I picked up the book at the library today. I am more and more serious in my contemplation of this idea.
I went to Target today to return something, and managed to walk through the store without buying anything: not one impulse purchase. But it did cross my mind that I would do better if I didn't GO to Target. There's always something there that is just a bargain and so cute and maybe I could use it and....wait a minute. Before I saw that item, whatever it was, I had no need for it. So why do I need it now? I don't. But when I see things I want them.
I have started throwing away all catalogs that come to the door. When I look at Pottery Barn I become convinced that my things are the wrong color, that I need something different, that my room would be so much more comfortable if I just had an X. Again, things that I wouldn't notice until I saw the catalog.
I'm also letting my magazine subscriptions run out. I enjoy the articles, but I'm tired of being told that I need 30 Top Make-up Products, that the new clothing color is gray and that it's replacing black (let's face it, black is black and black is cool.....other colors come and go, but black is here to stay, and I bet that the same writers of that article are still wearing black), that my purse is all wrong...you get the picture. Sometimes, when I get dressed up, I feel cute. And then I read a magazine and learn that I am not cute. Where exactly is the advantage, here? And isn't beauty beautiful from one year to the next?
I have four sets of wine glasses. Countless towels (and they match). Two computers. A coffee maker, a large french press, two small french presses, and an espresso machine. Oh, and a camping percolator coffee pot. I have several fancy dresses (the kind I wear once a year, maybe). I have three pairs of knee high black boots (pointy toe, round toe, square toe). I have bookcases filled to overflowing. I have everyday dishes and flatware to serve 12, everyone matching, and I have enough china to host Dinners of State.
I could go on, and on, and on about how much excess I have.
Very little I own is from Pottery Barn. I am not stylish, most of the time. My clothing does not have the "right" labels in it, for the most part. My home does not resemble a home decor' magazine cover, a showroom floor, or even an Arts & Crafts period ad. I rarely wear make-up, because I don't like to. But my home is comfortable, and often filled with people who have come to share in it. There's coffee to go around. Children run and laugh here; adults drink wine and laugh and talk here. Nobody has ever come here and said, "What a dump!" because it's not (and because rude people aren't invited). I'm not fashionable, but I don't think I'm a frump, either. My clothing is appropriate, and some of it, I even love to wear. I'm not too cold or too hot because of my clothes, and I have things to wear to the ballet, the park, the Junction, girls' night out, and gymnastics class (Tessa's, not mine).
Still, though, I find cravings. I crave silly things that are inconsequential. I craved getting a new couch, even though the one I have is very high quality, matches our other things, and is a beautiful reminder of my Grandpa Goddard. I'd like to get rid of all of my dishes because I'm tired of the dark blue band around them, and get plain ones instead (so much more versatile, I tell myself). I'd like a gray wrap dress....all the rage, you know. And that little shirt would look so cute on Tessa (never mind that her drawers are so full that when laundry is caught up it's hard to close them)...
It goes on. I'm declaring that I must stop! I see things and I crave them for no particular reason other than that I want them. I do not wish to be this kind of consumer, but I really am. Ugh.
There are other reasons for me to stop.
The environment is one really good reason to stop: the packaging alone is enough for catastrophe, but the pollution of manufacturing, the stuff that ends in landfills, and the use of resources alone would be enough to stop. Finances are another (less sexy) reason to stop: who couldn't stand to save some money? Life lessons (mine, and what I model to Tessa) are another. World politics are another (I'm pretty sure that half the stuff I have is made in China in suspicious factories).
But still, I think it would be really, really hard to stop buying things cold turkey. I'm American! That's not what we do! Is it even possible? Do I have what it takes to do this?
There will have to be rules. Obviously, I can't just cut up my bank cards and be done. We must eat. The car must have fuel (no I'm not giving that up; I like to visit people, pick up groceries, etc.). There are gifts to buy for others (I'm not expecting the world to jump on this bandwagon with me, and I don't want to be stingy.) Candles burn down and need replacing; light bulbs (even energy efficient florescents) burn out; soaps get used; toilet paper is a necessity. Things that we use get worn and quit working.
What then?
- Groceries and other consumables (gas, TP, candles, batteries) will be used as always
- Gifts...problematic. Maybe experiential stuff that doesn't end up in a landfill?
- Broken items...repair instead of tossing and replacing. When not cost effective, replace with gently used items.
- Tessa outgrows things...buy consignment.
This is not a done deal; Ryan and I have a lot of talking to do (a note here: this was Ryan's idea to begin with, and he read the book already). I think I'll re-read "Voluntary Simplicity" and "Your Money or Your Life" and "All Your Worth" in addition to "Not Buying It." I have a lot of thinking to do. I want to save the environment, buy consciously, save money and get out of "year from hell debt," teach Tessa life lessons....but this is pretty extreme, and I know that. Can I do it?
Enough. I'm declaring enough. We'll see where I take that exclamation.
"I feel more confident than ever that the power to save the planet rests with the individual consumer." - Denis Hayes, Chair, Earth Day Network
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
— Mahatma Gandhi
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Oncologist appointment
Today I met with Dr. Rinn to discuss my joint pain and fatigue.
I've crossed lines; the quality of life is being impacted. My fingers don't work the way they're supposed to sometimes, and this is frustrating. I can type well, but it's hard to hold a pen and to write. This morning I couldn't push the button on the coffee pot to release the coffee, and I ended up having to take the lid off to get my cuppa Joe. This is relatively new, but unacceptable.
It's probably the Femara.
I have agreed to switch to another AI, Aromosin (Aromasin?).
Hopefully both the fatigue and the joint pain will improve. I could go to bed at 7 every night and not feel rested, and that's REALLY old. And who can go to bed that early? My productive time used to be from 8-11pm, and if I lose that time it's usually my only "me" time in the whole day.
I'm also getting blood work done to test for arthritis. It runs in the family, and the symptoms are the same.
I've crossed lines; the quality of life is being impacted. My fingers don't work the way they're supposed to sometimes, and this is frustrating. I can type well, but it's hard to hold a pen and to write. This morning I couldn't push the button on the coffee pot to release the coffee, and I ended up having to take the lid off to get my cuppa Joe. This is relatively new, but unacceptable.
It's probably the Femara.
I have agreed to switch to another AI, Aromosin (Aromasin?).
Hopefully both the fatigue and the joint pain will improve. I could go to bed at 7 every night and not feel rested, and that's REALLY old. And who can go to bed that early? My productive time used to be from 8-11pm, and if I lose that time it's usually my only "me" time in the whole day.
I'm also getting blood work done to test for arthritis. It runs in the family, and the symptoms are the same.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Musings
Today I found out that Tessa's preschool teacher's mom, the beloved "Grandma Dorothy," is a 29 year survivor of breast cancer. YES! I need more people like this is my life, and the more success stories the better.
In the paper yesterday (or the day before?) there was an article about a violinist who is about to celebrate his 90th birthday; the article talked about his involvement with music, the community, etc. The headline read "How do you get to 90?: Practice, practice, practice". I'm practicing living right now, as a matter of fact. And the headline is currently taped to the bottom of my computer monitor.
Ryan is in Montanta, so it's just Tessa and I for a couple of days. I did the lazy way out tonight and we went to Korkoras, a local Greek place (total bill with tax: $11.21 - nice!).
I am still seriously contemplating a year of buying nothing, or some derivation of it. I think it would be good for me at a number of levels...
Tessa is growing and learning by the minute. At school they have vocabulary words and she is filled with them: she told me about being "absent" and what that means. I love that she loves words and language as much as I do, and that she's proud of her learning.
I'm starting to get the pit-of-my-stomach dread that comes before each surgery. Mine is fast approaching and I dread it.
Tessa's doing art, and I'm puttering around....time to tend to her. Bath night!
In the paper yesterday (or the day before?) there was an article about a violinist who is about to celebrate his 90th birthday; the article talked about his involvement with music, the community, etc. The headline read "How do you get to 90?: Practice, practice, practice". I'm practicing living right now, as a matter of fact. And the headline is currently taped to the bottom of my computer monitor.
Ryan is in Montanta, so it's just Tessa and I for a couple of days. I did the lazy way out tonight and we went to Korkoras, a local Greek place (total bill with tax: $11.21 - nice!).
I am still seriously contemplating a year of buying nothing, or some derivation of it. I think it would be good for me at a number of levels...
Tessa is growing and learning by the minute. At school they have vocabulary words and she is filled with them: she told me about being "absent" and what that means. I love that she loves words and language as much as I do, and that she's proud of her learning.
I'm starting to get the pit-of-my-stomach dread that comes before each surgery. Mine is fast approaching and I dread it.
Tessa's doing art, and I'm puttering around....time to tend to her. Bath night!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dinner disaster and strange flashbacks
Tonight I made a dinner disaster.
This one compares with the time I made a stirfry with flank steak and didn't know to cut the steak on the diagonal. (For those who don't know, I'll point out that cutting WITH the grain creates a great shoe leather, almost impossible to chew.) It also ranks up there with the time I made a red snapper dish that was so fishy it made me gag (and I'm a seafood lover; I think the fish wasn't fresh). It's been years since an incident of this caliber; I'm a decent cook, but about every 5 years I do a doozy.
Tonight it was a home made chicken pot pie, Cooking Light style, with lots of root vegetables. I'm in a fall mood, and it seemed like comfort food.
I went to buy the groceries a couple days ago: celeriac root, parsnips, sweet potatoes, potatoes, carrots. I thought I'd be creating a gentle melding of delicious nutrients...yum, yum.
I went wrong with celeriac. I didn't expect it to be available at Trader Joe's, and it wasn't, so I went to Thriftway. I didn't see it at first, even though I was staring at every bin of produce. Finally, I found the sign: celeriac (celery root). It didn't look the way I'd remembered it; I remembered it being a kind of a hard, knotty root ball, but I discounted my memory as it's not an ingredient I use very often. What they had in the bin labeled celeriac was more of a long tuber root, with the top and bottom chopped off. Whatever.
Whatever is right. What I bought, I discovered AFTER an hour of chopping, simmering, stirring, whisking, seasoning, baking, rolling (dough) and setting the meal on the table is that I bought horseradish.
You know, the kind of thing where a tablespoon can feed the whole table. Only I used the whole darn horseradish root in my chicken pot pie. NOT celeriac.
Oops.
To say that it was inedible would be kind. Dang it! Oh well, we all had a good laugh.
And in a totally unrelated post...
For my birthday I asked for, and received, a video of Tessa's life, which had been trapped in the camera for four and a half years. Watching it gave such sweet joy; our gorgeous baby getting a bath; Christmas presents; Easter egg hunts; birthday parties.
The first haircut scene took my breath away, though. May 7, 2005. I saw the date in the lower left corner of the screen and all I could think was, "I had cancer, but I didn't know it yet. I didnt' know that on May 25 my whole world would get turned upside down."
It was hard to breathe, seeing that. And remembering the moments that followed.
I also saw, briefly, myself bald and with a crewcut. I was smiling for the camera, catering to Tessa, cheerful voice, but I know better. I know it wasn't happy at all, even when I was pretending.
And on that, I must go to bed. I ate just enough of the chicken-horseradish-pot-pie to feel rather ill, and I think I'm going to have to sleep it off!
This one compares with the time I made a stirfry with flank steak and didn't know to cut the steak on the diagonal. (For those who don't know, I'll point out that cutting WITH the grain creates a great shoe leather, almost impossible to chew.) It also ranks up there with the time I made a red snapper dish that was so fishy it made me gag (and I'm a seafood lover; I think the fish wasn't fresh). It's been years since an incident of this caliber; I'm a decent cook, but about every 5 years I do a doozy.
Tonight it was a home made chicken pot pie, Cooking Light style, with lots of root vegetables. I'm in a fall mood, and it seemed like comfort food.
I went to buy the groceries a couple days ago: celeriac root, parsnips, sweet potatoes, potatoes, carrots. I thought I'd be creating a gentle melding of delicious nutrients...yum, yum.
I went wrong with celeriac. I didn't expect it to be available at Trader Joe's, and it wasn't, so I went to Thriftway. I didn't see it at first, even though I was staring at every bin of produce. Finally, I found the sign: celeriac (celery root). It didn't look the way I'd remembered it; I remembered it being a kind of a hard, knotty root ball, but I discounted my memory as it's not an ingredient I use very often. What they had in the bin labeled celeriac was more of a long tuber root, with the top and bottom chopped off. Whatever.
Whatever is right. What I bought, I discovered AFTER an hour of chopping, simmering, stirring, whisking, seasoning, baking, rolling (dough) and setting the meal on the table is that I bought horseradish.
You know, the kind of thing where a tablespoon can feed the whole table. Only I used the whole darn horseradish root in my chicken pot pie. NOT celeriac.
Oops.
To say that it was inedible would be kind. Dang it! Oh well, we all had a good laugh.
And in a totally unrelated post...
