I had set aside today on my calendar to help a friend paint her newly remodeled home before her baby arrives, but there was a change in plans (sick hubby - uh oh! - let's hope that the little one doesn't decide to come while Dad has the flu!) and suddenly I find myself with a clear calendar.
Oh. My. God.
I was very excited to help my friends, and I will do so on another day (possibly even tomorrow), but I can not begin to tell you what a gift a free day is. I've been running here and there, and I think I've started running in circles. I haven't had time to sit and think about what's important, and what's a priority, and what can wait, so I've been more reactive than proactive. I can't stand reactive mode - it's not my best, and things slip away that should be priorities, and somehow I get less efficient at just about everything, and too many things feel partially done and disorganized.
So, the first order of the day is to get my head in gear; to sit down and think about these things, and to come up with a plan. And oh, do I ever love having a plan.
Time to get busy!
Friday, November 07, 2008
Halloween Pictures
Plus one of Mozart, because he's mentioned that he's feeling overshadowed by the dog and he wanted to point out that he is a Very Handsome Cat.
Better late than never!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
President Obama
Today I woke up so filled with hope, with joy, with gratitude. I am optimistic that America is learning that racism is foolish, and that we can start to undo the damage done for so many generations. I am optimistic that America has voted for peace, for integrity, for compassion for those less fortunate. I am filled with optimism. This election wasn't about race, but it sure made a huge statement about it - and that statement makes me so happy.
I do not forget that many people in my life probably woke up with pessimism today because of the election's outcome; John McCain had his share of supporters, too. To those people I will say that I hope that time will show that Obama will speak for you, too, and that time will allow your confidence in him to grow. I hope that you will find peace with our new president, and that your sorrow at McCain's loss will become overshadowed by the future victories of peace, economy, world relations, and other important political topics. I hope that you, too, will find room for hope.
I don't want to gloat. Yes, I'm very happy, and I am filled with feelings of patriotism that I haven't ever felt before. But I hope that there is room in this new vision of America for all people, not just for those who voted for Obama.
And for what it's worth - I thought that McCain's concession speech was powerful, full of integrity, well spoken. He sounded like a man of honor. McCain supporters should be very proud of his behavior last night.
I do not forget that many people in my life probably woke up with pessimism today because of the election's outcome; John McCain had his share of supporters, too. To those people I will say that I hope that time will show that Obama will speak for you, too, and that time will allow your confidence in him to grow. I hope that you will find peace with our new president, and that your sorrow at McCain's loss will become overshadowed by the future victories of peace, economy, world relations, and other important political topics. I hope that you, too, will find room for hope.
I don't want to gloat. Yes, I'm very happy, and I am filled with feelings of patriotism that I haven't ever felt before. But I hope that there is room in this new vision of America for all people, not just for those who voted for Obama.
And for what it's worth - I thought that McCain's concession speech was powerful, full of integrity, well spoken. He sounded like a man of honor. McCain supporters should be very proud of his behavior last night.
Hangover
Okay, we don't have real hangovers, but in this house we're all a bit off.
Ryan's got an upset stomach.....and a big presentation at work.
Tessa stayed up late - with her Mama's permission - to watch Obama's acceptance speech, and this morning she woke up early. Uh, oh. This isn't pretty. ;-)
And me? Just dealing with the girl.....
But still walking on air.
Ryan's got an upset stomach.....and a big presentation at work.
Tessa stayed up late - with her Mama's permission - to watch Obama's acceptance speech, and this morning she woke up early. Uh, oh. This isn't pretty. ;-)
And me? Just dealing with the girl.....
But still walking on air.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
President Obama
I am tearful. Tears of joy.....pure joy.
I've let Tessa stay up late to see our president elect speak. She doesn't truly understand the significance of this historic night, but she will one day be able to tell her grandchildren that she was a part of the excitement.
My president is a black man, a white man. My president was an atheist, is a Christian, loves Muslims. My president is articulate, intelligent, compassionate. My president is Barack Obama and I am so proud of America for voting for him.
I have so much hope. I am so grateful, so filled with hope.
President Obama, I support you. And I am SO HAPPY!
I've let Tessa stay up late to see our president elect speak. She doesn't truly understand the significance of this historic night, but she will one day be able to tell her grandchildren that she was a part of the excitement.
My president is a black man, a white man. My president was an atheist, is a Christian, loves Muslims. My president is articulate, intelligent, compassionate. My president is Barack Obama and I am so proud of America for voting for him.
