Limits

Everyone has their limits, and I'm discovering more and more of mine.

Today I realized that I'm not up for the trip to Portland to visit friends and family tomorrow. This realization made me cry, because I do not like this version of myself, because I will miss seeing people, because I'm mad at myself that I can't just pull it together, because I'm tired of being so tired. Mostly, it's that last one. I can hardly believe that a simple car trip to Portland - one that involves packing a bag, and not much more - can be overwhelming to me right now, but there it is. I have reached an ever deeper level of fatigue, and I just can't push on through.

Ryan and Tessa will go to Portland without me (with my blessing), and I will miss them and wonder what I'm missing out on. I'll stay behind to rest and relax, and to recoup some energy. By the time they return, I'm sure that I will have missed them so much that I'll appreciate them more than ever.

Less than a month of torture to go. Less than a month until I'm done with receiving chemo. I just need to make it to the 14th.... and I know that I will, but it seems so terribly far away.

I may actually do a "real" update over the next couple of days while I'm here by myself...but no promises.

Love,
Kristina