our usual TJs detergent wasn't available....let's hope that the liquid version is the same chemical content as our usual powder, because I don't want to go through this again.
Needless to say, I'm sick of laundry. I've washed Tessa's sheets and stuffed animals twice today, and now need to go through her closet and re-wash things...
Prayers for Mom
In about an hour, my mom will be admitted to the hospital to have a knee replacement surgery. We will be praying that the surgery goes well, that her pain is manageable....and that this is the solution to resolve her knee problems and get her up and going in her "usual" self.
Mom, I love you. We are looking forward to supporting you. We are there for you!
My mother has waited for me to do countless surgeries (okay, 11 - 3 sinus ones in my teens and early twenties; 8 breast cancer related ones recently). She has prayed for me, stood by me, taken care of me. Now, it's my turn to care for her. I'm looking through cookbooks for perfect meals to bring, making cards with Tessa, and getting ready to mother my mother.
It is with gratitude in my heart that I do this. I am so lucky to have my mom, and to have her support. I'm glad to show her with my actions how I feel about her.
Please include my mom in your prayers, and throw in some prayers for my dad, too, as he's understandably concerned for his beloved wife.
Mom, I love you. We are looking forward to supporting you. We are there for you!
My mother has waited for me to do countless surgeries (okay, 11 - 3 sinus ones in my teens and early twenties; 8 breast cancer related ones recently). She has prayed for me, stood by me, taken care of me. Now, it's my turn to care for her. I'm looking through cookbooks for perfect meals to bring, making cards with Tessa, and getting ready to mother my mother.
It is with gratitude in my heart that I do this. I am so lucky to have my mom, and to have her support. I'm glad to show her with my actions how I feel about her.
Please include my mom in your prayers, and throw in some prayers for my dad, too, as he's understandably concerned for his beloved wife.
Ah HA!
Two nights ago, Tessa coughed through the night....a light, dry cough, but it lasted all night. We thought "uh oh" and canceled all activities....and she seemed fine all day yesterday, so we thought we'd over-reacted.
Last night, Tessa coughed more violently ALL night. She cried, tossed and turned, and we brought her into our bed to monitor her and comfort her. It was a rough night for the whole family, and I started to be very concerned about poor Tessa.
Then, this morning, she's her chipper self. (Four cups of coffee, and I'm still not fully awake, but that's another story.)
I called the nurses' line at the clinic, totally confused by this turn of events.
The nurse asked all the usual questions: Fever? No. Croup/barking cough? No. Pain? No, only in the throat from coughing.
Then, the new question: Anything new in her room? Any new possible dust source? Ummmm, no. Any new stuffed animals?
YES! We got a couple of hand-me-down darling stuffed animals from a friend who had outgrown them, and she loves them, and started sleeping with them. BINGO! That's it!
Phew. What a relief. All of said stuffed animals are being washed, along with Blanket and Bear, and all bedding. We hope for a quiet night tonight.
Last night, Tessa coughed more violently ALL night. She cried, tossed and turned, and we brought her into our bed to monitor her and comfort her. It was a rough night for the whole family, and I started to be very concerned about poor Tessa.
Then, this morning, she's her chipper self. (Four cups of coffee, and I'm still not fully awake, but that's another story.)
I called the nurses' line at the clinic, totally confused by this turn of events.
The nurse asked all the usual questions: Fever? No. Croup/barking cough? No. Pain? No, only in the throat from coughing.
Then, the new question: Anything new in her room? Any new possible dust source? Ummmm, no. Any new stuffed animals?
YES! We got a couple of hand-me-down darling stuffed animals from a friend who had outgrown them, and she loves them, and started sleeping with them. BINGO! That's it!
Phew. What a relief. All of said stuffed animals are being washed, along with Blanket and Bear, and all bedding. We hope for a quiet night tonight.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Quiet Sunday
Yesterday, at the end of the day, Tessa got unusually quiet, complained of achiness and an earache, and fell asleep before dinner as she sat on my lap. Uh-oh - a sleepy girl is a sure sign of illness.
She coughed lightly through the night, and she's been sneezing. Another cold has arrived, it seems. We're keeping the tissue box close at hand.
She's in good spirits this morning, but we are having a quiet day. Ryan went to church because it was our turn to bring refreshments and one of us needed to be there; it made sense for Ryan to attend because he'll be on a business trip next week and will need to miss out. I'm always sad to miss the service, because I find it so calming, but there will be lots of opportunities to attend.
This morning I find myself humming hymns to myself, so it feels like I'm present at WSUU even though I'm here.
Tessa and I have been working on lettering and counting this morning, sitting at the kitchen table together. G.G. gave Tessa a great book with wipe-clean pages and markers, and Tessa has been practicing counting and writing her numbers. I'm glad that she is at last expressing an interest in counting - like her Mama she's much more interested in words than numbers, but there is room for balance.
A quiet day. Time for puzzles, stories, and maybe even an episode of Clifford.
Tonight I hope to attend the yoga class at the YMCA - that will be some good centering time.
She coughed lightly through the night, and she's been sneezing. Another cold has arrived, it seems. We're keeping the tissue box close at hand.
She's in good spirits this morning, but we are having a quiet day. Ryan went to church because it was our turn to bring refreshments and one of us needed to be there; it made sense for Ryan to attend because he'll be on a business trip next week and will need to miss out. I'm always sad to miss the service, because I find it so calming, but there will be lots of opportunities to attend.
This morning I find myself humming hymns to myself, so it feels like I'm present at WSUU even though I'm here.
Tessa and I have been working on lettering and counting this morning, sitting at the kitchen table together. G.G. gave Tessa a great book with wipe-clean pages and markers, and Tessa has been practicing counting and writing her numbers. I'm glad that she is at last expressing an interest in counting - like her Mama she's much more interested in words than numbers, but there is room for balance.
A quiet day. Time for puzzles, stories, and maybe even an episode of Clifford.
Tonight I hope to attend the yoga class at the YMCA - that will be some good centering time.
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