For my birthday I asked for, and received, a video of Tessa's life, which had been trapped in the camera for four and a half years. Watching it gave such sweet joy; our gorgeous baby getting a bath; Christmas presents; Easter egg hunts; birthday parties.
The first haircut scene took my breath away, though. May 7, 2005. I saw the date in the lower left corner of the screen and all I could think was, "I had cancer, but I didn't know it yet. I didnt' know that on May 25 my whole world would get turned upside down."
It was hard to breathe, seeing that. And remembering the moments that followed.
I also saw, briefly, myself bald and with a crewcut. I was smiling for the camera, catering to Tessa, cheerful voice, but I know better. I know it wasn't happy at all, even when I was pretending.
And on that, I must go to bed. I ate just enough of the chicken-horseradish-pot-pie to feel rather ill, and I think I'm going to have to sleep it off!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Happy birthday to me
At 9:59am today I turned 38 years old.
There were some times I didn't think I'd live until or past my 36th birthday.
Today I am happy and healthy. I will take any wrinkles that come my way, should I be lucky enough to receive them. Every birthday is a victory.
I'm looking forward to birthday cake this evening.
There were some times I didn't think I'd live until or past my 36th birthday.
Today I am happy and healthy. I will take any wrinkles that come my way, should I be lucky enough to receive them. Every birthday is a victory.
I'm looking forward to birthday cake this evening.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Busy days
Up and at'em, today is a "typical" fall day.
Breakfast with Tessa, then hurry into clothes to get ready to go to school. Out the door, grab the bike, and we're off. Tessa rode her bike to preschool (it's about a mile) while Shep and I walked; we dropped Tessa off and then Shep and I went for a run. Home again, a quick shower, get some laundry going, and then off to Trader Joe's for groceries. (Proud to say that I did menu planning and a grocery list yesterday.) Grocery shopping, back to West Seattle....oh shoot, traffic on the bridge, no time to drop off groceries, so straight to preschool.
Pick up Tessa, admire her artwork. Time for lunch. Katie & Jenny took us out to Capers for my birthday lunch (thanks, ladies) and the girls had fun being a threesome again. My phone rang, oh shoot, it's the windshield place, a half hour early, and they're at the house. Hurry home, meet the windshield guy ("hey that's a BIG crack!"), and start unloading groceries as he works on the car. Zoe & Jessie get dropped off so that the girls can play, and I begin chores. Three beds stripped and re-made, laundry done, girls playing, popsicle snacks. Bring out the fall stuff (leaf plates, other misc. stuff), put the feather comforter on the bed for cooler nights. Two girls picked up, and Tessa, Shep and I are alone in the house again.
A little bit of playing, a few more chores, a bit of time on the blog, and then we'll do a couple of errands.
Fall days. Not bad getting caught up a bit, even in the mundane. It's a good thing to be healthy enough to do these mundane things.
Tonight is Family Night. (Most are, but this one's official.) We'll have a nice dinner, then eat popcorn as we watch a family movie together. Sounds snuggly and nice to me.
Breakfast with Tessa, then hurry into clothes to get ready to go to school. Out the door, grab the bike, and we're off. Tessa rode her bike to preschool (it's about a mile) while Shep and I walked; we dropped Tessa off and then Shep and I went for a run. Home again, a quick shower, get some laundry going, and then off to Trader Joe's for groceries. (Proud to say that I did menu planning and a grocery list yesterday.) Grocery shopping, back to West Seattle....oh shoot, traffic on the bridge, no time to drop off groceries, so straight to preschool.
Pick up Tessa, admire her artwork. Time for lunch. Katie & Jenny took us out to Capers for my birthday lunch (thanks, ladies) and the girls had fun being a threesome again. My phone rang, oh shoot, it's the windshield place, a half hour early, and they're at the house. Hurry home, meet the windshield guy ("hey that's a BIG crack!"), and start unloading groceries as he works on the car. Zoe & Jessie get dropped off so that the girls can play, and I begin chores. Three beds stripped and re-made, laundry done, girls playing, popsicle snacks. Bring out the fall stuff (leaf plates, other misc. stuff), put the feather comforter on the bed for cooler nights. Two girls picked up, and Tessa, Shep and I are alone in the house again.
A little bit of playing, a few more chores, a bit of time on the blog, and then we'll do a couple of errands.
Fall days. Not bad getting caught up a bit, even in the mundane. It's a good thing to be healthy enough to do these mundane things.
Tonight is Family Night. (Most are, but this one's official.) We'll have a nice dinner, then eat popcorn as we watch a family movie together. Sounds snuggly and nice to me.
The new year
This is the first week of the new year. Not the calendar year, obviously, but for me the new year really begins in fall, with the first week of school.
Tessa is at her new school right now, and she's loving it. Teacher Shelley is kind, the kids seem nice (and Tessa appears to be making new friends), I've enjoyed my short interactions with the other parents, and so far I think that the program is excellent. Tessa loves the fact that there are "pets" in the classroom, incluing a turtle named Myrtle and a tarantula. *shudder* Tessa came home and said, "Daddy, a tarantula is like a really big, hairy spider. You can't pick it up though because it bites." Well said, my dear, and I will stay away. I'm glad that Tessa doesn't have those types of fears, but you won't find me peering lovingly into the spider habitat.
But back to the new year.
I'm filled with the desire to live my life to the best of my abilities and not, as Thoreau said "when it came to die, discover that I had not really lived." I don't have a lot of fears in that regard but I still contemplate the idea regularly to keep myself sharp. Am I being who I want to be? In this minute, am I giving the world the best of myself, or am I taking the easy way and cutting corners and turning a blind eye to what I must do and in the process hiding my best self away?
Some things in the past year have made me extremely happy.
I've been on two teams, Team Kristina and Team Warrior Women, that have collectively raised over $120,000 for breast cancer. I have begun a public life speaking out against breast cancer, and I've done radio, newspaper, and speaking engagements for the cause. I ran the "I am the Cure" program. I did my first half marathon. I'm a good mother, and a decent wife. I've stayed true to my health plan, and I continue to buy and eat healthy food, going organic when possible, with lots of whole grains, lean proteins, fruits, and vegetables. I've kept (most) of my weight off, and I still wear a size 6 (not bad for a 5'7" girl). I read to my daughter, and play with her at the park. I camp with my family, roasting marshmallows (I don't need to be healthy 100% of the time!) under the stars in front of the campfire.
These things all make me happy, but there is so much more!
I'm thinking a lot about the environment these days, and I have a number of thoughts going through my mind on that topic. Last year I went on a "turn off the lights!" campaign for myself at our home, and I was delighted when we got a revised statement for our bill saying that our average bill has fallen by $9 per month. $9 does not alter my pocketbook significantly, and it doesn't save the planet, but it is a great beginning. There is so much more to do, though.
I'm shifting from grocery-store cleaning products (Windex, Clorox, Mr. Clean, Lysol, etc.) to simpler, more earth friendly products. I am finding that baking soda and vinegar are amazing cleaners, and I'm having good success with them. Hopefully the salmon will appreciate my efforts.
We sold our van last year, and the one-car thing is going very well for us. I'm trying to walk and take the bus more myself, as well. (Tessa and I are walking to preschool; today, she rode her bike. It's a great walk for Shep, and I can run home, taking the long way, with him, and we get some exercise.)
I am trying to decide if I can go on a "buy nothing" campaign for a year. There's a book on the subject that I am getting from the library (I had to place a hold) and I've been thinking it through. Could I go a year only buying perishable items or items that run out (food, gas, etc.)? How could I make my carbon footprint as small as possible? If Tessa needed something (she grew two and a half inches since April - my goodness!) could I commit to only buying consignment clothes in an effort to stop buying new goods? What would we do about Christmas?
I want to run the Vancouver Marathon '08, which takes place May 4.
And I think I'm almost ready to stop writing the blog, and to write my book. (I'll still post updates about Tessa with pictures on occassion, but enough of my ramblings already.)
I have a lot on my mind, and I'm determined to make positive changes in my life, and to keep up the positive changes I've already made. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but I'm working on it. One foot in front of the other...
Tessa is at her new school right now, and she's loving it. Teacher Shelley is kind, the kids seem nice (and Tessa appears to be making new friends), I've enjoyed my short interactions with the other parents, and so far I think that the program is excellent. Tessa loves the fact that there are "pets" in the classroom, incluing a turtle named Myrtle and a tarantula. *shudder* Tessa came home and said, "Daddy, a tarantula is like a really big, hairy spider. You can't pick it up though because it bites." Well said, my dear, and I will stay away. I'm glad that Tessa doesn't have those types of fears, but you won't find me peering lovingly into the spider habitat.
But back to the new year.
I'm filled with the desire to live my life to the best of my abilities and not, as Thoreau said "when it came to die, discover that I had not really lived." I don't have a lot of fears in that regard but I still contemplate the idea regularly to keep myself sharp. Am I being who I want to be? In this minute, am I giving the world the best of myself, or am I taking the easy way and cutting corners and turning a blind eye to what I must do and in the process hiding my best self away?
Some things in the past year have made me extremely happy.
I've been on two teams, Team Kristina and Team Warrior Women, that have collectively raised over $120,000 for breast cancer. I have begun a public life speaking out against breast cancer, and I've done radio, newspaper, and speaking engagements for the cause. I ran the "I am the Cure" program. I did my first half marathon. I'm a good mother, and a decent wife. I've stayed true to my health plan, and I continue to buy and eat healthy food, going organic when possible, with lots of whole grains, lean proteins, fruits, and vegetables. I've kept (most) of my weight off, and I still wear a size 6 (not bad for a 5'7" girl). I read to my daughter, and play with her at the park. I camp with my family, roasting marshmallows (I don't need to be healthy 100% of the time!) under the stars in front of the campfire.
These things all make me happy, but there is so much more!
I'm thinking a lot about the environment these days, and I have a number of thoughts going through my mind on that topic. Last year I went on a "turn off the lights!" campaign for myself at our home, and I was delighted when we got a revised statement for our bill saying that our average bill has fallen by $9 per month. $9 does not alter my pocketbook significantly, and it doesn't save the planet, but it is a great beginning. There is so much more to do, though.
I'm shifting from grocery-store cleaning products (Windex, Clorox, Mr. Clean, Lysol, etc.) to simpler, more earth friendly products. I am finding that baking soda and vinegar are amazing cleaners, and I'm having good success with them. Hopefully the salmon will appreciate my efforts.
We sold our van last year, and the one-car thing is going very well for us. I'm trying to walk and take the bus more myself, as well. (Tessa and I are walking to preschool; today, she rode her bike. It's a great walk for Shep, and I can run home, taking the long way, with him, and we get some exercise.)
I am trying to decide if I can go on a "buy nothing" campaign for a year. There's a book on the subject that I am getting from the library (I had to place a hold) and I've been thinking it through. Could I go a year only buying perishable items or items that run out (food, gas, etc.)? How could I make my carbon footprint as small as possible? If Tessa needed something (she grew two and a half inches since April - my goodness!) could I commit to only buying consignment clothes in an effort to stop buying new goods? What would we do about Christmas?
I want to run the Vancouver Marathon '08, which takes place May 4.
And I think I'm almost ready to stop writing the blog, and to write my book. (I'll still post updates about Tessa with pictures on occassion, but enough of my ramblings already.)
I have a lot on my mind, and I'm determined to make positive changes in my life, and to keep up the positive changes I've already made. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but I'm working on it. One foot in front of the other...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tessa's first day at a new school
Today Tessa begins the school year in the pre-K class at A Child Becomes... preschool. Here are pictures of our pretty girl to commemorate the occassion. Tessa has gone from being very nervous to saying "Can we go now? Is it time?" and I'm hopeful that today will be wonderful for her.
Is it all worth it?
I've met some incredible women on my cancer journey; I've had a chance to learn my own strength; I've had a chance to implement positive change in the world (3-Day, Race, etc.) through my breast cancer journey. My marriage was shaken beyond what I'd imagined possible, and survived; my friendships were tested and given gold stars. Still, the question is asked, is cancer worth it?
This question is often asked in the cancer community. When I was at the LiveSTRONG event in Portland in 2005, I met a testicular cancer survivor who saw my bandana over my bald head and said, "Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life is so much better now!" He's lucky he was able to walk away from me, his words made me so angry. "The best?" I practically spat at him, "My husband and daughter are gifts, the best thing that ever happened to me. Cancer is a disease!" The poor man was trying to reach out to me, and looked surprised, and looking back, I'm surprised at my own rudeness toward him, but I was in a bad place.
Well, today the question came up again on the YSC boards, and as usual, there are two sides: those who think that the disease has brought more joy (friendships, etc.) than pain; and those who feel differently. Here is my response.
----------------------------
It is NOT worth it, and that is why I fight so hard to find an end to the disease on both a personal and a public level.
I look at my daughter when she's sleeping, and I vow that I would do anything to stay on this planet, mothering her. Yes, I want to write my book; yes, I want to retire with my husband; yes, I want to revisit Tuscany; yes, I want to run a marathon....but I'd give it all up just to be here to be her mother, to love her, to hold her, to reassure her, to tell her how beautiful and strong and kind she is.
