Tessa knew that she needed to be certain heights to go on Disney rides. Well....
http://www.hiddenmickeys.org/Disneyland/Restrictions.html
...it looks like she can go on almost everything now.
http://www.kingdommagictravel.com/disneyworld/theme_parks/height_restrictions.htm
If she gets one inch taller, she can go on rides that make me sick just thinking about them. :-)
If only we had the winning Lotto ticket! :-)
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Booster seats
I was getting behind in my safety knowledge (who, ME?!) and decided to look up booster seat info. Here is what I found:
http://www.carseat.org/Boosters/627_choose_boost.pdf
It says:
Recent research suggests that boosters with a back
are more protective than those without a back, particularly in side impacts.
...but goes on to say:
Backless boosters are lightweight and inexpensive, so they are a reasonable choice for carpooling, play dates, and public
distribution programs. A backless booster should not be used unless the child is able to sit upright throughout the trip and
the child’s head is supported by the vehicle seatback.
I remember the seatbelt rubbing my neck when I was a kid, so I would tuck the shoulder strap behind; I also remember removing the shoulder strap so that I could lay down to sleep in the back seat (with the lap belt around me). I guess Tessa's booster seat "wings" will keep her upright, because now I know better.
Tessa is 47 inches and 44 pounds, so I thought maybe it was time to let her go "backless" but reading this convinces me otherwise. I will waiver to allow for backless on playdates (especially with three in a row, it's hard to fit three booster seats in the back of a car) but we will keep the back on in our car for a long time.
Boosters are required to age 8 or 4'9" - see the Washington State law here:
http://depts.washington.edu/booster/anton_skeen_bill.html
I'm only posting this info because I had to seek it for myself, so thought that someone else might be looking for that info and benefit from it as well.
Edited to add:
Booster seats protect against serious injury 3 ½ times better than seat belts. Booster seats protect against head injury 4 times better than seat belts.
http://depts.washington.edu/booster/faq.html#why
http://www.carseat.org/Boosters/627_choose_boost.pdf
It says:
Recent research suggests that boosters with a back
are more protective than those without a back, particularly in side impacts.
...but goes on to say:
Backless boosters are lightweight and inexpensive, so they are a reasonable choice for carpooling, play dates, and public
distribution programs. A backless booster should not be used unless the child is able to sit upright throughout the trip and
the child’s head is supported by the vehicle seatback.
I remember the seatbelt rubbing my neck when I was a kid, so I would tuck the shoulder strap behind; I also remember removing the shoulder strap so that I could lay down to sleep in the back seat (with the lap belt around me). I guess Tessa's booster seat "wings" will keep her upright, because now I know better.
Tessa is 47 inches and 44 pounds, so I thought maybe it was time to let her go "backless" but reading this convinces me otherwise. I will waiver to allow for backless on playdates (especially with three in a row, it's hard to fit three booster seats in the back of a car) but we will keep the back on in our car for a long time.
Boosters are required to age 8 or 4'9" - see the Washington State law here:
http://depts.washington.edu/booster/anton_skeen_bill.html
I'm only posting this info because I had to seek it for myself, so thought that someone else might be looking for that info and benefit from it as well.
Edited to add:
Booster seats protect against serious injury 3 ½ times better than seat belts. Booster seats protect against head injury 4 times better than seat belts.
http://depts.washington.edu/booster/faq.html#why
Considering
After my last surgery (well, before) I said, "Never again."
Never say never.
I am seriously considering yet another surgery. My PS always intended to go back, to remove the scar tissues from previous surgical "mistakes" and tighten this and remove that misshapen bit and resculpt here and there and oh, yes, maybe even give me nipples. I said, "No." I simply walked away.
Well, six months after my last surgery, I am very carefully reconsidering.
My right breast is relatively okay. It's the right shape, covered in horrid scars, but okay. It is enough.
My left breast continues to change, and it is not okay. The breast has indents that push like spokes in a wheel, so that one quadrant is deeply rippled from the center outward. It is misshapen. The thin skin is visibly wrong; I can manipulate the implant, feel edges.
I am considering major revisions. I could leave the right alone, maybe do a DIEP on the left. That would replace the radiated tissue with (healthy) belly tissue, and perhaps I could remove the implant on that side, using my own tissue instead. Such a surgery is basically a tummy tuck....but more painful, involving muscle.
How much more of this can I stand? How many more surgeries should I do? When is enough enough?
I have not made any decisions. I'm exploring options, opening doors that I thought I'd closed. This is a decision that only I can make. The YSC girls are strongly encouraging me to fix it, to make it right. Would doing so symbolically help me?
My poor, tender, bruised body. What else will I ask of it?
I don't know.
Never say never.
I am seriously considering yet another surgery. My PS always intended to go back, to remove the scar tissues from previous surgical "mistakes" and tighten this and remove that misshapen bit and resculpt here and there and oh, yes, maybe even give me nipples. I said, "No." I simply walked away.
Well, six months after my last surgery, I am very carefully reconsidering.
My right breast is relatively okay. It's the right shape, covered in horrid scars, but okay. It is enough.
My left breast continues to change, and it is not okay. The breast has indents that push like spokes in a wheel, so that one quadrant is deeply rippled from the center outward. It is misshapen. The thin skin is visibly wrong; I can manipulate the implant, feel edges.
I am considering major revisions. I could leave the right alone, maybe do a DIEP on the left. That would replace the radiated tissue with (healthy) belly tissue, and perhaps I could remove the implant on that side, using my own tissue instead. Such a surgery is basically a tummy tuck....but more painful, involving muscle.
How much more of this can I stand? How many more surgeries should I do? When is enough enough?
I have not made any decisions. I'm exploring options, opening doors that I thought I'd closed. This is a decision that only I can make. The YSC girls are strongly encouraging me to fix it, to make it right. Would doing so symbolically help me?