I have so much hope. I am so grateful, so filled with hope.
President Obama, I support you. And I am SO HAPPY!
OCD
I'm getting OCD about this election business.
1% of precincts reporting. My candidate is not ahead. My head starts to pound.
Hmmm.
1% of precincts reporting. My candidate is not ahead. My head starts to pound.
Hmmm.
In the news
I just did a quick news check, and found two references to the bake sale:
http://westseattleblog.com/blog/?p=11658
and
http://your.kingcounty.gov/votes/2008/11/fundraiser-outside-of-alki-polling-site.html
The West Seattle Blog has a nice picture of Katie & Linda at their shift at the bake sale, and the King County Elections website has a picture of Katie & me at our bake sale. (And an inaccurate quote, but that's a-okay......well intentioned, I'm sure.)
http://westseattleblog.com/blog/?p=11658
and
http://your.kingcounty.gov/votes/2008/11/fundraiser-outside-of-alki-polling-site.html
The West Seattle Blog has a nice picture of Katie & Linda at their shift at the bake sale, and the King County Elections website has a picture of Katie & me at our bake sale. (And an inaccurate quote, but that's a-okay......well intentioned, I'm sure.)
Election Day!
What's more American than a democratic election?
A bake sale to raise money for schools.
I spent the morning at the Alki Community Center polling station, at a table laden with baked goods baked by Alki Elementary parents. We encouraged people to vote, and then as they came back outside from their vote we encouraged them to buy something sweet to support the Alki PTA.
Maybe one day we'll live in a world where wars are funded by bake sales, and schools are fully funded by taxpayer dollars. Until then....I guess I'll bake! (Organic chocolate chip cookies, thankyouverymuch. Tessa helped, and then we printed red, white, and blue labels and Tessa helped me to bag them up in pairs.)
The atmosphere at our table was festive. We saw young and old, and many people who voted absentee ballot but chose to deliver their ballots to the polling station. We live in a very blue area, and people had a lot of Obama buttons, but we weren't conducting any kind of polls. (It was clear that the bake sale parents were Obama supporters, however.)
The children conducted a mock-election at the school, and it was clear that they had heads filled with thoughts of election day, as well. I heard children calling to each other, "Did you vote for McCain or Obama?" on the playground, and it made my heart sing to think of five year olds who feel involved in the political process. Right now, they are mere reflections of their parents' views, but hopefully they will keep their passion for voting for all of their lives, and continue to participate in the democratic process.
And our house? Well, we'll have the TV on, and the internet right in front of it, as we anxiously watch and await final results. We're having a few neighbors over to share this moment, and we're pot-lucking it.
Tessa and I looked up pictures of Obama's family, and Tessa pointed out that his youngest daughter is not that much older than she is. Tessa wants to write to Sasha and Malia to say how happy she is that they get to live in the white house. I hope that we get to write that letter!
Now, back to obsessively checking the web for early results....
The Day
Well, today is the day - Election 2008.
Last night I baked two batches of cookies, and bagged them in twos and put labels on them. This morning I will be at the Alki polling station, selling cookies to voters to raise money for Alki Elementary. (Alki is connected to the community center, and voting takes place at the community center.) It's raining, so I hope I don't get soaked- boots, umbrellas, and Gore-Tex are the order of the day.
I voted via absentee ballot, and those should have safely arrived at their destinations already. So today, besides selling cookies, all I can do is watch and wait.
A couple of neighbor friends are coming over tonight for dinner to watch the results come in - tonight is dinner in the basement, around the TV. One of Tessa's friends, Elena, will be coming, too, so hopefully the girls can entertain each other to refrain from boredom, because this Mama will be glued to that TV! We have a TV in the family room, and our other TV is in the guest room next door, and I suspect sometimes we'll have them both on, and I'll be on the NYT website, too.
This Obama Mama is hopeful.
Last night I baked two batches of cookies, and bagged them in twos and put labels on them. This morning I will be at the Alki polling station, selling cookies to voters to raise money for Alki Elementary. (Alki is connected to the community center, and voting takes place at the community center.) It's raining, so I hope I don't get soaked- boots, umbrellas, and Gore-Tex are the order of the day.
I voted via absentee ballot, and those should have safely arrived at their destinations already. So today, besides selling cookies, all I can do is watch and wait.
