I am settling into my routine, and finding comfort in it. I'm trying to create space to spend quality time with Tessa (especially since our quantity has been reduced), to take care of my mental and physical health, to care for the house, to keep up with chores, to do work on the book, to walk the dog, and all the rest.
Slowly, it's shaking out. I haven't got it figured out, but I've got a start.
Today is Tessa's first day of ballet, and I'm excited for her to begin. I hope it's not too much at the start of school - she's already pretty tired - but it's the activity she most wants to do, and I want her to have one activity outside of school. She has friends in the class, and as always, that will help with her transition.
Today Ryan is still in Virginia, but he comes home tonight in preparation for his first "real" day. His messages to me are positive and hopeful, and I hope that this job is just what he hopes it will be - challenging but not too challenging; interesting; motivating. I hope he is a star!
And now I'm off to look at book materials.
Routine, routine.....I'll get there....
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Light Reading
I continue to read up on breast cancer research, though not as actively as I once did. Today I'm looking at the ASCO results, and came across this:
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40425
The short version? I'm very fortunate that though I had 1 positive lymph node, 24 others were negative, as my ratio predicts higher survival rates.
I'm trying to find info on the 2-year arm of the HERA trial, but it hasn't been released yet. (I took Herceptin for two years under the hope that 2 was better than 1. No data to prove anything yet.)
I also found out that the fact that I had all of my lymph nodes on that side removed is the recommended treatment, but not followed by the majority of ASCO doctors in the case of micrometastases (what I had).
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40456
Fun reading, hmmm?
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40425
The short version? I'm very fortunate that though I had 1 positive lymph node, 24 others were negative, as my ratio predicts higher survival rates.
I'm trying to find info on the 2-year arm of the HERA trial, but it hasn't been released yet. (I took Herceptin for two years under the hope that 2 was better than 1. No data to prove anything yet.)
I also found out that the fact that I had all of my lymph nodes on that side removed is the recommended treatment, but not followed by the majority of ASCO doctors in the case of micrometastases (what I had).
http://www.asco.org/ASCO/Abstracts+%26+Virtual+Meeting/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=58&abstractID=40456
Fun reading, hmmm?
Friday, September 05, 2008
October approaches
October is a spooky month.
Of course, there's Halloween. Ghosties and ghouls and witches and bats and all that. But they don't scare me.
It's also breast cancer awareness month. Pink ribbons make me quiver with remembered fear more than any bat ever could, but of course I politely thank people for their support of the cause because I DO want a cure and awareness is critical to finding that cure. Still, constant reminders of how 40,000 women will die of breast cancer in the US this year is, well, frightening. I continue to pray that I will not be one of these women.
It's also the anniversary of my giant breakdown last year. The corrective surgery that went wrong, surgeon's mistakes, and my utter inability to process one more thing. Dark, dark times.
And this year, it's surgery #10. I have known for months that October would be the date of my next surgery, and with Tessa in school I no longer had a chance to tell myself I was too busy to book the appointment. Today I called, and I was scheduled for October 23. I am assured that they will accept our new insurance as a preferred provider; I am assured that this will be an "easy" surgery. ("Tylenol Extra Strength if you're lucky. Of course, we'll send you home with "real" pain drugs, but maybe you won't need them!" I do not feel particularly "lucky" and I hope that my bad attitude does not cause me to have pain above and beyond what is required.)
Why am I doing this surgery?
- Replace expanders (rock hard awful deformed objects on my chest) with soft implants
- Line up my breasts so that they rest on the same horizontal plane (which they currently do not)
- Remove the heinous attempt at nipples that just created nasty scars
- Remove some of the weird deformed shapes (breast liposuction, if you can believe that)
- Remove the bump over my eye - it's a scar left over from the failed attempt to use my eyelid skin for areolas
- Drop two cup sizes
I am most excited about having smaller breasts. These are bigger than I wanted, and I hate them. If I have to hate them, I at least want them to be smaller so that they're not so noticeable. Plus, I want to run, and smaller breasts are better for that.
I am choosing not to pursue nipples, areolas, tattoos, or any other corrections after this. I am just so **** tired of all this surgery that it takes more strength than I have just to schedule the appointment. (I was "supposed" to schedule it in June. )
I'm lining up childcare and self care and I hope to get it over with asap. But now there is a date on the calendar: October 23, I get the knife. Again.
Of course, there's Halloween. Ghosties and ghouls and witches and bats and all that. But they don't scare me.
It's also breast cancer awareness month. Pink ribbons make me quiver with remembered fear more than any bat ever could, but of course I politely thank people for their support of the cause because I DO want a cure and awareness is critical to finding that cure. Still, constant reminders of how 40,000 women will die of breast cancer in the US this year is, well, frightening. I continue to pray that I will not be one of these women.
It's also the anniversary of my giant breakdown last year. The corrective surgery that went wrong, surgeon's mistakes, and my utter inability to process one more thing. Dark, dark times.
And this year, it's surgery #10. I have known for months that October would be the date of my next surgery, and with Tessa in school I no longer had a chance to tell myself I was too busy to book the appointment. Today I called, and I was scheduled for October 23. I am assured that they will accept our new insurance as a preferred provider; I am assured that this will be an "easy" surgery. ("Tylenol Extra Strength if you're lucky. Of course, we'll send you home with "real" pain drugs, but maybe you won't need them!" I do not feel particularly "lucky" and I hope that my bad attitude does not cause me to have pain above and beyond what is required.)
Why am I doing this surgery?
- Replace expanders (rock hard awful deformed objects on my chest) with soft implants
- Line up my breasts so that they rest on the same horizontal plane (which they currently do not)
- Remove the heinous attempt at nipples that just created nasty scars
- Remove some of the weird deformed shapes (breast liposuction, if you can believe that)
- Remove the bump over my eye - it's a scar left over from the failed attempt to use my eyelid skin for areolas
- Drop two cup sizes
I am most excited about having smaller breasts. These are bigger than I wanted, and I hate them. If I have to hate them, I at least want them to be smaller so that they're not so noticeable. Plus, I want to run, and smaller breasts are better for that.
I am choosing not to pursue nipples, areolas, tattoos, or any other corrections after this. I am just so **** tired of all this surgery that it takes more strength than I have just to schedule the appointment. (I was "supposed" to schedule it in June. )
I'm lining up childcare and self care and I hope to get it over with asap. But now there is a date on the calendar: October 23, I get the knife. Again.
