drains out!

Today, as planned, my two remaining drains were removed. HURRAH! I hated those things, and I'm already much more comfortable. I feel fortunate as some women have had to keep their drains in for as long as a month, so at one week, I really won the prize.

This means that I also got to see my breast without bandages on it. It's not pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but it looks like it has a lot of potential. It's tiny right now, and yellow with bruises, and bright blue (!) stitches where they removed the nipple, and swelling where there isn't usually swelling...but one day, it will look like a "real" breast and I live for that moment.

I'm only taking a pain pill at night at this point, and I'm able to function during the day without one. That's good, because some of the pain meds make my vision fuzzy and my head feel fuzzier, so I like to avoid them.

Good night, all!
Kristina

Drains come out today; yard sale update

The drains are coming out today - hurrah! hurrah! I hate the ()@()&%#) things, and it will be quite a relief to be rid of them.

I will be at doctor's appointments (plastic surgeon for drain removal, regular oncologist appt, regular Herceptin infusion) all afternoon, but this morning Ryan's dropping Tessa and I off at PEPS. I'm still a bit hesitant to drive because I can't lift my arm up very high (a problem for steering) but I'm hopeful that I'll get clearance to drive soon.

Tomorrow night I'm going to Northwest Hope and Healing's fashion show fundraiser, and I'm looking forward to the girls' night out aspects as well as to contributing (in a small way) to the cause.

Friday and Saturday will be taken up by the yard sale; on Friday evening there will be a pricing/sorting party, and the yard sale itself is at our house on Saturday. I'm realling hoping to break $1000 on this sale, as tons of people are contributing items for donation, and it's part of the MegaWatt sale so we're getting free advertising and publicity, so we expect a lot of traffic. All proceeds go to The Breast Cancer 3-Day; participants in the yard sale who are doing the 3-Day will split the proceeds of the yard sale to contribute toward their individual 3-Day totals. I'm amazed at how much work must go into this sale, and I'm amazed at how kind people are about helping. I am truly blessed!

If you're in West Seattle on Saturday, c'mon by the the sale at my house. There are a ton of baby/kids' items, as well as household items, a few items of furniture, clothing, and much much more. Out of the thousands of items donated, surely something would suit you? :-)

Love,
Kristina

Home sweet home

I got home yesterday, and my mom brought Tessa home today, and so our family is together at home at last. It feels very good to be home!

I got the pathology from the removed breast: CLEAN! No evidience of cancer anywhere in the breast. What a relief!

Tomorrow I have doctor's appointments, and Thursday I hopefully will get the two remaining drains out (one has already been removed). Things move quickly, but not nearly as quickly as I hope for, of course.

I'm still feeling loopy from all the drugs but I'm weaning from some of the pain meds, so that should improve soon.

Love,
Kristina

Update from the hospital

Swedish has WiFi, so I'm updating you from the hospital.

As Michele said (thank you for updating, Michele!) the surgery went well. The flap is doing well, and Dr. Miles was very conservative about inflating the tissue expander (only 60 ccs so far, I think) in order to give the breast/flap the best chances of success. The front of my chest is a very manageable pain - with drugs, it's only uncomfortable, not miserable - but my back is very very painful. Yesterday evening I was shaking from the pain and very nauseaus, and no amout of drugs seemed to control it. Today I have different pain meds and they're doing better.

I need to write an ode to my port...I wasn't able to use it for the surgery itself because it was in the area to be operated on, and I got poked with three holes (my veins have given up the fight, I think), each of which left a nasty bruise. Today they hooked the port up for further administration of antibiotics and pain meds, and it is SO much better. I had no idea I'd appreciate it so much!

I'm very tired, still a bit groggy and hazy, still a bit of a sore throat from the tube used during surgery, and my back really hurts much more than I imagined...but in general I'm okay because this is the last time things are taken away. I've lost both breasts, my uterus, my tubes, and my ovaries...but from here on out, we only add. There is a lot of surgery to be done in the fall, but I can't wait for the summer, training for the breast cancer 3-Day, doing hikes with my family, having picnics on the beach, building sand castles, going camping....I am ready for some celebrating.

For now, though, I"ll go back to my room to rest, because my body is demanding it!

Love,
Kristina

PS My one year "survivorship" anniversary is coming up on June 1. I'd like to do something to mark the occassion, and to celebrate that the year is behind me. I'm looking for ideas, large and small...does anyone have anything brilliant?

