Phew

Phew is a little trite, but there it is.

I got a message today from my oncologist's office (lovely Betsy) to say that my tumor markers are all excellent, well within normal ranges, and that everything looks normal. I was told "See you at your next regular check up - have a great summer!" and this, needless to say, is excellent news.

But when I heard Betsy's voice on the phone, and she said she had an update for me, in those two seconds before I heard the good news, my stomach clenched and my blood pressure shot through the roof and my brain shut down. The good news helped me to breathe again, but the physical effects of the fear are real, and they will take a while to go away.

This, in the middle of a good day. Tessa and I spent the day at "Grandma Dorothy's house" - Grandma Dorothy is the preschool teacher's mother, and she comes every Friday to the school to read stories and deliver home made cookies made in the shape of the theme of the week (a bat, or a salmon, or a spider, etc.). All of the children adore her, and going to her house was a real treat. Dozens of children, with almost an equal number of parents, played on the beach, BBQd, and enjoyed the day.

Once home, Tessa and I ran errands (including a fun stop at the used book store to pick up some new books for Tessa - bargains because we have store credit) and went grocery shopping.

And now we're waiting for Ryan to come home, and the weekend to begin. Dave Matthews is singing on the radio, the sun is shining, and the grill is waiting to cook our burgers. Maybe we'll go to Ercolini Park after dinner, or maybe we'll sit in the hammock, or maybe we'll play Go Fish at the outdoor table....but whatever it is, I'm looking forward to it.

And I'm trying to remember to breathe again, to not focus on the fact that I actually HAVE an oncologist, or why, but instead to focus on the good message.

Phew.