Getting it together

I found PollyAnna hiding in the closet, and dragged her out and demanded her attendance.

I'm okay. I will be okay.

Sad

I think I'm having another breakdown.

I feel overwhelmed and unable to cope.

I utterly regret going off Lexapro, and I wish that Dr. Baer hadn't moved.

Ryan's job loss, tension at our house, fears about the future (job and financial and health).... I just feel overwhelmed. I feel like everything is topsy-turvy, and I don't know which end is up.

I will get through this. I always do, somehow. I just don't know where the well of strength went. I am totally at a loss as to what to do, think, say. I feel "wrong." I feel like an idiot that I thought it would get easier. I feel like a fool.

To top it off, today somebody said something unkind to me. It made me cry, even though I should be angry, but I haven't got it in me to be angry today. Just a small, stupid, petty thing, but it hurt my feelings on a day when I was a bundle of hurt anyway.

It's a bad day.

The breakdown thing is real - I have "racing thoughts" and I'm swirling in a sea of negativity. Ryan was working on his resume and had to come home because I couldn't stop crying in front of Tessa. That kid will be scarred for life if our household keeps up this crap....and that only makes me cry more. Is the second breakdown as bad as the first? Or will my knowledge of the cycle make it better? I feel like a lunatic - nothing good seems possible, nothing seems good, and I trust nothing. I'm waiting for yet another punch to the gut...it seems likely it will come soon.

I'm waiting for the cancer to return. I hear it whispering to me.

I will do what I need to do.
- Call the new therapist number
- Start taking Lexapro once again (and stay on it even when I get "better")
- Meet with Rev. Peg to get some wisdom
- Put on my big girl panties and get over it

Today sucks. This week sucks.

At church today there was a quote, and I'm trying to believe it today.

First they ignore you.

Then they laugh at you.

Then they fight you.

Then you win.

-- Ghandi

I don't feel it or believe it, but it is fuel for thought. Today I'm a mess, and a laughing stock. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

It could be worse

(deleted)

A green 4th

Happy 4th of July!

I am blessed to live in a country where I am free to disagree with the administration, where my vote counts (mostly), and where my political or religious views are welcomed, even when they're "different." The U.S.A. has a lot of room for improvement, but today I am grateful to live here, and to reflect on my fortune.

We started the day with a children's parade in the Admiral district, and Tessa woke up SO excited to attend. We decorated her bike with the items we'd picked up for last year's parade (remember? 4th of July 2007 was at Children's Hospital - no parade for us!), including stars, red, white, and blue streamers, and little cloth flags on wooden poles. Tessa added to this by attaching (with Daddy's help) a pony to her helmet, and a stuffed leopard to the cross-bar of her bike. She wore a red shirt with white polka-dots, a denim skirt, and red, white and blue socks. Oh, and two flag lapel pins. The girl looked good. ;-) Tessa threw candy to the spectators (though in this case the parade participants FAR outnumbered the spectators) and she was in heaven. We ran into friends, and that made it all the better.

In the afternoon, we attended C&P's annual 4th of July potluck. (I made an herbed potato salad that was quite delicious, if you ask me, and added radish from our garden - yummmm!)

And here is where I got green.

I thought, "Okay, if we can potluck food" (which I'm all for), why not bring our own dishes, too?"

At first, I thought it sounded too weird. Nobody ever brings their own dishes to a party, ever. But why is that? Maybe it's time to change the paradigm.

The party provided paper plates and plastic cups and utensils....but our family abstained from using them. We used the plastic dishes I purchased when Tessa was a young toddler (knowing that we'd have outdoor events and didn't want to break glass with kids around), and our old silverware (from my first college apartment!). I even grabbed three cloth napkins. And dessert plates.

And you know what? It was easy. It was not weird, it was not inconvenient, and it wasn't messy....it was easy.

I carried the potato salad in my market basket (available at Marshall's for $9.99 or, if you prefer to pay more, at Bed Bath & Beyond for $29.99), and then piled a grocery sack with the utensils and plates etc. When they were dirty, I just stuffed them back in the grocery sack, and when I got home I stuck them straight into the dishwasher. Now how easy is that?

While others tried to balance their plates without tipping them into their laps as the plates folded and leaked, we had nice sturdy plates. Cute, too. ;-)
(Here's a picture of our plasticware on our dining room table. Thank you to Heather for the beautiful tablecloth, which isn't at all a part of this post but bears a mention anyway!)