On the road to recovery!

(1:45 pm) Ryan just called to say that Kristina is now out of surgery and is in the recovery room. Dr. Miles, Kristina's plastic surgeon, assured Ryan that the lat flap procedure went well and that Kristina is doing fine. Apparently, Kristina still has her sense of humor, quipping that she'd like a room with a view. Thanks to everyone for keeping Kristina in your hearts and minds!

Michele

Mid-surgery update

As of 11:20, Kristina's surgery is progressing well. Around 9:45, Dr. Dawson called Ryan after the mastectomy portion of the surgery had been completed to say that everything had gone well. This marks the end of stuff being taken away from Kristina's body, and now the reconstruction phase begins.

Good friends Paul and Libby are present as support for Ryan and Kristina, and the rest of us are waiting in the wings. I'll give you further updates as they come.

Michele

Surgery tomorrow

Well, less than twelve hours from now I'll be on the operating table. I'm packing my bags tonight to get ready...please wish me luck!

Love,
Kristina

duplicate messages

Well, as you can see, I tried to post my MRI update several times. At first, none of them posted, so I kept re-trying...and now I've got three messages that say the same thing. Technology is funny stuff!

K

MRI update

The MRI is over, and I did not have to go in for an ultrasound follow-up - hurrah! I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow for pre-op and I hope to hear further good news then.

Ryan had his interview, and it went well. Now we must wait (possibly until May 11) to hear if there is to be a job offer.

The MRI experience was okay, except I couldn't turn off my mind, and the fear was present. It's over now, though, and that's what matters.

Love,
Kristina

MRI today

I just posted a longer post that got eaten by the system; this one will be short.

The MRI must have gone fine as I was not required to go back for the 2pm ultrasound (thank God!). I have a pre-op appt tomorrow at 11:15 so I'll learn more then, but so far so good.

Ryan's final interview for the Microsoft position was today and it went well...hopefully we'll hear something about the result soon, but we're not expecting news before the 11th.

Love,
Kristina

MRI today

The MRI must not have yielded any frightening information, because I was not required to go back for the ultrasound. I have a pre-op appointment with Dr. Dawson tomorrow and I'll ask more questions then, but hopefully everything is crystal clear and free of cancer.

Ryan had his final interview for the position at Microsoft today. We may not hear anything until the 11th but I'm praying for an optimistic result before then!

The MRI procedure itself was frightening, despite my best intent of staying in my happy place. I'm glad I won't have to do that again soon.

Love,
Kristina

Getting ready for surgery

This weekend we had an absolutely lovely time on Orcas with Marisa & Max (her wonderdog). The cabin is heaven on earth, and Marisa and I cooked wonderful (but healthy!) meals, including desserts, and we lounged in the hot-tub, listened to music, drank wine (worth the calories/points!), and soaked up the island ambiance. I didn't even mind that it POURED rain on Saturday (though Ryan went for a bike-ride in the rain anyway).

The last week went well: I felt great, and Ryan had a series of great job interviews for a position at Microsoft (he has one final interview tomorrow, and we won't know anything for a few weeks). Please wish our family well in that regard...

Now, however, I'm home and realizing that my surgery is creeping up on me faster than I'd like.

Today, I feel pretty healthy. I can chase after Tessa (for a while!), and I have the energy to tackle projects around the house or to cook interesting meals or to go to a park etc. My body is leaner than it's been in a decade, and I love wearing clothes that really fit me properly. I'm ready to train for the 3-Day again, and to resume my days in the sun, doing yardwork, taking Tessa to the beach, and accomplishing small tasks here and there.

Tomorrow, I will be in an MRI machine for 45 minutes, being scanned for new cancers in my right (only) breast. My appointment is at 10am tomorrow, with a 9:30am check in time. For some reason, there is already a "just in case" ultrasound scheduled for 2pm tomorrow. If they find anything suspicious in the MRI, I'll have to go back at 2pm. I'm bothered beyond words that "they" have planned for this possibility. My MRI last June was clear, and I've had a lot of chemo....if they find cancer now, I'm going to be very, very, very scared. The MRI is routine before a mastectomy (if there is cancer, the type of mastectomy changes), but it's not routine in MY life, and it brings back horrible memories of lying in that machine and crying for my future last June, right after I was diagnosed. I'm trying not to be negative about it, but I am dreading the event. Please pray that they will find nothing unusual, and that I will be able to maintain some kind of calm while they scan me.