My poor, tender, bruised body. What else will I ask of it?
I don't know.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Living
Someone I know online is dying right now. I don't know how long she has left- I don't think she knows either - but she is in at-home hospice with palliative care.
I am actively aware of her dying, and I carry it with me, a sorrow and a burden. I don't understand it, why it must be this way. I don't understand how such a light, such a force, such a strong woman can die. It just doesn't seem possible.
I think that the message that I am getting from her death -and it's not the first breast cancer death I've watched, but it's impacting me even more than others - is that I must LIVE. I must be true, and honest, and I must seek out the joy and the beauty that is mine for the taking simply because I am alive.
It is a bittersweet, this knowledge that I carry with me, right up with me, not tucked away. Bitter because no, no, no! Sweet because I am taking the small moments and they are taking my breath away.
Tessa's long blond, sunkissed hair in braids, bouncing on her shoulders as she runs. Chocolate gelato. The moon in the blue sky today. Watching Tessa bounce to the music of Recess Monkey downtown. A catchy tune. Picnicking downtown with friends. It is so beautiful, it takes my breath away, brings a small tear to my eye. Literal gasping.
I will LIVE my life, whatever is given to me. I will feel the pain, the sorrow, the worry, the fear - just because I am seeking beauty doesn't mean that these other things are going away. But I will LIVE. I turned off my cellphone, I held Tessa's hand, I lived in the moment.
I will live my life, as long as I have life.
This is the lesson. Now I must practice it.
I am actively aware of her dying, and I carry it with me, a sorrow and a burden. I don't understand it, why it must be this way. I don't understand how such a light, such a force, such a strong woman can die. It just doesn't seem possible.
I think that the message that I am getting from her death -and it's not the first breast cancer death I've watched, but it's impacting me even more than others - is that I must LIVE. I must be true, and honest, and I must seek out the joy and the beauty that is mine for the taking simply because I am alive.
It is a bittersweet, this knowledge that I carry with me, right up with me, not tucked away. Bitter because no, no, no! Sweet because I am taking the small moments and they are taking my breath away.
Tessa's long blond, sunkissed hair in braids, bouncing on her shoulders as she runs. Chocolate gelato. The moon in the blue sky today. Watching Tessa bounce to the music of Recess Monkey downtown. A catchy tune. Picnicking downtown with friends. It is so beautiful, it takes my breath away, brings a small tear to my eye. Literal gasping.
I will LIVE my life, whatever is given to me. I will feel the pain, the sorrow, the worry, the fear - just because I am seeking beauty doesn't mean that these other things are going away. But I will LIVE. I turned off my cellphone, I held Tessa's hand, I lived in the moment.
I will live my life, as long as I have life.
This is the lesson. Now I must practice it.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Picky eater advice?
Tessa's whole life, she has eaten a wide variety of foods without hesitation, and even with glee. She loves sushi (California rolls with real crab & tobiko are her favorite), Thai food, cashew chicken, and any number of other foods that "regular" kids turn their noses up at. Greek, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, all seafood....all have been favorites. She has never liked asparagus or potatoes, so I've never forced those. Or beans - she's never liked the texture of beans. But everything else was a go ahead with a smile.
In the last month, this has changed DRAMATICALLY.
Suddenly, a banana will bring her to tears. The mere mention of fish for dinner sent her under her bed for a full-on tantrum. (I pointed out that I had written a note on the recipe when I made it last, saying 'Tessa loved it and asked for seconds' and she said, "I changed my mind!" even before she tasted it.)
The list of foods that Tessa enjoys can be narrowed down to the following:
1. Cheeseburgers
2. Grilled cheese sandwiches
3. Spaghetti and meatballs
Gone from the list is chicken curry, shrimp, a wide variety of fruits and vegetables....
HELP! What do I do? I have to believe it's just a phase - I mean, she loved all this stuff a month ago - but this is getting really tough. She cried like I'd broken her heart tonight because of what I cooked for dinner, even though I said she could have mostly white rice and pea pods - but she said now she doesn't like rice or pea pods (sugar snap peas). ONLY a cheeseburger would make her happy.
This Mama is not making cheeseburgers every night. No way, no how.
Ideas?
In the last month, this has changed DRAMATICALLY.
Suddenly, a banana will bring her to tears. The mere mention of fish for dinner sent her under her bed for a full-on tantrum. (I pointed out that I had written a note on the recipe when I made it last, saying 'Tessa loved it and asked for seconds' and she said, "I changed my mind!" even before she tasted it.)
The list of foods that Tessa enjoys can be narrowed down to the following:
1. Cheeseburgers
2. Grilled cheese sandwiches
3. Spaghetti and meatballs
Gone from the list is chicken curry, shrimp, a wide variety of fruits and vegetables....
HELP! What do I do? I have to believe it's just a phase - I mean, she loved all this stuff a month ago - but this is getting really tough. She cried like I'd broken her heart tonight because of what I cooked for dinner, even though I said she could have mostly white rice and pea pods - but she said now she doesn't like rice or pea pods (sugar snap peas). ONLY a cheeseburger would make her happy.
This Mama is not making cheeseburgers every night. No way, no how.
Ideas?
Sleep deprivation and chore time
Last night I was into a good book, so I didn't turn out the light until midnight (my mistake). Ryan was restless, so I didn't fall asleep until around 1:30 (I love him anyway). And then this morning at 5am Tessa woke up crying, saying, "My tummy hurts SO much!" She threw up and the whole bit.
Cancel soccer, cancel our playdate with Anna, cancel having Michele & Dave & kids over for dinner.
Well, Tessa seems to be her regular self again, happy as a clam except mad that I won't let her play with friends. We've taken on a chore day as a result, and I just spent a couple of torturous hours in Tessa's room sorting through her things and getting rid of things. The end result is worth it but OH MY that was no fun at all!