Winding down the week, winding up life
This week is almost over, and Tessa is at her third day of kindergarten. So far, everything is a thumbs' up, and just typing that sentence makes me choke up with gratitude. The teacher is great, the school is great, friends are great, everything is interesting. The Metro bus ride is working out great, and Shep is enjoying his long walk home, as he's getting more exercise than usual because of this schedule. (He's lying on his bed beside me as I type, looking a bit exhausted. Ha - I wore out the lab! Hallelujah!) I'm also enjoying the exercise, and the stolen fifteen minutes where I sit facing the sea and meditate and think about my life and my day - what a blissful thing to connect with the ocean that way.
We are not yet in the full routine, but we're learning. I need to get up at about 6am to get showered and dressed, make Tessa's lunch (next week I'll be making Ryan's lunch, too), and prepare breakfast before Tessa wakes up. Then, I have to roust the sleepy girl - she, like her mama, is a bit anti-morning, and I have to go in her room several times before I can get her out of bed. I'm trying to accomodate this by giving her lots of time between when I first wake her and when she gets out of bed, and leaving time to have a gentle morning so that we don't have to rush from the get-go. This is a challenge, but I think it's going to go well.
I'm also trying to make hot breakfasts for the girl. Usually we're content to stick with cereal, but since there are no snacks at school and lunch isn't until 12 or 12:30, I'm trying to stuff her full before school so that she can make it that long. This week on various days I've made bacon, eggs, sausage, and oatmeal with yogurt, always with fruit and a glass of milk. I don't really want her to eat that much meat (nitrates, fat, yada yada) every day but it seems that my mornings are destined for lots of time in the kitchen.
We walk out the door at 8:10am to get three blocks in 12 minutes for our 8:22 pick up. Of course, a "normal" walk would get us there in about 4 minutes, but I want to let her go at her own pace without having to hurry, so we go at a snail's pace. Then we wait, with Shep, for the bus. The bus feels like a private car, because the regular driver, Scott, remembers our names, promises to bring treats for Shep, and chats with us as we go in. Plus, the route isn't very popular, so when we get on we're sometimes the only passengers.
We get dropped off a block from school, right on the beach, then walk a block, arriving at school at about a quarter to 9, in time for 20 minutes of playing on the playground before first bell. We tie Shep up and he gets lots of pets from all the kids coming in and out, making Tessa a bit of a star.
Then the bell, and Tessa's off with a kiss, and I'm free for the day. WOW. Of course, groceries, laundry, more cooking, and the rest call to me....but I still have time to myself. Look at me now, mid-day and on the computer...wow.
So we're winding down the week, looking forward to the weekend. On Sunday, the first "real" week begins. Ryan will get on a plane for his orientation at BearingPoint - his new job. Everything is signed and ready, and Ryan's first day is Monday in DC; the company is located in Virginia (Ryan works in the Bellevue office) and so orientation is held there. So, Ryan will be working, Tessa will have her first full week of school, and ballet classes will start, and we'll be off to the races....
Hoping for a good year. A great year. An amazing time. Isn't it our turn now?
We are not yet in the full routine, but we're learning. I need to get up at about 6am to get showered and dressed, make Tessa's lunch (next week I'll be making Ryan's lunch, too), and prepare breakfast before Tessa wakes up. Then, I have to roust the sleepy girl - she, like her mama, is a bit anti-morning, and I have to go in her room several times before I can get her out of bed. I'm trying to accomodate this by giving her lots of time between when I first wake her and when she gets out of bed, and leaving time to have a gentle morning so that we don't have to rush from the get-go. This is a challenge, but I think it's going to go well.
I'm also trying to make hot breakfasts for the girl. Usually we're content to stick with cereal, but since there are no snacks at school and lunch isn't until 12 or 12:30, I'm trying to stuff her full before school so that she can make it that long. This week on various days I've made bacon, eggs, sausage, and oatmeal with yogurt, always with fruit and a glass of milk. I don't really want her to eat that much meat (nitrates, fat, yada yada) every day but it seems that my mornings are destined for lots of time in the kitchen.
We walk out the door at 8:10am to get three blocks in 12 minutes for our 8:22 pick up. Of course, a "normal" walk would get us there in about 4 minutes, but I want to let her go at her own pace without having to hurry, so we go at a snail's pace. Then we wait, with Shep, for the bus. The bus feels like a private car, because the regular driver, Scott, remembers our names, promises to bring treats for Shep, and chats with us as we go in. Plus, the route isn't very popular, so when we get on we're sometimes the only passengers.
We get dropped off a block from school, right on the beach, then walk a block, arriving at school at about a quarter to 9, in time for 20 minutes of playing on the playground before first bell. We tie Shep up and he gets lots of pets from all the kids coming in and out, making Tessa a bit of a star.
Then the bell, and Tessa's off with a kiss, and I'm free for the day. WOW. Of course, groceries, laundry, more cooking, and the rest call to me....but I still have time to myself. Look at me now, mid-day and on the computer...wow.
So we're winding down the week, looking forward to the weekend. On Sunday, the first "real" week begins. Ryan will get on a plane for his orientation at BearingPoint - his new job. Everything is signed and ready, and Ryan's first day is Monday in DC; the company is located in Virginia (Ryan works in the Bellevue office) and so orientation is held there. So, Ryan will be working, Tessa will have her first full week of school, and ballet classes will start, and we'll be off to the races....
Hoping for a good year. A great year. An amazing time. Isn't it our turn now?
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
End of day kindergarten notes
Success!
Tessa looked a little nervous when she came out of the school doors to meet me at the end of the day, but then she caught my eye, ran into me at full tilt, gave me a massive hug, and smiled for all she was worth. The day was a success, and "Mommy, we had Spanish!"
I can't get too many details from her, but there was a school assembly, there were stories, there was recess with Anna, and at lunchtime she sat with Jessie. (She ate all of her fruit and no sandwich....hmmm.)
After school, some parents and kids went to celebrate the first day with ice cream from Pepperdock at Alki, and the girls played in the sand in the sunshine. I was struck with the beauty of the place - blue sky, sparkling seas, the Seattle skyline around the bend, Olympics presiding over all - and the beauty of the moment. I was so grateful that my daughter is filled with confidence, and that she is embracing the idea of school. I hope that she will be a lifelong scholar, filled with a love of learning.
We're off to a good start.
Tessa looked a little nervous when she came out of the school doors to meet me at the end of the day, but then she caught my eye, ran into me at full tilt, gave me a massive hug, and smiled for all she was worth. The day was a success, and "Mommy, we had Spanish!"
I can't get too many details from her, but there was a school assembly, there were stories, there was recess with Anna, and at lunchtime she sat with Jessie. (She ate all of her fruit and no sandwich....hmmm.)