On Tuesday, I hope to do a combination of playing with Tessa in the sunshine -or rain - and being as active as possible with her, combined with taking a little time for myself to get a pedicure and get ready for the surgery. Tuesday night, we'll deliver Tessa to my parents' house, so that she doesn't need to get up with us at 4:30am to get to the hospital on time.

Check-in time is 5:30am on Wednesday, and surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. I will be on the operating table for approximately six hours, and my doctor has said that Ryan will not receive any updates for those six hours. Please pray that Ryan will feel strong and supported as he waits for news. I'm hoping that Ryan will leave the hospital to go for a bike ride during that time, as he feels best when he's on a bike, and sitting there worrying about me will not help me.

The surgery itself is relatively complex. I am having a skin sparing mastectomy, in which they will remove my nipple and the inside of my breast, and also a lat flap reconstruction with a tissue expander. The lat flap procedure involves detatching one side of the latissimus dorsi muscle from my back, and wrapping it under the skin under my arm to the breast area (while part of it is still attached at the back to feed the muscle). Such a procedure creates only a very small A cup, and so I am also having a tissue expander placed between the muscles of the chest wall and the lat flap. The tissue expander is basically an "empty" implant, which will slowly be inflated with tissue to stretch out my skin enough to accomodate the implant. (The stretching is necessary because even though I'm having a skin-sparing mastectomy, some of the breast skin is removed, and the skin will shrink up as result of the shock/trauma of the surgery.) My goal is to return to my natural size, a large B cup or a small C cup. When I come out of surgery, I will be an A cup, but over the space of a few months, I'll be my normal size again.

Information on this procedure is available at:
Pictures of lat flap before and after
Lat Flap Definition
Explanation of lat flap recon with pictures
Brief info on breast reconstruction

I chose to do the lat flap because it tends to give a more natural/realistic breast than a straight implant. I will do the lat flap on the other side, as well, when it's healed from radiation (October if things go well).

I will be in the hospital for five days, most likely to be released on Monday. I will have three drains (I only had one drain for the mastectomy and then another for the node dissection last summer, and I hated them...sigh); two for the front and one for the back, I believe. I will have two five inch incisions; one in the front, one in the back. Because of this, laying down will be difficult, and the recovery is a bit tougher. My parents are going to loan us a recliner chair to put in our guest room, and I'm told that this will be the most comfortable way to sleep.

I hope to use the time in the hospital to rest, to work (an hour here and there) on my BSD curriculum work, to read magazines, and to feel relief that the surgery has gone well. Ryan worries that I overdo it, and in the hospital there will be no chance for that! :-) I hope I don't lose my mind from the boredom, though, and I will welcome visitors (probably Thursday through Sunday, as I don't know how I'll feel on Wednesday and I don't know when I'll be released on Monday).

People have asked how they can help: thank you SO much to those who have reached out. While I'm in the hospital there's not much anybody can do except visit or check on Ryan & Tessa; once I'm home, I think I'll appreciate help with Tessa and/or meals if people are so inclined. I hope to recover quickly, of course, but I can't predict how it will go. I'm told that recovery is a 6 week process, but I heal quickly, so I'm hoping to set a new healing record (wish me luck on that one!).

I will have my cellphone at the hospital once I'm settled (Ryan will bring it to me), but I don't know how much I'll be able to use it due to potential cell phone restrictions. I will be at Swedish on First Hill, and they will have me in their patient directory if you call. On the day of surgery, I will have someone update the blog with info. Ryan will have his cellphone with him on Wednesday, and will certainly appreciate your calls of support, as well.

This is hard. I don't want to do it, any of it. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to plan for it, and I don't want to deal with it. I have to stuff my anger deep inside me that this is my fate, and that I don't have a lot of choices that sound good to me. I hate that my body will have yet more scars, that there are risks with surgery, that my breasts will not be as good as they once were, that I'm always at higher risk for breast cancer than others, that there are no guarantees, that I will endure great pain, that I will not be able to pick up Tessa and hold her the way that every other mother holds her child because I will be healing. I hate that, for several months, my new breast will be rock hard and unnatural looking (until the implant is placed late next fall).