So, here's a green suggestion: avoid the disposable stuff. Grab what dishes you already have at home (don't you have some portable stuff lurking in some cupboard?), throw them in a basket, and head to the party. It'll catch on. If I do it, then you do it, then someone else.....it'll be the hot new thing.

Happy 4th! I hope that you, too, had a fabulous day.

Love,
Kristina

PS We were going to bike to Alki to see the fireworks, but after our really busy day we're just not up for it! Tessa THINKS she wants to go, but given how late it is, I suspect she'll be sawing logs when the first one goes off.

PPS According to the numbers on our plasticware, we shouldn't have any BPA in these plastic dishes. I'm still looking for alternatives to plastic dishware, but haven't been able to give up our BBQ stuff because if the alternative is filling landfills with disposable stuff and releasing further toxins into the air to produce more and using up more natural resources on something that just gets thrown away....I can't do it. I'm also not going to carry ceramic, heavy, breakable, expensive dishware outside. I recognize that plastic is NOT my goal, but I'm a bit stuck at the moment, and though we got rid of Tupperware stuff and Saran wrap and don't miss it, this stuff stayed around. I'm hunting down enamalware (you know, the blue/white speckled camping dishes) to use for both camping and picnics, but it may take a while. Plus, we have 20ish plates for BBQs and I don't wnat to put out the cash for more right now.

Project of the day

I feel crummy, and unmotivated, and slow. But I still accomplished something out of the ordinary - I put up curtains in our bedroom.

Why? Because streetlight light and early-morning light is waking us up and interfering with our sleep; because it's a very energy efficient thing to do and should keep our room cooler or hotter depending on the season and lower our energy bills; and finally because there are some provocative studies about women who have light exposure at night being more prone to breast cancer and I have been saying for three years that for that reason alone I was going to do this. The "it looks cool" factor is in there somewhere too, but the other reasons are the real reason I went ahead with this project.

The curtains I chose at Bed Bath & Beyond (after a lot of searching at multiple stores) were labeled "green earth" or something like that, indicating how they were made and that they were an energy efficient variety; they are supposed to cut heating/cooling costs significantly. We will find otu if it's true. I got a double rod and hung white cotton sheers (my favorite were actually, surprisingly, from Target) because then during the day I can let light in but people coming up our front steps will no longer have a direct view into our bedroom.

I actually didn't remove the ugly mini-blinds that are mounted inside the window frames yet. They do deflect some light/keep some heat in, so on the hottest/coldest days I might put them down as well, but since they're so ugly I am glad to have them hidden from sight.

I'm going for a beachy-feel in our room. A year or two ago (I don't remember now...before one of my surgeries...hmmm....) I painted our room a calm, peaceful blue (it's called "Titanic" which is about the worst color name in history, so I renamed it "calm ocean blue" and I'm sticking with it); we have white woodwork throughout the house; our furniture is dark oak (mission style to go with the house's 1920s feel); our bedding is blue and white. Pics show all!

So we have ocean walls, sky bedding, driftwood furniture (okay that's a stretch....wood, anyway) and sand curtains. It's not a theme room, but beach inspired. I have a couple of seashells on my dresser, but mostly it's just a color scheme.

And I like it!

PS The reason the window behind our bed only has the sheer white cotton curtain is that I thought I could get away with only one sand colored blackout curtain on each window. Putting it up showed me my error - it looked sad and wimpy with just one. Two is much better, but now I have to buy two more for the other window.

Ugh

I have a sore throat, an occassional cough, a headache, and a general malaise. Tessa is with Katie and I'm trying to get things done but I feel awful. :-(

Garden Pictures - July 1

Garden pictures!

First, our sugar snap peas. The starts from the nursery are not as lush as the seeds I planted - interesting! However, the starts have pea pods on them but the seed plants still only have flowers.

Next, our radishes. They're an heirloom purple plum radish, and I recommend them highly.


Cabbage:

Swiss chard (love those rainbow stalks):

A cornucopia of lettuce with the chard crowding it (next year I need to space these way farther apart):

One tiny little spinach plant. You can't even see the tiny plants also in the picture...but this little guy is growing at last.

Basil and garlic in the same row (lettuce ont he other side of the row that is so small it's microscopic):

Carrots (three varieties, mixed up at this point: Scarlet Nantes, Romeo, and Dragon)And my favorite - tomatoes! They looked really far apart when I planted them, but now they're crowded and bumping into one another. Oh well - it is what it is.