A couple of neighbor friends are coming over tonight for dinner to watch the results come in - tonight is dinner in the basement, around the TV. One of Tessa's friends, Elena, will be coming, too, so hopefully the girls can entertain each other to refrain from boredom, because this Mama will be glued to that TV! We have a TV in the family room, and our other TV is in the guest room next door, and I suspect sometimes we'll have them both on, and I'll be on the NYT website, too.
This Obama Mama is hopeful.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Good night, Halloween
Well, another Halloween is put to bed.
Today I went to Alki for the class Halloween party, and Katie talked me into dressing up (okay, it didn't take too much pressure!). I went as a witch, and seeing the delight in Tessa's eyes as I walked in the room made it all the worthwhile. She loves it when Mama's silly!
I spent the hour painting children's faces - lots of cats, butterflies, and spiders. Children came back multiple times, to do the other cheek or a hand - it was very sweet.
Then we had the neighbors over for soup (using pumpkins from Sarah & Steven's yard), and then Elena and Tessa went trick-or-treating.
Lots of stories, but bed calls.....it was a good day.
Today I went to Alki for the class Halloween party, and Katie talked me into dressing up (okay, it didn't take too much pressure!). I went as a witch, and seeing the delight in Tessa's eyes as I walked in the room made it all the worthwhile. She loves it when Mama's silly!
I spent the hour painting children's faces - lots of cats, butterflies, and spiders. Children came back multiple times, to do the other cheek or a hand - it was very sweet.
Then we had the neighbors over for soup (using pumpkins from Sarah & Steven's yard), and then Elena and Tessa went trick-or-treating.
Lots of stories, but bed calls.....it was a good day.
This kind of thing keeps me going
http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/103108/met_350169631.shtml
A piece of the article:
Mooneyhan is believed by the American Cancer Society to be one of the oldest - if not the oldest - breast cancer survivors in the U.S. At 100, she is inspiring family and friends who marvel at her resilience after being afflicted with a disease whose mortality rate in the 1940s was as high as 50 percent.
Ernest Mooneyhan was 15 when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1943. He still admires her ability to cope with breast cancer at the young age of 35.
"She's definitely been an inspiration to me," he said.
I like the coincidence of the age at diagnosis; I, too, was 35. I choose to see it as a sign.
A piece of the article:
Mooneyhan is believed by the American Cancer Society to be one of the oldest - if not the oldest - breast cancer survivors in the U.S. At 100, she is inspiring family and friends who marvel at her resilience after being afflicted with a disease whose mortality rate in the 1940s was as high as 50 percent.
Ernest Mooneyhan was 15 when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1943. He still admires her ability to cope with breast cancer at the young age of 35.
"She's definitely been an inspiration to me," he said.
I like the coincidence of the age at diagnosis; I, too, was 35. I choose to see it as a sign.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tessa
Tessa told me this evening, "Mama, I love you as much as everything in the sky: the sun, the moon, the clouds, and the stars...." and I thought I would melt. What a beautiful image for me to carry with me.
Tonight Tessa and I read, "Mama went to Jail for the Vote" which is about suffragettes - a topical theme this election year. Mid-way through the story, "Mama" has to go to jail for six months. Tessa's face crumpled, and I asked her about her worries. She said that I couldn't ask, that she couldn't say. This is what happens when she is most afraid - it breaks my heart. I tried to talk through her fears, and said that I wasn't going to jail. I jumped to the conclusion of the book, that Mama was released AND that women go the vote. It took a long time to reassure Tessa that I would not steal or hurt people, and that I wouldn't go to jail; that children don't go to jail (not five year olds, anyway) and that she needn't worry. Then we talked about voting, and how it has been legal for women for a long time, and that I've voted lots of times and I never went to jail, because it's okay. Poor kid! I had no idea the trauma that I was causing her with this story, but her imagination ran wild.
I'm grateful for a child with such an imagination, and such compassion, and such love. Most of all, I'm grateful that she let me comfort her even when she couldn't voice her fears. No, most of all, I'm grateful that she loves me so much.