Tessa and I also washed down her "new" desk in preparation for painting. This is another of my roadside treasures, and I'm actually thinking it IS a treasure. It is a solid maple writing desk with little cubby-drawers, well made and heavy. We are painting it white to match everything else in her room, and switching out the hardware, and I think it's going to be darling. She's excited about it, too. It will be nice for first grade homework projects.
Laundry is running, the vacuum has been getting milage, and I'm exhausted. But I have spent so much time doing fun stuff that it is good to get things done around the house, too.
Cancel soccer, cancel our playdate with Anna, cancel having Michele & Dave & kids over for dinner.
Well, Tessa seems to be her regular self again, happy as a clam except mad that I won't let her play with friends. We've taken on a chore day as a result, and I just spent a couple of torturous hours in Tessa's room sorting through her things and getting rid of things. The end result is worth it but OH MY that was no fun at all!
Tessa and I also washed down her "new" desk in preparation for painting. This is another of my roadside treasures, and I'm actually thinking it IS a treasure. It is a solid maple writing desk with little cubby-drawers, well made and heavy. We are painting it white to match everything else in her room, and switching out the hardware, and I think it's going to be darling. She's excited about it, too. It will be nice for first grade homework projects.
Laundry is running, the vacuum has been getting milage, and I'm exhausted. But I have spent so much time doing fun stuff that it is good to get things done around the house, too.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Breast cancer article
Warning: This post is dark, and not for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients. Read on at your own risk. (Or click away - I'll post something lighter another day!)
I routinely look up the latest information on breast cancer, paying particular attention to ASCO findings. (This is how I determined my desire to take Zometa, for example. I'm due for another infusion in July....sigh.)
Anyway, I was playing around with info tonight, and came across this:
You may experience side effects or complications from cancer treatment. For example, radiation therapy may cause temporary swelling of the breast, and aches and pains around the area. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000913.htm
This is so understated as to be laughable. How about this instead?
You may experience side effects or complications from cancer treatment. For example, radiation therapy may cause deep burns which (DELETED because I was being too dark and I don't want to scare someone who stumbles onto my blog.)
I know, I know, it doesn't happen to everyone. But it happened to me.
I will be sweet and nice again....but this just hit me the wrong way!
I routinely look up the latest information on breast cancer, paying particular attention to ASCO findings. (This is how I determined my desire to take Zometa, for example. I'm due for another infusion in July....sigh.)
Anyway, I was playing around with info tonight, and came across this:
You may experience side effects or complications from cancer treatment. For example, radiation therapy may cause temporary swelling of the breast, and aches and pains around the area. http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000913.htm
This is so understated as to be laughable. How about this instead?
You may experience side effects or complications from cancer treatment. For example, radiation therapy may cause deep burns which (DELETED because I was being too dark and I don't want to scare someone who stumbles onto my blog.)
I know, I know, it doesn't happen to everyone. But it happened to me.
I will be sweet and nice again....but this just hit me the wrong way!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunshine
Blue skies here.
After the slumber party disbursed, we tidied things up a bit, and then went to Lincoln Park with friends. Tessa Razor scootered, threw rocks in the sea, and built some kind of fort out of driftwood with three boys from her school, and the moms (Laurie & Jen & I) hung out and chatted and caught sunshine. We picnicked there - PB&J again for us because I really need to go grocery shopping !- and had a lovely time.
This afternoon, we did another hour or so of chores, and then went to Alki for the evening with Susan, Jackson, and Carter. Tessa did her usual stay-in-the-sea-til-she's-blue routine (lasting less time than usual, and shivering more...hmmm) and we planned a BBQ. I had brought charcoal briquettes and chicken and shrimp, and we planned to grill. Well, the joke was on me - I had the tablecloth and the enamelware plates and the reusable water bottles and all that....but the coals just would not ignite. We messed with it for a long time and gave up. Pepperdock serves great burgers, anyway. ;-) I suppose I can grill - at home on gas - tomorrow.
I'm tired from all the sun, but happy. I managed to fold three baskets of laundry and put them away, but of course the hamper is now filled with a day's worth of clothes, beach towels, tablecloth, and blanket....I should give up on trying to catch up! Oh well. My house is less than perfect, but I am living my life to the fullest, and that is all I can ask for.
PS Ryan did a 65 mile bike ride today and felt toasted as a result. He is going to be creaky tomorrow, I think. He's preparing for a longer ride in July.
After the slumber party disbursed, we tidied things up a bit, and then went to Lincoln Park with friends. Tessa Razor scootered, threw rocks in the sea, and built some kind of fort out of driftwood with three boys from her school, and the moms (Laurie & Jen & I) hung out and chatted and caught sunshine. We picnicked there - PB&J again for us because I really need to go grocery shopping !- and had a lovely time.
This afternoon, we did another hour or so of chores, and then went to Alki for the evening with Susan, Jackson, and Carter. Tessa did her usual stay-in-the-sea-til-she's-blue routine (lasting less time than usual, and shivering more...hmmm) and we planned a BBQ. I had brought charcoal briquettes and chicken and shrimp, and we planned to grill. Well, the joke was on me - I had the tablecloth and the enamelware plates and the reusable water bottles and all that....but the coals just would not ignite. We messed with it for a long time and gave up. Pepperdock serves great burgers, anyway. ;-) I suppose I can grill - at home on gas - tomorrow.
I'm tired from all the sun, but happy. I managed to fold three baskets of laundry and put them away, but of course the hamper is now filled with a day's worth of clothes, beach towels, tablecloth, and blanket....I should give up on trying to catch up! Oh well. My house is less than perfect, but I am living my life to the fullest, and that is all I can ask for.
PS Ryan did a 65 mile bike ride today and felt toasted as a result. He is going to be creaky tomorrow, I think. He's preparing for a longer ride in July.