Cancer is trying to take that from me, and I'm resentful about it.
I don't believe that it's 100% a terrible experience, because with deep sorrow comes deep joy. Because of the depth of my sorrow, I've been granted an opportunity to do more meaningful things with my life, I've learned the quality of my friendships, and I've seen my marriage tested beyond belief only to survive. I've met incredible women, that's certain. And I've learned a new type of compassion and empathy; I relate to people in a different way that I believe is healthy and empowering and helps me to feel even more connected to humanity. I will take joy where I can find it, and there have been many joys along the way.
But I'd give them all up to stay here with Tessa. I would give up these new joys for the old ones. The old ones were so innocent; I didn't know I was missing anything, because I was so happy. Life wasn't bad at all before cancer. I wasn't on the wrong path, I didn't have shallow friendships.I don't feel particularly bitter about it all, I just feel filled with the desire to change things. I can accept where I've been as long as I feel that I can find meaning where there is none.It's meaningless that I got cancer. I'm creating meaning by fundraising, speaking, and changing my life to change the disease. That's ME, though, not cancer. Cancer is a devil, and there's nothing good about it. The joy that comes after cancer isn't because of cancer, it's because of an inherent beauty within ourselves, and in our desire for something more than cancer, that makes us create new, wonderful, positive meaning where there might only have been pain.
Cancer is not a gift. I've paid, and paid, and paid for my learning. The cost has been too high. I'll take my learning, since I paid for it, but the debt is overwhelming.
And yet? I think I see where others come from when they describe cancer as a gift in their lives. Lance Armstrong says it, and he's not a fool. I just feel differently.
This question is often asked in the cancer community. When I was at the LiveSTRONG event in Portland in 2005, I met a testicular cancer survivor who saw my bandana over my bald head and said, "Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life is so much better now!" He's lucky he was able to walk away from me, his words made me so angry. "The best?" I practically spat at him, "My husband and daughter are gifts, the best thing that ever happened to me. Cancer is a disease!" The poor man was trying to reach out to me, and looked surprised, and looking back, I'm surprised at my own rudeness toward him, but I was in a bad place.
Well, today the question came up again on the YSC boards, and as usual, there are two sides: those who think that the disease has brought more joy (friendships, etc.) than pain; and those who feel differently. Here is my response.
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It is NOT worth it, and that is why I fight so hard to find an end to the disease on both a personal and a public level.
I look at my daughter when she's sleeping, and I vow that I would do anything to stay on this planet, mothering her. Yes, I want to write my book; yes, I want to retire with my husband; yes, I want to revisit Tuscany; yes, I want to run a marathon....but I'd give it all up just to be here to be her mother, to love her, to hold her, to reassure her, to tell her how beautiful and strong and kind she is.
Cancer is trying to take that from me, and I'm resentful about it.
I don't believe that it's 100% a terrible experience, because with deep sorrow comes deep joy. Because of the depth of my sorrow, I've been granted an opportunity to do more meaningful things with my life, I've learned the quality of my friendships, and I've seen my marriage tested beyond belief only to survive. I've met incredible women, that's certain. And I've learned a new type of compassion and empathy; I relate to people in a different way that I believe is healthy and empowering and helps me to feel even more connected to humanity. I will take joy where I can find it, and there have been many joys along the way.
But I'd give them all up to stay here with Tessa. I would give up these new joys for the old ones. The old ones were so innocent; I didn't know I was missing anything, because I was so happy. Life wasn't bad at all before cancer. I wasn't on the wrong path, I didn't have shallow friendships.I don't feel particularly bitter about it all, I just feel filled with the desire to change things. I can accept where I've been as long as I feel that I can find meaning where there is none.It's meaningless that I got cancer. I'm creating meaning by fundraising, speaking, and changing my life to change the disease. That's ME, though, not cancer. Cancer is a devil, and there's nothing good about it. The joy that comes after cancer isn't because of cancer, it's because of an inherent beauty within ourselves, and in our desire for something more than cancer, that makes us create new, wonderful, positive meaning where there might only have been pain.
Cancer is not a gift. I've paid, and paid, and paid for my learning. The cost has been too high. I'll take my learning, since I paid for it, but the debt is overwhelming.
And yet? I think I see where others come from when they describe cancer as a gift in their lives. Lance Armstrong says it, and he's not a fool. I just feel differently.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Surgery #8
Eight. I've always thought it my lucky number - let's hope it's true.
I've already gone under the knife seven times since my diagnosis:
- left mastectomy
- port placement
- left node dissection
- hysterectomy/oopharectomy
- right mastectomy/lat flap/expander
- left lat flap/expander and right implant
- left implant, removal of scar tissue, and corrections on right
This time I will do nipples (trust me, Barbie breasts aren't all that great), which means that they will also take skin from my eyelids. There will also be corrections on both sides: on my left side, the implant is encapsulated, which makes my breast very round, high, and odd looking, as well as very firm to the touch. Again, they'll cut scar tissue, making it easier to lift my left arm. On the right they'll also try to fill out the dip in the middle of my breast using Alloderm (don't look it up unless you want to know what that is - I have mixed feelings about it but I'm grateful to have it and owe someone my eternal gratitude).
I will not be able to bend down or making jarring movements for a week or it may cause bleeding in my eyes. Nice. I won't be able to run or work out at the gym for 3 weeks, though I'll be able to walk. Sometimes people's eyes swell shut for a couple of days. However, I'll only be in the hospital for the day, as it's outpatient surgery. Go figure.
I'm feeling a bit cynical about all of it. How much work do I have to do? Eight surgeries is a lot. More than a lot.
But this is what it takes for me to feel healed, and for me to feel whole. This is what it takes for Tessa to see healing. I will go ahead, even though healing is pretty ugly sometimes.
I've already gone under the knife seven times since my diagnosis:
- left mastectomy
- port placement
- left node dissection
- hysterectomy/oopharectomy
- right mastectomy/lat flap/expander
- left lat flap/expander and right implant
- left implant, removal of scar tissue, and corrections on right
This time I will do nipples (trust me, Barbie breasts aren't all that great), which means that they will also take skin from my eyelids. There will also be corrections on both sides: on my left side, the implant is encapsulated, which makes my breast very round, high, and odd looking, as well as very firm to the touch. Again, they'll cut scar tissue, making it easier to lift my left arm. On the right they'll also try to fill out the dip in the middle of my breast using Alloderm (don't look it up unless you want to know what that is - I have mixed feelings about it but I'm grateful to have it and owe someone my eternal gratitude).
I will not be able to bend down or making jarring movements for a week or it may cause bleeding in my eyes. Nice. I won't be able to run or work out at the gym for 3 weeks, though I'll be able to walk. Sometimes people's eyes swell shut for a couple of days. However, I'll only be in the hospital for the day, as it's outpatient surgery. Go figure.
I'm feeling a bit cynical about all of it. How much work do I have to do? Eight surgeries is a lot. More than a lot.
But this is what it takes for me to feel healed, and for me to feel whole. This is what it takes for Tessa to see healing. I will go ahead, even though healing is pretty ugly sometimes.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
The 3-Day approaches
It's nearly here, and all of the fundraising, organizing and (lack of) training comes to a head now: Carolyn arrives this evening, and on Friday we begin our walk.
I am looking forward to the relaxation of it, strangely enough...I really need to take a breather, and the 3-Day sounds immensely relaxing to me. Walking in the sunshine (highs of 70, much cooler than last year), talking to friends, and taking time to just 'be' sounds pretty fantastic.
I'm at a strange place in my breast cancer journey. My hair is past my shoulders, I have two (weird, nipple-less) breasts, and I look relatively normal. I ache like never before and I'm facing the fact that one of my side-effects from Femara might be arthritis. I finish Herceptin on September 27, and then I hope to never enter a chemo ward again. I am not in the fighting mode I was in not that long ago, but I'm not done, either. I'm in a state of limbo, and trying to figure out where I fit in in all of that. The 3-Day will be a good place to think of these things, and to hopefully move forward.
Many, many, many thanks to the donors who have contributed to the 3-Day this year, supporting me and the cause in so many ways. I really couldn't do it without you. Walking is fun, but the donations will save lives. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am looking forward to the relaxation of it, strangely enough...I really need to take a breather, and the 3-Day sounds immensely relaxing to me. Walking in the sunshine (highs of 70, much cooler than last year), talking to friends, and taking time to just 'be' sounds pretty fantastic.
I'm at a strange place in my breast cancer journey. My hair is past my shoulders, I have two (weird, nipple-less) breasts, and I look relatively normal. I ache like never before and I'm facing the fact that one of my side-effects from Femara might be arthritis. I finish Herceptin on September 27, and then I hope to never enter a chemo ward again. I am not in the fighting mode I was in not that long ago, but I'm not done, either. I'm in a state of limbo, and trying to figure out where I fit in in all of that. The 3-Day will be a good place to think of these things, and to hopefully move forward.
Many, many, many thanks to the donors who have contributed to the 3-Day this year, supporting me and the cause in so many ways. I really couldn't do it without you. Walking is fun, but the donations will save lives. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Smiling in the rain
Last night I woke up to the sounds of thunder and a downpour. I lay in my warm, cozy bed, and smiled. Not a drop of water landed on me or my tent, because we escaped the rain by at least 12 hours.
I love the sound of the rain under most circumstances; when I am cozy indoors and the rain beats on the windows I feel a strong desire to drink mint tea, to curl up in a chair with a blanket and a good book. These days the good book might be "Sally Jean the Bicycle Queen" and Tessa might be under the blanket with me, but I revel in that, too.
This morning, Tessa was up early in anticipation of her playdate at the zoo with her cousins Caleb & Joshua and Auntie Krystal. The rain was no deterrant in her eyes: as a matter of fact, it added to her delight, because she recently acquired a dog umbrella complete with pop up ears, and she was over the moon that she could use it today. We donned our waterproof boots, rain coats, and umbrellas, and set off for the zoo to be there when it opened. We had a fantastic time with the kiddos, and enjoyed watching them zoom about at Zoomazium (indoors). The rain let up, too, so we walked all over, with Tessa stomping in the puddles. The cousins were having so much fun interacting, and Krystal and I had fun, too, although we didn't get much time to discuss much other than "oh look there's the bear" and "which exhibit is next?" and "don't get your pants wet, kids!"
This afternoon Tessa and I are both tired, as it's been non-stop busy with camping, unpacking, and this, that and the other, and the zoo involved lots of walking and running. We're having a quiet afternoon (does laundry count as "quiet?" because I have about 6 loads to fold when I hit the "post" button) and then we're having dinner with Adrienne while Ryan gets a night to himself. Carolyn arrives tomorrow evening, and on Friday it's the 3-Day.
Today it struck me that it is exactly one year until Tessa starts kindergarten; this begins the countdown. The zoo was particularly sweet in that context. My little girl is still little, and I relish her smallness as much as I relish her growth. At the end of our zoo visit, she was tired, and I carried her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. These days are getting shorter, and I will try to remember to live them fully, and to carry them with me once they have passed.
So much more to say, but that will suffice for now.
I love the sound of the rain under most circumstances; when I am cozy indoors and the rain beats on the windows I feel a strong desire to drink mint tea, to curl up in a chair with a blanket and a good book. These days the good book might be "Sally Jean the Bicycle Queen" and Tessa might be under the blanket with me, but I revel in that, too.
This morning, Tessa was up early in anticipation of her playdate at the zoo with her cousins Caleb & Joshua and Auntie Krystal. The rain was no deterrant in her eyes: as a matter of fact, it added to her delight, because she recently acquired a dog umbrella complete with pop up ears, and she was over the moon that she could use it today. We donned our waterproof boots, rain coats, and umbrellas, and set off for the zoo to be there when it opened. We had a fantastic time with the kiddos, and enjoyed watching them zoom about at Zoomazium (indoors). The rain let up, too, so we walked all over, with Tessa stomping in the puddles. The cousins were having so much fun interacting, and Krystal and I had fun, too, although we didn't get much time to discuss much other than "oh look there's the bear" and "which exhibit is next?" and "don't get your pants wet, kids!"
This afternoon Tessa and I are both tired, as it's been non-stop busy with camping, unpacking, and this, that and the other, and the zoo involved lots of walking and running. We're having a quiet afternoon (does laundry count as "quiet?" because I have about 6 loads to fold when I hit the "post" button) and then we're having dinner with Adrienne while Ryan gets a night to himself. Carolyn arrives tomorrow evening, and on Friday it's the 3-Day.
Today it struck me that it is exactly one year until Tessa starts kindergarten; this begins the countdown. The zoo was particularly sweet in that context. My little girl is still little, and I relish her smallness as much as I relish her growth. At the end of our zoo visit, she was tired, and I carried her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. These days are getting shorter, and I will try to remember to live them fully, and to carry them with me once they have passed.