And my other favorite: strawberries. Also too close to one another - can I transplant them in the fall to spread them out?

Yawn

I went to bed too late last night (I was too hot to get much done during the day yesterday, so I got a lot done in the evening instead) and got up early this morning and I'm wiped. More coffee, please. (Thanks Ryan for brewing a pot.)

I can't bear it when the house is a mess, and yesterday it went into the "ewww I can't deal" category. Now I've got things straightened (bathroom wiped down, laundry folded and put away, beds made, counters cleared, swept, etc.) but I need to do some more serious organization. The paper trail is everywhere, and needs to be dealt with. Maybe that will be tomorrow's project.

I made bread yesterday for the first time in a while. We're going to Woodinville to play in the pool and visit Grammy & Caleb, so we're packing a lunch. PB&J with home made bread and Grandma's jam is something to write home about, not just another sandwich!

My body is sore from the yard work of last evening, but I'm so glad I got it done. I will leave the house today knowing that I have happy plants.

On a totally different note....a moment of silence for my iPod. :-( While we were on Orcas, Tessa inadvertently dumped an entire untouched bowl of broccoli soup into my purse. (Don't ask.) I removed all of the contents (I thought) to put the purse in the wash, but I forgot the hidden pocket that safely stowed my iPod out of harm's way. iPods do not wash well, and it was no surprise to me to find out that it is kaput. This is a major bummer to me - I use my iPod a lot.

Oh well. It could be worse....

Garden - end of June

The garden is flourishing. My garden. Flourishing! I can hardly believe it - me, who has never (successfully) grown much of anything, growing an entire garden. I revel in it! I'm not sure who is more excited about it, Tessa or myself, as my delight has the same childish qualities.

Unlike Tessa, who was playing around and then went to bed, I've spent the last two hours in the cooler evening air gardening. I've been pulling weeds, and I even wrestled a six foot long two inch thick poplar root out of the flower bed (the little poplar trees sprout up everywhere and it is so annoying). There was significant grunting and groaning while I did it, but I didn't give up, and I won the battle with that root. (Never mind that there are many many more.)

The weeds pulled, I can revel in the vegetables and flowers.

The cabbages have developed giant heads - each plant is perhaps 18 inches across with a big head in the middle. The onions feel firm when I give them a gentle tug; their greens are strong and something "big" must be going on under the soil, as they were rather delicate when planted. There are two rows of carrots, with fringy tops about 4 inches high. The pea vines have gone insane, and are in flower with pods appearing all over. The chard is tall and ready for harvest, and no matter how much lettuce we harvest it keeps regenerating and we have salads as often as we wish. (Those are from starts. My lettuce seeds are pitiful at best, tiny to miniscule. What's with that? I thought lettuce was "easy"!) There are two beets, not a whole row, but they look like they're developing well. The spinach is small but finally growing with the extra watering. And the tomatoes are as fragrant as any flower, even though they don't have fruit yet. The tomato plants are much larger than I anticipated, and quite obviously rather happy, and little yellow flowers are appearing here and there. And the strawberries - BLISS! A dozen or so a day, and we eat them straight from the vine, popping them into our mouths. The squash is growing in a couple of different places, and tonight I planted a pumpkin and an acorn squash, because I was tired of my seeds doing nothing.

The garlic looks great, and with our new heat wave (finally!) the basil is perking up significantly. One little patch of parsley has sprouted and looks promising, and some of the cosmos and other flowers are coming up, too. I can't remember what I planted where, so surprises await.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but I worked until it was dark tonight and didn't have the camera in time. I'll get pictures eventually.

I started clearing out the back raised bed of weeds, and I'm wondering if it's too late to plant potatoes....I could still do that.

The herbs are flourishing, except that the cilantro bolted. Do I cut that back and let it go again? Or do I have to start fresh? Today I planted more mint because Tessa likes to munch on it (silly girl) and the one little plant had become decimated - I put it in a pot because I didnt' want it to take over. I didn't have time to shop much so I chose an apple mint and a pineapple mint, but I think I want another "regular" mint and a chocolate mint.

