Truth and Right Relations

Today's WSUU sermon was lovely, and timely for me.

The children's story was about how to tell the truth - a child tells a lie to her mother and is punished, so she vows to tell the truth all the time. She starts to volunteer truth, some of which is not kind, and so the other children start to get angry and leave her out. As I listened, I thought, "is this the message I am meant to hear?" but the story continued. A neighbor says, "Isn't my garden perfect?" and the child hesitantly (remembering how the children reacted to her truth-telling) says, "Umm, it looks like a jungle." At first, the neighbor is upset. But the next day, the child comes by and the neighbor is working in her garden, and says, "You know, you were right, it had gotten pretty wild," and the neighbor and child happily work together to restore the garden.

The adult sermon was about right relations, and about "staying at the table" to have the difficult conversations. This, too, is about telling the truth in kind ways. But it is not about letting things smooth over, letting things that are troublesome slip by in an effort not to make waves. It is about being true to one's ideals, while leaving room to hear others' viewpoints. It is about honoring one's self, while being compassionate towards others. It is about openness.

The sermon posed the idea that when we just sit back, and remove our viewpoint from the conversation, we are being false, and ensuring that there is no depth to the relationship. The trick, it seems, is to remain true to one's own values while allowing others to remain true to their own DIFFERENT values, and to accept such differences.

The sermon also pointed out that this could lead to chaos, and usually does. Even when offered in the right spirit, with thoughtfulness and openness, stating one's differences can cause quite a reaction. The speaker (a guest reverend this week) stated that this is good, and perhaps even necessary, because through this chaos a new, deeper meaning can be found. She also acknowledged that new meaning was not always found,and that sometimes the chaos is the final result.

This is what I'm thinking about tonight. It's interesting, and comforting, and confusing (how does one know when to speak up, and in what way to speak up?) and I'm grateful for the oportunity to mull it over.

In thinking through speaking up for my own ideas, I think I need to ask myself:
- Am I being truthful AND kind?
- am I honoring myself and others by speaking up?
- am I willing to endure chaos?
- (and a subset of that one) in enduring chaos, can I stand tall and confident?
- is there a possibility for greater depth of relationship through the telling of such truths?

The trick, I see, is to be compassionate toward self and others at the same time.

I am so glad that I'm being given this information to think about. I appreciate the chance to work on the spiritual side of myself in a structured way, because without the structure I feel a little lost in wondering how to work it out and through.