Tomorrow morning, the three of us plus Shep will get up at the crack of dawn and head out to pick up Marisa and her dog Max, and we'll head to Marisa's Orcas cabin. It's been a busy week, and we are glad to have a little getaway with a dear friend and to spend some time in nature.
Today was a good day. Tessa was home (no school because of an in service day) and we puttered around the house in the morning, getting this and that and nothing in particular done. I drank my coffee, Tessa played, and then she painted my face with the Halloween face paints and a bunch of my old makeup (I'm worried when I think how old it is....I just don't wear the stuff more than once a month.). We took a bubble bath, we talked, we sang, and we just had great bonding time. In the afternoon we ran a bunch of errands together, but somehow, even that was fun.
Ryan got home for a simple dinner (simpler than I'd intended because the dish I'd planned on making centered around chard, and the chard took a turn for the worse today and I couldn't use it) and we had laughter at the dinner table.
Now, the dry food is packed, the suitcase (we can share one because it's such a short trip) is packed, the clothes are laid out, and we're almost ready to go.
Now, time to sleep - and in the morning the fun begins.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Small steps
We never used to pack our lunches.
Every day, Ryan bought lunch. This was just how it was. When I was teaching, I often bought lunches, as well.
No longer. We're realizing how we have nickel-and-dimed ourselves, and we're packing lunches every day. It's annoying (being green and frugal isn't always fun!) but still worth it.
Today we're having turkey sandwiches on home made bread. Mine has avocado, Tessa's has cheese, and Ryan's has mustard and cheese. Add some fruit for Tessa and I, throw in a string cheese for Tessa's snack, and additionally give Ryan some cheese and crackers, and we each have lunch prepared and sitting in our reusable lunch bags on the counter. (Mine is done, too, because I am volunteering in the classroom this morning and then going to a doctor's appointment, so I figured I'd better be prepared.)
Many people do this daily and always have. For me, it's a re-learning process. I'm learning, albeit slowly.
Now, off to wake up the girl....
Every day, Ryan bought lunch. This was just how it was. When I was teaching, I often bought lunches, as well.
No longer. We're realizing how we have nickel-and-dimed ourselves, and we're packing lunches every day. It's annoying (being green and frugal isn't always fun!) but still worth it.
Today we're having turkey sandwiches on home made bread. Mine has avocado, Tessa's has cheese, and Ryan's has mustard and cheese. Add some fruit for Tessa and I, throw in a string cheese for Tessa's snack, and additionally give Ryan some cheese and crackers, and we each have lunch prepared and sitting in our reusable lunch bags on the counter. (Mine is done, too, because I am volunteering in the classroom this morning and then going to a doctor's appointment, so I figured I'd better be prepared.)
Many people do this daily and always have. For me, it's a re-learning process. I'm learning, albeit slowly.
Now, off to wake up the girl....
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
"No impulse purchases!"
I have taught Tessa this expression, and we repeat it to one another when we're in stores and feeling tempted by the wealth of goods around us.
Today I went to Tully's without Tessa to meet Michele, and I bought two pink coffee mugs, thinking that they'd be a hit with Tessa, and that she could have cocoa or mint tea in them, sharing with a friend. Plus, part of the proceeds went to breast cancer research. How cool is that?
Well, I've decided, not cool at all.
Impulse shopping.
We have a zillion mugs, none of which are pink. Oh, except the zillion teacups that we have, half of which are pink in tone. Oh, and the china mugs picked up for a song at Marshall's a few years ago. They're nicer than these mugs, but cost half (a quarter?) as much, and the girls feel fancy when they use them. One is broken...but five remain. Despite my initial rationale, we have plenty of pink mugs.
And the money to breast cancer? Possibly pinkwashing. "A portion of the proceeds" could have meant a single penny per mug, and at $7.99 each it's not much of a contribution no matter how much they donated. And let's face it, I've donated a lot to breast cancer already. (Starting with donating my breasts to science....ugh.)
I went to put the mugs in the dishwasher for pre-use, and all this hit me. It's not very green to buy things you don't need, and I don't know what I was thinking.
Tomorrow when I drop Tessa off at school I'll swing by Tully's to return them and ask for a refund. That will feel much better than keeping them, in this case. Maybe I *can* be taught, but I swear, I am a very slow learner. It would have been better not to buy them in the first place, but this is better than naught.
Today I went to Tully's without Tessa to meet Michele, and I bought two pink coffee mugs, thinking that they'd be a hit with Tessa, and that she could have cocoa or mint tea in them, sharing with a friend. Plus, part of the proceeds went to breast cancer research. How cool is that?
Well, I've decided, not cool at all.
Impulse shopping.