We're giving away the radishes, because they are so plentiful and HUGE! They literally look like beets (they're a "purple plum radish" which is an heirloom variety). They have more than paid for themselves: $2.50 for a packet of seeds, and they keep coming and coming. I planted them in a couple of waves so I think we'll be eating radishes all summer. Anyway, we've been sharing with people because it's fun to do so. Today Tessa's friend Derek was over and we let him pull a couple, and it was so fun to see him light up at the process. I'm not usually a huge fan of radishes, but these are different. When you first bite into them they're sweet, and then the mellow sweetness gets spicy after a moment. Yum - in a salad (and our salad greens are more sweet than bitter) they're an excellent complement.

I'm a gardener. Wow! I can almost hardly wait 'til next year because I've learned so much this year that I can't wait to apply. But no, I don't want to hurry - I'm excited with every small harvest.

And on that note, the laundry that I put off today beckons, and i can't bear to leave it another day, mocking me. So I'm off to do that, then to bed. Good night.

Reusable bags

Here's a posting I just put on CoolMoms:
---------------------------


My favorite reusable bag

I have fallen in love with Envirosax bags, and thought I'd post about them here in case anyone else is looking for reusable bag options.

www.envirosax.com

Envirosax are nylon (?) bags that fold up really small and are easy to carry in your purse. I have mine in my purse 100% of the time; if I use it, when I get home, it goes straight back into my purse. This is a key thing: my other bags often get forgotten in my car so they're not with me when I need them most! Additionally, I had been finding that I was in good habit for bringing bags to the grocery store, but what about the pharmacy? Target? the hardware store? Funky Jane's? In those cases, I was accepting their bags, because I wasn't willing to carry around my clunky grocery store bags everywhere or get a purse the size of Texas to put things in.

Envirosax work because of their folding size (small) and their volume (large). They're really strong, and I've been using mine for about a month and it doesn't show any wear and tear. I can stuff a ton of stuff in one.

They come in cool colors and patterns, and they have wide straps so that you can carry them over your shoulder without them cutting into your body because of the weight of the contents.

They are starting to be widely available - in West Seattle I've seen them at PCC ($10 each and a wide variety of colors/patterns to choose from), Edie's ($12 or $12.50 each), and Wild Rose Antiques ($12 or $12.50 each). Pharmaca advertised them but they haven't been able to get them in stock yet, but in their opening flier they said they'd sell them for $7.50 each or 5 for $35, if I recall correctly (not sure if they'll honor that special because their grand opening is over; I keep checking to see if they have more but not yet). Capers was carrying them (that's where I got mine) but a lady who works there said they're no longer carrying them because so many other stores have picked them up and they like to carry unique items.

I like them so much I gave them for teacher gifts at the end of the year, and I've been buying them for my girlfriends, too.

As a result of carrying a bag with me 100% of the time, only two plastic bags have entered my house in the past two months.....and I have no idea how many bags entered my house previously, but two a DAY would be more typical. Finding a bag that works for me (and is cute to boot!) was a part of this success, so I'm sharing.

I still have my half dozen Trader Joe's bags for grocery shopping, but I use my Envirosax for all other shopping.

And no, I'm not affilliated with Envirosax in any way, size, shape or form. I'm just a fan!
----------------------------

Are you wondering why I care about carrying a bag with me? The short version is that one-time-use bags use up precious resources, add to landfills, and put toxins into the environment during their production. Many cities globally are moving to ban plastic bags or to tax plastic bags to discourage people from using them, and I support such a ban. (I'll be attending a public meeting in Seattle on July 8 - want to come? Mayor Nickels is proposing a 20 cent tax on plastic bags, and I support that. San Francisco, Ireland, and China have all done similar things.) Plastic is particularly toxic to the environment, but paper uses resources, too.

Check out these links:

There are THOUSANDS of articles out there, this is just a sampling.

Articles about the banning/taxing of plastic bags:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/318790_trash07.html
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0721-04.htm
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/01/09/china.plastic.bags/index.html
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/09/0902_030902_plasticbags.html

Articles about the environmental impact of plastic bags:
http://www.alternet.org/environment/61607/
http://www.enviroliteracy.org/article.php/1268.html
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2007/08/10/plastic_bags/

New York Times articles on the subject of plastic bags:
http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/subjects/w/waste_materials_and_disposal/plastic_bags/index.html?scp=3&sq=plastic%20bags%20environment&st=cse

Fortune

I'm home from Orcas, and feeling fortunate because I had a GREAT time on Orcas, but also because I was really ready to be home. It's nice to have it both ways.

