Drug update

On Monday, I took my first Actonel (bisphosphonate - bone builder). I am required to take it once a week, and when I take it, I need to abstain from food and drink (except water to wash it down) for a minimum of a half hour, and I need to remain upright. This is generally not a problem, as I don't wake up hungry (I'd happily skip breakfast except I know I shouldn't) although waiting for coffee makes me rather sad! The drug often causes nausea and flu-like symptoms, especially after the first couple of doses, and that may be why I felt lousy last night. I felt achy and tired beyond belief, but woke up feeling more normal. I'm relieved that this is all I'm experiencing from this med, as the list of side effects is long and scary.

I also went for my annual exam with my G.P. yesterday. We reviewed my cholesterol levels (210) and she explained that the overall number is misleading because my LDL is within acceptable levels and my HDL is above the minimum, so I'm actually doing quite well in that regard. Unfortunately (because I find it unpleasant) even though my cervix has been removed I still need annual pap smears - whatever! - but apparently everything looked normal.

I also discussed all the meds I'm taking, including Lexapro. I've been at the lowest dose (10mg), and we agreed to up it to the next highest dose (20mg). I am certainly still not myself, and if I can get chemical help with that, I'll take it.

Depression is very interesting. It's hard to tell what is "life" (when life involves cancer treatment, bills, and the rest, it's understandable that not everything would be 100% rosy) and what is depression. It's hard to tell how I feel; it's hard to tell if things are in order. I do know that I would generally classify myself as an eternal optimist, as a very happy person, as someone who seeks and finds joy....and I know that it seems a lot harder these days. I find myself having negative thoughts and then the "sane" part of my brain says "whoa! back up, and stop being so negative!" but these thoughts surprise me. I'm used to expecting the best of the world, and when I find my mind moaning and complaining and (worst of all) resigned to the fact that things just suck and there's nothing I can do about it....well, then I know I need help. We'll see if Lexapro has some answers for me. I don't want to be Debbie Downer.

I do wonder if the reason I'm so tired is depression, or something else. I will say that the sleeping aids (Neurontin) seem to be helping, and so maybe I can catch up.