Tonight Tessa and I read, "Mama went to Jail for the Vote" which is about suffragettes - a topical theme this election year. Mid-way through the story, "Mama" has to go to jail for six months. Tessa's face crumpled, and I asked her about her worries. She said that I couldn't ask, that she couldn't say. This is what happens when she is most afraid - it breaks my heart. I tried to talk through her fears, and said that I wasn't going to jail. I jumped to the conclusion of the book, that Mama was released AND that women go the vote. It took a long time to reassure Tessa that I would not steal or hurt people, and that I wouldn't go to jail; that children don't go to jail (not five year olds, anyway) and that she needn't worry. Then we talked about voting, and how it has been legal for women for a long time, and that I've voted lots of times and I never went to jail, because it's okay. Poor kid! I had no idea the trauma that I was causing her with this story, but her imagination ran wild.
I'm grateful for a child with such an imagination, and such compassion, and such love. Most of all, I'm grateful that she let me comfort her even when she couldn't voice her fears. No, most of all, I'm grateful that she loves me so much.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Unsafe candy
I received this information from MomsRising.org and thought it worthwhile to pass along. Let's keep our kids safe!
--------------------------
We want to give you a heads up about some Halloween candy that could be bad for kids: The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to consume White Rabbit Creamy Candy or Koala's March Crème filled Cookies because they may contain melamine. (1) And, the Canadian government is warning the public not to consume Sherwood Brands Pirate's Gold Milk Chocolate Coins, which may also have reached the U.S. (2)
What's wrong with these candies? You've likely heard about the dangerous chemical, melamine, which was recently found in the Chinese milk supply and sickened thousands of children in China. We've now seen reports that melamine tainted milk has been used in some Chinese candy products that have been shipped to the United States. (3)
The good news is that Chinese candy makes up only 0.7% of the candy sold in the U.S. (4) and the risk of serious harm from minor exposure to melamine is considered low by the World Health Organization (5). That said, we wanted to send this out to you because we don't want our kids eating candy with any toxic ingredients.
*Please forward this email to friends, family, and your school email list so all can be on the lookout for this tainted candy on Halloween. (And, if you're not already a member of MomsRising, please sign on now so we can keep you informed: http://www.momsrising.org/fighttoxins)
MomsRising has created a page where you can easily share this information with friends, as well as see pictures of the tainted candies, get more information, and download a flyer that you can post on your school or other community bulletin boards.
See the Tainted Candy Pictures, Get the Flyer & Tell Friends Here: http://www.momsrising.org/melamine
Enjoy a safe and happy Halloween,
--Joan, Kristin, Katie and the MomsRising.org Team
1. http://www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/melamine.html
2. Here's the Canadian government's warning: http://www.inspection.gc.ca/english/corpaffr/recarapp/2008/20081008e.shtml The Vancouver Globe and Mail: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081028.wlhalloween28/BNStory/lifeFamily/home And an article in the Chicago Tribune: http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/features_julieshealthclub/2008/10/chocolate-coins.html
3. From Consumer Reports: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2008/10/chinese_formula07.html, and Candy problem verified on Snopes: http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/coins.asp
4. http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-24-melamine-china_N.htm
5. "Consumers exposed to tiny amounts of melamine shouldn't worry, says Angelika Tritscher of the World Health Organization. 'Melamine at low doses is actually not considered to be very toxic.'" Quote from: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-24-melamine-china_N.htm
And some recent press coverage:
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=868904
http://www.sltrib.com/sports/ci_10626959
--------------------------
We want to give you a heads up about some Halloween candy that could be bad for kids: The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning consumers not to consume White Rabbit Creamy Candy or Koala's March Crème filled Cookies because they may contain melamine. (1) And, the Canadian government is warning the public not to consume Sherwood Brands Pirate's Gold Milk Chocolate Coins, which may also have reached the U.S. (2)
What's wrong with these candies? You've likely heard about the dangerous chemical, melamine, which was recently found in the Chinese milk supply and sickened thousands of children in China. We've now seen reports that melamine tainted milk has been used in some Chinese candy products that have been shipped to the United States. (3)
The good news is that Chinese candy makes up only 0.7% of the candy sold in the U.S. (4) and the risk of serious harm from minor exposure to melamine is considered low by the World Health Organization (5). That said, we wanted to send this out to you because we don't want our kids eating candy with any toxic ingredients.
*Please forward this email to friends, family, and your school email list so all can be on the lookout for this tainted candy on Halloween. (And, if you're not already a member of MomsRising, please sign on now so we can keep you informed: http://www.momsrising.org/fighttoxins)
MomsRising has created a page where you can easily share this information with friends, as well as see pictures of the tainted candies, get more information, and download a flyer that you can post on your school or other community bulletin boards.