So much more to say, but that will suffice for now.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Home from camping
We returned late this afternoon from our trip to Newhalem (North Cascades National Park) with the Hissongs. The whole thing was great, and I'm so glad that we went. The company was fabulous, the weather was great (sprinkles as we set up the tent, but then not a drop after that), the scenery beyond compare. We ate well, sat around the campfire telling stories and laughing, attended evening programs put on by the park rangers, and did a couple of little hikes. We saw various small wildlife (including Douglas squirrels, stellar jays, chipmunks, little brown bats, woodpeckers, and more; we saw bear skat but not the bear it came from) and countless wildflowers. The kids learned a bit about the life cycles of the forest; the adults smiled as the kids got dirtier and dirtier in the best ways possible, including making mud cakes, drawing with sticks in the dirt, roasting marshmallows, and skipping showers.
More later, as chores (much unpacking and the inevitable laundry that comes with this kind of trip) beckon, and my bed isn't far from that. An air mattress is a luxury while camping, but I will be glad to sleep in my own bed tonight.
So many thoughts about my own return to wilderness and the trip, but they will have to wait. Good night.
More later, as chores (much unpacking and the inevitable laundry that comes with this kind of trip) beckon, and my bed isn't far from that. An air mattress is a luxury while camping, but I will be glad to sleep in my own bed tonight.
So many thoughts about my own return to wilderness and the trip, but they will have to wait. Good night.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Just checking in
A quick check in...
We're getting ready to leave for a long weekend of camping in the North Cascades with the Hissongs. I love camping, but I confess that I'm less in love with getting ready to camp. We pack the car to the gills, and it's a lot of work....the clothes aren't hard, but all of the kitchen stuff, tents, sleeping bags, etc. is a pain, and it's all the little details (extra batteries, kitchen soap, paper towels, twine to make a clothesline, art supplies to keep Tessa occupied....this list is endless) that stress me out. Anyway, once the car is loaded, the groceries purchased, and we're on the road, I'll forget all of that and just enjoy it. I'm particularly looking forward to campfires in the evenings, nature walks, hot cups of coffee in the morning, wildflower identification.....love it.
I'm also gearing up for the 3-Day, as it's in a week. I'm not ready, but that's okay. I am starting to work out my speech (I've been asked to be a survivor-speaker) for Saturday night. This will become a priority over the next week....I need something to say, and I'm getting on that.
Yesterday I put out my back or my sciatic pain came back. **** it. I yelp when I move "wrong" because it really hurts. This is NOT ideal for camping or walking 60 miles, but I'll figure it out. There's always ibuprofen and Vicodan. I'm not gonna let a little pain run my life. I have important things to do, laughter to share, and I'm not backing down.
Until Tuesday! Love,
Kristina
We're getting ready to leave for a long weekend of camping in the North Cascades with the Hissongs. I love camping, but I confess that I'm less in love with getting ready to camp. We pack the car to the gills, and it's a lot of work....the clothes aren't hard, but all of the kitchen stuff, tents, sleeping bags, etc. is a pain, and it's all the little details (extra batteries, kitchen soap, paper towels, twine to make a clothesline, art supplies to keep Tessa occupied....this list is endless) that stress me out. Anyway, once the car is loaded, the groceries purchased, and we're on the road, I'll forget all of that and just enjoy it. I'm particularly looking forward to campfires in the evenings, nature walks, hot cups of coffee in the morning, wildflower identification.....love it.
I'm also gearing up for the 3-Day, as it's in a week. I'm not ready, but that's okay. I am starting to work out my speech (I've been asked to be a survivor-speaker) for Saturday night. This will become a priority over the next week....I need something to say, and I'm getting on that.
Yesterday I put out my back or my sciatic pain came back. **** it. I yelp when I move "wrong" because it really hurts. This is NOT ideal for camping or walking 60 miles, but I'll figure it out. There's always ibuprofen and Vicodan. I'm not gonna let a little pain run my life. I have important things to do, laughter to share, and I'm not backing down.
Until Tuesday! Love,
Kristina
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Busy weekend
A busy weekend. I'm tired, as I mentioned, and I don't know if it's the Femara, my thyroid, or my busy schedule. I'm tired of being tired.
Today was Michele & Dave's baby shower, which we hosted. It was a treat to honor them in this way, as I truly adore them, and am so grateful to have them in our lives.
Off to bed for me.
Today was Michele & Dave's baby shower, which we hosted. It was a treat to honor them in this way, as I truly adore them, and am so grateful to have them in our lives.
Off to bed for me.
Friday, August 24, 2007
3-Day cheering stations!
This year, as last, there are cheering stations along the 3-Day route. I read this year's list with excitement....because one is on Alki! I'm delighted to be walking through West Seattle...hurrah!
If you are interested in supporting me, or the 3-Day in general, or any of our Warrior Women team members, please show up at one of the designated sites to cheer. I hope to see you there!
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Cheering StationsPlease discourage your family and friends from driving along the route, as it can create a safety hazard. The following Cheering Stations are safe, recommended places for your supporters to cheer you on along the route.
Day One - Friday, September 7Mile Marker 9.59:00 am - 12:30 pmStan Sayres Park 3808 Lake Washington Blvd SSeattle, WA 98118Map Mile Marker 19.712:00 pm - 5:30 pmFamily Fun Center 7300 Fun Center WayTukwila, WA 98188Map
Day Two - Saturday, September 8Mile Marker 8.38:30 am - 1:15 pmHighline Community College 2400 S. 240 St. Des Moines, WA 98198(Parking lot off of S 240th - click here for map )
Mile Marker 13.310:35 am - 4:00pmKey Bank 22033 Marine View Dr SDes Moines, WA 98198Map
Day Three - Sunday, September 9Mile Marker 4.77:40 am - 10:15 amAlki Beach 1702 Alki Ave SWSeattle, WA 98116 Map (Walkers will be traveling for several miles along this beach path. You'll be able to cheer on walkers from any spot along this stretch of beach.)
If you are interested in supporting me, or the 3-Day in general, or any of our Warrior Women team members, please show up at one of the designated sites to cheer. I hope to see you there!
-------------
Cheering StationsPlease discourage your family and friends from driving along the route, as it can create a safety hazard. The following Cheering Stations are safe, recommended places for your supporters to cheer you on along the route.
Day One - Friday, September 7Mile Marker 9.59:00 am - 12:30 pmStan Sayres Park 3808 Lake Washington Blvd SSeattle, WA 98118Map Mile Marker 19.712:00 pm - 5:30 pmFamily Fun Center 7300 Fun Center WayTukwila, WA 98188Map
Day Two - Saturday, September 8Mile Marker 8.38:30 am - 1:15 pmHighline Community College 2400 S. 240 St. Des Moines, WA 98198(Parking lot off of S 240th - click here for map )
Mile Marker 13.310:35 am - 4:00pmKey Bank 22033 Marine View Dr SDes Moines, WA 98198Map
Day Three - Sunday, September 9Mile Marker 4.77:40 am - 10:15 amAlki Beach 1702 Alki Ave SWSeattle, WA 98116 Map (Walkers will be traveling for several miles along this beach path. You'll be able to cheer on walkers from any spot along this stretch of beach.)
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Nesting
My dear friend Jenny moved last weekend, and I've been trying to help her with her new home. I find it strangely satisfying to empty a box, finding homes for all of its contents, and then step back and admire the organization of a drawer or cupboard or shelf. Yes, I'm aware that this may sound strange, but I'm not fighting it, I'm going with it.
I've been doing some nesting of my own, as well. Moving things here or there, getting rid of things, trying to catch up on chores. I'm dreaming of doing some painting again (the kitchenette, stairwell, trimwork). I am constantly reworking the office in my mind - it's usually a disaster and I'd like to fix that.
I'm also thinking of my emotional/physical/spiritual self. I'm trying to spend my time more wisely, to work out more, to be more patient, to keep my relationships in good shape. I'm looking at regularly attending the WSUU church we discovered last spring, at having a family date night each week (put the chores aside and play together!), and at quality time with Ryan.
I love fall, which always brings these thoughts to mind. The teacher and student in me finds fall to be the true beginning of the year, and these wet days remind me that it's approaching. Time for school shoes, digging out the sweaters, and nesting.
Love,
Kristina
I've been doing some nesting of my own, as well. Moving things here or there, getting rid of things, trying to catch up on chores. I'm dreaming of doing some painting again (the kitchenette, stairwell, trimwork). I am constantly reworking the office in my mind - it's usually a disaster and I'd like to fix that.
I'm also thinking of my emotional/physical/spiritual self. I'm trying to spend my time more wisely, to work out more, to be more patient, to keep my relationships in good shape. I'm looking at regularly attending the WSUU church we discovered last spring, at having a family date night each week (put the chores aside and play together!), and at quality time with Ryan.
I love fall, which always brings these thoughts to mind. The teacher and student in me finds fall to be the true beginning of the year, and these wet days remind me that it's approaching. Time for school shoes, digging out the sweaters, and nesting.
Love,
Kristina
Monday, August 20, 2007
Banning the exclamation mark
I use them too often! Not everything should read like "Surprise!" I'm banning them! Especially when used together!!!
Seriously, I've let my writing fall to pieces, and since I'm not currently immersed in cancer battles of the mind-numbing variety (mine are more tedious or irritating than mind-numbing these days), it's time to pretend that I have some craft left in me.
The exclamation mark must go. Along with it, all kinds of other nasty habits, including rambling sentences that get lost and end up in an elipsis... And overuse of dashes, and unintended word repetition, and such.
But the exclamation mark is first. Gone! (Kidding. I saw that there. I used it again!!)
Seriously, I've let my writing fall to pieces, and since I'm not currently immersed in cancer battles of the mind-numbing variety (mine are more tedious or irritating than mind-numbing these days), it's time to pretend that I have some craft left in me.
The exclamation mark must go. Along with it, all kinds of other nasty habits, including rambling sentences that get lost and end up in an elipsis... And overuse of dashes, and unintended word repetition, and such.
But the exclamation mark is first. Gone! (Kidding. I saw that there. I used it again!!)
It's raining, it's pouring...
...and Tessa is delighted!
We had a great weekend with family in Anacortes, and send our love and thanks to Mom & Dad for hosting us in the motorhome. Walks, playing on the beach, too much good food, and lots of laughter. Good times!
We also spent a little time in the outlet mall, since it's so enormous and close by to where we were. Ryan got a bunch of new clothes for his sleek self (I'm so proud of Ryan's weight loss - he's looking great and getting hotter every day!), and Tessa got some new items for her fall wardrobe. (Wouldn't it be nice to get an all new wardrobe every six months, like children do?! She's growing so much that her favorite hot pink shirt with a pony on it shows her belly button now...oops.) I got a couple of needed items, too, but I don't need nearly as much as those two - Tessa's growing up, Ryan's slimming down, and I am (contentedly) staying the same size.
Anyway, the reason that Tessa is so glad that it's pouring outside is that she got a new umbrella, one that looks like a dog, with ears that pop up. She's practically dancing this morning that she'll get to wear her puddle boots (which still fit from last year), raincoat, and, bliss of bliss, use her new umbrella.
The timing could be slightly better from my perspective, as today is the last day of soccer class and we won't miss it (it's rain or shine). It's also parent participation day, so you may picture me on the wet soccer field, running around in the mud, water streaming down my face. Ah, the joys. Actually, it IS a joy to play with Tessa and to have her so excited to play with me...but the weather that so delights her today is a bit less exciting to me. Oh well, time to join in the mood....I'll play soccer in my Gore-Tex light hiking boots, and maybe my feet will stay dry. Plus, I'm pretty sure that afterwards there should be a hot cocoa in it for somebody. :-)
Speaking of soccer, we watched "Bend it Like Beckham" with Tessa. Some of the language is questionable, but as it has a British slant (Tessa didn't even blink when they used the word "shag") we could get away with a bit more. Anyway, Tessa LOVED it. Girls playing soccer - hurrah!
We had a great weekend with family in Anacortes, and send our love and thanks to Mom & Dad for hosting us in the motorhome. Walks, playing on the beach, too much good food, and lots of laughter. Good times!
We also spent a little time in the outlet mall, since it's so enormous and close by to where we were. Ryan got a bunch of new clothes for his sleek self (I'm so proud of Ryan's weight loss - he's looking great and getting hotter every day!), and Tessa got some new items for her fall wardrobe. (Wouldn't it be nice to get an all new wardrobe every six months, like children do?! She's growing so much that her favorite hot pink shirt with a pony on it shows her belly button now...oops.) I got a couple of needed items, too, but I don't need nearly as much as those two - Tessa's growing up, Ryan's slimming down, and I am (contentedly) staying the same size.
Anyway, the reason that Tessa is so glad that it's pouring outside is that she got a new umbrella, one that looks like a dog, with ears that pop up. She's practically dancing this morning that she'll get to wear her puddle boots (which still fit from last year), raincoat, and, bliss of bliss, use her new umbrella.