After school, some parents and kids went to celebrate the first day with ice cream from Pepperdock at Alki, and the girls played in the sand in the sunshine. I was struck with the beauty of the place - blue sky, sparkling seas, the Seattle skyline around the bend, Olympics presiding over all - and the beauty of the moment. I was so grateful that my daughter is filled with confidence, and that she is embracing the idea of school. I hope that she will be a lifelong scholar, filled with a love of learning.
We're off to a good start.
First Day of Kindergarten
The long anticipated day has finally arrived, and as I type this, Tessa is sitting in Ms. Coghill's class at Alki. She was filled with excitement for the day, waking up early and thrilled with the prospect of a day at school.
I made a massive breakfast of Tessa's choice: sausage and bacon, scrambled eggs with cheese, mango and strawberries. Tessa chose her own outfit - a new school dress - and hairstyle. We have chosen to take the bus as much as possible, riding Metro each day together. Most days I will take Shep with me, and tie him up while I drop Tessa off, and then I'll run/walk home with him for a workout for each of us. For pick-up I think I'll drive more often because it takes a bit to get home if I Metro it, but most mornings (maybe all!) I will take Tessa on the bus.
(Tessa can't ride the yellow bus because of administrivia; we don't qualify for transportation on the school bus to Alki. No matter; I like the chance to talk with her on the way in.)
Pictures tell the story -
Tessa with a backpack on (it's as big as she is, despite the "ergonomic fit"!) at our front door, dressed for school; On the bus with Mama and Daddy; with the bus driver (Scott - super friendly Metro driver); in front of her pink locker with her name on it (and she's sharing a locker with Benjamin); on the playground with Anna; walking in line to the classroom from outdoors; sitting at her desk; a broad view of her classroom (you can see that Jessie sits in the same row, a few seats away).
When the settling in was done, and the parents were encouraged to leave - already? - I asked Tessa if she was ready for me to go or if I should stay a little. She said, "I'm ready for you to go," in a very matter of fact voice, and with a smile. I felt a tiny bit heartbroken, but so proud of her in that moment. She is, indeed, ready for kindergarten on her own, and she is going to do GREAT.
And me? I need to start working on MY new life, with a child in school full time. Lots to think about on that front.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Exhausted and sad
I don't know if it's because I was gone from home for so long and I'm so far behind, or if it's all of the changes and stresses in our lives catching up to me, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed and pessimistic right now.
I want to be an optimist. I'm trying to use the language of optimism on myself. I'm trying to meditate. I'm trying to take action to fix those things that seem broken, in my home, myself, my relationships.
I'm just exhausted and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
Ugh.
I'll get over it. I always do, don't I? I'm faking it pretty well. But at the end of the day, I just feel sad.
Back to the therapist.
I want to be an optimist. I'm trying to use the language of optimism on myself. I'm trying to meditate. I'm trying to take action to fix those things that seem broken, in my home, myself, my relationships.
I'm just exhausted and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
Ugh.
I'll get over it. I always do, don't I? I'm faking it pretty well. But at the end of the day, I just feel sad.
Back to the therapist.
Monday, August 25, 2008
...and home AGAIN!
So Tessa, Ryan and I got home from the coast late Friday. We spent Saturday at home (I don't even know how many loads of laundry I did) and had our wonderful neighbors Sarah & Steven over for dinner and catch-up in the evening. Then, at 11am on Sunday, Tessa and I were out the door again, this time for a night with the Landahls at the Grand Wolf Lodge. The Lodge is a water park with slides, pools, and more activities than I could possibly name, with themed rooms (ours was a cabin; the kids had a "real" cabin in the middle of the room to sleep in, with painted murals and bunk beds). We had so much fun with Susan, Jackson, and Carter....but I haven't been away from home for this long in YEARS and I am really glad to be back.
The house needs a good scrub (when Susan dropped us off tonight and came in for take-out dinner, her d0g allergies kicked in big time), the laundry isn't all done, and I have more projects awaiting me than I can count.
Tonight I hope to sleep well, and long.
Love,
Kristina
PS At least a dozen messages on my machine and countless emails - I am so far behind I don't know how to catch up but tomorrow I'll try. I haven't even heard my voicemail yet.
The house needs a good scrub (when Susan dropped us off tonight and came in for take-out dinner, her d0g allergies kicked in big time), the laundry isn't all done, and I have more projects awaiting me than I can count.
Tonight I hope to sleep well, and long.
Love,
Kristina
PS At least a dozen messages on my machine and countless emails - I am so far behind I don't know how to catch up but tomorrow I'll try. I haven't even heard my voicemail yet.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Back at home
We arrived home last night, tired and sandy, glad to see home again. Mozart was glad to see us, and we're glad to sleep in our own beds. The beach was wonderful, and it would be hard to leave if we didn't have our own beaches at home, but as it was we were both sad and glad to leave. There is truly no place like home.
And now it's the craziness of catch-up. Weeks worth of mail, laundry, un-done gardening, and the like. Off to the races!
And now it's the craziness of catch-up. Weeks worth of mail, laundry, un-done gardening, and the like. Off to the races!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The perfect sand castle
This post is to remind me that today Tessa and I created the perfect sandcastle.
Just a bucket, a shovel, one perfect mound. A little moat, a little stick drawbridge, and sand dollar decorations. Not special to the outsider, but perfect to us.
No pictures as the camera is out of batteries, but I dont' want to forget the moment.
Just a bucket, a shovel, one perfect mound. A little moat, a little stick drawbridge, and sand dollar decorations. Not special to the outsider, but perfect to us.
No pictures as the camera is out of batteries, but I dont' want to forget the moment.
Mini update from Cannon Beach
Ryan is on a bike ride, and Tessa and I are almost ready to take Shep for a romp on the sand. We'll bring sand toys, and be prepared to get damp, so that Tessa can explore the tide pools.....ahhhhhh.
Further news from Ryan's new employer has him starting perhaps Sept. 8; the signature chain from managers is going well but SLOWLY. The company has new employees do an orientation in DC upon starting, and since the orientation is only offered on Mondays and Sept. 1 is a holiday, his start date gets bumped further. That's okay; it gives our family time to get some projects done, and Ryan can be there for Tessa's first day of kindergarten.
Off to our vacation. Sending our love to everyone!
Further news from Ryan's new employer has him starting perhaps Sept. 8; the signature chain from managers is going well but SLOWLY. The company has new employees do an orientation in DC upon starting, and since the orientation is only offered on Mondays and Sept. 1 is a holiday, his start date gets bumped further. That's okay; it gives our family time to get some projects done, and Ryan can be there for Tessa's first day of kindergarten.
Off to our vacation. Sending our love to everyone!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Cannon Beach & Happiness
Ahhhhhh. This is the good life.