Poetry and Slumber Parties
I forgot to write a note about one feature of the SAM day - poetry. While Tessa and I were waiting for the water taxi to depart, she looked down and saw a spider web on the dock, just inches from the water. Tessa dictated the following poem to me:
Spider Living By the Sea
I am a spider
who lives by the sea.
I do not catch bugs,
I catch fish,
Because there are no bugs
by the ocean.
But fish tastes good.
When spiders live by the sea
there are no bugs
for them to eat.
Why I eat the fish
is because it tastes good;
Besides, I hate bugs.
You might think I'm weird
because I am a spider.
I have no friends -
Actually, I have one friend,
and it is a fish.
It is a jellyfish.
This will not make it into Granta but have I mentioned how much I love having a daughter who thinks that sitting on a boat and composing poetry is fun? Tessa wrote down the titles for two more poems to complete, as well: "I am a jellyfish" and "I am a starfish, living on a piling".
This morning I have Jessie & Zoe over, and the girls are in heaven. I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and they've been finishing up last night's movie (The Saddle Club).
Spider Living By the Sea
I am a spider
who lives by the sea.
I do not catch bugs,
I catch fish,
Because there are no bugs
by the ocean.
But fish tastes good.
When spiders live by the sea
there are no bugs
for them to eat.
Why I eat the fish
is because it tastes good;
Besides, I hate bugs.
You might think I'm weird
because I am a spider.
I have no friends -
Actually, I have one friend,
and it is a fish.
It is a jellyfish.
This will not make it into Granta but have I mentioned how much I love having a daughter who thinks that sitting on a boat and composing poetry is fun? Tessa wrote down the titles for two more poems to complete, as well: "I am a jellyfish" and "I am a starfish, living on a piling".
This morning I have Jessie & Zoe over, and the girls are in heaven. I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and they've been finishing up last night's movie (The Saddle Club).
Friday, June 26, 2009
Well worth my time
http://kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/
This artist/writer is so amazing. I feel like I float through her work like it is a river, taking me away. What a beautiful gift.
This artist/writer is so amazing. I feel like I float through her work like it is a river, taking me away. What a beautiful gift.
Hiking with girls
Today I decided that it was time to go hiking. I decided that since Tessa and I were one on one all day yesterday I wouldn't push my luck and do it twice, so I invited Tessa's friend Jessie along.
It was magical.
The girls were in high spirits, so happy to be outdoors. We went to my favorite trailhead...almost. When we turned up the steep road to the trailhead, there was a washout, so we had to turn around and find a new hike. We chose the Denny Creek area, and hiked in to Franklin Falls, which was just gorgeous.
I saw wildflowers (I love the sweet, simple trillium); the girls sang and giggled and ran half the way. Shep was delirious with the joy of being with us, as he's not so fond of art museum days when he's not invited. The air was so fresh, the roar of the river so perfect, and the cedar trees so very large.
We feasted on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on home made bread, along with some gorp. We leaned against rocks, we felt the spray of the falls, we climbed on the rocks. The girls were happy; they were content. There was no whining for stuff, no complaining about the length of the trail. There was just loving the outdoors, loving being together.
I am a lucky, lucky woman.
Tonight we went to Bobcat Bob's CD release party, and hung out with friends at the coffee shop (C&P, of course).
I am blessed.
It was magical.
The girls were in high spirits, so happy to be outdoors. We went to my favorite trailhead...almost. When we turned up the steep road to the trailhead, there was a washout, so we had to turn around and find a new hike. We chose the Denny Creek area, and hiked in to Franklin Falls, which was just gorgeous.
I saw wildflowers (I love the sweet, simple trillium); the girls sang and giggled and ran half the way. Shep was delirious with the joy of being with us, as he's not so fond of art museum days when he's not invited. The air was so fresh, the roar of the river so perfect, and the cedar trees so very large.
We feasted on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on home made bread, along with some gorp. We leaned against rocks, we felt the spray of the falls, we climbed on the rocks. The girls were happy; they were content. There was no whining for stuff, no complaining about the length of the trail. There was just loving the outdoors, loving being together.
I am a lucky, lucky woman.
Tonight we went to Bobcat Bob's CD release party, and hung out with friends at the coffee shop (C&P, of course).
I am blessed.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Girls Day Downtown
By "girls" I mean Tessa and myself. And it was nothing short of perfect.
Tessa and I walked to the Junction and caught the free Water Taxi Shuttle Bus. We had a few minutes until the water taxi arrived, so we talked to two women who were fishing off the dock for salmon, and I explained to Tessa how fishing works. (Of course, she wants to try fishing right now! We might just have to do it.) We caught the boat in to the city, and headed straight to the market for lunch: piroshkies. We sat on the curb and watched all the hubbub as we ate out of the paper sacks, and it was delicous. (Pike Place in summer is quite a scene!) Then we walked over to SAM, and Tessa and I enjoyed the Wyeth exhibit and wandered around a little, even choosing new china (ha!) for our tea parties from the huge china exhibit. When we were done with that, we wandered back to the market, and stood in the line for the miniature donuts that you get hot off the machine - "the best donuts ever" Tessa says, and I can't disagree. (Except the ones made just like that at Roche Harbor, because they were dipped in chocolate. YUM.) Back to the water taxi, and home again.
Ahhhhhhh.
The whole day, including lunch, donuts, and water taxi, cost $10. We had Metro vouchers free from the Sustainable West Seattle Festival - hurrah! Sure we ate some sugary-fatty food, but we walked a lot....maybe that balances it out.
Tessa and I talked, and played, and just enjoyed each other. I felt so filled to the brim with the satisfaction of being this child's mother - of all the children, I got Tessa, and I couldn't imagine a better fit. Talking about art, wandering the market, riding the ferry, counting jellyfish from the dock....does it get much better?
It might. Tomorrow!
Tomorrow, we think we'll go hiking. Perhaps friends will join us, perhaps not, and it just doesn't matter. We've decided to pack a picnic and our swimsuits, so that we can swim in Talapus Lake. We'll bring Shep, too, and he'll swoon from the pleasure of it....he didn't like being left home today.