Here are a few pictures from Orcas - expect further updates later but I'm barely home and have lots of catching up to do.

Highlights:

- the frog funeral (details to follow)

- dancing to the oldies

- a great meal prepared by Marisa

- gelato at Enzo's (muliple occassions)

- the summer solstice parade

- hiking with Tessa and Shep around Cascade Lake

- hiking with Tessa, Michele, Elliott and Everett to the beach at Obstruction Pass State Park

- collecting shells on the beach

- drinking wine with Michele at night when the kids were asleep

- hot tubbing

....it was all pretty fabulous, actually. Always good to come home, but it was a great trip. More details to come!

Orcas Island

We are almost ready for Orcas Island! I'm packing bags right now - we've got Tessa's book bag, my book bag, Tessa's suitcase, Shep's food etc. all ready to go. I'll stuff some clothes in a bag, as will Ryan, and then load up the car topper, and we'll be off in the morning.

Marisa is a dear friend, and a long-time one. It is a treat and a pleasure to spend time with her, at the cabin or anywhere, and we're glad to share the weekend with her. Shep is excited because Max is coming, and I'm excited to have girl-time with my dear friend. Ahhhhhh - bliss!

(This is also a good way to get my mind off of the Ward's move - I don't want to be all mopey and ridiculous about it. Of course I will miss them, but life will continue for them and for me, and I'm glad to have something wonderful to do.)

On Orcas we will watch the ocean, hike in the forest, browse the bookstore, hunt for pretty rocks on the beach, observe herons and gulls and occassional seals, river otters, or (if we're extremely lucky but we don't count on it) orca whales. Deer come out at dusk and watch us as closely as we watch them.

We can see a zillion stars at night when it's clear.

We'll sit in the hot tub and drink wine. We'll listen to CDs on the stereo. We'll play! Marisa and I always cook together, too. Yummm.

Have a good week, everyone. Ryan will only be gone a couple of days but Tessa, Shep and I will stay on the island until later next week, taking advantage of the cabin's early summer vacancy.

xoxox

Kristina

flashback

I was thinking of this song tonight. Sappy. Not good music. But I don't care.
------------------
How Can I Help you Say Goodbye
By Patty Loveless

Through the back window of our '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slipping further away
I kept on waving till I couldn't see her
And through my tears I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry
Come let me hold you, and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently, and then he quickly walked away

I called up Mama, she said, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same
And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry
Come let me hold you, and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

Sitting with Mama, alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final words she tried to help me understand

Mama whispered softly, time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same
And she said, how can I help you to say goodbye
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry
Come let me hold you, and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye

---------------------------------
Today in the car Tessa and I were talking about how the Wards were moving, and I said, "I feel sad." Tessa said, "Mama, it's okay to cry," and her permission made me feel better instantly.

I can't read the last verse of the song, by the way. My brain can't go there.

Saying Goodbye

I cried.

How could I not? I love the Ward family, and Jenny in particular, and it is really hard to say goodbye. It is bearable because they are returning in December for a visit, and because we will visit in February....but they are some of the threads that weave the cloth of our lives, and things will unravel slightly without their presence.

Tessa gave Zoe a "pen pal box" for her Panama present. It contained stationary, cards, stickers, and sparkly pens, all for writing letters back and forth. Tessa has one, too, and can't wait to begin writing letters. It is a reminder of our connection.

Jenny, if you are reading this, know this: You are an amazing woman, and you have touched my life deeply. I have tried to write you a "bon voyage" card and haven't yet been able to do it....I feel clumsy and awkward in the attempt. I am going to miss you more than I can say, but I know that true friendship never dies, and that our friendship will last. Sometimes you just know these things.

See you in December, Ward family. Our guest room will be waiting for you!...but until then, safe travels. xoxoxox

Last day

Today is our last day with the Ward family....we leave for Orcas Island tomorrow, and they leave for Panama while we are going.

I will not cry. I will not cry. I WILL NOT cry! Okay, so I'm going to cry. They're good friends, and though we'll see them when they visit and when we visit and in a couple of years when they return, Panama is very far away. They will truly be missed.

And on another note....

Another email from Kiss My Face:
-------------

Hi, I spoke with our R&D person and we had limited issues with the sun product you were using being runny last year. It was isolated and we have corrected the problem. If you give me your mailing address, we will send you out a replacement at no cost and with our apologies. It was the sun 30 product, correct? Thanks a lot, Lewis

------------
I may become a major Kiss My Face fan after this. I certainly look forward to trying the new lotion.