We are at the Surfsand Resort at Cannon Beach - a sister property of the Stephanie Inn, where we got engaged and also got married. We got an incredible deal thanks to a little negotiating with a willing reservations agent :-) and we are staying for four nights - hurrah! Our room has a fireplace, a giant tub, a walk in shower, flat screen TVs, and a full bar with kitchen essentials like mini-fridge and microwave. When we arrived, they gave Tessa a sand bucket and signed her up for the kids club; they delivered her cookies at bedtime. When we got to our room, there was a pet package (yes, Shep is with us, as this hotel has some pet friendly rooms) and there was a dog bed, bowls, dog towels, etc. all waiting for us.
Right now, I hear the roar of the surf outside our door. We only get the beachfront room for one night, and the next few nights we get a view of the parking lot, but I don't care! We're at Cannon Beach and loving it.
We went on the beach tonight, and Shep ran and raced in circles, and we all joined him. Ahhhhh.
And we're celebrating, too, because we got the information about the benefits package, and it looks great....including four weeks of vacation plus sick time plus holidays. This is just what we'd hoped for! We still don't have the formal offer because it's going through the signature process but everything is moving ahead smoothly, albeit slowly, and the recruiter isn't at all concerned so we're not, either. Instead, we're enjoying beach time.
We'll post more information about the company etc when we've signed the offer, but we're excited. And we can't wait to have Sue & Phil over to celebrate, as Phil helped Ryan to find this opportunity.
Signing out - off to relax. See you later!
We are at the Surfsand Resort at Cannon Beach - a sister property of the Stephanie Inn, where we got engaged and also got married. We got an incredible deal thanks to a little negotiating with a willing reservations agent :-) and we are staying for four nights - hurrah! Our room has a fireplace, a giant tub, a walk in shower, flat screen TVs, and a full bar with kitchen essentials like mini-fridge and microwave. When we arrived, they gave Tessa a sand bucket and signed her up for the kids club; they delivered her cookies at bedtime. When we got to our room, there was a pet package (yes, Shep is with us, as this hotel has some pet friendly rooms) and there was a dog bed, bowls, dog towels, etc. all waiting for us.
Right now, I hear the roar of the surf outside our door. We only get the beachfront room for one night, and the next few nights we get a view of the parking lot, but I don't care! We're at Cannon Beach and loving it.
We went on the beach tonight, and Shep ran and raced in circles, and we all joined him. Ahhhhh.
And we're celebrating, too, because we got the information about the benefits package, and it looks great....including four weeks of vacation plus sick time plus holidays. This is just what we'd hoped for! We still don't have the formal offer because it's going through the signature process but everything is moving ahead smoothly, albeit slowly, and the recruiter isn't at all concerned so we're not, either. Instead, we're enjoying beach time.
We'll post more information about the company etc when we've signed the offer, but we're excited. And we can't wait to have Sue & Phil over to celebrate, as Phil helped Ryan to find this opportunity.
Signing out - off to relax. See you later!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Taking a break, getting a break....
I write to you from my parents' laptop, sitting in their motorcoach at a resort in Newport, OR. The fog is thick today, but I don't care....a cup of coffee in hand, I'm blogging here before writing in my journal a bit. Tessa, Grammy and Grandpa are at the pool, where I have already spent many happy hours this trip. (News flash: Tessa swam the length of the pool! She's turning into a fish.)
And I have an update....
Ryan has received a good job offer! I won't share all of the details just yet because the offer is verbal and we're waiting to see the whole offer in writing, but we feel very positive and optimistic about it. Stay tuned for more details, but it looks like Ryan would start on the 25th. Hurrah! If it works out (and we do think it will), Ryan will meet Tessa and I in Portland on Sunday, spend some time visiting with his folks, and then spend a couple of days at Cannon Beach, which is one of our family's favorite places (Orcas Island, Cannon Beach, and West Seattle are our top three, I think) so we can play as a family before he begins the next adventure.
Tessa and I are having a great time with my family; my parents have been spoiling us by taking us to resturants, getting Tessa ice cream cones, going on a whale watching cruise (yes, we saw whales - love it!), and of course hours of beach time and pool time. I flew a kite yesterday (Tessa was uninterested, so I realized it was what *I* wanted to do, and we brought the kite we purchased two years ago in Cannon Beach), I've gone for runs on the beach, we've watched seal pups on the beach and sea lions on the docks, we've gone to the aquarium, we've climbed the Yaquina Point Lighthouse, and we've seen more shore birds than I can count. Tessa was feeling a bit homesick yesterday, missing Daddy but also her friend Anna, but just in time another girl her age came to the pool and the two of them played for a couple of hours yesterday. The other girl is from North Dakota, and she and Tessa have vowed to be penpals....so cute.
More from me another time, but now I feel a need to write in my journal. Ahhh, the good life! I hope that you are well, and that you, too, have relaxation in your near future.
And I have an update....
Ryan has received a good job offer! I won't share all of the details just yet because the offer is verbal and we're waiting to see the whole offer in writing, but we feel very positive and optimistic about it. Stay tuned for more details, but it looks like Ryan would start on the 25th. Hurrah! If it works out (and we do think it will), Ryan will meet Tessa and I in Portland on Sunday, spend some time visiting with his folks, and then spend a couple of days at Cannon Beach, which is one of our family's favorite places (Orcas Island, Cannon Beach, and West Seattle are our top three, I think) so we can play as a family before he begins the next adventure.
Tessa and I are having a great time with my family; my parents have been spoiling us by taking us to resturants, getting Tessa ice cream cones, going on a whale watching cruise (yes, we saw whales - love it!), and of course hours of beach time and pool time. I flew a kite yesterday (Tessa was uninterested, so I realized it was what *I* wanted to do, and we brought the kite we purchased two years ago in Cannon Beach), I've gone for runs on the beach, we've watched seal pups on the beach and sea lions on the docks, we've gone to the aquarium, we've climbed the Yaquina Point Lighthouse, and we've seen more shore birds than I can count. Tessa was feeling a bit homesick yesterday, missing Daddy but also her friend Anna, but just in time another girl her age came to the pool and the two of them played for a couple of hours yesterday. The other girl is from North Dakota, and she and Tessa have vowed to be penpals....so cute.
More from me another time, but now I feel a need to write in my journal. Ahhh, the good life! I hope that you are well, and that you, too, have relaxation in your near future.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Summer half gone
...and half still before us.