We have a zillion mugs, none of which are pink. Oh, except the zillion teacups that we have, half of which are pink in tone. Oh, and the china mugs picked up for a song at Marshall's a few years ago. They're nicer than these mugs, but cost half (a quarter?) as much, and the girls feel fancy when they use them. One is broken...but five remain. Despite my initial rationale, we have plenty of pink mugs.
And the money to breast cancer? Possibly pinkwashing. "A portion of the proceeds" could have meant a single penny per mug, and at $7.99 each it's not much of a contribution no matter how much they donated. And let's face it, I've donated a lot to breast cancer already. (Starting with donating my breasts to science....ugh.)
I went to put the mugs in the dishwasher for pre-use, and all this hit me. It's not very green to buy things you don't need, and I don't know what I was thinking.
Tomorrow when I drop Tessa off at school I'll swing by Tully's to return them and ask for a refund. That will feel much better than keeping them, in this case. Maybe I *can* be taught, but I swear, I am a very slow learner. It would have been better not to buy them in the first place, but this is better than naught.
History Lessons
I have heard more mentions than usual about The Great Depression lately. Our current economic woes are the worst since "the" Depression, according to every news report I see.
I realized today that I knew just about exactly when the Depression started, but couldn't remember when it ended. Here's what Wikipedia reminded me:
The Great Depression was a worldwide economic downturn starting in most places in 1929 and ending at different times in the 1930s or early 1940s for different countries. It was the largest and most important economic depression in modern history, and is used in the 21st century as a benchmark on how far the world's economy can fall. The Great Depression originated in the United States; historians most often use as a starting date the stock market crash on October 29, 1929, known as Black Tuesday. The end of the depression in the U.S. is associated with the onset of the war economy of World War II, beginning around 1939.[1]
A whole decade - ohhhhhhhhhh. And it ended through a war. (Oh, yah, that's right. I must have blocked that out due to not wanting to remember.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Depression
What about Great Depressions that start in the middle of a war?
I think we're in some really, really deep trouble. Apparently it's time to relearn the history lesson.
-----------
Today's thoughts are enough to make me sink into Great Depression.
PollyAnna, honey? Can you come out? Please? I need you.....
The sun is shining. My house is filled with tomatoes in various stages of ripening. My daughter read me a book last night. "Come to the zany zoo! Come to see the...." and then she filled in with the picture clues. The best part? At the end, they listed all of the sight words in random order....and she correctly identified them all, even without context. Ahhhhh.
Many things to be happy about, even in hard times.
(Thanks, PollyAnna.)
I realized today that I knew just about exactly when the Depression started, but couldn't remember when it ended. Here's what Wikipedia reminded me:
The Great Depression was a worldwide economic downturn starting in most places in 1929 and ending at different times in the 1930s or early 1940s for different countries. It was the largest and most important economic depression in modern history, and is used in the 21st century as a benchmark on how far the world's economy can fall. The Great Depression originated in the United States; historians most often use as a starting date the stock market crash on October 29, 1929, known as Black Tuesday. The end of the depression in the U.S. is associated with the onset of the war economy of World War II, beginning around 1939.[1]
A whole decade - ohhhhhhhhhh. And it ended through a war. (Oh, yah, that's right. I must have blocked that out due to not wanting to remember.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Depression
What about Great Depressions that start in the middle of a war?
I think we're in some really, really deep trouble. Apparently it's time to relearn the history lesson.
-----------
Today's thoughts are enough to make me sink into Great Depression.
PollyAnna, honey? Can you come out? Please? I need you.....
The sun is shining. My house is filled with tomatoes in various stages of ripening. My daughter read me a book last night. "Come to the zany zoo! Come to see the...." and then she filled in with the picture clues. The best part? At the end, they listed all of the sight words in random order....and she correctly identified them all, even without context. Ahhhhh.
Many things to be happy about, even in hard times.
(Thanks, PollyAnna.)
Speculation
Tessa attends elementary school with several Somali children (some of whom have become favorites of mine on the playground due to their bright smiles, incredible manners, and the compassion shown to Tessa when she had an inevitable playground injury that caused tears but not blood). One child in her class speaks Somali but not English.
I'm trying to speculate about this. I'm trying to wonder what it feels like to be in a room full of strangers speaking another language all day...at the age of five. I'm trying to wonder what it feels like to have an alphabet placed before you when you can't figure out why or what it's for. I see how worn out Tessa is from her day at kindergarten, and I can't get my mind around what it's like for a non-English speaker in an English speaking classroom. I can't even imagine.
