Today's bald appointment

I did not sleep well. I had dreams that I was given drugs that, in combination, could be fatal, and in my dreams I was throwing up blood as I tried to empty my stomach of the medicines which were poisoning me. YUCK!

My restlessness was caused by my anxiety about losing my hair, I think. And wouldn't you know it, it has stopped falling out. I have no idea what is up with that, but I will shave it today anyway...I'm tired of worrying and obsessing about it. I'm tired of being afraid of it. I wish it would keep falling out today in order to affirm my decision and make me feel more confident about it, but I am not able to choose the way in which my hair behaves (and this is no change from the usual, I think!). So, I say "HA!" to cancer and I shave my head when I choose. Today, in an hour.

Some friends will meet me in an hour at the salon. I'm about to pack my bag - one wig, one baseball cap (pink), one bandana, one cute hat, and washable markers.

I am certain that, despite my thinking and preparedness, I am ill prepared for this.

If I am strong enough, later today we'll go to Coleman Pool with Tessa and my parents. I will be the one in a swimsuit with a built in breast, and with a bald head. You won't be able to miss me.

Kristina