The timing could be slightly better from my perspective, as today is the last day of soccer class and we won't miss it (it's rain or shine). It's also parent participation day, so you may picture me on the wet soccer field, running around in the mud, water streaming down my face. Ah, the joys. Actually, it IS a joy to play with Tessa and to have her so excited to play with me...but the weather that so delights her today is a bit less exciting to me. Oh well, time to join in the mood....I'll play soccer in my Gore-Tex light hiking boots, and maybe my feet will stay dry. Plus, I'm pretty sure that afterwards there should be a hot cocoa in it for somebody. :-)
Speaking of soccer, we watched "Bend it Like Beckham" with Tessa. Some of the language is questionable, but as it has a British slant (Tessa didn't even blink when they used the word "shag") we could get away with a bit more. Anyway, Tessa LOVED it. Girls playing soccer - hurrah!
Monday, August 13, 2007
radio interview
I just finished another radio interview with Kate Daniels from WARM 106.9, discussing the breast cancer cause and the 3-Day. I'll know more later, but she is going to play the interview on multiple radio stations this weekend. Stay tuned!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Three generation jam
Today, my wish came true. Well, one of MANY wishes!
Today, Tessa, Grandma Mary (Ryan's mom) and I made freezer jam together. This started by having a big breakfast....well, okay, that wasn't part of making jam but it fueled the jam-makers!
It started by going to 47th between Brandon & Findlay, where the best blackberries around are to be found. We showed up prepared, thanks to Dad's (Bopa's) advice: wear long sleeves, gloves, and bring pruners! Each of us carried one of Tessa's sand-buckets (thoroughly washed, of course), and we were off.
As we picked the berries - at their prime, luscious and sweet, filled with juice - I found myself smiling. Grandma helped Tessa for a while, and I was in my own little blackberry world. I started thinking about Grandpa Goddard (MY grandpa, Tessa's great-grandpa; it's a shame they never met because he would have adored his youngest great granddaughter) and how much he loathed blackberries - he was passionate about disliking them, as they invaded the property on Sechelt and choked out the things he WANTED to grow, and, as any person around here knows, blackberries are hard to get rid of. Anyway, I found myself reminiscing about Grandpa, enjoying Tessa and Mary's company.
And then, home to make the jam. We had to do this with Grandma Mary/Mom because, as Tessa puts it, she makes "the best jam in the entire world," and in our family she's quite known for her jam-making abilities. I can't recall making jam ever before this, so I wanted to learn from a master, and, better yet, have Tessa learn from a master.
Sugar, berries, jars, lids, lemon juice, pectin...we were ready to go.
Tessa and Grandma washed the berries, mashed them, stirred them, measured them, and got them ready. Grandma had to leave a bit before it was done (Happy Birthday, Juliann!) but left us with clear instructions as to how to finish.
And now we have seven fat, shiny, cheerful jars of jam sitting on the counter to set. They're almost as pretty as the berries themselves.
I am so grateful to have these small moments. Tessa was so proud of herself, and Grandma is such a good teacher. Smiles all around!
(Even Ryan smiled. I say "even" because he is sick, sick, sick with some monsterous headache that is making him nauseaus. Blechhhhhhhhh. I hope he is better soon!)
Today, Tessa, Grandma Mary (Ryan's mom) and I made freezer jam together. This started by having a big breakfast....well, okay, that wasn't part of making jam but it fueled the jam-makers!
It started by going to 47th between Brandon & Findlay, where the best blackberries around are to be found. We showed up prepared, thanks to Dad's (Bopa's) advice: wear long sleeves, gloves, and bring pruners! Each of us carried one of Tessa's sand-buckets (thoroughly washed, of course), and we were off.
As we picked the berries - at their prime, luscious and sweet, filled with juice - I found myself smiling. Grandma helped Tessa for a while, and I was in my own little blackberry world. I started thinking about Grandpa Goddard (MY grandpa, Tessa's great-grandpa; it's a shame they never met because he would have adored his youngest great granddaughter) and how much he loathed blackberries - he was passionate about disliking them, as they invaded the property on Sechelt and choked out the things he WANTED to grow, and, as any person around here knows, blackberries are hard to get rid of. Anyway, I found myself reminiscing about Grandpa, enjoying Tessa and Mary's company.
And then, home to make the jam. We had to do this with Grandma Mary/Mom because, as Tessa puts it, she makes "the best jam in the entire world," and in our family she's quite known for her jam-making abilities. I can't recall making jam ever before this, so I wanted to learn from a master, and, better yet, have Tessa learn from a master.
Sugar, berries, jars, lids, lemon juice, pectin...we were ready to go.
Tessa and Grandma washed the berries, mashed them, stirred them, measured them, and got them ready. Grandma had to leave a bit before it was done (Happy Birthday, Juliann!) but left us with clear instructions as to how to finish.
And now we have seven fat, shiny, cheerful jars of jam sitting on the counter to set. They're almost as pretty as the berries themselves.
I am so grateful to have these small moments. Tessa was so proud of herself, and Grandma is such a good teacher. Smiles all around!
(Even Ryan smiled. I say "even" because he is sick, sick, sick with some monsterous headache that is making him nauseaus. Blechhhhhhhhh. I hope he is better soon!)
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I'd love to get a letter
From the 3-Day website:
---------
Note to Supporters: Send a letter expressing your love and support to your walker, which we’ll deliver to them on the event at the 3-Day Camp Post Office. Envelopes only, please. No boxes or large packages. Mail must be postmarked no later than August 24 in order to ensure delivery at the 3-Day Camp Post Office. Any mail that is not retrieved by the walker by September 24 will be destroyed.Please send letters to:3-Day Camp Post Office1752 NW Market St. #531Seattle, WA 98107-5224
Last year several people sent letters, and I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. I won't expect anything, but I'm very open to surprises! :-)
Also, you can send a letter to anyone on my team, of course. Everyone loves mail!
---------
Note to Supporters: Send a letter expressing your love and support to your walker, which we’ll deliver to them on the event at the 3-Day Camp Post Office. Envelopes only, please. No boxes or large packages. Mail must be postmarked no later than August 24 in order to ensure delivery at the 3-Day Camp Post Office. Any mail that is not retrieved by the walker by September 24 will be destroyed.Please send letters to:3-Day Camp Post Office1752 NW Market St. #531Seattle, WA 98107-5224
Last year several people sent letters, and I can't tell you how much I appreciated it. I won't expect anything, but I'm very open to surprises! :-)
Also, you can send a letter to anyone on my team, of course. Everyone loves mail!
Let's get political
Whatever side of the political fence you're on, I have a request.
Take a look at this:
http://www.kintera.org/AutoGen/ecard/cardForm.asp?ievent=245271&msource=EML0809AA3
and sign the LiveSTRONG petition to make fighting cancer part of the national priority. Democrat or Republican or Independent, cancer impacts us all.
Don't do it for me, or even for Kristin, but do it for yourself. Do it for your children (whether you have them yet or not....and if you won't have children, then do it for Tessa, your nieces, your nephews, the kids at the neighborhood school....just do it!). Cancer is everywhere, and we all know that, and it's going to take some amazing research and funding to find the answers we need and bring about cures. Sign the petition, and let the world know that it's important to you. Let's end cancer NOW!
I'm sick of this disease. We must make change.
Take a look at this:
http://www.kintera.org/AutoGen/ecard/cardForm.asp?ievent=245271&msource=EML0809AA3
and sign the LiveSTRONG petition to make fighting cancer part of the national priority. Democrat or Republican or Independent, cancer impacts us all.
Don't do it for me, or even for Kristin, but do it for yourself. Do it for your children (whether you have them yet or not....and if you won't have children, then do it for Tessa, your nieces, your nephews, the kids at the neighborhood school....just do it!). Cancer is everywhere, and we all know that, and it's going to take some amazing research and funding to find the answers we need and bring about cures. Sign the petition, and let the world know that it's important to you. Let's end cancer NOW!
I'm sick of this disease. We must make change.
Not for a minute
I will continue to write on my blog about the minutae of my life; I will continue to rant, to tell Tessa stories, to wonder about my own condition. It is what I do. However, I want to say something, just for the record.
In the back of my mind is a constant prayer going up for Kristin. The pores of my body sing out a plea to the universe to make her well, to give her a long life. I plead for her the way I plead for myself....with every inch of my being. I long for her wellness the way I long for my own wellness. I fear for her, as I fear for myself, but more, because of what she faces.
So I will smile, and laugh, and play, and work, and be busy. But please know that I am not forgetting, and that my body hums with the work of pleading prayer.
Kristin's latest email includes these thoughts. I think that I will memorize them for my own use, and as a reminder of what REAL strength looks like:
"Just know that I won't let this beat me down or stand in my way. My babies are my babies and I will raise them. When I was first diagnosed I said to myself "Everyday I must believe with a magnitude so deep that my belief becomes a reality"- I can't stop believing now- I know I'll make it."
Her life is her own, not mine to broadcast the details, so I'll leave it at that. But Kristin, I believe your words. You WILL make it. And I'm praying, wishing, hoping, and breathing it.
In the back of my mind is a constant prayer going up for Kristin. The pores of my body sing out a plea to the universe to make her well, to give her a long life. I plead for her the way I plead for myself....with every inch of my being. I long for her wellness the way I long for my own wellness. I fear for her, as I fear for myself, but more, because of what she faces.
So I will smile, and laugh, and play, and work, and be busy. But please know that I am not forgetting, and that my body hums with the work of pleading prayer.
Kristin's latest email includes these thoughts. I think that I will memorize them for my own use, and as a reminder of what REAL strength looks like:
"Just know that I won't let this beat me down or stand in my way. My babies are my babies and I will raise them. When I was first diagnosed I said to myself "Everyday I must believe with a magnitude so deep that my belief becomes a reality"- I can't stop believing now- I know I'll make it."
Her life is her own, not mine to broadcast the details, so I'll leave it at that. But Kristin, I believe your words. You WILL make it. And I'm praying, wishing, hoping, and breathing it.
more poetry
Caley brought up Mary Oliver's poetry, and I mistakenly thought I knew her work. I had to look it up on Google, and discovered that any familiarity I had once had with it had been almost completely lost, so I'm discovering it like it's for the first time. Beautiful! Thank you, Caley, for sharing.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - - -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - - -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Poetry
Caley and I were talking about poetry for a while - what a delightful change of pace! There is clearly not enough poetry in my life, but I drank up her words and references like water on a hot day.
I have been thinking about this poem all day, as Tessa and I picked blackberries together today and we're going to make blackberry jam (after picking more blackberries) this weekend.
------------------
Blackberry Picking
Late August, given heavy rain and sun
For a full week, the blackberries would ripen.
At first, just one, a glossy purple clot
Among others, red, green, hard as a knot.
You ate that first one and its flesh was sweet
Like thickened wine: summer's blood was in it
Leaving stains upon the tongue and lust for
Picking. Then red ones inked up and that hunger
Sent us out with milk cans, pea tins, jam-pots
Where briars scratched and wet grass bleached our boots.
Round hayfields, cornfields and potato-drills
We trekked and picked until the cans were full
Until the tinkling bottom had been covered
With green ones, and on top big dark blobs burned
Like a plate of eyes. Our hands were peppered
With thorn pricks, our palms sticky as Bluebeard's.
We hoarded the fresh berries in the byre.
But when the bath was filled we found a fur,
A rat-grey fungus, glutting on our cache.
The juice was stinking too. Once off the bush
The fruit fermented, the sweet flesh would turn sour.
I always felt like crying. It wasn't fair
That all the lovely canfuls smelt of rot.
Each year I hoped they'd keep, knew they would not.
-- Seamus Heaney
I have been thinking about this poem all day, as Tessa and I picked blackberries together today and we're going to make blackberry jam (after picking more blackberries) this weekend.
------------------
Blackberry Picking
Late August, given heavy rain and sun
For a full week, the blackberries would ripen.
At first, just one, a glossy purple clot
Among others, red, green, hard as a knot.
You ate that first one and its flesh was sweet
Like thickened wine: summer's blood was in it
Leaving stains upon the tongue and lust for
Picking. Then red ones inked up and that hunger
Sent us out with milk cans, pea tins, jam-pots
Where briars scratched and wet grass bleached our boots.
Round hayfields, cornfields and potato-drills
We trekked and picked until the cans were full
Until the tinkling bottom had been covered
With green ones, and on top big dark blobs burned
Like a plate of eyes. Our hands were peppered
With thorn pricks, our palms sticky as Bluebeard's.
We hoarded the fresh berries in the byre.
But when the bath was filled we found a fur,
A rat-grey fungus, glutting on our cache.
The juice was stinking too. Once off the bush
The fruit fermented, the sweet flesh would turn sour.
I always felt like crying. It wasn't fair
That all the lovely canfuls smelt of rot.
Each year I hoped they'd keep, knew they would not.
-- Seamus Heaney
And life rolls on
Despite my high emotions over Kristin's recurrence, life goes on. Some days, it seems like the whole world should stop turning ("Stop the clocks") but, like it or not, it keeps spinning.