I'm trying to imagine what the Somali children have witnessed in their lives. I started doing internet research this morning, and I found myself weeping. I am not reading about distant people in a distant land....I'm reading about Tessa's classmates. I'm not reading about faceless people, I'm reading about little children and I can see their faces before me.
How can I not weep?
Americans are advised not to travel to Somalia because of the violence in the streets. The violence, I read, is unpredictable.
What are these children's stories? What did they see before I met them on the playground? What horrors have they coped with?
I know that I lose my temper with Tessa, being grouchy and loud with her, when I've had a hard day. I wonder what a hard day looks like to a Somali. I bet it makes my hard days look pretty easy.
It's all speculation, and I want to be careful to remember that these are individuals, just children, and not representatives of their nation. But I also want to be sensitive to what they may have witnessed in their lives.
Reading about Somalia, I wanted to run to school to grab these children and hold them in my arms and weep with them. Of course, I will do no such thing, and if I did I'm pretty certain that I'd terrify them rather than comforting them....I'm not crazy, and I know at least that much. I can't erase the memories that I imagine some of them have seen. And I can only speculate what those memories might be. And maybe they're lucky, maybe they don't have the kind of memories that I'm thinking of. But somewhere, some children do. It's hard to know what to do about that kind of information except to weep.
I am grateful that my daughter will learn friendship with these children. When she grows up, and she reads about Muslims in the news, she will not think of Islamic terrorists, she will think of her friends. I am so, so grateful for that.
Even as I weep.
I'm trying to speculate about this. I'm trying to wonder what it feels like to be in a room full of strangers speaking another language all day...at the age of five. I'm trying to wonder what it feels like to have an alphabet placed before you when you can't figure out why or what it's for. I see how worn out Tessa is from her day at kindergarten, and I can't get my mind around what it's like for a non-English speaker in an English speaking classroom. I can't even imagine.
I'm trying to imagine what the Somali children have witnessed in their lives. I started doing internet research this morning, and I found myself weeping. I am not reading about distant people in a distant land....I'm reading about Tessa's classmates. I'm not reading about faceless people, I'm reading about little children and I can see their faces before me.
How can I not weep?
Americans are advised not to travel to Somalia because of the violence in the streets. The violence, I read, is unpredictable.
What are these children's stories? What did they see before I met them on the playground? What horrors have they coped with?
I know that I lose my temper with Tessa, being grouchy and loud with her, when I've had a hard day. I wonder what a hard day looks like to a Somali. I bet it makes my hard days look pretty easy.
It's all speculation, and I want to be careful to remember that these are individuals, just children, and not representatives of their nation. But I also want to be sensitive to what they may have witnessed in their lives.
Reading about Somalia, I wanted to run to school to grab these children and hold them in my arms and weep with them. Of course, I will do no such thing, and if I did I'm pretty certain that I'd terrify them rather than comforting them....I'm not crazy, and I know at least that much. I can't erase the memories that I imagine some of them have seen. And I can only speculate what those memories might be. And maybe they're lucky, maybe they don't have the kind of memories that I'm thinking of. But somewhere, some children do. It's hard to know what to do about that kind of information except to weep.
I am grateful that my daughter will learn friendship with these children. When she grows up, and she reads about Muslims in the news, she will not think of Islamic terrorists, she will think of her friends. I am so, so grateful for that.
Even as I weep.
Well, if not that...
...then this.
Today I came home for the first time in weeks not thinking about the book. As this idea swirled around in my head, I became increasingly unclear about what I was to do.
Our personal economics could certainly stand a financial boost from this kind of project, but if it is out of my hands, then what?
Today, I don't have any grand answers to that question, but I do know this: I'm going to work on the house. The CDs need organizing out of their big pile (which is threatening to careen off the cabinet and crash on the floor), I still haven't moved some summer clothes out of the drawers, and major decluttering is in order.
I may not be bringing in an income, but I'm certainly not out of things to do.
Today I came home for the first time in weeks not thinking about the book. As this idea swirled around in my head, I became increasingly unclear about what I was to do.
Our personal economics could certainly stand a financial boost from this kind of project, but if it is out of my hands, then what?
Today, I don't have any grand answers to that question, but I do know this: I'm going to work on the house. The CDs need organizing out of their big pile (which is threatening to careen off the cabinet and crash on the floor), I still haven't moved some summer clothes out of the drawers, and major decluttering is in order.
I may not be bringing in an income, but I'm certainly not out of things to do.
Fingers crossed
I attended a town council this week to present my book proposal. Initially, I had hoped that this was a rubber-stamp approval; the town had a surplus, and I know I can do great work on this project.
Then, the economy started failing even more than before, with all of those tangibles about the economic failure. And the tax revenue projections for this town changed, and it became clear that the town surplus might be a deficit.
