Monday morning

I haven't been online much at all this weekend. I think I needed some time away from reflection and from putting on my happy face...even I can only do so much of that.

Last week really took it out of me. Ryan's job is filled with issues (thank you for keeping him in your thoughts and prayers) that fill each of us with stress, and then my allergic reaction really threw me for a loop. I felt really wiped out, perhaps psychologically as well as physically, all weekend, and had a hard time catching my (metaphorical) breath.

However, we I did participate in two great activities this weekend. First, on Saturday, Ryan, Tessa and I joined our neighbors Kathleen, Jim, and Elena and we went to Remlinger Farms for the day. The girls (Elena is Tessa's age) had so much fun that their joy and enthusiasm was contagious, and though for some of it I merely stood on the sidelines and cheered (unlike Ryan, who had as much fun in the hay jump as Tessa did) it was a really fun experience. Tessa got to ride on a pony twice, as well as many other activities, and her boldness, enthusiasm, and joy brought pride and love to my heart.

Here's a picture of Tessa, face alight with glee, in the petting farm area:


...and here is a picture of Tessa and Elena onstage at the puppet show, playing banana percussion:



...and here is a picture of Tessa and Elena in the canoe ride.


Then, on Sunday, Ryan very kindly took care of Tessa most of the day, and I went to a ladies' tea at Linda's house along with the PEPS group. The tea was lovely - complete with scones, crustless sandwiches, and frilly china - and the company was wonderful. The PEPS kids are all so active and noisy that our PEPS meetings aren't exactly restful oases of conversation for the adults, so having time for conversation was a real treat.

Now, it is Monday, and Ryan has been at work for an hour already. Tessa and I will run some errands this morning, perhaps try for a play date, and such goes the week. I am trying to keep Wednesday out of my thoughts, but it's hard. This Wednesday is my rescheduled CT scan...they're going back to look at my lungs to see if the nodules found in June have changed. This is terrifying, but I am trying to be calm about it and to avoid freaking out before I even have any information. And then, of course, on Wednesday there is also chemo....which I hate to think about because of my reaction last time. I think that after Wednesday I will feel much better, however...I just need the CT scan to be normal and the chemo to go well. If they both went well, it would be better than winning the lottery, actually.

And one more thought, on the subject of early menopause: YUCK. At night, I have hot flashes at least hourly. This wouldn't be such a bad thing, except that they wake me up, and afterwards I'm often chilled. I am taking a sleeping pill, but it is powerless in the face of hot flashes, and I find my hot-flash induced insomnia truly troubling. Whatta mess.

I hope that this week finds you well, free of allergic reactions, and filled with joy with friends and family.

Love,
Kristina