Today has been impossibily full - playdates and favors for friends and cooking and cleaning etc. We managed to spend time with Jenny, Zoe, Liam, Susie, Nina, Adam, Kathleen, Elena, and Beth, and then at the end of the day Caley came for dinner.
(I adore Caley. I am forever in her debt that she came to our aid when I was first diagnosed, and there is a bond there that is simply unshakable. I see a younger version of myself in her, but perhaps that is vanity on my part, because Caley is far more together than I was. Whatever the connection, I adore her and admire her.)
Now I'm wound up but in need of sleep. Tomorrow is certain to be another busy day, and now it looks like Ryan's coming down with "my" cold. Hopefully whatever he's feeling tonight will be gone by the morning.
Love,
Kristina
Today has been impossibily full - playdates and favors for friends and cooking and cleaning etc. We managed to spend time with Jenny, Zoe, Liam, Susie, Nina, Adam, Kathleen, Elena, and Beth, and then at the end of the day Caley came for dinner.
(I adore Caley. I am forever in her debt that she came to our aid when I was first diagnosed, and there is a bond there that is simply unshakable. I see a younger version of myself in her, but perhaps that is vanity on my part, because Caley is far more together than I was. Whatever the connection, I adore her and admire her.)
Now I'm wound up but in need of sleep. Tomorrow is certain to be another busy day, and now it looks like Ryan's coming down with "my" cold. Hopefully whatever he's feeling tonight will be gone by the morning.
Love,
Kristina
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Well this will make for an interesting day!
6:05am, it's light outside, and I've been awake since 3:30am. I fell asleep after 11. These days, I'm tired on 10 hours of sleep, so we'll see how the rest of the day goes. Wish me patience with Tessa when she's raring to go and I'm dragging....
At least I cleaned out my email....!
At least I cleaned out my email....!
Tossing and turning
I can't sleep. Strange, awful dreams float through my brain while I'm attempting sleep, but mostly I'm tossing and turning and my brain keeps forming the question "Why?" and missing the answer.
I have made peace with many things in the past two years. I will make peace with this, too, but I don't know how.
The 3-Day is coming up, and I'm not at all ready. I haven't been training like I ought to be, and it's so hard to find the time! I will do the event, though, and I will be okay, one way or another...
I have been asked by WARM 106.9 to do another radio interview....stay tuned for details. Kate Daniels, the interviewer, really liked my interview just prior to the Race for the Cure, and thought it would be great to promote the 3-Day with another interview. Fabulous!
I have been debating whether I wanted to continue with my plan to have surgery in October to do the final steps - nipples. My weird Barbie-boobs are so fake that I wondered if it was worth it to put my body through another surgery to make them look more real, knowing that they'd never be real. Well, yesterday the question was answered for me. Tessa, in a completely out-of the-blue statement, said, "Mommy, do you remember when you had nipples? Why don't you have them any more? I wish you would have them again." Suddenly, it was as simple as that. Tessa reminded me of their symbolism, and her request filled me with peace over the decision to get them. I am scheduled for surgery on October 5th. It's day surgery, with a couple weeks of recovery...I should be good to go for my Genentech engagement in North Carolina on October 22.
Camping this weekend was fantastic. It was all I'd hoped for and more....all four of us (including Shep) had a wonderful time. On Sunday, we went for a family hike of an hour or an hour and a half, and I was filled with joy to see Tessa's excitement over huckleberries and salmonberries, wildflowers, a millipede, and the rest. She can now tell the difference between bracken and swordfern, and we've promised to bring out the books on flower names for next time.
The Hissongs and the Hisatomis were with us for this trip, and it was incredible to share in their friendship and to relax with them. On Saturday night, Heather, Natasha and I sat around the campfire after the guys and kids were all in bed, and it was relaxing to laugh and talk with them. These are the important moments in life! Ryan and I have a few more camping trips on the docket between now and the end of September....we've got momentum and we don't want to lose it. I would like Tessa to remember her childhood as a camping childhood, and once or twice a year isn't enough. I think we're going to go to Newhalem (up highway 20, part of the North Cascades National Park) for Labor Day weekend.
I am somehow gearing up for fall. I've been making lists of things to do, as I always do in fall, because I love nesting in the fall. I was discussing this with Heather, and we agreed that it was the teacher in each of us that made fall feel like the "real" new year. I'm looking forward to taking care of the house, getting ready for more time indoors. I'm not ready to send out the summer yet, but I feel that I'm enjoying the summer immensely and yet still able to look ahead to the cooler fall days.
I don't really have anything to say, but here I am. Sleepless, restless, weary.
I'll try to go back to bed. Maybe sleep will find me.
I have made peace with many things in the past two years. I will make peace with this, too, but I don't know how.
The 3-Day is coming up, and I'm not at all ready. I haven't been training like I ought to be, and it's so hard to find the time! I will do the event, though, and I will be okay, one way or another...
I have been asked by WARM 106.9 to do another radio interview....stay tuned for details. Kate Daniels, the interviewer, really liked my interview just prior to the Race for the Cure, and thought it would be great to promote the 3-Day with another interview. Fabulous!
I have been debating whether I wanted to continue with my plan to have surgery in October to do the final steps - nipples. My weird Barbie-boobs are so fake that I wondered if it was worth it to put my body through another surgery to make them look more real, knowing that they'd never be real. Well, yesterday the question was answered for me. Tessa, in a completely out-of the-blue statement, said, "Mommy, do you remember when you had nipples? Why don't you have them any more? I wish you would have them again." Suddenly, it was as simple as that. Tessa reminded me of their symbolism, and her request filled me with peace over the decision to get them. I am scheduled for surgery on October 5th. It's day surgery, with a couple weeks of recovery...I should be good to go for my Genentech engagement in North Carolina on October 22.
Camping this weekend was fantastic. It was all I'd hoped for and more....all four of us (including Shep) had a wonderful time. On Sunday, we went for a family hike of an hour or an hour and a half, and I was filled with joy to see Tessa's excitement over huckleberries and salmonberries, wildflowers, a millipede, and the rest. She can now tell the difference between bracken and swordfern, and we've promised to bring out the books on flower names for next time.
The Hissongs and the Hisatomis were with us for this trip, and it was incredible to share in their friendship and to relax with them. On Saturday night, Heather, Natasha and I sat around the campfire after the guys and kids were all in bed, and it was relaxing to laugh and talk with them. These are the important moments in life! Ryan and I have a few more camping trips on the docket between now and the end of September....we've got momentum and we don't want to lose it. I would like Tessa to remember her childhood as a camping childhood, and once or twice a year isn't enough. I think we're going to go to Newhalem (up highway 20, part of the North Cascades National Park) for Labor Day weekend.
I am somehow gearing up for fall. I've been making lists of things to do, as I always do in fall, because I love nesting in the fall. I was discussing this with Heather, and we agreed that it was the teacher in each of us that made fall feel like the "real" new year. I'm looking forward to taking care of the house, getting ready for more time indoors. I'm not ready to send out the summer yet, but I feel that I'm enjoying the summer immensely and yet still able to look ahead to the cooler fall days.
I don't really have anything to say, but here I am. Sleepless, restless, weary.
I'll try to go back to bed. Maybe sleep will find me.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Shaking
Today I learned that one of my Warrior Women team members has advanced to stage IV breast cancer.
That's a clinical sentence....let me try it again.
Today I found out that Kristin, an amazing, spirited, incredibly positive (truly, I look like a whiner next to her) warrior, has just learned that the breast cancer she's been fighting for less than a year has come back, and it's in her lungs.
Many of you have heard me mention Kristin's story, but let me retell a little of it. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 6 weeks pregnant. At 8 weeks pregnant, she had a mastectomy. She did AC through her second trimester, and then delivered her baby - a gorgeous baby girl, Ellie...healthy and strong, with more hair than her mama had! - in April. In May, Kristin came and helped out at the yard sale....she's fighting for a cure for everyone, not just herself.
While pregnant, and in chemo, Kristin worked 20 hours a week, taught aerobics (that one blows my mind!), and was a caring mother to daughter Luci and loving wife to Craig. Kristin's kick-ass attitude was to take no prisoners: she is fighting this disease with everything she's got, and she's determined to find a cure by the time our daughters are old enough to worry. I am honored to walk with her as a Warrior Woman.
Kristin is still in chemo - one Taxol left. I do not know what the new treatment plan will look like.
There is nobody fighting breast cancer harder than Kristin; there is nobody with a more positive attitude. The word inspiration is completley overused in the case of cancer survivorship, but really, she's off the charts. Kristin inspires me.
The news that she has another, even harder, battle to fight, feels like a punch in the face. My reaction is physical - when I found out, I thought for a moment I might throw up, and then I burst into real tears. Not little leaking at the eyes tears.....sobbing, wrenching weeping.
I feel outrage, agony, terror, pain, disbelief, shock, fear. I weep for Kristin, and I weep for myself because her path may be my path, too. (Please do not reply to this with platitudes. Sympathy towards these feelings is welcome, of course, but I can not bear to hear "this won't happen to you" right now. Nobody knows what will happen. We hope for the best, but I also fear the worst, and yes, I have a good attitude, but we all know that doesn't necessarily help.)
Today, I weep.
In my Genentech "story" I say that the moment I became a survivor was the moment when, after collapsing to the floor of the grocery store upon hearing the words "you have cancer," I stood up. I said that it is the act of standing up that makes one a survivor. I say, "First, you weep. Then, you stand up."
Today, I'm weeping. Maybe tomorrow I will stand up.
Kristin, I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. I imagine that weeping is part of it. I am certain that you will also stand. Holding your daughters' hands, staring into your husband's eyes, you will find the strength you need. Your strength is deep, and it is there for you. There are many hands reaching out to hold you up when you do not feel strong, but I am certain that there is a well of strength in you that has not yet been tapped. I am so, so sorry that you must seek the depths of that strength.
I am prepared to fight at Kristin's side. She is not a close friend, as we've only met a handful of times, but I am deeply touched by her strength, conviction, and desire to live...in addition to her humor and warmth. She is a Warrior Woman, and I will be a warrior at her side. I will fight for the cure for both of us. I will be there for Kristin and her beautiful family.
My pain is real today, but it's nothing compared to Kristin's. Please think, pray, send karma, or whatever you do in her direction.
I hate cancer. I hate ****'n cancer.
Kristina
PS After today's news, I do not have the desire just now to write about my wonderful camping trip this weekend. I still have much to celebrate, but today all of my thoughts are with Kristin.
That's a clinical sentence....let me try it again.
Today I found out that Kristin, an amazing, spirited, incredibly positive (truly, I look like a whiner next to her) warrior, has just learned that the breast cancer she's been fighting for less than a year has come back, and it's in her lungs.
Many of you have heard me mention Kristin's story, but let me retell a little of it. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 6 weeks pregnant. At 8 weeks pregnant, she had a mastectomy. She did AC through her second trimester, and then delivered her baby - a gorgeous baby girl, Ellie...healthy and strong, with more hair than her mama had! - in April. In May, Kristin came and helped out at the yard sale....she's fighting for a cure for everyone, not just herself.
While pregnant, and in chemo, Kristin worked 20 hours a week, taught aerobics (that one blows my mind!), and was a caring mother to daughter Luci and loving wife to Craig. Kristin's kick-ass attitude was to take no prisoners: she is fighting this disease with everything she's got, and she's determined to find a cure by the time our daughters are old enough to worry. I am honored to walk with her as a Warrior Woman.
Kristin is still in chemo - one Taxol left. I do not know what the new treatment plan will look like.
There is nobody fighting breast cancer harder than Kristin; there is nobody with a more positive attitude. The word inspiration is completley overused in the case of cancer survivorship, but really, she's off the charts. Kristin inspires me.
The news that she has another, even harder, battle to fight, feels like a punch in the face. My reaction is physical - when I found out, I thought for a moment I might throw up, and then I burst into real tears. Not little leaking at the eyes tears.....sobbing, wrenching weeping.
I feel outrage, agony, terror, pain, disbelief, shock, fear. I weep for Kristin, and I weep for myself because her path may be my path, too. (Please do not reply to this with platitudes. Sympathy towards these feelings is welcome, of course, but I can not bear to hear "this won't happen to you" right now. Nobody knows what will happen. We hope for the best, but I also fear the worst, and yes, I have a good attitude, but we all know that doesn't necessarily help.)
Today, I weep.
In my Genentech "story" I say that the moment I became a survivor was the moment when, after collapsing to the floor of the grocery store upon hearing the words "you have cancer," I stood up. I said that it is the act of standing up that makes one a survivor. I say, "First, you weep. Then, you stand up."
Today, I'm weeping. Maybe tomorrow I will stand up.
Kristin, I can only imagine what you are feeling right now. I imagine that weeping is part of it. I am certain that you will also stand. Holding your daughters' hands, staring into your husband's eyes, you will find the strength you need. Your strength is deep, and it is there for you. There are many hands reaching out to hold you up when you do not feel strong, but I am certain that there is a well of strength in you that has not yet been tapped. I am so, so sorry that you must seek the depths of that strength.