The town is looking for alternate funding, but I no longer am holding my breath that this project is going to pan out. I'm told that it will happen "eventually" but given current economic conditions, that might be a long time from now.
Damn.
It's not over 'til it's over, but it doesn't look good.
At least my presidential pick is ahead in the polls....!
Then, the economy started failing even more than before, with all of those tangibles about the economic failure. And the tax revenue projections for this town changed, and it became clear that the town surplus might be a deficit.
The town is looking for alternate funding, but I no longer am holding my breath that this project is going to pan out. I'm told that it will happen "eventually" but given current economic conditions, that might be a long time from now.
Damn.
It's not over 'til it's over, but it doesn't look good.
At least my presidential pick is ahead in the polls....!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Learning curve
Yesterday Ryan and I were discussing the fact that life is a huge learning curve, and there's no "no I've learned it so I can coast" periods. Right now that lesson is increasingly evident to me - I am aware that the learning must continue, and that despite the many lessons under my belt I have many more to learn.
I'm struggling to be a working mom, even when working is only 10 hours per week from home. Actually, the "from home" part is the hardest. When I'm sitting here, the laundry calls, the coffee calls, the telephone rings, the dog wants walking, and there are so many distractions. Writing is difficult to settle into; I find myself seeking distractions when I shouldn't. That word "shouldn't" is a tough one; I know what I should be doing and then feel the guilt of not doing it.
In my adult life I've learned to avoid procrastination because it's not rewarding to procrastinate and I love my rewards; in writing, somehow, I must learn this lesson again.
To that end, I'm structuring my week so that I remember what I should be doing and when. Monday is chore and errand day (groceries, housework, etc.); Tuesday and Wednesday are writing days (book); Thursday is volunteer day (and my regular morning in the Alki classroom); and Friday is everything-else day, including doctor's appointments, time for myself, and catching up on whatever got behind in the week. With this new schedule, hopefully I can keep myself on track.
Ryan and I are working really hard on our marriage right now, too: coasting did not do us any favors. The work is difficult, but I am certain that it is worthwhile.
I'm trying to be on track for cooking healthy meals for my family, and finding creative, inexpensive, earth-friendly food choices. To this end, I've started making my own granola. I made the first batch yesterday and it's delicious, and i'm already imagining lots of different varieties. My first batch has a lot of pumpkin seeds, which lend a delicious flavor; I think next time I'll work with pecans.
All of these things take time. More time than I know where to find! But bit by bit, I'm making progress. I think it's two steps forward, one step back; some days it's more like one and three-quarter steps back. But even small progress is enough, I hope.
I'm working on it.
I'm struggling to be a working mom, even when working is only 10 hours per week from home. Actually, the "from home" part is the hardest. When I'm sitting here, the laundry calls, the coffee calls, the telephone rings, the dog wants walking, and there are so many distractions. Writing is difficult to settle into; I find myself seeking distractions when I shouldn't. That word "shouldn't" is a tough one; I know what I should be doing and then feel the guilt of not doing it.
In my adult life I've learned to avoid procrastination because it's not rewarding to procrastinate and I love my rewards; in writing, somehow, I must learn this lesson again.
To that end, I'm structuring my week so that I remember what I should be doing and when. Monday is chore and errand day (groceries, housework, etc.); Tuesday and Wednesday are writing days (book); Thursday is volunteer day (and my regular morning in the Alki classroom); and Friday is everything-else day, including doctor's appointments, time for myself, and catching up on whatever got behind in the week. With this new schedule, hopefully I can keep myself on track.
Ryan and I are working really hard on our marriage right now, too: coasting did not do us any favors. The work is difficult, but I am certain that it is worthwhile.
I'm trying to be on track for cooking healthy meals for my family, and finding creative, inexpensive, earth-friendly food choices. To this end, I've started making my own granola. I made the first batch yesterday and it's delicious, and i'm already imagining lots of different varieties. My first batch has a lot of pumpkin seeds, which lend a delicious flavor; I think next time I'll work with pecans.
All of these things take time. More time than I know where to find! But bit by bit, I'm making progress. I think it's two steps forward, one step back; some days it's more like one and three-quarter steps back. But even small progress is enough, I hope.
I'm working on it.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Virtuous food (mostly)
Tonight for dinner I'm making "Hearty Lentil Soup," a recipe from a cookbook gifted to me recently (thanks, Sarah). The cookbook is "Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone" by Deborah Madison, and I'm excited to start experimenting with more vegetarian fare.