See the Tainted Candy Pictures, Get the Flyer & Tell Friends Here: http://www.momsrising.org/melamine
Enjoy a safe and happy Halloween,
--Joan, Kristin, Katie and the MomsRising.org Team
1. http://www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/melamine.html
2. Here's the Canadian government's warning: http://www.inspection.gc.ca/english/corpaffr/recarapp/2008/20081008e.shtml The Vancouver Globe and Mail: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081028.wlhalloween28/BNStory/lifeFamily/home And an article in the Chicago Tribune: http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/features_julieshealthclub/2008/10/chocolate-coins.html
3. From Consumer Reports: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2008/10/chinese_formula07.html, and Candy problem verified on Snopes: http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/coins.asp
4. http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-24-melamine-china_N.htm
5. "Consumers exposed to tiny amounts of melamine shouldn't worry, says Angelika Tritscher of the World Health Organization. 'Melamine at low doses is actually not considered to be very toxic.'" Quote from: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-09-24-melamine-china_N.htm
And some recent press coverage:
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=868904
http://www.sltrib.com/sports/ci_10626959
Living on a budget
It will be no surprise to anyone who has ever lived on a budget that it is not fun to live on a budget.
On many levels, I do not like living on a budget. It's annoying at best; I find it frustrating and difficult.
But we're doing it. We really are doing it, and we have a plan to get out of medical and credit card debt and live a debt free (except the mortgage, which has a good rate and is 30 year fixed, so we've got that in our favor) life, and I am holding that goal close to my heart. I know that we can make some fabulous inroads on our finances, and that we can accomplish our goals. That is why our budget is a worthwhile venture....even when I'm not enjoying it.
A case in point? I want to go grocery shopping today, but it's not in the budget, so I'm not. This means that I have to eat the cereal that's left, and not the cereal that we just ran out of. This means that we HAVE to eat the salmon that I purchased at Trader Joe's, because we're running out of other options. This means that tonight or tomorrow we need to have frozen (gasp!) green beans as our vegetable, because we're running low on fresh veggies. This means that we can not have cheese and crackers as a snack, because I just ate the last crackers. This means that we will be eating apples, apples and more apples because that's the only fruit left in the bowl (no more bananas or pears). Tessa won't get "Mama's oatmeal" tomorrow because today we used up the rest of the maple syrup (she'll get scrambled eggs and toast, or cereal, or yogurt and fruit, instead....or she could have traditional oatmeal with milk and brown sugar and raisens).
When I put it like that, it's the abundance that I see - the fact that we still have so much left in the cupboard, that we have plenty to eat, that our choices are not just rice and beans. Still, it's an adjustment to live within a budget, and to not just pop in to the grocery store the minute that I want something different.
So, I'm putting crackers, and maple syrup, and bananas on the grocery list, and on Friday (next day of the budget cycle) I'll go shopping.
It's funny how budgets boil down like this - the way to get ahead is to eat the apples, instead of buying more bananas. Huh. Put like that, I think I can do it.
Even when I'm craving a banana.
I feel comfort knowing that if I *needed* to go grocery shopping, I could. I take comfort that I'm making a choice: I am choosing to live withing a budget rather than break the budget and buy some items I want. I'm also learning to redefine wants and needs: we do not need maple syrup when we run out of it, we want it. I also think that as I get better at this budget game, I'll learn not to run out of maple syrup....but I guess I'm not there yet.
It is interesting to me that at the age of 39 I'm finally facing true budgeting, and I'm realizing how easy I've had it for most of my adult life. Still, I'm eager to face this challenge and to rise to it, no matter how late of a bloomer I may be.
On many levels, I do not like living on a budget. It's annoying at best; I find it frustrating and difficult.
But we're doing it. We really are doing it, and we have a plan to get out of medical and credit card debt and live a debt free (except the mortgage, which has a good rate and is 30 year fixed, so we've got that in our favor) life, and I am holding that goal close to my heart. I know that we can make some fabulous inroads on our finances, and that we can accomplish our goals. That is why our budget is a worthwhile venture....even when I'm not enjoying it.