A surprise blog comment

Today I got a blog comment in reference to a post I'd made about Kiss My Face sunscreen. T his in itself is unsurprising, but the source of the comment was the VP of Marketing for Kiss My Face and THAT surprised me quite a bit.

I am impressed with their commitment to hear from their customers.

Here's the comment, and my response:
------------------------------------

Lewis,

I am delighted to hear from you - thank you for soliciting my feedback. When I updated my friends and family about my quest to be green, I certainly didn't expect to hear from corporate headquarters for any of the products.

The Kiss My Face sunscreen that I bought was really, really runny. When I tipped the tube to squeeze some out, the consistancy was more like water than lotion, so that it flowed all over (into my wedding ring, dripping on the floor, etc.). I expect green products to have some differences, certainly, but this one surprised me. Isn't there something to make it a little less liquid, so that it's easier to "catch" and so it isn't so messy?

I haven't tried a lot of Kiss My Face products; the sunscreen was my first and only, so I can't give feedback on others.

I hope that you, as well, have a great day. Again, thank you for soliciting my feedback. I appreciate it immensely, and it honestly makes me more likely to try your products in the future. Please let me know if there is another product of yours that you'd recommend that has an easier-to-use consistancy, and I'll give it a shot!
Kristina Surface http://rykri.blogspot.com Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. -Goethe

From: Lewis [mailto:noreply-comment@blogger.com] Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2008 12:27 PMTo: rykri@comcast.netSubject: [RyKri] New comment on General Updates: Green report, Weight Watchers, Li....
Lewis has left a new comment on your post "General Updates: Green report, Weight Watchers, Li...": Hi, I am the VP of Marketing at Kiss My Face and read that you arent a fan of our sunscreen. I would love to know what you didnt like about it so we can try to improve it. Thanks for your comments and please also let me know if you have thoughts on our other products. have a great day! Lewis Goldstein
My email is

Poetry

Last night I took a few hours to myself.

I sat in a cafe, ate simple food, and wrote page after page in my journal. I even did a writing exercise (observation) for a few pages. Bliss!

Then I went to Marshall's to try to get some tops to cover my foobs. I can't wear V or scoop necks and too many of my shirts reveal this ugly aspect of my chest. I found a couple of things; I will probably need a couple more. I'm tired of my chest, and I deserve to feel okay about my body, and this helped a little.

And then I bought two Mary Oliver books of peotry. I purchased "New and Selected Poems: Volume One" and her brand new book, "Red Bird." They make my heart sing.

Love Sorrow (from Red Bird by Mary Oliver)

Love sorrow. She is yours now, and you must
take care of what has been
given. Brush her hair, help her
into her little coat, hold her hand,
espcially when crossing a street. For, think,

what if you shold lose her? Then hyou would be
sorrow yourself; her drawn face, her sleeplessness
would be yours. Take care, touch
her forehead that she feel herself not so

utterlly alone. And smile, that she does not
altogether forget the world before the lesson.
Have patience in abundance. And do not
ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment

by herself, which is to say, possibly, again,
abandoned. She is strange, mute, difficult,
sometimes unmanageable but, remember, she is a child.
And amazing things can happen. And you may see,

as the two of you go
walking together in the morning light, how
little by little she relaxes; she looks about her;
she begins to grow.

Ladies Lunch

Today I watched Kelton & Camille while Heather went for a run, and then Heather watched Tessa while I took Shep for a walk/run. When we were all back at my house, we were hungry - and here's what we hatched up for lunch. It was DELICIOUS - I could eat it by the bucketful. :-)

Ladies' Lunch Salad

3 garden fresh radishes (purple variety)
handfuls of garden fresh lettuce
about two dozen shrimp
half a large avocado
yellow pear tomatoes

Dressing
lemon juice
olive oil
salt
garlic

To prepare:
Have two five year olds and a two year old pick the garden produce. Wash well. (One of ours was accidentally placed into a cup of coffee by a two year old; you may omit this step if you choose.) Chop and tear into bite sized pieces.

To make the dressing:
Using a mortar and pestle (did I spell that correctly?), smash up a couple of garlic cloves with a healthy dose of coarse sea salt until they make a paste. Add this paste to an old jar with lid, and add lemon juice and olive oil to taste. Shake well to mix.