I hate that tomorrow, high tech machines will be used to see if I have cancer again. I am horribly afraid. As I type these words, I can't stop the tears from falling down my face because I'm so afraid. I hate to be afraid. I want to be strong, courageous, and confidant. Instead, I feel fear. What kind of cancer could have survived chemo? What is my fate if they find cancer tomorrow? I know what I've already been through with treatment, and I am certain that it would be worse if some type of cancer is still living in my body. By the time most people read this, the MRI will be over, and hopefully I will have great news and all this worrying will be for nothing. But until then, I'm very, very afraid.

Nearly a year of my life has passed since I found my lump - it's been eleven months. For eleven months, everything has taken a back seat to cancer. I am barely visible at my daughter's preschool (and I vowed to be an involved mother!), my family very nearly fell apart through all of this (though thankfully we're doing well now), the many projects that needed doing still aren't done, and I can barely find the energy to do a quarter of the things I both want and need to do.

I hate that Tessa knows that my nipple will be removed. I hate that she knows what it's like to have her mommy in the hospital. I hate that she keeps asking, "Mommy, will you be able to pick me up?" because she knows I can't and what she most wants is for me to hold her.

I do not have time to mourn because I am in survival mode, but every now and then....like now, as I prepare for the next horror....the anger and fear and mourning leak out. I'm removing my breast to lessen the chance that cancer will recur. I do whatever I can to live a long and happy life, and hope to God that I am doing the right things. I hope that my decision to do reconstruction is the right one: the reconstruction is hard on my body, and it's vanity that's making me do it. There is no use for my breasts, but I want to have two breasts, and I'm fighting hard for that.

I pray that Tessa will not remember the fear that has lived with us for the past year, and that she will somehow learn strength from the whole experience even as she forgets it. Tessa has imaginary tigers that she takes with her when she's frightened or worried, and lately the tigers have been coming everywhere with us. I am grateful that my daughter has chosen such a strong animal for her companion, and hope that the tigers comfort her even as she comforts them, telling them the things that I tell her. It's only for a while, sweetie. Everything will be okay. We can visit in the hospital. This summer, we will have a wonderful time, playing on the beach: we'll have a picnic, then build a sand castle, and then we'll hold hands and run into the water together, laughing because it's so cold. Yes, the tigers can come. We'll keep them safe, and they'll keep us safe.

I send my love - thank you for sending your love back.
Love,
Kristina

Brief catch-up

This must be short, but I wanted to update to tell everyone that I am well, just busy. My health feels fabulous right now and my energy levels are up...just in time to get ready for my surgery on Wednesday. I'm scheduled to be admitted to Swedish at 5:30am on Wednesday morning, with a 7:30am surgery time. I will be in the hospital 5 days, we think, heading home on Monday.

I need to do an MRI to make sure that there is no cancer in the breast they're removing (that would change the surgery type), and this brings back terrible memories of the last MRI. I'm praying that it will be very different this time, both emotionally and in terms of results.

This weekend we're going to Orcas Island to visit with Marisa & Max and enjoy the cabin. We can't wait!

Love,
Kristina

Happy Easter!

I hit my Weight Watchers goal today!

I can't believe I did it. I honestly can't believe it...but it's true! Today I went to Weight Watchers, and I am now officially down 32.8 pounds, and I have hit my official Weight Watchers goal. I weigh less than I have in about 10 to 15 years, and I'm wearing some size 6 and some size 8 clothes (depends on the brand). I barely recognize this new body as my own...and that's a good thing!

If anyone is reading this and hoping to lose weight, here is my advice:

1. DO NOT think about your final goal, just about your mini-goals. If I had sat down in February and told myself "I need to lose more than 30 pounds" I think at the first setback I would have quit, or I would have been frustrated when I only lost a half pound. Instead, I focused on losing one pound a week, and promised myself that as long as I was averaging a pound a week of loss (and fortunately for me I averaged more than that) I WAS meeting my goal. A pound a week equals 52 pounds in a year, so I think that's a worthy goal. By keeping the goals small, I felt like I had lots to celebrate along the way, and I wasn't too bogged down by the big picture.

2. Don't live in deprivation. If you told me now that I could never have chocolate, pasta, wine, or cheese again, I would gladly give up the "skinny" to enjoy those foods, because I LOVE those foods and I'm not a big fan of deprivation. Plus, I hate being told that I'm not allowed to have something...that makes me crave it even more. Instead, just choose to have those items less frequently, or in smaller portions, or both. When there is a birthday party, I still get to have a (small) piece of birthday cake. When it's girls' night, I still eat dessert. When I want to, I still have a glass of wine. By not giving those things up, I have been able to enjoy the ride, and so it doesn't feel like I'm on a strict diet, and so it feels like a lifestyle shift, and not deprivation.