The days continue to fly by. I am holding tight to my little pre-kindergartener, fully aware that the fall brings change to more than the leaves. I watch her cavort on the beach at Alki, her slim body covered only by a bright swimsuit, her hair dripping wet, as she invents games with logs and buckets of water, and I'm overwhelmed by the loveliness of it all. I am grateful that she runs to me, smiling but shivering, and wants to be held close to me in the warmth of the soft towel while she warms up. I know that as soon as the goosebumps flatten she'll be off again, but in that moment she is a part of me, and of my body, as I hold her close and wrap my arms around her.
Kindergarten is more of a beginning than an end, I think, but it's like those days on the beach. Not that long ago, I had to remain six inches from Tessa when she was near the water, for fear that she'd fall, or find fear in a small wave, or wander off....and now she's grown so independent, not needing me or wanting me in her game. I hold tight to the idea that she still runs to me when she's cold, or hungry, and that she still welcomes my arms around her when she scrapes her toe. She still wants to share her victories with me ("Mama, did you see how big that log was? I lifted it all by myself! Did you see? Did you?"), and with luck and love this will never change. She will go farther and farther away, and I will wonder at this beautiful girl who has replaced my mewing baby....but she will always be my baby.
Ahhhh, sentimental drivel, but it's MY sentimental drivel. I am glad to be able to reflect on these changing days.
Tomorrow Tessa and I will head off in my parents motorhome for a vacation to the Oregon Coast. I'll revel in the warmth of my parents' love and care, and we'll have a great time playing on the Newport beaches. I'm looking forward to sunny days with few responsibilities.
Ryan will stay home to tend the castle, and to work on his job search. He's moved to the third interviews with one company, with applications in at others, and we are hopeful for the right opportunity(s). Transitions are not easy, and this isn't an easy time, but I hold out for the belief that things will be even better than they were before. I don't believe in a master plan, but I do believe that we can learn and grow and create something wonderful. I hold that hope close to my heart.
Last night I went to the WSUUC religious education committee meeting, and I felt so honored to be in the company of such wonderful women. Their depth, commitment, and spirituality, combined with humor and twinkly eyes make me want to be a part of thier group, and I'm grateful for the opportunity.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I am still struggling, still uncertain of so many parts of my path, still hurt by various injustices and confusions and struggles in my life. But I do not forget the gratitude, and this helps to keep me sane.
I will not be on email at all until at least Wednesday, but I will have my cell phone with me if you need to reach me. Until then!
The days continue to fly by. I am holding tight to my little pre-kindergartener, fully aware that the fall brings change to more than the leaves. I watch her cavort on the beach at Alki, her slim body covered only by a bright swimsuit, her hair dripping wet, as she invents games with logs and buckets of water, and I'm overwhelmed by the loveliness of it all. I am grateful that she runs to me, smiling but shivering, and wants to be held close to me in the warmth of the soft towel while she warms up. I know that as soon as the goosebumps flatten she'll be off again, but in that moment she is a part of me, and of my body, as I hold her close and wrap my arms around her.
Kindergarten is more of a beginning than an end, I think, but it's like those days on the beach. Not that long ago, I had to remain six inches from Tessa when she was near the water, for fear that she'd fall, or find fear in a small wave, or wander off....and now she's grown so independent, not needing me or wanting me in her game. I hold tight to the idea that she still runs to me when she's cold, or hungry, and that she still welcomes my arms around her when she scrapes her toe. She still wants to share her victories with me ("Mama, did you see how big that log was? I lifted it all by myself! Did you see? Did you?"), and with luck and love this will never change. She will go farther and farther away, and I will wonder at this beautiful girl who has replaced my mewing baby....but she will always be my baby.
Ahhhh, sentimental drivel, but it's MY sentimental drivel. I am glad to be able to reflect on these changing days.
Tomorrow Tessa and I will head off in my parents motorhome for a vacation to the Oregon Coast. I'll revel in the warmth of my parents' love and care, and we'll have a great time playing on the Newport beaches. I'm looking forward to sunny days with few responsibilities.
Ryan will stay home to tend the castle, and to work on his job search. He's moved to the third interviews with one company, with applications in at others, and we are hopeful for the right opportunity(s). Transitions are not easy, and this isn't an easy time, but I hold out for the belief that things will be even better than they were before. I don't believe in a master plan, but I do believe that we can learn and grow and create something wonderful. I hold that hope close to my heart.
Last night I went to the WSUUC religious education committee meeting, and I felt so honored to be in the company of such wonderful women. Their depth, commitment, and spirituality, combined with humor and twinkly eyes make me want to be a part of thier group, and I'm grateful for the opportunity.
I have a lot to be grateful for. I am still struggling, still uncertain of so many parts of my path, still hurt by various injustices and confusions and struggles in my life. But I do not forget the gratitude, and this helps to keep me sane.
I will not be on email at all until at least Wednesday, but I will have my cell phone with me if you need to reach me. Until then!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Remember me?!
I used to blog daily. Remember me?
Seriously, though, I just haven't had access to the computer very much during the day, and I have been spectacularly tired at night and unable to stay up late when I could get online. I've often been going to bed at 8:30pm - how crazy is that? It's 7pm and I'm yawning as I type (truthfully). I am concerned that my thyroid meds are off (they go "off" pretty routinely) and as usual I just chalk up my fatigue to the endless surgery, chemo, blah blah blah. I don't like it but it is what it is, and I have such doctor fatigue that I haven't even gone back to the dentist to get fillings. (I know. That's ridiculous, foolish, and maybe dangerous. I'll do it. Soon. I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.)
Ryan is hard at work on the job hunt; he is putting a lot of energy into it and I believe that it is certain to yield excellent results because of that hard work.
I'm hard at work at therapy; I really like the woman I see. I've got some work in front of me to get through my issues....but what else is new?!
Tomorrow morning we are going camping with the PEPS group, and I'm really excited to spend time with friends in the woods. Tessa is particularly ecstatic that Anna will be there, and is even hoping for a tent sleepover. :-) I do not enjoy packing for camping (I'm looking at the pile in our living room right now, wondering how on earth it will fit in our car, and wondering what I've forgotten) but by this time tomorrow I should be sitting around a campfire, glass of wine in hand, smiling at the smudge of dirt on Tessa's face and feeling content. (We'll be back Sunday, FYI.)
I'm just going along, trying not to think too hard about the deep stuff so that I can enjoy the summer. Summer picnics at the local beaches, hiking (Tessa can do about 5 miles now and that is thrilling to me), walking to do our errands, drinking coffee in the mornings, being outside in our yard as much as possible.
I'm still working hard at being green, and have much to report, but not the energy to do it. I'm getting my cleaning products figured out, buying less, shopping for food more wisely (more local stuff, less packaging, and figuring out how to make those things reality). I am not 100% successful and I have to remind myself not to judge my own shortcomings too harshly, because I'm doing so much in the right direction, and about 500% more than I was a year ago, and it must be enough. I keep pushing myself to do more, to figure out more, but I can not conquer it all at one time, and need to take bite sized pieces.