A case in point? I want to go grocery shopping today, but it's not in the budget, so I'm not. This means that I have to eat the cereal that's left, and not the cereal that we just ran out of. This means that we HAVE to eat the salmon that I purchased at Trader Joe's, because we're running out of other options. This means that tonight or tomorrow we need to have frozen (gasp!) green beans as our vegetable, because we're running low on fresh veggies. This means that we can not have cheese and crackers as a snack, because I just ate the last crackers. This means that we will be eating apples, apples and more apples because that's the only fruit left in the bowl (no more bananas or pears). Tessa won't get "Mama's oatmeal" tomorrow because today we used up the rest of the maple syrup (she'll get scrambled eggs and toast, or cereal, or yogurt and fruit, instead....or she could have traditional oatmeal with milk and brown sugar and raisens).
When I put it like that, it's the abundance that I see - the fact that we still have so much left in the cupboard, that we have plenty to eat, that our choices are not just rice and beans. Still, it's an adjustment to live within a budget, and to not just pop in to the grocery store the minute that I want something different.
So, I'm putting crackers, and maple syrup, and bananas on the grocery list, and on Friday (next day of the budget cycle) I'll go shopping.
It's funny how budgets boil down like this - the way to get ahead is to eat the apples, instead of buying more bananas. Huh. Put like that, I think I can do it.
Even when I'm craving a banana.
I feel comfort knowing that if I *needed* to go grocery shopping, I could. I take comfort that I'm making a choice: I am choosing to live withing a budget rather than break the budget and buy some items I want. I'm also learning to redefine wants and needs: we do not need maple syrup when we run out of it, we want it. I also think that as I get better at this budget game, I'll learn not to run out of maple syrup....but I guess I'm not there yet.
It is interesting to me that at the age of 39 I'm finally facing true budgeting, and I'm realizing how easy I've had it for most of my adult life. Still, I'm eager to face this challenge and to rise to it, no matter how late of a bloomer I may be.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Lost iPod, or, Good deed gone awry
Today I decided that Shep and I needed some exercise, and since I needed a lemon for tonight's dinner recipe, I decided to walk to Thriftway. On the corner of Graham and California (a relatively busy intersection) I saw two large Newfoundland dogs come sauntering toward me, without a leash. They crossed the busy road to visit with Shep (who was on his leash), and I was able to grab one of them, and take my iPod phones out of my ears, find my cellphone in my purse, and call the number on the tag to locate the owner. The dog didn't like me holding her, so she barked at Shep and I, and it was a bit chaotic.
Anyway, the two dogs didn't want me to restrain them, so they took off at a good pace down the street. I followed them, trying to keep them off the road, and trying to keep Shep (who was pretty excited by all of this) under control until the owner arrived.
The dogs were eventually reunited with their owner, and all is well.
Except.
Except that somewhere in the shuffle my iPod disappeared. I combed the streets/alley with a kind neighbor, Lesley, who appeared to help, but it was gone without a trace.
Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We are watching our budget, and an iPod is a luxury item, and this was already a replacement for the unfortunate incident involving broccoli soup, the washing machine, and my previous iPod, so I don't see a replacement soon. I am so totally bummed by this it makes me really grumpy! I didn't want to go for a walk, I still feel kind of sick, and this was my reward for walking the dog and doing a good deed. I've grown super-fond of listening to podcasts and relaxing to music when walking, or running with fast music; the iPod is a good companion, and I'm really going to miss it.
I know, the good deed is supposed to make me feel good but I feel petulant and frustrated more than sweet and kind. Bah humbug.
Anyway, if anyone finds a white iPod Nano in the vicinity of California and Graham, I'd love to be reunited with it....
Anyway, the two dogs didn't want me to restrain them, so they took off at a good pace down the street. I followed them, trying to keep them off the road, and trying to keep Shep (who was pretty excited by all of this) under control until the owner arrived.
The dogs were eventually reunited with their owner, and all is well.
Except.
Except that somewhere in the shuffle my iPod disappeared. I combed the streets/alley with a kind neighbor, Lesley, who appeared to help, but it was gone without a trace.
Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
We are watching our budget, and an iPod is a luxury item, and this was already a replacement for the unfortunate incident involving broccoli soup, the washing machine, and my previous iPod, so I don't see a replacement soon. I am so totally bummed by this it makes me really grumpy! I didn't want to go for a walk, I still feel kind of sick, and this was my reward for walking the dog and doing a good deed. I've grown super-fond of listening to podcasts and relaxing to music when walking, or running with fast music; the iPod is a good companion, and I'm really going to miss it.