3. Plan ahead. It's MUCH easier to lose weight if you plan your day and to be successful. If I know that I'm having a higher point (higher calorie) dinner, I make sure to have a light lunch. If I know that I have lots of social plans on the weekend, I save up my flex points for those events so that I can enjoy the events without going over my point allowances.

4. Share the journey with someone else. My dear friend Michele initially inspired me to join Weight Watchers because of her success with it, and she and I spent a lot of time swapping tips and recipes. Then, Ryan came on board (hurrah!) and we plan our points together, encouraging each other to stay on the plan and congratulating each other on our successes. My mom is also on the plan (I'm proud of you, Mom!) and it's fabulous when we have dinner with my parents because I know that it will be healthy. It's a lot easier to do this if your team is in place, ready to support you.

5. Diet and exercise together is the best combination, but if you can't do one, don't give up the other. Radiation burns and hysterectomies and fatigue have really put my exercise on the back burner, but though I'm not exercising the way I should and would like to, I'm not giving up the plan...and I've still had success.

Now, my plan is to add the exercise back in to my lifestyle, and to continue with my healthy eating habits for the rest of my life. I will slowly add back in more points until I'm not losing weight any more, and I will work on doing strength training and cardio to make my body not only slim, but also healthy. Reaching goal is, in many ways, the beginning of the journey, and not the end. I'll continue to attend WW meetings to keep myself on target, too.

I am giving away all of my larger clothes. My clothes will tell me when it's time for me to drop a few pounds again...I will not be buying ANOTHER wardrobe, because I like where I'm at far too much. If/when my clothes get too tight, I will just drop my points down to the "dieting" range again, and do a minor correction before things get out of hand.

Because I'm a healthy weight, I have cut my risk of a breast cancer recurrance by as much as fifty percent. WOW. Now there's some incentive to keep the weight off!

Thanks for letting me brag....if I can't do it in my own blog, then I can't do it anywhere. Thanks for listening!

Kristina

Hysterectomy+Cold=Dragging

First, an aside:
Today Tessa was being so darn cute that it brought tears to my eyes. She was telling me stories (inventive imaginings), helping me in the kitchen, and being exceptionally loving when I was just laying on the couch like a slug. My heart burst with love for her, but my eyes filled with tears. The tears had some joy, but also the pain of not being able to play with her and to mother her in the wyas I'd like to while I'm recovering. Ouch.

Friends, I am dragging through the days. I am so tired it's almost like being on chemo again...ack! This morning was my most active since the surgery a week ago: We got up, showered, and left to go see the UW crew races at the Montlake cut (a first for all of us - I've always wanted to go, and so has Ryan but we'd never made it. It's important to Ryan and I to instill in Tessa that women can be fabulous athletes, and so we want to expose her to this kind of stuff...and I think it's pretty darn cool to expose Tessa to the UW so that she'll get a taste of her mother's, grandfather's, and uncle's alma mater). On the way there, we stopped by the Susan G. Komen offices and picked up Race for the Cure registration materials, because I am the West Seattle contact for Race for the Cure...all we had to do was pick up a few boxes (which Ryan kindly toted for me). Then, we picked up Marisa at her house, headed to the crew races, and watched for perhaps 20 minutes. Then we headed to "the Ave" (University Avenue) to visit the University Bookstore (Ryan and Marisa browsed while Tessa and I explored the children's section...I have an entire shelf of books that I haven't read yet). By then, I was feeling tired, even though we hadn't done much at all. We dropped Marisa off at home, then dropped off the registration materials at Capers in West Seattle (and had quick soup and sandwiches for lunch together), and then I came home, put on my PJs, and crawled into bed, where I spent the afternoon.