I participated in Family Promise (a traveling homeless shelter) this week, and the rewards were mine. I do not know what the family got from me, but from them I got some beautiful gifts. The next day, I cleaned my house with a fury, scrubbing the corners with joy, because I was so grateful to have such a beautiful home. The family (who remains nameless here because they deserve their privacy) is beautiful: kind, loving, and full of humor. Their interactions within the family were full of love and smiles, and they were so gracious towards myself and the other volunteers. In their position, I'd like to believe that I could be so courageous and generous in spirit, but I fear that I have a lot to learn. They reminded me of my own fortune, but they also reminded me how much they had to give. I walked away from them with so much on my mind, and I'm certain that I'm a better person NOT for helping them but for simply spending some time with them. They gave me much, much, much more than they took. I am grateful for this opportunity, and look forward to doing it again.
I'm struggling with weight and fatigue, and find this frustrating. My joints are particularly achy in the mornings again, and I fear that the AIs are up to their old tricks. I still have 2.5 years left of taking Aromasin (I'm halfway done) and I'm determined to take every single pill in that time, but it's a challenge because of those aches. I am also suffering some memory issues. Please forgive me if I repeat myself, get lost in a sentence, ask the same question three times.....I am struggling with this again right now and it's scary to me. Apparently chemobrain never goes away for some people....maybe I'm one of them.
In better news, I will soon begin working on the book history of Hunts Point, and I'm excited to get going with it. Once Tessa is in school I will be able to dedicate some real time to that, and it will be something to look forward to. (In the meantime, I'm completely freaking out that my little girl won't be with me all day every day....I know I said I wanted some time to myself but oh my gosh I'm going to miss her!)
I am WAY behind on email, with hundreds of messages in my inbox (mostly junk, but some real stuff in there too) and I'm so sorry if I've been ignoring you. Not intentional!
All my love and well wishes to everyone....and I'll be back online soon enough. I guess it's good to take a little break, too.....
xoxo
Kristina
Seriously, though, I just haven't had access to the computer very much during the day, and I have been spectacularly tired at night and unable to stay up late when I could get online. I've often been going to bed at 8:30pm - how crazy is that? It's 7pm and I'm yawning as I type (truthfully). I am concerned that my thyroid meds are off (they go "off" pretty routinely) and as usual I just chalk up my fatigue to the endless surgery, chemo, blah blah blah. I don't like it but it is what it is, and I have such doctor fatigue that I haven't even gone back to the dentist to get fillings. (I know. That's ridiculous, foolish, and maybe dangerous. I'll do it. Soon. I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.)
Ryan is hard at work on the job hunt; he is putting a lot of energy into it and I believe that it is certain to yield excellent results because of that hard work.
I'm hard at work at therapy; I really like the woman I see. I've got some work in front of me to get through my issues....but what else is new?!
Tomorrow morning we are going camping with the PEPS group, and I'm really excited to spend time with friends in the woods. Tessa is particularly ecstatic that Anna will be there, and is even hoping for a tent sleepover. :-) I do not enjoy packing for camping (I'm looking at the pile in our living room right now, wondering how on earth it will fit in our car, and wondering what I've forgotten) but by this time tomorrow I should be sitting around a campfire, glass of wine in hand, smiling at the smudge of dirt on Tessa's face and feeling content. (We'll be back Sunday, FYI.)
I'm just going along, trying not to think too hard about the deep stuff so that I can enjoy the summer. Summer picnics at the local beaches, hiking (Tessa can do about 5 miles now and that is thrilling to me), walking to do our errands, drinking coffee in the mornings, being outside in our yard as much as possible.
I'm still working hard at being green, and have much to report, but not the energy to do it. I'm getting my cleaning products figured out, buying less, shopping for food more wisely (more local stuff, less packaging, and figuring out how to make those things reality). I am not 100% successful and I have to remind myself not to judge my own shortcomings too harshly, because I'm doing so much in the right direction, and about 500% more than I was a year ago, and it must be enough. I keep pushing myself to do more, to figure out more, but I can not conquer it all at one time, and need to take bite sized pieces.
I participated in Family Promise (a traveling homeless shelter) this week, and the rewards were mine. I do not know what the family got from me, but from them I got some beautiful gifts. The next day, I cleaned my house with a fury, scrubbing the corners with joy, because I was so grateful to have such a beautiful home. The family (who remains nameless here because they deserve their privacy) is beautiful: kind, loving, and full of humor. Their interactions within the family were full of love and smiles, and they were so gracious towards myself and the other volunteers. In their position, I'd like to believe that I could be so courageous and generous in spirit, but I fear that I have a lot to learn. They reminded me of my own fortune, but they also reminded me how much they had to give. I walked away from them with so much on my mind, and I'm certain that I'm a better person NOT for helping them but for simply spending some time with them. They gave me much, much, much more than they took. I am grateful for this opportunity, and look forward to doing it again.
I'm struggling with weight and fatigue, and find this frustrating. My joints are particularly achy in the mornings again, and I fear that the AIs are up to their old tricks. I still have 2.5 years left of taking Aromasin (I'm halfway done) and I'm determined to take every single pill in that time, but it's a challenge because of those aches. I am also suffering some memory issues. Please forgive me if I repeat myself, get lost in a sentence, ask the same question three times.....I am struggling with this again right now and it's scary to me. Apparently chemobrain never goes away for some people....maybe I'm one of them.
In better news, I will soon begin working on the book history of Hunts Point, and I'm excited to get going with it. Once Tessa is in school I will be able to dedicate some real time to that, and it will be something to look forward to. (In the meantime, I'm completely freaking out that my little girl won't be with me all day every day....I know I said I wanted some time to myself but oh my gosh I'm going to miss her!)
I am WAY behind on email, with hundreds of messages in my inbox (mostly junk, but some real stuff in there too) and I'm so sorry if I've been ignoring you. Not intentional!
All my love and well wishes to everyone....and I'll be back online soon enough. I guess it's good to take a little break, too.....
xoxo
Kristina
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Brief Update
My time on the computer is somewhat limited right now because Ryan needs the computer for his job search, so I'm not updating as much as usual. In some ways, this is a good thing, because I'm being more present in my other activities and not checking email as often, etc.