To make the shrimp:
Sprinkle the shrimp with salt and pepper. Oil a grill pan, and place it on the BBQ. Two minutes per side, dose with lemon juice a couple of times while cooking.

Toss all ingredients together - ambrosia! The avocado creates a creaminess in the salad, and the spice of the radishes balances the mellow lettuce flavors. I'll be making this one regularly from here on out.

(Note: We got frozen shrimp at Costco in a resealable bag, so we can remove a handful at whim. Not too expensive....but probably not green, either, and certainly not local. I'll have to work on that aspect.)

Garden notes

More harvesting - strawberries and lettuce.

The pea vines are climbing and doing well (although they seem to want to climb the ground, instead of the lovely bamboo poles I've provided them - what's with that?).

I planted another row of spinach to replace the one that failed, and another row of lettuce (to supplement what we've got) today. I filled in the gaps where we've pulled radishes, and planted more of them, as well. And we put in some random flowers (cosmos, a wildflower mix, and sunflowers) at the ends of the veggie rows. A little beauty wouldn't hurt, if you ask me.

The strawberries off the vine are nothing short of divine. All I can say is, if you've only tasted grocery store strawberries, then you've never tasted strawberries. These are exquisite. They are sweet, juicy, and more flavorful than just about anything in the world. They're incredible! They are inspiring me to get raspberries planted next year - this year, we've done a lot, but I think we have room for perhaps three raspberry bushes against the house in a sunny spot in the side yard.

With the removal of the pampas grass, we have room for more strawberries, and I anticipate planting perhaps 15 more plants next year. Oh, YUM! We could not possibly have too many - our family likes them too much. As it is, we're fighting over whose turn it is to get one each time. :-)

Our blueberry plants are small, but they are surviving, and look like they'll each have a few berries. I watered them today; I suspect that they need more water (especially for this, their first year) than I'd been giving them. Now that summer is closer at hand I will water them deeply a couple of times per week and hope that does the trick.

One of our worm bins is going dormant, and so we'll soon have some lush compost to add to the yard from that bin. The other bin has flies and I'm not sure what's up with that, and I haven't disturbed it lately so I should go dig down and see if the worms are thriving or dying in it. I think it's too wet; it needs some shredded newspaper mixed in for bedding. Frankly, I can't get "regular" composting figured out, and I don't want to buy products to mix in, so it's just random stuff thrown in and it doesn't seem to turn into any kind of compost....I have to work on that.

The onions are looking strong, and so are the garlic sprouts. I think I'm supposed to harvest them in the fall, but I don't quite remember...

The tomatoes that I grew from seed (two plants) are looking fine and sturdy, but so small compared to the ones that I got from starts. At this rate, I don't know how they'll ever bear fruit by fall. The ones from starts, on the other hand, are looking fabulous, thick and green with yellow blossoms. It will be a while until we can enjoy their fruit, but I am hopeful on that front. Today I planted three small tomato (cherry) varieties, including a yellow pear, a Matt's something-or-the-other (an heirloom variety) and I think a small red cherry, I can't remember without looking at it. We should have tomatoes in every color, size, and shape, and I can't wait. Our ten plants ought to be enough that we don't have to fight over them each day, and we can have insalata caprese as often as we choose without rationing. I also dream of eating whole bowls full of mixed cherry tomatoes, as they taste like candy....YUM!

The herb garden out back is flourishing. I'll have to cut back the cilantro, as it's bolting (any advice on that, anyone?) and covered with flowers - I'm startled at how much it has grown. The sage looks lovely, the oregano is going nuts, and the curly parsley also looks fabulous. I don't see any signs of the parsley seeds I planted, but I'm trying to be patient on that. The rore semary has been there for years and is doing just fine. The chives were completely overgrown by the oregano, so I'd like to buy another plant and try again. There are also some flowers in the pots, and I think it all looks really cheerful and lovely out back right now.

I still haven't attacked the back raised bed, but it's taking care of itself. The peonies bloomed, the lady's slipper is in abundance, and the bleeding heart is strong, plentiful, and in variety (red, pink, white). The irises don't like their location and don't seem to bloom, but that's okay, because their strong leaves form a nice contrast to the other stuff in the bed. I keep thinking that I'm going to add potatoes there, but it might not happen. We will see!