Part of my reasons for shifting more toward the vegetarian end of the spectrum (I don't know that I'll ever go all the way, but closer, anyway) are for health reasons: it's well known that Americans eat too much meat, and that we're clogging our arteries etc. Another reason is budgetary: the more I learn about how feedlots work, and the more I understand about grain and chickens and cattle, the less I want to eat them unless they're grass fed, free range, etc. Expensive! Cutting meat out cuts the budget. And then of course, there are the environmental factors: meat is inefficient, and harder on our planet.
So I'm cooking vegetarian, using carrots, tomatoes, and onions from our garden, and lentils from the bulk bin at PCC, and I'm serving it with home made oatmeal bread. How virtuous of me! (wink)
But the catch? I'm adding sausage. I know, crazy, but I"m hoping that by doing so, my meat loving family will adjust to lentils....
Here's hoping my plot works!
Part of my reasons for shifting more toward the vegetarian end of the spectrum (I don't know that I'll ever go all the way, but closer, anyway) are for health reasons: it's well known that Americans eat too much meat, and that we're clogging our arteries etc. Another reason is budgetary: the more I learn about how feedlots work, and the more I understand about grain and chickens and cattle, the less I want to eat them unless they're grass fed, free range, etc. Expensive! Cutting meat out cuts the budget. And then of course, there are the environmental factors: meat is inefficient, and harder on our planet.
So I'm cooking vegetarian, using carrots, tomatoes, and onions from our garden, and lentils from the bulk bin at PCC, and I'm serving it with home made oatmeal bread. How virtuous of me! (wink)
But the catch? I'm adding sausage. I know, crazy, but I"m hoping that by doing so, my meat loving family will adjust to lentils....
Here's hoping my plot works!
Garden - October
Here are the latest pictures of our garden crop, which is just about all harvested.
In the end, I think we spent:
$20 on organic fertilizer
$10 on organic compost to supplement the worm bin
$15 on tomato starts
$20 on misc. starts
$20 on misc. seeds
$20 (?) on blueberry bushes
$10 on strawberry plants
...plus the extra water in the water bill, which I haven't yet calculated.
We got soaker hoses and bark mulch for free, and we used our own compost (worm bin) for most of it. So, for about $115 plus water, we got:
- several pounds of strawberries (averaging about 20 per day at the height of the season; we're still getting everbearing and alpine varieties several per day)
- about 10 blueberries - not our best crop!
- several pounds of sugar snap peas
- many pounds of carrots (still some in the ground, picked a big crop today, and we've been picking them at will for months)
- a couple pounds of starburst squash
- five enormous cabbages
- perhaps a dozen onions
- several plants of basil
- 3 cloves of garlic (many didn't grow well, only 3 heads were sizeable enough to use)
- no leeks (didn't grow well)
- two months worth of lettuce
- several pounds of radishes
- enormous quantities of rainbow chard
....and the piece de la resistance.....about 40 pounds of heirloom tomatoes!
The tomatoes are the best part, in my opinion, as they taste so much better than anything from the supermarket. The first ones came in so slowly, one here, one there....and then a couple of weeks ago I picked 13 pounds of them. Today I picked perhaps 20 pounds of them - hurrah! Many are green, so I've spread them on a tray and set them in windows (see picture of our kitchen window) and I'm hoping that they'll ripen soon.
In short? I think that our investment paid off handsomely, and I'm proud of myself. I'm delighted that Tessa is learning a connection with the earth and how to grow food, and I'm proud of the frugal elements, too. The tomatoes cost about $15 to plant, and I harvested over $100 worth (and I'm ashamed to say that many of them rotted before I picked them today - the colder/damper weather got to them....live and learn for next year), so that alone was worth the investment. Fortunately, our family likes tomatoes!
And now, I'm going to roast some tomatoes for use this winter. Simple pasta with tomato sauce will taste so much better to me remembering where the tomatoes came from. :-)
And now, I'm going to roast some tomatoes for use this winter. Simple pasta with tomato sauce will taste so much better to me remembering where the tomatoes came from. :-)
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Change of plans
I had planned on working on the book all day today. I got chores done yesterday, I bustled around (and had lunch with Adrienne, which was lovely), and planned on working all day today. Change of plans! Last night, Tessa started melting down....not unheard of in these early days of kindergarten. But then her nose got stuffed, she complained of a sore throat, and she had a mild fever. Uh oh!
We're at home, and will be relaxing all day. I think that Tessa might just be overtired, and that her bug is mild, so I will take this time to relax with her, to read stories, and to get caught up on some housework while she plays. (Yes, I did chores yesterday, and laundry is caught up....but housework is never ending!)
Today is a chance to slow down. I might just stay in my PJs til noon. We'll see....
We're at home, and will be relaxing all day. I think that Tessa might just be overtired, and that her bug is mild, so I will take this time to relax with her, to read stories, and to get caught up on some housework while she plays. (Yes, I did chores yesterday, and laundry is caught up....but housework is never ending!)