I'll do laundry on....Saturday?
Tessa and I walked to the Junction and caught the free Water Taxi Shuttle Bus. We had a few minutes until the water taxi arrived, so we talked to two women who were fishing off the dock for salmon, and I explained to Tessa how fishing works. (Of course, she wants to try fishing right now! We might just have to do it.) We caught the boat in to the city, and headed straight to the market for lunch: piroshkies. We sat on the curb and watched all the hubbub as we ate out of the paper sacks, and it was delicous. (Pike Place in summer is quite a scene!) Then we walked over to SAM, and Tessa and I enjoyed the Wyeth exhibit and wandered around a little, even choosing new china (ha!) for our tea parties from the huge china exhibit. When we were done with that, we wandered back to the market, and stood in the line for the miniature donuts that you get hot off the machine - "the best donuts ever" Tessa says, and I can't disagree. (Except the ones made just like that at Roche Harbor, because they were dipped in chocolate. YUM.) Back to the water taxi, and home again.
Ahhhhhhh.
The whole day, including lunch, donuts, and water taxi, cost $10. We had Metro vouchers free from the Sustainable West Seattle Festival - hurrah! Sure we ate some sugary-fatty food, but we walked a lot....maybe that balances it out.
Tessa and I talked, and played, and just enjoyed each other. I felt so filled to the brim with the satisfaction of being this child's mother - of all the children, I got Tessa, and I couldn't imagine a better fit. Talking about art, wandering the market, riding the ferry, counting jellyfish from the dock....does it get much better?
It might. Tomorrow!
Tomorrow, we think we'll go hiking. Perhaps friends will join us, perhaps not, and it just doesn't matter. We've decided to pack a picnic and our swimsuits, so that we can swim in Talapus Lake. We'll bring Shep, too, and he'll swoon from the pleasure of it....he didn't like being left home today.
I'll do laundry on....Saturday?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Pictures - After the fire
The cross that Don made my parents, that hung in the middle of their home, is charred. The wall beneath it (which is faintly visible in this picture) was protected and didn't burn.
A pile of debris in my parents' bedroom- remember, there was water, fire, and foam....what's left isn't pretty.
And the staircase in the middle of the house, looking up towards the bedroom hall.
Fire
I've heard people say, almost as a game...
If your house was burning down, what three things would you take?
My parents didn't get the opportunity to decide. The house burned while they were gone, and the choice was not theirs.
However, now we are trying to rescue things. It's funny, all of us work so hard to have beautiful, comfortable homes....and in the end, it's mostly just stuff. Stuff that we love, stuff that we miss, but just....stuff. Couches and bookcases are replaceable, and if we're lucky, we even get newer, nicer items to replace what was lost. Kitchens can be remodeled, a new spatula can be bought, and that mixer was really old anyway.
So at the end of the day, most things aren't important, or are easily replaced (when you have insurance money). So what we're rescuing is of value to almost nobody....except us. My parents have all of this in perspective, and they know it's just stuff....but it still aches. Of course it does.
My Grandma Marian (Brown) Goddard kept a cookbook that was really a daybook, but instead of writing in it like a journal, she hand wrote recipes in it, and occassionally taped in a recipe from the newspaper or a magazine. Hundreds of pages of my grandmother's recipes, in her handwriting, bound in a rubber band because the binding long since disintegrated. I nearly cried from joy when I found it - a victory!
My grandparents' Bibles - treasures because of the hands that loved them, the names carefully written in their covers. My mother's baby book. The Polaroid picture of me taken on the day I got my All Round Cord in Girl Guides (sort of like being an Eagle Scout). My brother's kindergarten yearbook.
Really, just scraps of paper....but they mean so much.
We asked Tessa what she would most want to save. "Special Blanket and Special Bear." Oh yes, those are good.
For me? My wedding ring (on my finger, so it's with me anyway). All of Tessa's baby pictures (and beyond). Grandpa Goddard's bookcase. Tessa's baby book.
I hope I never have to face what my parents are facing. They've been through worse, but this is no fun, no fun at all.
I have received several offers from friends to help my parents. I want to say thank you, because the offers mean so much. My parents are very comfortable in their motorhome - king sized bed, leather couches, small but functional kitchen with dishes, fridge, stove, microwave, etc. They even have a small washer/dryer in there. In short, they do not need things - actually, they have nowhere to put things! They are cozy and it is a lovely space. If you want to do something, right now a card with a personal sentiment is probably the right thing. They're on the phone a lot right now with insurance and restorers and the like, and it's all pretty overwhelming and tiring, so a note in the mail is about the right speed. Their mailbox was not attached to their house (it was up the street), so they can still get mail at the regular address.
My Dad thinks that they'll probably be "home" by Easter. There's along road between here and there.
If your house was burning down, what three things would you take?
My parents didn't get the opportunity to decide. The house burned while they were gone, and the choice was not theirs.
However, now we are trying to rescue things. It's funny, all of us work so hard to have beautiful, comfortable homes....and in the end, it's mostly just stuff. Stuff that we love, stuff that we miss, but just....stuff. Couches and bookcases are replaceable, and if we're lucky, we even get newer, nicer items to replace what was lost. Kitchens can be remodeled, a new spatula can be bought, and that mixer was really old anyway.
So at the end of the day, most things aren't important, or are easily replaced (when you have insurance money). So what we're rescuing is of value to almost nobody....except us. My parents have all of this in perspective, and they know it's just stuff....but it still aches. Of course it does.
My Grandma Marian (Brown) Goddard kept a cookbook that was really a daybook, but instead of writing in it like a journal, she hand wrote recipes in it, and occassionally taped in a recipe from the newspaper or a magazine. Hundreds of pages of my grandmother's recipes, in her handwriting, bound in a rubber band because the binding long since disintegrated. I nearly cried from joy when I found it - a victory!