I am highly focused right now on the issue of being present in my life. What I mean by that is that I'm trying to focus on the moment that I'm in, and on doing those activities that mean the most to me, and that bring me the most satisfaction. I'm trying to structure my day so that I don't spend the day with regret ("I should have done X") but rather, if I remember that I'm going to have regret, I just skip that step and do what needs doing. Easier said than done, though, and this is the challenge. I've been reading Pema Chodron's work, and trying to meditate, and do yoga, and to apply these things to my day. It's hard work, but there are small successes along the way and I'm trying to forgive myself my failures.
I'm trying to create a new habit of starting the day with exercise. Ryan and I are taking alternate days (someone always here for Tessa, of course) and I'm getting up at 6am to go for a run/walk. (I wish it was all running but I'm not there yet!) This actually crosses two things off my list: my own exercise, and taking Shep out for exercise as well. Too many days have been spent feeling guilty about one of those things, but I'm trying ot eliminate that guilt. On the alternate days, while Ryan goes for a bike ride, I'm doing one of my exercise videos (balance ball, yoga, Pilates) in the basement, where Tessa can find me if she wakes up.
I've only done this for two days, so it's nowhere near a habit, but it does feel good. My legs ache, but I feel a bit of peace knowing that I've started the day on the right foot.
I'm also trying to get to some housework that had fallen behind....I think that the state of our house was reflecting the state of my mind, which is to say cluttered and confused! Yesterday Beth kindly took Tessa for a couple of hours, and I scrubbed and folded and mopped and such and it was amazing how much of a difference two hours could make. There is more to do - there always is - but I find it immensely satisfying to have some of it done, and to not face the clutter as much today.
A friend of mine is having a book written about their community (details to follow if it becomes a done deal) and has asked me to take a look at it and possibly take over the project. I'm excited by this - not only would it generate some income (always helpful) but it would be a challenging, interesting project. Best of all, they would be okay with me starting in September when Tessa is in school, so I wouldn't need to arrange for childcare. Fingers crossed that it all works out.
The garden is doing well, and continuing to feed us - sugar snap peas in abundance right now, as the strawberries fade out.
And a Tessa update! Tessa is taking a soccer class this summer, meeting once a week, and I'd noticed that she was doing great in all of the drills (attentive, trying hard) but that when they had a scrimmage, she was really holding back....she had her eyes on the ball but she kept to the edges, where she never got close to the ball. We talked about it, and it came down to the fact that "the boys always get the ball." ACK! We had a couple of good pep talks about it, and how she's just as good as any boy, and she can try, because she can do a good job, too. By golly, it worked! Yesterday on the field she had the ball in play quite often....and she got a goal! She was so excited that she jumped up and down and was high-fiving everyone, and I was so proud of her. In this case, it's not about athletic talent at all, it's about trying, and overcoming the mental obstacle of thinking "not good enough." I am so, so happy that she was rewarded for her efforts with the tangible result of the goal, because I can see that in her mind she's moved to a whole new level, and that she has a lot more faith in her abilities now. THAT is what I want. I want her to be confident, and I don't want her to be afraid to try. I could care less if she's an "athlete" (I certainly am not!) but I deeply wish for her to be comfortable with trying (which I am not).
Today Tessa and I are headed to my parents' house to spend the night. We don't usually do that, but today I'm helping my mom with some house projects, and tomorrow my cousins are coming to swim at the pool, and since I'd like to do both but object to spending time in a car (and gas prices....oh my) we're spending the night and doing both days. We're looking forward to the family time with the Dahl clan.
That's all for now. Have a great day, and enjoy this sunny weather.
I am highly focused right now on the issue of being present in my life. What I mean by that is that I'm trying to focus on the moment that I'm in, and on doing those activities that mean the most to me, and that bring me the most satisfaction. I'm trying to structure my day so that I don't spend the day with regret ("I should have done X") but rather, if I remember that I'm going to have regret, I just skip that step and do what needs doing. Easier said than done, though, and this is the challenge. I've been reading Pema Chodron's work, and trying to meditate, and do yoga, and to apply these things to my day. It's hard work, but there are small successes along the way and I'm trying to forgive myself my failures.
I'm trying to create a new habit of starting the day with exercise. Ryan and I are taking alternate days (someone always here for Tessa, of course) and I'm getting up at 6am to go for a run/walk. (I wish it was all running but I'm not there yet!) This actually crosses two things off my list: my own exercise, and taking Shep out for exercise as well. Too many days have been spent feeling guilty about one of those things, but I'm trying ot eliminate that guilt. On the alternate days, while Ryan goes for a bike ride, I'm doing one of my exercise videos (balance ball, yoga, Pilates) in the basement, where Tessa can find me if she wakes up.
I've only done this for two days, so it's nowhere near a habit, but it does feel good. My legs ache, but I feel a bit of peace knowing that I've started the day on the right foot.
I'm also trying to get to some housework that had fallen behind....I think that the state of our house was reflecting the state of my mind, which is to say cluttered and confused! Yesterday Beth kindly took Tessa for a couple of hours, and I scrubbed and folded and mopped and such and it was amazing how much of a difference two hours could make. There is more to do - there always is - but I find it immensely satisfying to have some of it done, and to not face the clutter as much today.
A friend of mine is having a book written about their community (details to follow if it becomes a done deal) and has asked me to take a look at it and possibly take over the project. I'm excited by this - not only would it generate some income (always helpful) but it would be a challenging, interesting project. Best of all, they would be okay with me starting in September when Tessa is in school, so I wouldn't need to arrange for childcare. Fingers crossed that it all works out.
The garden is doing well, and continuing to feed us - sugar snap peas in abundance right now, as the strawberries fade out.
And a Tessa update! Tessa is taking a soccer class this summer, meeting once a week, and I'd noticed that she was doing great in all of the drills (attentive, trying hard) but that when they had a scrimmage, she was really holding back....she had her eyes on the ball but she kept to the edges, where she never got close to the ball. We talked about it, and it came down to the fact that "the boys always get the ball." ACK! We had a couple of good pep talks about it, and how she's just as good as any boy, and she can try, because she can do a good job, too. By golly, it worked! Yesterday on the field she had the ball in play quite often....and she got a goal! She was so excited that she jumped up and down and was high-fiving everyone, and I was so proud of her. In this case, it's not about athletic talent at all, it's about trying, and overcoming the mental obstacle of thinking "not good enough." I am so, so happy that she was rewarded for her efforts with the tangible result of the goal, because I can see that in her mind she's moved to a whole new level, and that she has a lot more faith in her abilities now. THAT is what I want. I want her to be confident, and I don't want her to be afraid to try. I could care less if she's an "athlete" (I certainly am not!) but I deeply wish for her to be comfortable with trying (which I am not).
Today Tessa and I are headed to my parents' house to spend the night. We don't usually do that, but today I'm helping my mom with some house projects, and tomorrow my cousins are coming to swim at the pool, and since I'd like to do both but object to spending time in a car (and gas prices....oh my) we're spending the night and doing both days. We're looking forward to the family time with the Dahl clan.