Today is a chance to slow down. I might just stay in my PJs til noon. We'll see....
Monday, September 29, 2008
Remember....
This weekend I was on an RE (Religious Education) Council retreat. I was asked a few months ago if I'd be interested in joining the RE Council at WSUUC (church), and decided - honestly, without much thought! - to jump in.
I had no idea what a gift it would be to me. Isn't that funny how those things work sometimes?
The RE Council takes their work seriously. They want to give the children of our church community a chance to feel loved, to explore their spirituality, to nurture their souls. The RE Council approaches their work with applied intelligence, compassion, introspection, reflection, and an applied standard of excellence. And the women on the council? Amazing people, each and every one.
This weekend we worked hard. We worshiped often, we sang, and we bonded....and we worked hard at visioning the coming year for our children and families.
Today, as we rush through the morning, I'm taking a moment to write this because I want to remember the feelings of this weekend, and how strongly I felt part of something bigger than myself, and how deep my desire is to be the best I can be and to shape the world in positive ways, and I want to take that with me.
Kari told us that the great warrior tribe of Africa, the Masai, has a greeting:
"How are the children?"
The answer is,
"The children are well."
What a wonderful way of grounding a community. It's all about the children, even for the warriors.
Now off to my busy week....
I had no idea what a gift it would be to me. Isn't that funny how those things work sometimes?
The RE Council takes their work seriously. They want to give the children of our church community a chance to feel loved, to explore their spirituality, to nurture their souls. The RE Council approaches their work with applied intelligence, compassion, introspection, reflection, and an applied standard of excellence. And the women on the council? Amazing people, each and every one.
This weekend we worked hard. We worshiped often, we sang, and we bonded....and we worked hard at visioning the coming year for our children and families.
Today, as we rush through the morning, I'm taking a moment to write this because I want to remember the feelings of this weekend, and how strongly I felt part of something bigger than myself, and how deep my desire is to be the best I can be and to shape the world in positive ways, and I want to take that with me.
Kari told us that the great warrior tribe of Africa, the Masai, has a greeting:
"How are the children?"
The answer is,
"The children are well."
What a wonderful way of grounding a community. It's all about the children, even for the warriors.
Now off to my busy week....
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Kindergarten is hard!
Tessa is struggling.
She does fine in school, but at the end of the day she is melting down. The girl is tired, tired, tired.
I'm realizing that we can plan NOTHING during the week at this time; school, ballet, and yoga and that's it. Tessa needs a good routine, bedtime at 7:30, and that's about it. Lots of snuggle time, lots of stories, home made food.
Tessa is also struggling with exclusionary behavior - she's leaving other girls out of her play intentionally. I talked to the teacher about it and my heart sank - this is absolutely NOT okay with me.
Tessa is a great kid with an amazing, compassionate heart. This is temporary, and we will fix it.
But kindergarten is hard!
She does fine in school, but at the end of the day she is melting down. The girl is tired, tired, tired.
I'm realizing that we can plan NOTHING during the week at this time; school, ballet, and yoga and that's it. Tessa needs a good routine, bedtime at 7:30, and that's about it. Lots of snuggle time, lots of stories, home made food.
Tessa is also struggling with exclusionary behavior - she's leaving other girls out of her play intentionally. I talked to the teacher about it and my heart sank - this is absolutely NOT okay with me.
Tessa is a great kid with an amazing, compassionate heart. This is temporary, and we will fix it.
But kindergarten is hard!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Zometa
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/health/drugs/2008-06-01-cancer-drug-zometa_N.htm
Here's a really simple layman's article about my new drug and why I'm taking it.
And another:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/chemotherapy/new_research/20080516b.jsp
And info about the drugs that are promoting my rapid bone loss:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/hormonal/side_effects/aromatase_inhibitors.jsp
I took Femara until it hurt to move, about two years into treatment, and then I switched to Aromasin. It's starting to build up the same kind of pain, but if I can last another year on it then maybe I could switch back to Femara or try Arimidex to finish out my five years on an AI.
And here's the dry abstract presented at ASCO:
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40381
Nobody knows what will save me, or how much this will improve my odds. I've done a lot of things off label:
- node dissection for removal of 25 nodes
- proph. mastectomy on the clear side
- proph. oopharectomy/hysterectomy
- Herceptin for 2 years instead of 1
- radiation after mastectomy (even though I "only" had one positive node)
- AIs instead of tamoxifen, even though I was premenopausal at diagnosis
- lost 40 pounds and I exercise and eat a healthy diet (this may be my biggest asset....?)