My grandparents' Bibles - treasures because of the hands that loved them, the names carefully written in their covers. My mother's baby book. The Polaroid picture of me taken on the day I got my All Round Cord in Girl Guides (sort of like being an Eagle Scout). My brother's kindergarten yearbook.
Really, just scraps of paper....but they mean so much.
We asked Tessa what she would most want to save. "Special Blanket and Special Bear." Oh yes, those are good.
For me? My wedding ring (on my finger, so it's with me anyway). All of Tessa's baby pictures (and beyond). Grandpa Goddard's bookcase. Tessa's baby book.
I hope I never have to face what my parents are facing. They've been through worse, but this is no fun, no fun at all.
I have received several offers from friends to help my parents. I want to say thank you, because the offers mean so much. My parents are very comfortable in their motorhome - king sized bed, leather couches, small but functional kitchen with dishes, fridge, stove, microwave, etc. They even have a small washer/dryer in there. In short, they do not need things - actually, they have nowhere to put things! They are cozy and it is a lovely space. If you want to do something, right now a card with a personal sentiment is probably the right thing. They're on the phone a lot right now with insurance and restorers and the like, and it's all pretty overwhelming and tiring, so a note in the mail is about the right speed. Their mailbox was not attached to their house (it was up the street), so they can still get mail at the regular address.
My Dad thinks that they'll probably be "home" by Easter. There's along road between here and there.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Summertime, and the livin' is easy
When Ella sings that song, I melt.
Today was one of those days. Tessa and I went with friends down to Alki, picnic and beach towels in hand. The moms hung out and chatted, and the children went in and out of the sea, capturing jellyfish, building castles, digging holes, and wading.
When the kids were starting to melt down, we left, no rush, no hurry, just time to be done. We came home and I plunked Tessa into a warm bathtub (hours in the ocean and I swear she was turning blue) to warm up and get the sand out, and now I'm doing chores and little busy work.
May every summer day look like this one!
PS Thank you so much to everyone who has asked about my parents. Given the circumstances, they are doing remarkably well. My mom found out that her childhood hymnal and Bible can be restored, and so can some of their paintings. It turns out that ammonia will take the smell of smoke out of clothes, too. Bit by bit, my parents are piecing their lives back together. I will spend the day with them tomorrow, with a pool break for Tessa (and I!).
PPS I'm spending the day with my parents tomorrow. I'll get pictures of the house if I can.
Today was one of those days. Tessa and I went with friends down to Alki, picnic and beach towels in hand. The moms hung out and chatted, and the children went in and out of the sea, capturing jellyfish, building castles, digging holes, and wading.
When the kids were starting to melt down, we left, no rush, no hurry, just time to be done. We came home and I plunked Tessa into a warm bathtub (hours in the ocean and I swear she was turning blue) to warm up and get the sand out, and now I'm doing chores and little busy work.
May every summer day look like this one!
PS Thank you so much to everyone who has asked about my parents. Given the circumstances, they are doing remarkably well. My mom found out that her childhood hymnal and Bible can be restored, and so can some of their paintings. It turns out that ammonia will take the smell of smoke out of clothes, too. Bit by bit, my parents are piecing their lives back together. I will spend the day with them tomorrow, with a pool break for Tessa (and I!).
PPS I'm spending the day with my parents tomorrow. I'll get pictures of the house if I can.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Good news, bad news
Good news: My parents and their sweet dog Foster are okay.
Bad news: Last night my parents had a 3 alarm fire in their home, and the house and its contents are destroyed.
The fire apparently started in the control switch on the dryer, and spread through the heating ducts of the house. The house is charred inside, but looks relatively normal on the outside, with the exception of broken windows (almost every window is broken). A water main broke in the process, so there is some flooding as well.
My parents are moving into their motorhome, and trying to assess the damage, and waiting for insurance people to show up.
Thank you for holding them in your thoughts. I am trying to be there in whatever way I can, but I feel pretty helpless. I went over there last night as soon as I could get there, of course, but today my parents are just doing things like talking to friends, assessing the damage, and trying to set up a new "home" away from home. They plan to rebuild their house, but they will not be able to move back in for a long time, because the damage is extensive.
Life can change in an instant. But we already knew that, didn't we?
Bad news: Last night my parents had a 3 alarm fire in their home, and the house and its contents are destroyed.
The fire apparently started in the control switch on the dryer, and spread through the heating ducts of the house. The house is charred inside, but looks relatively normal on the outside, with the exception of broken windows (almost every window is broken). A water main broke in the process, so there is some flooding as well.
My parents are moving into their motorhome, and trying to assess the damage, and waiting for insurance people to show up.
Thank you for holding them in your thoughts. I am trying to be there in whatever way I can, but I feel pretty helpless. I went over there last night as soon as I could get there, of course, but today my parents are just doing things like talking to friends, assessing the damage, and trying to set up a new "home" away from home. They plan to rebuild their house, but they will not be able to move back in for a long time, because the damage is extensive.
Life can change in an instant. But we already knew that, didn't we?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Updates
Here are a series of small updates:
Tessa:
Tessa is growing by the minute, reading more and more, and self-proclaimed Queen of the Monkey Bars. She spends as much time as possible outdoors (in this weather, that is a fair amount), but when indoors, creates elaborate Squawkbird art and stories to go along with the art. (Squawkbirds are her imaginings and I adore the creativity.)
Ryan:
Has signed paperwork accepting a position at PriceWaterhouseCoopers. The commute to Redmond is a killer; I think when Tessa is out of school I need to send the car away with him most days so that we can actually SEE him in the summer.