I am prepared to fight at Kristin's side. She is not a close friend, as we've only met a handful of times, but I am deeply touched by her strength, conviction, and desire to live...in addition to her humor and warmth. She is a Warrior Woman, and I will be a warrior at her side. I will fight for the cure for both of us. I will be there for Kristin and her beautiful family.
My pain is real today, but it's nothing compared to Kristin's. Please think, pray, send karma, or whatever you do in her direction.
I hate cancer. I hate ****'n cancer.
Kristina
PS After today's news, I do not have the desire just now to write about my wonderful camping trip this weekend. I still have much to celebrate, but today all of my thoughts are with Kristin.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Camping
I love camping. Let me repeat that - I LOVE CAMPING!
I love the smell of the woods - the richness of Pacific Northwest soil, created with fir needles, swordfern, moss, salal, and rotting nurse logs is pure ambrosia to me. I love waking up in the wee hours of the morning to hear birds cackling with glee - even the noisy, raucous bluejays make me smile. I love hearing nothing but the occassional pine needle falling on the tent in the middle of the night when all is still, when even a solitary pine needle falling is noticeable because of the stillness. I love getting up in the middle of the night to go to the loo, fumbling for a flashlight and a pair of flip-flops, and discovering that a million stars have come out to play while I was sleeping.
I love watching Tessa roast marshmallows, convinced that heaven is a place where you can roast sticky, messy, sugary treats on sticks over a fire without getting so much as a sideways glance from your parents (that does remind me to pack some wipes, though!). I love padding around in the morning bundled up in long underwear, making coffee (no need to go without just becasue we're in the woods!) on the propane camp stove.
I love sitting around in the middle of the day, with nothing to do but look at a good book, in the shade from the sun. I equally love throwing lunch into a backpack and exploring on foot, away from cars and all things mechanical or computerized. I love glances of wild animals - the cries of "oh look there's a fawn!" and "okay Mr. Raccoon you can come into our camp but stay AWAY from my chocolate" and "can you believe we saw a river otter - I love them!" mixed in with chattering about children's development, house projects, and the other mundane things that make up our lives.
I love that we're going to share this with friends, and that there is certain to be much laughter.
I love being warm and cozy in my sleeping bag at the end of the day, filled with the day's adventures, and fighting sleep because it just feels too good to miss a minute. I also love staying in bed as long as possible in the morning because it's so cozy and the day can wait!
We'll sit around a campfire with our children, watching them learn to love camping. And then we'll tuck them in bed, and we'll have a glass of wine, and we'll remember how relaxing camping can be for us.
Good, good times.
Of course, I still feel lousy but I don't care. I am not going to let this cold take over! Today I managed to get the grocery shopping done and to make the spaghetti sauce and to organize most of the camping stuff, and though I still have more to do I'm convinced, at last, that it will actually GET done. We're optimistic even enough to think that our family can go to C&P for a little hang-out time before Ryan heads to work (he'll join us after work) and Tessa and I meet the other moms & kids in the ferry lineup (we're headed to the peninsula).
Wish us luck!
I love the smell of the woods - the richness of Pacific Northwest soil, created with fir needles, swordfern, moss, salal, and rotting nurse logs is pure ambrosia to me. I love waking up in the wee hours of the morning to hear birds cackling with glee - even the noisy, raucous bluejays make me smile. I love hearing nothing but the occassional pine needle falling on the tent in the middle of the night when all is still, when even a solitary pine needle falling is noticeable because of the stillness. I love getting up in the middle of the night to go to the loo, fumbling for a flashlight and a pair of flip-flops, and discovering that a million stars have come out to play while I was sleeping.
I love watching Tessa roast marshmallows, convinced that heaven is a place where you can roast sticky, messy, sugary treats on sticks over a fire without getting so much as a sideways glance from your parents (that does remind me to pack some wipes, though!). I love padding around in the morning bundled up in long underwear, making coffee (no need to go without just becasue we're in the woods!) on the propane camp stove.
I love sitting around in the middle of the day, with nothing to do but look at a good book, in the shade from the sun. I equally love throwing lunch into a backpack and exploring on foot, away from cars and all things mechanical or computerized. I love glances of wild animals - the cries of "oh look there's a fawn!" and "okay Mr. Raccoon you can come into our camp but stay AWAY from my chocolate" and "can you believe we saw a river otter - I love them!" mixed in with chattering about children's development, house projects, and the other mundane things that make up our lives.
I love that we're going to share this with friends, and that there is certain to be much laughter.
I love being warm and cozy in my sleeping bag at the end of the day, filled with the day's adventures, and fighting sleep because it just feels too good to miss a minute. I also love staying in bed as long as possible in the morning because it's so cozy and the day can wait!
We'll sit around a campfire with our children, watching them learn to love camping. And then we'll tuck them in bed, and we'll have a glass of wine, and we'll remember how relaxing camping can be for us.
Good, good times.
Of course, I still feel lousy but I don't care. I am not going to let this cold take over! Today I managed to get the grocery shopping done and to make the spaghetti sauce and to organize most of the camping stuff, and though I still have more to do I'm convinced, at last, that it will actually GET done. We're optimistic even enough to think that our family can go to C&P for a little hang-out time before Ryan heads to work (he'll join us after work) and Tessa and I meet the other moms & kids in the ferry lineup (we're headed to the peninsula).
Wish us luck!
I have a cold
Bah humbug.
Today we were going to go to the wading pool at Gold Creek with Jessie, and have lunch with Charlotte & Caley, and I am just not feeling up to it. Jessie is still over, but I just don't have the energy to do much because my head is pounding and foggy and I just feel tired and achy and I have a bit of a cough and sore throat.
Poor, poor me. ;-)
Of course, a cold is just a cold. They come, they go. It's a hassle more than anything else, and I'm not needing of any pity - I know what "real" health issues are and this isn't one of them! None-the-less, I feel lousy and I hope that I get better soon. (And I have enough self-pity for this cold that I don't need anyone else's sympathies!)
So, a down day. I'm filling the wading pool for the girls, so they can play in the back yard, and I'm slowly folding laundry and the like. Not a bad day in the sunshine, although not what I had planned. I'd say my energy is 30% of my normal, but I'm functional!
Tomorrow we're going camping. I am not going to let this stupid cold get in my way, although the prospect of grocery shopping, making meals in advance, and packing up the entire car does have me exhausted before I begin. One foot in front of the other....!
Today we were going to go to the wading pool at Gold Creek with Jessie, and have lunch with Charlotte & Caley, and I am just not feeling up to it. Jessie is still over, but I just don't have the energy to do much because my head is pounding and foggy and I just feel tired and achy and I have a bit of a cough and sore throat.
Poor, poor me. ;-)
Of course, a cold is just a cold. They come, they go. It's a hassle more than anything else, and I'm not needing of any pity - I know what "real" health issues are and this isn't one of them! None-the-less, I feel lousy and I hope that I get better soon. (And I have enough self-pity for this cold that I don't need anyone else's sympathies!)
So, a down day. I'm filling the wading pool for the girls, so they can play in the back yard, and I'm slowly folding laundry and the like. Not a bad day in the sunshine, although not what I had planned. I'd say my energy is 30% of my normal, but I'm functional!
Tomorrow we're going camping. I am not going to let this stupid cold get in my way, although the prospect of grocery shopping, making meals in advance, and packing up the entire car does have me exhausted before I begin. One foot in front of the other....!
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Preschool
I'm starting to think about fall, and it's barely August...!
Tessa's preschool schedule is:
Tuesday, 12:15-3pm
Thursday, 12:15-3pm
Friday, 8:45am-11:30am
I have to figure out how to use my "off" time effectively, and how the new routine will look. I'm hoping that we can walk Shep to preschool with Tessa each day, which will be good for the environment (not driving the car), good quality time with Tessa and I, good exercise, and (of course) very happy for Shep. The preschool is perhaps a mile away, and that's the perfect distance as long as it's not sleeting. (Rain is fun for puddles, snow is fun, but sleet....brrr and yuck!) And once Tessa's in school, I can work out, run errands, write, clean the house, get a job, do volunteer work....oh wait, that's 15 hours a day I've just filled up! Well, I'll come up with something. :-)
Trying to enjoy summer days, but still thinking ahead....
PS Mom, I posted this here because you'd asked about Tessa's schedule next year. Here it is!
Tessa's preschool schedule is:
Tuesday, 12:15-3pm
Thursday, 12:15-3pm
Friday, 8:45am-11:30am
I have to figure out how to use my "off" time effectively, and how the new routine will look. I'm hoping that we can walk Shep to preschool with Tessa each day, which will be good for the environment (not driving the car), good quality time with Tessa and I, good exercise, and (of course) very happy for Shep. The preschool is perhaps a mile away, and that's the perfect distance as long as it's not sleeting. (Rain is fun for puddles, snow is fun, but sleet....brrr and yuck!) And once Tessa's in school, I can work out, run errands, write, clean the house, get a job, do volunteer work....oh wait, that's 15 hours a day I've just filled up! Well, I'll come up with something. :-)
Trying to enjoy summer days, but still thinking ahead....
PS Mom, I posted this here because you'd asked about Tessa's schedule next year. Here it is!
Wednesday
I'm struggling with a headache/cold/minor cough....and I wish they'd all go away. Some minutes I feel absolutely normal (this morning Tessa and I went to the Junction; she rode her bike and I walked/jogged beside her), and other minutes I feel like my head will explode. What's with that?! I'm low energy, and my to-do list seems even longer than usual, which is stressful. Normal, though!
We're getting ready for a little camping trip this weekend, and I'm excited to spend the night in a tent. Camping with a child and a dog is a little different than what we used to do, but it's wonderful and I'm looking forward to it. Some friends are joining us, and it promises to be a good time. Fingers crossed for good weather.
Shep went to the vet yesterday for a check-up, routine shots, and toenail trim. He is doing well, and his foot is healing nicely. It's still a "Frankenfoot" and always will be (scars galore, and scar tissue instead of a pad) but he is a happy pup who loves nothing more than to run around with his people and any passing dog, and we are grateful that despite the injury, and the horrific expenses it incurred, he is well. While he was healing it seemed to take forever (in reality, it was a couple of months before his skin grew back), but it's in the past now. These things happen, and they're horribly stressful of course, but it could have been worse. He still drives me nuts, but I do love him!
(Our thoughts go out to Zuma, Krystal's dog, who has her own injury right now, and to our extended family members who find themselves involved in this fiasco. I hope that forgiveness can be offered on all sides, and that all family members can see that each person involved has a good heart and does not/did not have negative intent. Emotions run high when beloved dogs are involved, and when expense is involved, and this is understandable. Family is forever, though, and I hope that everyone can work it out.)
Tessa is loving her bicycle, and sings the songs from "Sally Jean, The Bicycle Queen" (a favorite book) when she's perched atop her bike seat. She creates quite the picture when she's got her long (she won't let us cut it!) blond hair streaming behind her from under her helmet, wearing a skirt (ever the girly-girl, even when she's sporty), her bike-basket filled with stuffed animals, dandelions picked along the way, pedaling fast. The bike - a wonderful hand-me-down from Ellie & Molly - is a girl's dream, all pink and purple and white with sparkles and lovely streamers on the handlebars. Tessa's getting better on it, and though she still needs her training wheels she's getting much more confident and I often have to jog to keep up with her. She's learned how to slow herself and to stop (important skills!), and she goes over small bumps with ease now. She still shrieks when she's scared on the bike, but we've come a long way, and she's so proud of herself. It makes me feel a mother's joy to watch her attain this new skill, and to see her absolute delight.
More to say, but my head is entirely foggy this afternoon and I have a lot to do, anyway. Off to the races!
Love,
Kristina
We're getting ready for a little camping trip this weekend, and I'm excited to spend the night in a tent. Camping with a child and a dog is a little different than what we used to do, but it's wonderful and I'm looking forward to it. Some friends are joining us, and it promises to be a good time. Fingers crossed for good weather.
Shep went to the vet yesterday for a check-up, routine shots, and toenail trim. He is doing well, and his foot is healing nicely. It's still a "Frankenfoot" and always will be (scars galore, and scar tissue instead of a pad) but he is a happy pup who loves nothing more than to run around with his people and any passing dog, and we are grateful that despite the injury, and the horrific expenses it incurred, he is well. While he was healing it seemed to take forever (in reality, it was a couple of months before his skin grew back), but it's in the past now. These things happen, and they're horribly stressful of course, but it could have been worse. He still drives me nuts, but I do love him!
(Our thoughts go out to Zuma, Krystal's dog, who has her own injury right now, and to our extended family members who find themselves involved in this fiasco. I hope that forgiveness can be offered on all sides, and that all family members can see that each person involved has a good heart and does not/did not have negative intent. Emotions run high when beloved dogs are involved, and when expense is involved, and this is understandable. Family is forever, though, and I hope that everyone can work it out.)