I know, the good deed is supposed to make me feel good but I feel petulant and frustrated more than sweet and kind. Bah humbug.
Anyway, if anyone finds a white iPod Nano in the vicinity of California and Graham, I'd love to be reunited with it....
PollyAnna and The Curmudgeon
Yesterday I had my weekly appointment with a therapist. I perceive her a wise woman; she knows the right questions to ask. I talk a lot more than she does, but I still find myself having revelations in her office.
We're spending a lot of time figuring out how I feel about cancer. You'd think, after all of my ramblings here, I'd have a lot more figured out than I do. But I don't.
We discussed how I'd spent two years telling everyone that I was fine, that I didn't need help, that it would be okay. And we discussed my breakdown last October as the turning point for acknowledging that no, I am not fine.
And I don't know how to describe what comes after the turning point. Before, it was PollyAnna, pure and simple. Now? Every ache and pain sends a solid message to my brain: cancer did this to you. I can't open a jar? Because cancer took away my upper body strength. I wake up aching? Cancer did that. I have cavaties? Cancer. I have trouble sleeping? Cancer. My bones ache like an old lady, I'm covered in scars, I can't lift my arm up....Cancer, cancer, cancer. I hear how much it has taken away from me, how I'm old before my time, how things hurt that shouldn't. I see how damaged I am, body and psyche....
And I don't know what to do with it.
I mean, PollyAnna is highly overrated, but now I feel like the other end of the spectrum. I feel curmudgeonly - and that is NOT how I want to be.
So I'm working on finding that middle ground. The one where I can acknowledge that it's not okay that cancer continues to rob me of so much on a daily basis....but where I can let it go, and not allow those thoughts to take over with a little refrain that repeats itself in the back of my mind all day every day.
I'm starting to understand just how profound it was when Buddha proclaimed that it was "the middle way." It's so much easier said than done!
We're spending a lot of time figuring out how I feel about cancer. You'd think, after all of my ramblings here, I'd have a lot more figured out than I do. But I don't.
We discussed how I'd spent two years telling everyone that I was fine, that I didn't need help, that it would be okay. And we discussed my breakdown last October as the turning point for acknowledging that no, I am not fine.
And I don't know how to describe what comes after the turning point. Before, it was PollyAnna, pure and simple. Now? Every ache and pain sends a solid message to my brain: cancer did this to you. I can't open a jar? Because cancer took away my upper body strength. I wake up aching? Cancer did that. I have cavaties? Cancer. I have trouble sleeping? Cancer. My bones ache like an old lady, I'm covered in scars, I can't lift my arm up....Cancer, cancer, cancer. I hear how much it has taken away from me, how I'm old before my time, how things hurt that shouldn't. I see how damaged I am, body and psyche....
And I don't know what to do with it.
I mean, PollyAnna is highly overrated, but now I feel like the other end of the spectrum. I feel curmudgeonly - and that is NOT how I want to be.
So I'm working on finding that middle ground. The one where I can acknowledge that it's not okay that cancer continues to rob me of so much on a daily basis....but where I can let it go, and not allow those thoughts to take over with a little refrain that repeats itself in the back of my mind all day every day.
I'm starting to understand just how profound it was when Buddha proclaimed that it was "the middle way." It's so much easier said than done!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Good news!
Well, I'm completely surprised, but....
I am back to being a paid writer! The Hunts Point book got funding after all, and I'm off and running.
Wow!
I am back to being a paid writer! The Hunts Point book got funding after all, and I'm off and running.
Wow!
Question for other breast cancer survivors
I posted this on the YSC boards, but who knows, maybe somebody out there in internet land can help me.
I opted for an oopharectomy and AIs (aromatase inhibitors) to fight my highly ER+ breast cancer. I started Femara in February 2006, after chemo while I was still in radiation, and I took it for two years. At the two year mark, the joint pain had become truly debilitating - I was having trouble holding a pen, getting out of bed, etc., and I was in a lot of pain. So, last February (2008) I switched from Femara to another AI, Aromasin. The side effects disappeared, and I felt relieved to be in the clear.
However, the side effects are back, and with a vengeance. Putting my feet on the floor in the morning is a painful experience. My hands ache, ache, ache and are losing strength. I'm a "fumblefingers" because I can't move fast enough and I drop things all the time. The joint or bone pain is getting serious.
The recommendation is a minimum five years of AIs, and there is talk in the medical community of ten years. That seems pretty difficult at this point in my treatment - I honestly don't know if I can do it, yet I feel that I must.