Garden:
Tonight we had garden lettuce for our salad, and every night we're each eating a nice bowl of fresh strawberries (yum!). Each individual berry tastes like an explosion of a hundred berries in the mouth, and reminds me what seasonal, organic food tastes like. These are no relations of grocery store berries: they are small, some are misshapen, and if picked in the morning, by evening most will be soft and half will be inedible. They are best fresh from the vine, and we either pop them in our mouths immediately, or just bring them in as we're preparing dinner and then have them for dessert. The tomatoes are growing nicely, with two big green brandywines, and countless cherry tomatoes. The rhubarb has doubled, the raspberries have flowers, and so do the blueberries. Nasturciums abound, though no flowers yet, and the sunflowers are all six inches high. I've sampled sugar snap peas. The broccoli looks so-so, and one cabbage looks fantastic while the other are wilty. The chard is bright and beautiful - reminder to self, make chard for dinner tomorrow. The carrots are sporadic - having trouble with them this year. A few spinach plants, one bolted.
In short? The garden is progressing. It could stand a good weeding, but mostly, it's taking care of itself right now. We got a giant load of free mulch from Stonehedge Tree Services that went to good use, too.
Green:
I'm not as focused on green right now, but I am living it. That is to say: I'm not thinking of it the way I used to, because so many things are more habitual now. I've got all my cleaners, of which my favorite is baking soda. I figured out sunblock (Badger & Kiss My Face Paraben Free). I'm using Burt's Bees Grapefruit shampoo and conditioner. Olive oil soap, in the bar to save packaging. Our rags are old and stained from use, and I think that is a good thing, because it means that they're getting wear and I'm not using paper towels. Cloth napkins all the time. Enamelware (camping plates) for outdoor BBQs, or just carry our regular stuff. Library use all the time. I think I'm driving more than I ought to, so I should be focusing on that, I think. Grass fed beef only, the usual organics for everything, as much time at the Farmer's Market as possible to stock our fridge. Still making my own bread, and even discovered an artisan recipe that I love that isn't too difficult.
In short? Being green is taking up less of my bandwidth, as living green is just a part of what I do, so I don't have to think of it so much.
Frugal:
Climbing out of debt slooowwwwly but with progress. We have a plan, and we're sticking with it mostly. We have made giant strides from where we were a year ago,a nd have canceled some debt, and I am so proud of that. We will knock this thing out! Occassional purchases are necessary, of course, and I'm trying to choose wisely. I needed comfortable summer sandals and bought a "good" brand instead of cheapo ones, with the result that they do not hurt my feet and should last a long time. I'm trying to be wise, to use my dollars to show my values, and to save as many dollars as possible at the same time.
Cancer:
I hate cancer. I'm NED as far as I know, but I can't get my MRI approved. I"m overdue for my bone density scan, and I need to book my Zometa. Right now, getting on tamoxifen is all I can handle. Crazy, because I did fifty zillion appointments per week when I was in the thick of it, but my energy for it is lower now.
Book:
Progress. Always slower than I wish, but I've got momentum.
Neighborhood:
I sponsored our first block watch meeting last night, and 20+ people came, not including kids, to hear our local Crime Prevention Specialist give a safety talk. I love our neighborhood.
School:
Lets out on the 19th. I'm really, truly looking forward to it. I want to play with Tessa instead of pushing her to HURRY UP YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE! which is how our mornings have been going.
Wards:
Arrive on the 16th. Can't WAIT for them to be our houseguests!
Fatigue:
Yes. Still. It tires me thinking about it. I am sleeping better, so I'm hopeful that sleep will catch up eventually.
Pain:
Getting better. Hallelujah. Still hurts when my feet hit the floor, but better than before.
Okay, that's what I have energy for now. 'Night all!
Tessa:
Tessa is growing by the minute, reading more and more, and self-proclaimed Queen of the Monkey Bars. She spends as much time as possible outdoors (in this weather, that is a fair amount), but when indoors, creates elaborate Squawkbird art and stories to go along with the art. (Squawkbirds are her imaginings and I adore the creativity.)
Ryan:
Has signed paperwork accepting a position at PriceWaterhouseCoopers. The commute to Redmond is a killer; I think when Tessa is out of school I need to send the car away with him most days so that we can actually SEE him in the summer.
Garden:
Tonight we had garden lettuce for our salad, and every night we're each eating a nice bowl of fresh strawberries (yum!). Each individual berry tastes like an explosion of a hundred berries in the mouth, and reminds me what seasonal, organic food tastes like. These are no relations of grocery store berries: they are small, some are misshapen, and if picked in the morning, by evening most will be soft and half will be inedible. They are best fresh from the vine, and we either pop them in our mouths immediately, or just bring them in as we're preparing dinner and then have them for dessert. The tomatoes are growing nicely, with two big green brandywines, and countless cherry tomatoes. The rhubarb has doubled, the raspberries have flowers, and so do the blueberries. Nasturciums abound, though no flowers yet, and the sunflowers are all six inches high. I've sampled sugar snap peas. The broccoli looks so-so, and one cabbage looks fantastic while the other are wilty. The chard is bright and beautiful - reminder to self, make chard for dinner tomorrow. The carrots are sporadic - having trouble with them this year. A few spinach plants, one bolted.
In short? The garden is progressing. It could stand a good weeding, but mostly, it's taking care of itself right now. We got a giant load of free mulch from Stonehedge Tree Services that went to good use, too.
Green:
I'm not as focused on green right now, but I am living it. That is to say: I'm not thinking of it the way I used to, because so many things are more habitual now. I've got all my cleaners, of which my favorite is baking soda. I figured out sunblock (Badger & Kiss My Face Paraben Free). I'm using Burt's Bees Grapefruit shampoo and conditioner. Olive oil soap, in the bar to save packaging. Our rags are old and stained from use, and I think that is a good thing, because it means that they're getting wear and I'm not using paper towels. Cloth napkins all the time. Enamelware (camping plates) for outdoor BBQs, or just carry our regular stuff. Library use all the time. I think I'm driving more than I ought to, so I should be focusing on that, I think. Grass fed beef only, the usual organics for everything, as much time at the Farmer's Market as possible to stock our fridge. Still making my own bread, and even discovered an artisan recipe that I love that isn't too difficult.
