Two down, fourteen to go!

Today was my second chemo. It went exactly the same as the first chemo - I still have a headache, but I am otherwise well. I can live with this. I will buy stock in Motrin, if necessary, and that's okay.

This is a brief post because I am quite tired, not unexpectedly, and my poor parents have come down with a bug so Tessa will not be going there tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be a full time mommy, so I had better save my energy tonight!

In short, I'm doing very well. Tessa & Caley came to watch and to show Tessa how chemo worked, and Tessa was a doll, very polite and restrained. She got a lot of smiles today, and she made her mama very, very proud. She's not always an angel, I know, and I love my wild-child too, but today she was purely angelic and I just adored it. All of the nurses came up to me and said, "Was that your little girl? She's just so beautiful and sweet!" and really made my day.

I know, you guys don't want to read that, you want the chemo details, but I had to insert that moment here. Remind me as well, in case I forget (since I pretty much forget everything these days....neighbors, if you ever see me naked in the streets please direct me back to my house to get dressed!!!) that some day soon I want to write about the four generation tea party that took place last weekend with Tessa...it was another mommy moment and worth recording. But now I will return to chemo-talk...

My blood counts were excellent, well within normal ranges and even on the high end (hurrah!). I asked the nurse several questions, one of which was "What activities should I be avoiding?" and received the answer that the only thing I needed to avoid was sick people. Fortunately or not (depending on the item!), swimming, cleaning, taking Tessa to the doctor should she need it, and everything else is a-okay.

This is a reminder, because I might not think to say it otherwise: If you have the slightest inkling of a cold or something, or your child does, then unfortunately Tessa and I both need to avoid you. If Tessa gets sick, I am not allowed to care for her (this makes me sick just thinking about it), and of course I am at greater risk of getting sick while I'm on chemo, and being sick will delay treatment and my lowered immune system may not be able to fight back on even simple illnesses right now. This avoidance is easy right now while most people are healthy in the summer sun, but in the fall everybody tends to get a runny nose and I will need to be very cautious. Anyway, thanks for helping me out with that one - I wouldn't have thought of it had the nurse not mentioned it.

Anyway, then I did chemo, and had some really nice alone time. Nice chemo? Yup! I am not good at sitting still, and I'm rarely alone, and I'm certainly rarely alone AND sitting still, but chemo allowed for both. I read great sections of my book ("Blindness" - very dark, not enjoying it, but determined to finish it!), and I really LISTENED to the music on the I-Pod Shuffle, absorbing the lyrics and really hearing the instruments and the moods they created. It was lovely - isn't that funny?

Towards the end of my treatment, I met a new friend in person - Prema. Prema & I have chatted online through a breast cancer survivor group, and I found out that she does chemo at the same hospital on the same day. Prema came early so that she could see me (last time she came immediately afterwards and then sat in "my" chair - we just missed each other!), and I had a lovely talk with her and her mom, as well as with Michele (who came to pick me up, along with adorable baby Elliott). Add Prema to the list of wonderful people that I've met through breast cancer. :-)

And then I picked up meds and Michele drove me home. Another side note here: A woman about my age was behind me in line to get her post-meds, too, and I saw on her face that she really wasn't feeling well. (I'd seen her a few chairs down from me getting chemo, but we hadn't spoken.) I insisted that she step in line ahead of me to get her meds (her husband kept mouthing "thank you" to me behind her back), and though she was reluctant at first she did accept my offer. I felt I owed it to her - there is no reason that she is feeling so terrible and I am feeling so (relatively) good, and she deserved (and perhaps needed) a break. This unknown woman is included in my thoughts and prayers today.

Isn't that amazing - that's it! Tessa and I went for a walk after we sent Caley home, and met a new neighbor, Debbie, and her live-in granddaughter, Alliyah (sp? pronounced Uh-LE-ah). Alliyah is 3, and Tessa fell in love right away, and the two girls settled down to the business of playing in Alliyah's yard for a few minutes while Debbie and I chatted like they'd known each other for years. Future playdates are being arranged!

Debbie and I talked while the girls played, and I shared my news (which is written all over my bald head, which is clearly bald even under my bandana) of breast cancer. She cried when I told her, and quickly apologized for doing so (an unnecessary apology, I should add). She told me, "I'm sorry, I just feel for you so much, because I understand a thing or two about loss these days. A month ago, my 27 year old son died." Please spare a thought or prayer for Debbie tonight as you think of me, because I'm having a bad dream with this whole breast cancer business, but for Debbie, the worst nightmare has occurred. Of the two of us, I consider myself the lucky one. I am grateful for the reminders of my good fortune, even as I ache for Debbie.

Special thanks to Michele today - not only did she act as a personal chauffeur, but she also made us a great dinner. Michele, I adore you. :-)

Speaking of thank yous.....I didn't write a single one. Please do not check your mailbox this week hoping to see a much overdue note from me...I'm impossibly behind and I may never catch up. My gratitude is real, but my manners are atrocious...thank you for understanding! We have received so mcuh love and support,a nd every single gesture is appreciated more than I can say. We know how blessed we are; thank you SO much.

That's all for now, though, as usual, there is so much more I could say. My love to all of you - thank you SO much for your love and prayers. I'm certain that they're working, because I feel so wonderful, both in body and spirit.

With love,
Kristina

PS Chemo brain strikes every time I open my mouth. It's scary...I can barely construct a sentence and my thinking isn't as clear as it once was. Sigh. Prepare to be amused by me, though, as Caley is quite entertained by my "silliness." Well, if I can provide laughter, then I will......!