Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Fatigue

Well, I am learning that fatigue is real, and problematic. This is beyond "gee I feel tired" or "I could really use a nap." This kind of fatigue makes me feel snappy and grouchy, and my patience with poor Tessa is wearing thin. Today she was in a a particularly demanding mood and, bless her little heart, I wanted to send her to the moon for a few hours' vacation. Thank God for Caley!

Last night Ryan and I went out with Steve & Kerri. We had long, heart-to-heart talks in which Steve & Kerri shared issues very private to their hearts, and opened up their truest, deepest selves to us. We are both eternally grateful, and the meeting was healing for Ryan and I. In particular, I am hopeful that Ryan was touched by their stories, and that he finds strength in them.

Today Ryan was at home, and tomorrow he will return to work. He will take things one step at a time, and he will face the things he needs to face. I am proud of him.

Today I saw the surgeon, and she pronounced me to be healing beautifully. I do not need to see her again until after chemo, as a follow up. She wrote me two lovely prescriptions - one for a wig (I'm going shopping with Lori tomorrow...wish me luck) and one for massage. HURRAY for massage...I think I've earned it!!!

Today might be the day that my blood counts hit their "low." I sort of hope so - I've had a strong headache for a couple of days, and I really am tired, and I'm tired of trying to push on through with limited success. I hope that tomorrow I'll be on the mend again, and that I can have a good week before returning to the chemo trenches.

Love to all,
Kristina
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2 comments:

*susan* said...

To the moon... I love it. I remember during the kid's first year, I stayed home, but home was this horrid little town in North Carolina where everyone with get up and go, and gotten up and left! There wasn't a soul in this town that came close to being my age or having my interests. I was truly all alone each and every day.

As Leslie walked through the door, I would hand him the child and say deeply "I have hit my LSP." And we still use this wonderful phrase... LSP = Lauren Saturation Point.

It didn't mean that I wasn't a wonderful mother, or that she wasn't a wonderful child, it simply meant that I knew that it was time for her to have a new adult who had patience and energy to give.

Knowing when to give the kid to someone else is actually one of my definitions of great mothering. And thank goodness for Caley!

1:41 PM, August 03, 2005
The Green Cedar said...

The support and counsel of close friends and family is the greatest gift we can have in this otherwise wretched stuff. Thank God for Caley, Steve & Kerri!

7:33 AM, August 04, 2005

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