Has anyone made multiple switches of AIs? What risks are associated with switching AIs? Do they lose efficacy if one switches within the five year course of treatment?
And how do others manage the pain and manage to stay the course of treatment? Does anything help? I'm so leery of adding medication because I'm so aware of side effects, and because I've taken SO many meds already that I know I'm messing up my body...but is there an effective option?
Can anyone empathize? Any advice? Anyone?
And before you say it - yes, these are questions for my oncologist. I'm seeing her next month, and I'll ask her then. But I'm looking for the word on the street, out here in internet land, too. My onc has told me that if there are quality of life issues I have her permission to go off the drugs, but I don't want to do that. The AIs are part of how I can sleep at night, whether that makes sense or not.
Help! Thank you.
I opted for an oopharectomy and AIs (aromatase inhibitors) to fight my highly ER+ breast cancer. I started Femara in February 2006, after chemo while I was still in radiation, and I took it for two years. At the two year mark, the joint pain had become truly debilitating - I was having trouble holding a pen, getting out of bed, etc., and I was in a lot of pain. So, last February (2008) I switched from Femara to another AI, Aromasin. The side effects disappeared, and I felt relieved to be in the clear.
However, the side effects are back, and with a vengeance. Putting my feet on the floor in the morning is a painful experience. My hands ache, ache, ache and are losing strength. I'm a "fumblefingers" because I can't move fast enough and I drop things all the time. The joint or bone pain is getting serious.
The recommendation is a minimum five years of AIs, and there is talk in the medical community of ten years. That seems pretty difficult at this point in my treatment - I honestly don't know if I can do it, yet I feel that I must.
Has anyone made multiple switches of AIs? What risks are associated with switching AIs? Do they lose efficacy if one switches within the five year course of treatment?
And how do others manage the pain and manage to stay the course of treatment? Does anything help? I'm so leery of adding medication because I'm so aware of side effects, and because I've taken SO many meds already that I know I'm messing up my body...but is there an effective option?
Can anyone empathize? Any advice? Anyone?
And before you say it - yes, these are questions for my oncologist. I'm seeing her next month, and I'll ask her then. But I'm looking for the word on the street, out here in internet land, too. My onc has told me that if there are quality of life issues I have her permission to go off the drugs, but I don't want to do that. The AIs are part of how I can sleep at night, whether that makes sense or not.
Help! Thank you.
Lousy patient
You'd think that having 42 trips to the infusion ward, 33 radiation treatments, and 9 surgeries would make me a really good patient. I don't think so.
I have a cold or a sinus infection or some other minor nastiness. I feel like crud, my mouth tastes bad, my head throbs, my mind is full of cobwebs, and I feel achy. And instead of having perspective on this and thinking, "You know, I'm just so grateful to have a mundane illness with very little risk that today is still a great day!" but I'm not that wise. Instead, I feel grouchy and irritated and irritable.
Part of it is "C'mon! I had cancer! I'm still in treatment! Gimme a break!" and some of it is just that I feel crummy.
Anyway, it's not the end of the world and it will get better. Yesterday, I canceled my plans to have family over for dinner and I didn't go to church and I just sat on my rear end. Today I got Tessa to school, but I'm clearing the calendar again. I'll put away laundry, and I'll do some minor chores, but I think mostly I'll sit around feeling sorry for myself. Or not - I haven't decided. But I am going to take it easy.
I hope that you're having a healthy day.
I have a cold or a sinus infection or some other minor nastiness. I feel like crud, my mouth tastes bad, my head throbs, my mind is full of cobwebs, and I feel achy. And instead of having perspective on this and thinking, "You know, I'm just so grateful to have a mundane illness with very little risk that today is still a great day!" but I'm not that wise. Instead, I feel grouchy and irritated and irritable.
Part of it is "C'mon! I had cancer! I'm still in treatment! Gimme a break!" and some of it is just that I feel crummy.
Anyway, it's not the end of the world and it will get better. Yesterday, I canceled my plans to have family over for dinner and I didn't go to church and I just sat on my rear end. Today I got Tessa to school, but I'm clearing the calendar again. I'll put away laundry, and I'll do some minor chores, but I think mostly I'll sit around feeling sorry for myself. Or not - I haven't decided. But I am going to take it easy.
I hope that you're having a healthy day.
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