Tessa is loving her bicycle, and sings the songs from "Sally Jean, The Bicycle Queen" (a favorite book) when she's perched atop her bike seat. She creates quite the picture when she's got her long (she won't let us cut it!) blond hair streaming behind her from under her helmet, wearing a skirt (ever the girly-girl, even when she's sporty), her bike-basket filled with stuffed animals, dandelions picked along the way, pedaling fast. The bike - a wonderful hand-me-down from Ellie & Molly - is a girl's dream, all pink and purple and white with sparkles and lovely streamers on the handlebars. Tessa's getting better on it, and though she still needs her training wheels she's getting much more confident and I often have to jog to keep up with her. She's learned how to slow herself and to stop (important skills!), and she goes over small bumps with ease now. She still shrieks when she's scared on the bike, but we've come a long way, and she's so proud of herself. It makes me feel a mother's joy to watch her attain this new skill, and to see her absolute delight.
More to say, but my head is entirely foggy this afternoon and I have a lot to do, anyway. Off to the races!
Love,
Kristina
Monday, July 30, 2007
Doubt - change of plan?
At first, when we started talking about renting out our basement, I was 100% for it. It seemed so easy, so simple, so perfect!
And now, perhaps because reality is setting in, I'm filled with doubt.
Do I really want to share our house? And if we do, is it worth it? How much money will we make each month after expenses (we need to buy a stove, doors, carpeting, paint, etc) and after utilities, taxes, fees and permits? Our basement is not deluxe, and I'm the first to admit that, so I am wondering if it's really worth $700. Am I really willing to give up so much for such a small amount of money?
Do we want to give up our family room, our guest room, and our second bathroom? In addition to giving up that space, we would be giving up our ability to find a quiet corner for some down time - our bedroom has french doors leading to the living room, and sound and light transmit through them. Noise transmits from upstairs to down and vice versa; do we want that? Do we want to share a hot water tank? Our yard?
But if we don't rent out our basement, exactly how should we go about earning some extra cash?
We could cut back on expenses. I just don't know how well we can do this. We're not exactly spending money willy-nilly right now...
Ideally, Genentech would offer me one speaking engagement per month, and this would allow us to budget better. I find the work for Genentech incredibly satisfying, and I feel that I have a talent for what they need me for, and I like the "now and then" nature of the work because it doesn't require me to set up daycare for Tessa. But if that's not going to happen (I am going to NC for an engagement in October, but that's only 4 engagements for 2007, not 12) then what? I could tutor students in high school English, I could seek part time employment, I could....what? I'm mulling it over at this time.
Tessa goes to kindergarten in a year, and that factors into this, too. I want to be available for her this year.
So, there is a lot on my mind. A lot to work through. I'm filled with doubt on every prospect - I see pros and cons for all, and so I (we) have to work it through. Stay tuned!
And now, perhaps because reality is setting in, I'm filled with doubt.
Do I really want to share our house? And if we do, is it worth it? How much money will we make each month after expenses (we need to buy a stove, doors, carpeting, paint, etc) and after utilities, taxes, fees and permits? Our basement is not deluxe, and I'm the first to admit that, so I am wondering if it's really worth $700. Am I really willing to give up so much for such a small amount of money?
Do we want to give up our family room, our guest room, and our second bathroom? In addition to giving up that space, we would be giving up our ability to find a quiet corner for some down time - our bedroom has french doors leading to the living room, and sound and light transmit through them. Noise transmits from upstairs to down and vice versa; do we want that? Do we want to share a hot water tank? Our yard?
But if we don't rent out our basement, exactly how should we go about earning some extra cash?
We could cut back on expenses. I just don't know how well we can do this. We're not exactly spending money willy-nilly right now...
Ideally, Genentech would offer me one speaking engagement per month, and this would allow us to budget better. I find the work for Genentech incredibly satisfying, and I feel that I have a talent for what they need me for, and I like the "now and then" nature of the work because it doesn't require me to set up daycare for Tessa. But if that's not going to happen (I am going to NC for an engagement in October, but that's only 4 engagements for 2007, not 12) then what? I could tutor students in high school English, I could seek part time employment, I could....what? I'm mulling it over at this time.
Tessa goes to kindergarten in a year, and that factors into this, too. I want to be available for her this year.
So, there is a lot on my mind. A lot to work through. I'm filled with doubt on every prospect - I see pros and cons for all, and so I (we) have to work it through. Stay tuned!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Three left
The title of this post makes me think back to chemo and radiation, when I was counting down. For chemo, the starting number was 16, for radiation it was 33, and, if my calculations are correct, I am counting down from 43 for Herceptin. If I've counted accurately, then I've completed 40 Herceptin appointments.
44 times going to the treatment center (40 Herceptin plus the 4 chemos that came before I started Herceptin) for a drug that is infused through an IV. Forty-four times being poked with a needle and receiving an IV, either through the port or through my arm. Forty-four times hearing the stories of other patients. Forty-four times having to squash the fear that rises in my throat; forty-four times having to remind myself that I'm okay that it's not me that I'm doingeverythingIcan and reminding myself, if possible, not to hyperventilate. I've been successful so far with keeping my emotions relatively controlled; I do not fight the nurses, I do not cry, I do not refuse to go.
For some reason, as I approach the end of my Herceptin treatment, it's getting harder for me each time I go to the treatment center. No side effects from Herceptin that I am aware of, and my veins complied this time, and life is good....but still, Cancerland is Cancerland.
Off to better things today...!
44 times going to the treatment center (40 Herceptin plus the 4 chemos that came before I started Herceptin) for a drug that is infused through an IV. Forty-four times being poked with a needle and receiving an IV, either through the port or through my arm. Forty-four times hearing the stories of other patients. Forty-four times having to squash the fear that rises in my throat; forty-four times having to remind myself that I'm okay that it's not me that I'm doingeverythingIcan and reminding myself, if possible, not to hyperventilate. I've been successful so far with keeping my emotions relatively controlled; I do not fight the nurses, I do not cry, I do not refuse to go.
For some reason, as I approach the end of my Herceptin treatment, it's getting harder for me each time I go to the treatment center. No side effects from Herceptin that I am aware of, and my veins complied this time, and life is good....but still, Cancerland is Cancerland.
Off to better things today...!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Four more Herceptin
Tomorrow I get my fourth-to-last Herceptin. My last one will be September 27, and I am counting down the days.
I am so, so, so tired of being in Cancerland. I have to psych myself up to go to the appointment. Last time I got 5 needles because my veins weren't compliant, but that's the least of it. I always overhear some horrible conversation about cancer running rampant in someone's body, or hear someone crying, or hear a nurse making hospice (end of life) arrangements on the phone for a patient, or someone throws up, or something. It's no way to spend the morning, I tell you that. Bah humbug.
Herceptin is a wonderful drug. I'm glad to get it. I believe in it, and it's worth it. But I hate Cancerland.
I am so, so, so tired of being in Cancerland. I have to psych myself up to go to the appointment. Last time I got 5 needles because my veins weren't compliant, but that's the least of it. I always overhear some horrible conversation about cancer running rampant in someone's body, or hear someone crying, or hear a nurse making hospice (end of life) arrangements on the phone for a patient, or someone throws up, or something. It's no way to spend the morning, I tell you that. Bah humbug.
Herceptin is a wonderful drug. I'm glad to get it. I believe in it, and it's worth it. But I hate Cancerland.
Monday, July 23, 2007
MIL Apartment Available in West Seattle!
Ryan and I have reached the decision that our lives would be better with some extra cash. (That shouldn't be a surprise to anyone - everyone can use extra cash!) We are very fortunate in that our house has a built-in mother-in-law apartment, and so we're going to rent it out for some extra income. We feel good about this decision, as it prevents me from returning to work, and it's an asset we already have, so we might as well make use of it. Our house is big enough for us even without the basement - we have tons of storage in our attic, Tessa's room is a large play-space, and we still have the living room and dining room for entertaining. We are so fortunate to have this option!
Anyway, here's the email I just sent out to a few friends to announce that we're starting to look for a tenant; I'm putting it here because you just never know who might be readint this and looking for a place to live. Please send me your referrals for people who might want a quiet place to live, close to the shops, near the bus line, in a great part of West Seattle.
------
Hello, friends!
Do you know anyone who might be looking for a quiet place in West Seattle?
Ryan and I have decided that we are going to prepare our basement (which already has a kitchen, bathroom with shower, bedroom, and living room) for rent to bring in some extra rental income. We're doing some small upgrades (buying a stove, new flooring in the kitchen, installing a new door for the downstairs entrance, paint, etc.), and hope to have it ready for a tenant in mid-August or thereabouts, hopefully to have someone move in by September 1. The apartment is 1000+ sq. feet, and all utilities (including basic cable and internet access; no phone included) will be included in the rental cost; we will share the laundry facilities. A cat would be welcome; no dogs, please (our one dog is enough!). Our ideal tenant would be a single woman, but we don't discriminate. ;-) Absolutely no smoking.
We haven't yet determined the fair rental value, but we're working on that and getting some comps to compare it to (looking at about $700/month). Right now I thought I'd start with word of mouth to see if any of you knew someone who might be interested.
If you know anyone who might be interested, please let us know or pass along this message! We won't be prepared to show the place until mid-August, but I hope to generate some interest before then. :-) Anyone interested can email me at rykri@comcast.net .
Thanks!
Kristina
Anyway, here's the email I just sent out to a few friends to announce that we're starting to look for a tenant; I'm putting it here because you just never know who might be readint this and looking for a place to live. Please send me your referrals for people who might want a quiet place to live, close to the shops, near the bus line, in a great part of West Seattle.
------
Hello, friends!
Do you know anyone who might be looking for a quiet place in West Seattle?
Ryan and I have decided that we are going to prepare our basement (which already has a kitchen, bathroom with shower, bedroom, and living room) for rent to bring in some extra rental income. We're doing some small upgrades (buying a stove, new flooring in the kitchen, installing a new door for the downstairs entrance, paint, etc.), and hope to have it ready for a tenant in mid-August or thereabouts, hopefully to have someone move in by September 1. The apartment is 1000+ sq. feet, and all utilities (including basic cable and internet access; no phone included) will be included in the rental cost; we will share the laundry facilities. A cat would be welcome; no dogs, please (our one dog is enough!). Our ideal tenant would be a single woman, but we don't discriminate. ;-) Absolutely no smoking.
We haven't yet determined the fair rental value, but we're working on that and getting some comps to compare it to (looking at about $700/month). Right now I thought I'd start with word of mouth to see if any of you knew someone who might be interested.
If you know anyone who might be interested, please let us know or pass along this message! We won't be prepared to show the place until mid-August, but I hope to generate some interest before then. :-) Anyone interested can email me at rykri@comcast.net .
Thanks!
Kristina
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Love this graphic
Someone on the YSC boards had this as part of their signature. I am feeling decidedly UN-Wonderwoman-ish today, but still love this picture.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
At the aquarium today
Today, Tessa and I met up with cousin Caleb, Grammy and Grandpa at the aquarium. As you can see from these pictures, a good time was had by all!After the aquarium, Tessa and I caught the water taxi home, stopping at "Coffee to a Tea" for cupcakes and Husky Deli for ice cream, and we came home and got Ryan's birthday dinner ready. (His actual birthday is Monday, but since that's a weeknight we celebrated a bit early with Paul & Libby.) It was lovely to spend a relaxed evening with Paul & Libby.
Tessa was completely worn out by the end, but happy from her busy day. Me too!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tessa
Ryan said that his dad would look at this shot and have the perfect advice for Tessa - "Wait. Wait. Wait some more before you swing!" Good advice if she'll follow it, but actually hitting the ball wasn't important today. Today, Ryan got his first father-daughter pitching session, and I'm not sure who was happier about it, because both of them were glowing. Happy days!
Tessa getting tips on baseball from Daddy. (This time the fashion accessory is a Hawaiian flower barette.) Ryan, dressed in bike gear and fresh from his ride, came home hungry but had to delay his dinner because the sweet call of "Daddy, will you play baseball with me? I can run all of the bases - first, second, third, and sixth!" was too wonderful to resist. Tessa had her first go at baseball today at her YMCA "camp" and she loved it. Never mind that when I watched she was mostly drawing pictures in the dust behind the pitcher's mound...in her head, she's a baseball star.
Tessa at her first day of soccer, showing off her new YMCA camp shirt and her new shin guards. Oh, yes, and wearing kitty ears and posing. She made me laugh - but it was easy to spot her on the field! She is really enjoying soccer, and is getting better at kicking the ball around with a small (small!) degree of control.
This is of Tessa at the hospital on July 4. Notice that SHE has color in her cheeks, but Ryan is pale (as was I!). By the time we got to emergency, Tessa was feeling better to some degree, but both her parents were pretty freaked out. In this shot, Tessa is wearing her "4th of July" outfit - the one she was going to wear at the parade - and she's got her hand taped to the IV board. Ugh - I hope we don't have to do that any time soon.
It's late and I want to go to bed, but I wanted to share these pics. Have a good night!
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