- reduced alcohol consumption to less than one drink per week
....and now the addition of Zometa.
I'm doing everything in my power, that is for certain.
Here's a really simple layman's article about my new drug and why I'm taking it.
And another:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/chemotherapy/new_research/20080516b.jsp
And info about the drugs that are promoting my rapid bone loss:
http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/hormonal/side_effects/aromatase_inhibitors.jsp
I took Femara until it hurt to move, about two years into treatment, and then I switched to Aromasin. It's starting to build up the same kind of pain, but if I can last another year on it then maybe I could switch back to Femara or try Arimidex to finish out my five years on an AI.
And here's the dry abstract presented at ASCO:
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40381
Nobody knows what will save me, or how much this will improve my odds. I've done a lot of things off label:
- node dissection for removal of 25 nodes
- proph. mastectomy on the clear side
- proph. oopharectomy/hysterectomy
- Herceptin for 2 years instead of 1
- radiation after mastectomy (even though I "only" had one positive node)
- AIs instead of tamoxifen, even though I was premenopausal at diagnosis
- lost 40 pounds and I exercise and eat a healthy diet (this may be my biggest asset....?)
- reduced alcohol consumption to less than one drink per week
....and now the addition of Zometa.
I'm doing everything in my power, that is for certain.
General updates
Still green. It doesn't take quite as much of my time right now because I'm pretty used to soem of the changes. The weather's cooler now and one friend commented that my house was freezing inside; the good news is that I can no longer tell - I'm used to sweaters. Bread is baking (okay, mixing...the baking comes later) right now. The garden made it all season without any pesticides or petrochemicals. I know what to look for on cosmetics/soap labels (and have a handy reference guide in my purse to help). I send Tessa to school without plastic containers, with a cloth napkin, and so far nobody has said anything to her and a few parents have asked me where to get the containers so that they can, too. I'm feeling pretty green, even though there are so many others who put me to shame on that front. I've made lots of changes, and I'm proud of them. I'll do more, but it's not teh focus this week.
Making some book progress, though always slower than I want to.
Ryan's job is going well. Killer commute, but besides that things seem good.
Kindergarten is great, but Tessa is exhausted. If she's asleep any later than 8 then the next few days are rough (today is a case in point); kindergarten just wears her out. But today she read us a (very simple) book for the first time! It had things like "I see a _________" on each page, with picture clues, but she was really getting it. We're having more meltdowns and sassy behavior than usual, but we're working on it. I'm trying to remember that this is a stressful time for her - she's making new friends, learning new things, and there is SO much more structure than she's used to. (And she's been saying, "Mommy, I just want to stay home and play with my toys!" I don't blame her - it feels like we're gone too much.) Anyway, school is great, and she loves it....we just need more hours in teh day for sleep, play, downtime, etc.
Tomorrow is the curriculum night, and we're trying a new babysitter....a sweet teen from our church. Tessa adores her and she lives two blocks away on our street - could be very good!
Dance class is great, and Tessa practices regularly. Tessa is doing six sessions of yoga starting in a couple of weeks, sponsored by the school and a local yoga studio, and she's excited. If I ever find five minutes, I too will do more yoga.
We haven't taken the bus in a few days because we're so darned tired in the mornings....poor Shep. I think the dog is wondering what he did wrong - those long walks are so lovely.
I've lost a few pounds from being so busy, so that's good....
And speaking of which, it's almost 8pm which is when I'm heading to bed these days. YAWN!
G'night.
Making some book progress, though always slower than I want to.
Ryan's job is going well. Killer commute, but besides that things seem good.
Kindergarten is great, but Tessa is exhausted. If she's asleep any later than 8 then the next few days are rough (today is a case in point); kindergarten just wears her out. But today she read us a (very simple) book for the first time! It had things like "I see a _________" on each page, with picture clues, but she was really getting it. We're having more meltdowns and sassy behavior than usual, but we're working on it. I'm trying to remember that this is a stressful time for her - she's making new friends, learning new things, and there is SO much more structure than she's used to. (And she's been saying, "Mommy, I just want to stay home and play with my toys!" I don't blame her - it feels like we're gone too much.) Anyway, school is great, and she loves it....we just need more hours in teh day for sleep, play, downtime, etc.
Tomorrow is the curriculum night, and we're trying a new babysitter....a sweet teen from our church. Tessa adores her and she lives two blocks away on our street - could be very good!
Dance class is great, and Tessa practices regularly. Tessa is doing six sessions of yoga starting in a couple of weeks, sponsored by the school and a local yoga studio, and she's excited. If I ever find five minutes, I too will do more yoga.
