Is it possible that I have been a mother for three years? And how is it possible that my tiny baby girl has grown to be such a big girl? I'm more proud of her than I imagined possible - she is all that I ever dreamed of in a child, and I love her more with each passing day.
Here are a few pictures of her third birthday to delight and entertain you. She had a pony party - hurrah! My pony obsessed daughter loved every second of it, and we were blessed to share it with a few close friends. Then, today, we had a small family party hosted by Grammy & Grandpa (thank you!)...I think it was a perfect third birthday.
I love you, Tessa Katherine!
Love,
Kristina
PS 9 radiation down, 24 to go. I hate the way it takes a big chunk of time out of every day, and the way it makes me feel like a cancer patient...but it's okay.
PPS I've been having bad dreams lately, and perhaps they tell me that I am not as confident as I'd like to believe. My first bad dream involved me getting cancer in my legs, and "they" decided to amputate. I was okay with that, but they started sawing off my legs without giving me any anesthetic, and I pleaded with them to stop but they said, "You have a high pain tolerance. You can take it." The second dream was that my blood counts had jumped, and some cancer marker that was supposed to be 2 had jumped to 273. In the dream, I knew that I was dying, and the doctors told me that they were sorry, but there was nothing they could do. Freud could have a heyday with dreams like these.
1 comment:
The terrible days of Chemo are behind now. Whereas the chemo sent poison throughout your entire body, now the treatment is localized and does not affect your entire person so much. Despite that being a good thing, it is a change and change demands adjustment. Your psyche, for whatever reason, does not seem to be readily letting go of the "I'm dying, maimed, being mutilated" thought pattern. It is a mistaken idea that just because circumstances change for the good, our thought patterns automatically change. The dreams are remnants of experiences and fears being played again; ghosts. Try lots of "moving on" self-talk. Tell the fears and negative memories to blow out of the tail pipe because you've got better things to do than sit around dwelling on them.
Just a suggestion.
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