I replanted some squash seeds today, because they got mulched over and didn't fare well. Some have leaves, others looked ill, so I'm supplementing. We will see what happens. One plant looks strong and is growing well, but since I have four varieties (two summer, two winter) plus sugar pumpkins, I'm hopeful for more.

The nasturciums are coming up nicely, and I hope for colorful blooms (I bought a variety of colors). The cosmos are also in full green though not in bloom, and I'm hoping for more color there, as well. Maybe by Melissa and Ross's shower there will be flowers amidst the vegetable beds - that would be lovely. We will see!

The basil still looks yellow; the beets are non-existant (except maybe one - will I honestly get ONE beet?!). The spinach needed more water than we were giving it, and many seeds didn't germinate, so we're watering more and seeing small results there. Hopefully the new set of seeds will do better.

The carrots are plodding along, by no means lush, but there are green tops, so I'm hopeful that under the soil good things are happening. I just added the third variety about a week ago, and there's no sign of anything there, but I wouldn't expect it yet.

We bought ladybugs for natural pest control as some of our roses looked a little sickly (especially my favorite red rose bush in the back - was it lack of water? aphids? why are the blooms curled up on the edges?). I've also been adding coffee grounds around the roses as I'm told they like that....it had better be true, or I'm killing the roses!

I am VERY pleased to report that I have stayed committed to organic gardening, and nothing unnatural has entered our garden. The mulch is all from shredded trees from a neighbor; the compost is mostly from the wormbins but with some organic (purchased) compost added. (There is something strangely thrilling about knowing that old bread crusts, avocado peels, carrot tops, and the like have been converted into edible food by feeding our garden....) Pest control is ladybugs only - we haven't had much of a problem with pests so far, and the addition of ladybugs today might have been premature or unnecessary. We have soaker hoses for watering, and are hopeful that we can use less water because they are efficient. Weeding is done by hand, certainly no chemicals there, just a lot of dirt under my fingernails despite wearing gloves.

I am starting to feel like an actual gardener. Harvesting a big of this and that here and there is exciting to me, and feels like an actual accomplishment.

I have even started to dream of converting more of our yard into an even bigger veggie garden for next year.....we could do the other side of the walk, too. I don't need grass in the front yard, after all, as we never hang out in the front except on the porch.....

But right now, my hands are full, and what I have is enough....

Happy Father's Day!

Not just a Hallmark holiday, today is a chance to remember that we had help getting into the world, and that (for those mothers who are fortunate) we do not raise our children alone, but with a father at our sides.

I am grateful for my father's love, kindness, and encouragement of me. I am grateful that he has allowed me to follow my hopes and dreams, even when they weren't what he had dreamed for me, and that he accepts me as I am.

I am grateful that Tessa has such a loving father, and that I have such a loving husband in Ryan. I am grateful that she has a Daddy to climb on, to play with, to learn from, to protect her, to teach her to ride her bike. I am grateful that he makes it a priority to attend events important to her, and to not miss out on the big or little things. I am grateful that Ryan provides for our family, allowing us to live in this wonderful community, to grow vegetables in our garden, to have a house that is truly a home to us.

This morning Tessa woke up around 5am and came tumbling into our bed, filled with excitement. "Happy Father's Day!" she beamed. "I have presents for you, Daddy!" Fortunately, we were able to convince her to sleep a couple more hours before said presents were opened (though I slept with her foot in my ribs, I swear....this is why I can not co-sleep at this age...she's a restless sleeper!).

Tessa, along with her preschool class, had made brownies. Tessa also made a card with a picture of Ryan holding a "really really REALLY big cup of coffee....and the mug has decorations on it!" Together, we gave Ryan a cap with Life is Good and a bicycle on it, as well as a C&P coffee card.

We attended church today, including flower communion (a UU tradition) and presentations put on by each class, including Tessa's. We went to lunch at Taqueria Guyamas (sp?) in the Junction with the Hisatomi's, and then Ryan came home for bike fiddling while Tessa and I went to the Farmer's Market and Tessa got a cone at Husky Deli. Then, we came home, planted a few more tomatoes (I've become worried I won't have enough....but with 10 plants, SURELY we will have enough, right?), harvested a few more strawberries, did a bit more weeding, etc.

Ryan is enjoying his Father's Day bike ride right now....of course!

Tonight we'll have a simple meal, shared with neighbors Sarah and Steven, and then roast more marshmallows for more s'mores.

The sun is out, and all is well. Happy Father's Day!