Almost time

13 hours from now I'll be at the hospital, wearing a backless gown (which they will remove before operating, to expose my front) and hopefully taking some really nice anti-anxiety meds to make me feel calm and peaceful.

Because I do NOT feel calm and peaceful.

Part of me thinks that I should think that this surgery is no big deal because it's just cosmetic and I've done much, much worse; but the other part of me is completely freaked out because they'll be cutting my eyes and because this is the second round of corrections and they might not work and it's a lot to go through for an uncertain result.

Part of me wants to go under the covers and hide.

I had a good time at bookclub tonight; I joked with Katie that it was a bunch of "alpha types" and I love alpha women. They were bandying about book names back and forth, and I was impressed with their literary depth and knowledge. It was a great distraction.

Even though, in the closing pages of the book we read, two women died of "the cancer." Nice. And even though one of the book suggestions was about a book written from the perspective of a child who mourned her deceased mother. (NO, I'm not reading that one.)

Bad attitude again.

It will be okay. Tomorrow I will feel better. But I don't think I will ever get used to surgery, even if I have to do a million more. I just want to move past this, to live my beautiful life.