Ugh. I am starting to fantasize about all the things that I will do when I have a healthy body again. This fantasy includes:
1. Taking Tessa to a park and running around after her. Push her on the swings, go down the slide with her, and then go to the beach to look for seashells and practice walking on logs. Run with her, chase her, and laugh together.
2. Exercise. I'm so interested in having a healthy body that the jiggly tummy that I still possess is an irritation because I'm motivated to fix it but I don't have the energy to do so. I know that I can do more and I'm ready to do it! I have a weights routine, a walking plan, and I'm eager to get started.
3. Take care of the house. The little things build up, and I want to work in the garden, do a deep cleaning, etc.
4. Cook healthy meals again. For me, one trick to excelling on WW is cooking interesting, diverse foods...that way I don't get bored and I don't miss the fat/sugar/white flour so much. Plus, it's so very important to me to model excellent eating habits to Tessa.
5. Do things with friends. Meet friends to have a playdate, go on dates with Ryan, go to girls' night or bookclub....all the normal "fun" things.
6. Do my work for the Bellevue School District.
7. Update the blog.

It's really the little things that count and I'm so tired of not being able to do the essentials!

SO, on that note, it's 6:36pm and I'm off to bed. Good night!
Kristina

Clean pathology!

This morning, Katie from Dr. Paley's office called me, and reported that my pathology report just came in, and it is clean. There was no evidence of cancer, ovarian or otherwise, and everything looked great.

HURRAH! Maybe now the nightmares will stop....

Love,
Kristina

Proud of Ryan

As many of you know, Ryan joined Weight Watchers a while ago, inspired by the losses he saw from Michele & I as we stayed on the program (and with a few threats from his family doctor, too). Well, today Ryan reached his 10% goal! By losing 10% of his body weight, Ryan has put himself at lower risk for heart disease and diabetes, and in better health. I'm so, so proud of him for sticking with it.

And I must say, Ryan looks fantastic. He is having to buy new, smaller clothes because his old ones are so big he's swimming in them, and I think that I have a very handsome husband! I will have to take some pictures and post them here soon.

Ryan and I both have some miles to go on our weight loss journeys, but I am certain that we will reach our goals. This summer, I hope that you find us going for hikes together, running on the beach, and maybe even biking together (yikes do you think I evne know how to ride a bike any more?). It's fun to get skinny together.

Love,
Kristina

PS Thanks for listening to me vent here yesterday. Really, this process sucks, and I'm more than tired of it. It helps me to be honest about that...to scream and cry, then catch my breath and try to move forward.

Tired of this

I am so, so, so tired of this. I'm tired of being a cancer patient. I'm tired of having body parts removed. I'm tired of losing my femininity, one piece at a time. (Please do not tell me that femininity is an attitude. I know that, but I also know that it's made up of body parts that I no longer have.) I'm tired of being in so much pain...pain from radiation burns, pain from surgery. I'm tired of the strain it puts on my entire family, knowing how much it hurts them, too. I'm tired of having an abnormal life as the result of all of this. I'm tired. I live in fear that it will be like this forever.

I just want to be well. I want to be able to hug Tessa without fear that her head will bump my portacath (ouch) my radiation burn (OUCH) or my hysterectomy incisions (OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!).

I don't want to have to fake being strong all the time, I want to actually BE strong.

I know I've got a lot behind me, but the road is still so very, very long, and the last miles are the hardest because the fatigue has set in. My bones ache from it, and I wonder how I will go another step sometimes. Haven't I done enough? When is it enough? When do I get to be happy, healthy, and fit? Please, when???

I know I have a bad attitude tonight, and that I'll feel better in the morning. I know that I'll heal from the hysterectomy and then even get some laughs in before the next mastectomy and healing period. I'll be fine...I'm survivor, and I specialize in recovery and healing and making lemons out of lemonade. But it sucks, and I want to shout that, too. Yes, I'm strong. Yes, I can take it. But it's so horribly unfair that I have to deal with this, and that I'm not even close to being done.

Sigh. I'm sorry if you came here tonight looking for inspiration, because I am just out of inspiration today. I'm just so horribly weary from all of this.

Kristina

Recovery and lost my voice

Recovery is going well. I am extremely tender in the abdomen, and sudden movements are very painful, but if I remember to move slowly I feel fine.

Unfortunately, I have contracted a cold and I've completely lost my voice...I won't be able to pick up the phone because I can't talk! It's very frustrating, and not at all what I needed right now, but it is what it is. The worst part is that I feel like I really need to cough hard to clear my chest, but that pulls horrifically on my incisions, so that's out of the question. Ugh! Hopefully this will be short lived.

I'm reading all those magazines I bought and that friends gave me, and I've spent the entire morning snuggled in bed with Mozart (the cat) leaning on my foot. It could be worse!

Love,
Kristina