That's all for now. Have a great day, and enjoy this sunny weather.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Endings and Beginnings
Today is Ryan's last day at Varolii. Our family has very mixed feelings about it, of course, but I am trying to reflect on the fact that this is a new beginning just as much as it is an ending.
When I was first diagnosed, I watched "The Survivor Movie" online, and it deeply touched me. It's a PowerPoint presentation set to music, and it's aimed at cancer patients. One screen in particular really touched me (and always makes me cry): it's a picture of someone being rushed to the ER on a stretcher, and the caption reads something like, "Setbacks are a chance to re-learn the lesson." I think the reason it touched me so much was twofold: one, of course, is that setbacks are scary; more importantly, though, is that (two) setbacks are just a part of the journey. This idea - that it is somehow natural and normal to have setbacks - is comforting to me. It reminds me that a setback is not the end, it's a detour, and that perhaps something is to be gained by it.
Setbacks are still scary. But when I can remember it, they are also filled with possibility. A chance to get things right, to find a new path, to embark on a new journey.
Yesterday, our "setback" was a gift in disguise: when our plans for the day fell through and friends were busy, Tessa and I went to the zoo just the two of us. We did things at our own pace. We saw only the things that appealed to us. We talked, held hands, and laughed together. I was 100% attentive to Tessa, not distracted by one of my own friends, and Tessa in return was a delight to be with. We shared jokes, we shared a cheeseburger, we shared sunblock. Simple, and lovely.
Today will be different for us, but hopefully also a great day. It's the West Seattle Street Fair, and Susan & the boys are coming to play with us. Tessa is dreaming of bouncy houses and face painting, and I'm looking forward to seeing the kids play together and share the excitement. It's always a treat to see Susan, and I'm looking forward to that, too.
Today is a day of quiet contemplation for Ryan, I think. I'm wishing him peace, and hope in the new beginning, even as this chapter ends.
When I was first diagnosed, I watched "The Survivor Movie" online, and it deeply touched me. It's a PowerPoint presentation set to music, and it's aimed at cancer patients. One screen in particular really touched me (and always makes me cry): it's a picture of someone being rushed to the ER on a stretcher, and the caption reads something like, "Setbacks are a chance to re-learn the lesson." I think the reason it touched me so much was twofold: one, of course, is that setbacks are scary; more importantly, though, is that (two) setbacks are just a part of the journey. This idea - that it is somehow natural and normal to have setbacks - is comforting to me. It reminds me that a setback is not the end, it's a detour, and that perhaps something is to be gained by it.
Setbacks are still scary. But when I can remember it, they are also filled with possibility. A chance to get things right, to find a new path, to embark on a new journey.
Yesterday, our "setback" was a gift in disguise: when our plans for the day fell through and friends were busy, Tessa and I went to the zoo just the two of us. We did things at our own pace. We saw only the things that appealed to us. We talked, held hands, and laughed together. I was 100% attentive to Tessa, not distracted by one of my own friends, and Tessa in return was a delight to be with. We shared jokes, we shared a cheeseburger, we shared sunblock. Simple, and lovely.
Today will be different for us, but hopefully also a great day. It's the West Seattle Street Fair, and Susan & the boys are coming to play with us. Tessa is dreaming of bouncy houses and face painting, and I'm looking forward to seeing the kids play together and share the excitement. It's always a treat to see Susan, and I'm looking forward to that, too.
Today is a day of quiet contemplation for Ryan, I think. I'm wishing him peace, and hope in the new beginning, even as this chapter ends.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
One day at a time
Friends are asking, "How are you?" and I think that my honest answer is "Okay. I'm taking it one day at a time."
I do not know what the future holds.
I'm trying to make the most out of today; to do what must be done, and to remember to seek joy.
Today Tessa and I are about to hop on the bus to go to the zoo. Our plans fell through at the last minute (no big deal) and a couple of phone calls didn't find us a playdate, so it will be a Mother-Daughter day. That actually sounds quite nice, and we haven't used our zoo membership in a while. The bus takes us straight there, so we'll be green about it.
I hope that you, too, are doing well. I won't lie and say that I feel fantastic - I don't - but I'm okay.
I do not know what the future holds.
I'm trying to make the most out of today; to do what must be done, and to remember to seek joy.
Today Tessa and I are about to hop on the bus to go to the zoo. Our plans fell through at the last minute (no big deal) and a couple of phone calls didn't find us a playdate, so it will be a Mother-Daughter day. That actually sounds quite nice, and we haven't used our zoo membership in a while. The bus takes us straight there, so we'll be green about it.
I hope that you, too, are doing well. I won't lie and say that I feel fantastic - I don't - but I'm okay.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Fabulous Podcast
I bumped into a link that is a podcast of Barbara Kingsolver talking about her book Animal, Vegetable, Mineral. I've been filing this afternoon (brain dead work) and so I doubled clicked, and I've listened to it for the better part of the last hour. It was an hour well spent.
I owe a debt of gratitude to Barbara Kingsolver; it is because of her that I have a gardent this year. The data that she shared, her stories ("yarns" she calls them) of her garden, and the proposal that she made that an average person could grow a successful garden inspired me to take that leap of faith. Even though our harvests are just starting, it has been an incredibly rewarding experience, and I am interested in all things Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.
I am intrigued by the other podcasts listed on the site, as well. My sweet mother-in-law passed along a Kate Braestrup book and there is an interview with her on the site, as well, and I'll listen to it next.
I am interested in learning about faith from multiple sources; this is a novel one. I will be back often.
http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/podcast/podcasthelp.shtml
(PS It's free. I could listen on my NEW iPod - the hand-me-down from Libby that I am SO grateful to receive - but I've been listening on our laptop since I'm home alone.)
I owe a debt of gratitude to Barbara Kingsolver; it is because of her that I have a gardent this year. The data that she shared, her stories ("yarns" she calls them) of her garden, and the proposal that she made that an average person could grow a successful garden inspired me to take that leap of faith. Even though our harvests are just starting, it has been an incredibly rewarding experience, and I am interested in all things Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.
I am intrigued by the other podcasts listed on the site, as well. My sweet mother-in-law passed along a Kate Braestrup book and there is an interview with her on the site, as well, and I'll listen to it next.
I am interested in learning about faith from multiple sources; this is a novel one. I will be back often.
http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/podcast/podcasthelp.shtml
(PS It's free. I could listen on my NEW iPod - the hand-me-down from Libby that I am SO grateful to receive - but I've been listening on our laptop since I'm home alone.)
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