In short? Being green is taking up less of my bandwidth, as living green is just a part of what I do, so I don't have to think of it so much.
Frugal:
Climbing out of debt slooowwwwly but with progress. We have a plan, and we're sticking with it mostly. We have made giant strides from where we were a year ago,a nd have canceled some debt, and I am so proud of that. We will knock this thing out! Occassional purchases are necessary, of course, and I'm trying to choose wisely. I needed comfortable summer sandals and bought a "good" brand instead of cheapo ones, with the result that they do not hurt my feet and should last a long time. I'm trying to be wise, to use my dollars to show my values, and to save as many dollars as possible at the same time.
Cancer:
I hate cancer. I'm NED as far as I know, but I can't get my MRI approved. I"m overdue for my bone density scan, and I need to book my Zometa. Right now, getting on tamoxifen is all I can handle. Crazy, because I did fifty zillion appointments per week when I was in the thick of it, but my energy for it is lower now.
Book:
Progress. Always slower than I wish, but I've got momentum.
Neighborhood:
I sponsored our first block watch meeting last night, and 20+ people came, not including kids, to hear our local Crime Prevention Specialist give a safety talk. I love our neighborhood.
School:
Lets out on the 19th. I'm really, truly looking forward to it. I want to play with Tessa instead of pushing her to HURRY UP YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE! which is how our mornings have been going.
Wards:
Arrive on the 16th. Can't WAIT for them to be our houseguests!
Fatigue:
Yes. Still. It tires me thinking about it. I am sleeping better, so I'm hopeful that sleep will catch up eventually.
Pain:
Getting better. Hallelujah. Still hurts when my feet hit the floor, but better than before.
Okay, that's what I have energy for now. 'Night all!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Other peoples' roller coasters
I have been closely following the blog of a friend of a friend. Today she got good news - she's not stage IV. I cheered out loud when I read the words, filled with genuine joy for this stranger (whom I hope to meet).
Then, this afternoon, I got another blog update. Someone on the YSC site that I have "known" since diagnosis made the difficult decision to cease treatment and move to hospice/palliative care. She is a woman of incredible spunk, and has often offered me wise words on the journey. Soon, she will be gone. (Days? Weeks? Months? I do not know how this will go. Would praying for months be selfish, when she is in so much pain?)
I ride the roller coaster with them. It does not feel "other," it feels personal.
Today has been a hard day. I have tried to bury myself in housework, but it is not working. My mind keeps working it over, again and again, and this last news makes me so sad, and agitated, and lost. These are not dear friends, they are more acquaintances, and I am smart enough to know the difference. Still, my marrow feels it. I feel it deeply.
Then, this afternoon, I got another blog update. Someone on the YSC site that I have "known" since diagnosis made the difficult decision to cease treatment and move to hospice/palliative care. She is a woman of incredible spunk, and has often offered me wise words on the journey. Soon, she will be gone. (Days? Weeks? Months? I do not know how this will go. Would praying for months be selfish, when she is in so much pain?)
I ride the roller coaster with them. It does not feel "other," it feels personal.
Today has been a hard day. I have tried to bury myself in housework, but it is not working. My mind keeps working it over, again and again, and this last news makes me so sad, and agitated, and lost. These are not dear friends, they are more acquaintances, and I am smart enough to know the difference. Still, my marrow feels it. I feel it deeply.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Hazy
I feel hazy today.
Is it the tamoxifen, or am I just hazy?
Sigh.
It was a good day. Got some work done on the book (editing work I'd already done), sat in the sun at Alki, took Tessa to the zoo with Kathleen & Elena.
I'm so tired, though. I'm heading to bed.
Is it the tamoxifen, or am I just hazy?
Sigh.
It was a good day. Got some work done on the book (editing work I'd already done), sat in the sun at Alki, took Tessa to the zoo with Kathleen & Elena.
I'm so tired, though. I'm heading to bed.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Day 1
One thing that I never understood about cancer treatment is that I'd be making new decisions so frequently. Earlier this year it was my first Zometa infusion; then it was taking a break from AIs, and today, it was my first tamoxifen.
I'd be afraid of uterine bleeding and cancers because they are side effects of tamoxifen, but I don't have a uterus. I'm not exactly thrilled to be missing my uterus, but it is good not to worry about yet another kind of cancer.
Fatigue, weight gain, worsening hot flashes (oh God no!) and sometimes blod clots or deep vein thrombosis are possible side effects. The fatigue is terrifying - not quite as much as blood clots, but terrifying none-the-less. I'm just recovering from 3+ years of AI induced fatigue, and I can't bear the idea that it could get back to that terrible place.
Deep breath.
I really had to steel myself to take the little round white pill. I didn't want to do it. But more than I didn't want to bring into my body whatever negative side effects might accompany this little tablet, I don't want to die. And I don't want to recur, either. So, I will take my pill daily like a good little girl and hope for the best.
I'd be afraid of uterine bleeding and cancers because they are side effects of tamoxifen, but I don't have a uterus. I'm not exactly thrilled to be missing my uterus, but it is good not to worry about yet another kind of cancer.
Fatigue, weight gain, worsening hot flashes (oh God no!) and sometimes blod clots or deep vein thrombosis are possible side effects. The fatigue is terrifying - not quite as much as blood clots, but terrifying none-the-less. I'm just recovering from 3+ years of AI induced fatigue, and I can't bear the idea that it could get back to that terrible place.
Deep breath.
I really had to steel myself to take the little round white pill. I didn't want to do it. But more than I didn't want to bring into my body whatever negative side effects might accompany this little tablet, I don't want to die. And I don't want to recur, either. So, I will take my pill daily like a good little girl and hope for the best.
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