We haven't taken the bus in a few days because we're so darned tired in the mornings....poor Shep. I think the dog is wondering what he did wrong - those long walks are so lovely.
I've lost a few pounds from being so busy, so that's good....
And speaking of which, it's almost 8pm which is when I'm heading to bed these days. YAWN!
G'night.
Overscheduled
If I'm a stay at home mom, then how come I am so completely and utterly overbooked?
Yikes. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off today....!
Yikes. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off today....!
Monday, September 22, 2008
loss
Today I logged on to the YSC to check in. I haven't been going much - hadn't been in months until the last week - and I learned that another warrior died.
Brin is gone.
Lola is gone.
Melinda is gone.
Cathy is gone.
Shabby is gone.
Jayme is gone.
I learned of Brin today. The last update on her was September 5; she had just learned that Taxol was no longer working on her mets, and she was "prepared to fight." She died four days later.
I am sending my love, prayers, anger and fear out into the universe. These women were amazing; they were incredible. And now they're gone. It's not about me, but it still hurts. They were not my inner circle, but it still hurts.
Brin is gone.
Lola is gone.
Melinda is gone.
Cathy is gone.
Shabby is gone.
Jayme is gone.
I learned of Brin today. The last update on her was September 5; she had just learned that Taxol was no longer working on her mets, and she was "prepared to fight." She died four days later.
I am sending my love, prayers, anger and fear out into the universe. These women were amazing; they were incredible. And now they're gone. It's not about me, but it still hurts. They were not my inner circle, but it still hurts.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Treatment updates
New studies are showing that Zometa, an IV bisphosphonate, is shown to reduce recurrence/mets by approximately 1/3.
Bisphosphonates are bone-building drugs, used in the treatment of osteoporosis and osteopenia (the precurser to osteoporosis). It makes sense that they'd prevent bone mets - mets tend to go after weak areas of the bone - but it's somewhat thrilling that they tend to prevent any recurrence or mets in other parts of the body as well.
So, no question as to what I will do next. I'll switch from Actonel, another bisphosponate, to Zometa, and hope that the extra help does me good.
The down side? Back to the chemo ward for IV infusions. Side effects mimicing the flu. Oh, joy. Hopefully this will prevent the downward slide of bone loss that I've already experienced (I'm osteopenic); hopefully this will help keep me NED.
It gives me chills to go near the building. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.
But I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow.
Bisphosphonates are bone-building drugs, used in the treatment of osteoporosis and osteopenia (the precurser to osteoporosis). It makes sense that they'd prevent bone mets - mets tend to go after weak areas of the bone - but it's somewhat thrilling that they tend to prevent any recurrence or mets in other parts of the body as well.
So, no question as to what I will do next. I'll switch from Actonel, another bisphosponate, to Zometa, and hope that the extra help does me good.
The down side? Back to the chemo ward for IV infusions. Side effects mimicing the flu. Oh, joy. Hopefully this will prevent the downward slide of bone loss that I've already experienced (I'm osteopenic); hopefully this will help keep me NED.
It gives me chills to go near the building. Makes me feel sick to my stomach.
But I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thank God that's over
I am so glad that I will never again have a 39th birthday. It was a horrible day, and I'm glad I don't need to repeat it.
The summation? I'm not happy in my life right now. I have some pretty serious issues to work through, and I appreciate your prayers. Birthdays tend to magnify things, and yesterday everything seemed larger than life. I had a big old pity-fest.
Thank you so much to the friends and family members who tried to help me, who gave me love, who gave me gifts. I am appreciative, even if I couldn't be social and happy.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am. Still, I'm struggling.
More therapy.
The summation? I'm not happy in my life right now. I have some pretty serious issues to work through, and I appreciate your prayers. Birthdays tend to magnify things, and yesterday everything seemed larger than life. I had a big old pity-fest.
Thank you so much to the friends and family members who tried to help me, who gave me love, who gave me gifts. I am appreciative, even if I couldn't be social and happy.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am. Still, I'm struggling.
More therapy.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Happy birthday to me
39. Not a bad number at all. Every year, I greet my birthday with gratitude for being alive.
Still, I have the blues. I feel a deep sadness that I can not shake. It's not about my birthday, but it feels more pronounced on my birthday. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that. Still, the sadness persists.
Never mind. Lots to do. Get Tessa to school, deliver the volunteer project to her teacher. Run home with Shep. Work on the book.
Another busy day.
Still, I have the blues. I feel a deep sadness that I can not shake. It's not about my birthday, but it feels more pronounced on my birthday. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that. Still, the sadness persists.
Never mind. Lots to do. Get Tessa to school, deliver the volunteer project to her teacher. Run home with Shep. Work on the book.
Another busy day.
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